


nolyeog

by Estelle4Ever



Series: neowa na, you and me [1]
Category: K-pop, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Cute, Fluff, Guanlin-centric, High School AU, Lai Guanlin- centric, M/M, Mutual Pining, PanWink - Freeform, Pining, Slice of Life, guanlin is a cutie, ioi is mentioned, other produce 101 cast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-03-10 05:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 82,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13495752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estelle4Ever/pseuds/Estelle4Ever
Summary: he blinks up at the building.it is sturdy and huge and slightly intimidating, the kind of place he would definitely get lost in.he breathes in deep and tries not to think of the one million hallways and five million classrooms waiting for him, tries not to think of all the ways in which this could possibly go wrong.okay, so, the building is big, he thinks, but the world is bigger, and he will have to face that someday, too.he is ready for this.ORlai guanlin leaves taiwan to study in seoul. he has to put in all his effort into this, strive to do his very best no matter what, and--and he meets some people along the way who make his life a little more interesting.nolyeog: strive ; endeavour





	1. i

it's okay to be nervous.

this is the first thought that lai guanlin has as he blinks up at the gigantic structure which is his new school. the building is sturdy and huge and slightly intimidating, the kind of place he would definitely get lost in.

he breathes in deep and tries not to think of the one million hallways and five million classrooms waiting for him, tries not to think of all the ways in which this could possibly go wrong. 

okay, so, the building is big, he thinks. but the world is bigger, and he will have to face that someday, too.

it's just a school. things could go wrong- but things could go right, too. this could change everything.

the world is bigger and scarier, guanlin tells himself, and if i want to survive there and accomplish great things, i should be able to survive school.

so he hitches his bag up a little and holds his head higher.

he is ready to take it on.

***

as he walks up the stairs to the main entrance, he wonders if _maybe_ he was being a bit overdramatic about everything.

after all, it's just high school. nearly every person in the whole world experiences the typical first-day-of-high-school anxiety.

 _well_ , the voice in guanlin's head says, _this is anxiety because you're joining a new school in a new country half way through the school year._

he sees the wing which is labelled 'freshmen'. he's glad that all the signs in this school seem to be written in both hangul and in english. guanlin is good at english- in his old middle school in taiwan, he'd represented the class in a lot of english oration competitions, and he'd won quite a few trophies.

he wonders if there are any english oration competitions in this school. he hopes there are. he doesn't want to look stupid just because he's not yet completely fluent in korean.

he'd moved to korea just a couple of weeks ago, and he'd been studying it for about one month back in taipei. he thought he'd had a significant grasp on the language, but he soon realized that online lessons were nothing like the real thing.

the actual koreans spoke much faster than the korean-speakers in his online guides (obviously), and though was in seoul, he'd met so many people with different dialects- busan, daegu, jeju- he couldn't even one-hundred-percent comprehend seoul dialect.

it took him a while to convince his mother that he could attend a regular korean high school. however, just for her reassurance, she'd found this one, where most of the teachers were fluent in english as well, and they used it as their second language.

at times like now, guanlin is exceptionally grateful. because he's quite sure that he's lost, and the only thing that's keeping him from dying are the little english letters on the school sign-boards.

he's squinting at it, trying to find out where he is on the map, when he hears a voice from behind him.

"hey, who are you?"

guanlin whips around immediately, grabbing hold of the signboard so that it doesn't fall over. 

in front of him stands a girl. she's tall- nearly as tall as him, which is pretty rare, since he's nearly six feet.

she's very pretty, too, with almond eyes and perfect posture. she smiles at him, making him feel a bit more comfortable.

"sorry, that must have sounded a bit rude. it's just.... i've never seen you here before?" she pauses, regarding him, waiting for some response. when she gets none, she continues, "i'm the prefect, and i'm in charge of patrolling the freshman wing in the mornings."

guanlin takes a second to process her words, stumblin a little in his mind at 'prefect'.

"pre...fect?" he repeats, unsure.

she nods, "like... a moniter, kind of. i'm in my third year, so there's one boy prefect and one girl. and then a head girl and boy from the senior grade."

"oh." he bows, "nice to meet you. i'm lai guanlin, a new student. please take care of me."

the girl raises her eyebrows, "lai guanlin? where are you from?"

"uh, taipei."

the girl positively lights up, "taipei? are you serious?"

guanlin registers with a small amount of shock that she's talking in mandarin- the exact taiwanese mandarin that he's used to.

"yes." he replies, also in mandarin, "are you- where did you... your korean is really good, i thought you were..."

she laughs, "i'm from taiwan, but i moved here when i was really young." she explains, "i'm chou tzuyu."

"ah."

"where did you say you were going? which homeroom are you? i'll show you the way, if you'd like."

it's with a relieved sigh and a grateful smile that guanlin hands her his room allocation paper, and she leads him to his homeroom, pointing out all the classes that come along the way. he makes a mental note of every little landmark- he doesn't want to get lost again.

when they finally reach his classroom, guanlin bows and thanks tzuyu profusely. she waves it off with a kind gesture.

"it's okay- i know it's a little hard for you. it was hard when i moved, too. but it isn't easy to get into this school, so i'm sure you're a bright kid. you'll pick up quickly."

"thanks."

"no problem." she waves, "i'll support you from here. taipei buddies, right?"

he feels gratified that she's treating him like a friend already, "no one else from this school is from taipei?"

"there are a couple of kids from thailand, and from japan and hong kong, too." tzuyu tells him, "but you're the first guy from taiwan. when did you move here?"

"two weeks ago."

her eyebrows shoot up, "but your korean is so good for someone who's recently moved!" she gives him a friendly pat, "seriously, don't worry about it. i'm sure you'll be fine. if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"thank you, sunbaenim, really." guanlin bows again.

"it's fine- quick, your class must have started already."

he gulps.

tzuyu grins, 'you'll be fine- hwaiting!"

he weakly makes the 'hwaiting' symbol back to her, and then she waves and turns around and disappears at the end of the corridor. guanlin is pretty sure that if he doesn't open the door now, he'll just keep standing outside forever, until the class is dismissed and everyone sees him standing there like an idiot.

 _pabo._ he tells himself, _pabo is idiot in korean_.

feeling slightly more confident in his abilities, he knocks twice.

***

"this is lai guanlin." the teacher introduces, smiling, "he's here a little late, but he'll be joining us from now onwards. we're very happy to have you, guanlin-ssi."

he bows in front of the class.

"well." the teacher continues encouragingly, "why don't you introduce yourself?"

the thing is, he'd rather not talk much. because even though he's pretty okay at korean, he's obviously nowhere near as fluent as a native speaker. he can actually understand korean really well- he sometimes struggles with vocabulary, but he can understand quite clearly when someone speaks to him. it's only the speaking itself that he isn't too keen on yet. he doesn't want to stumble over his words or mispronounce something on his first day, in front of so many new classmates.

the teacher continues to eye him, so he sighs and bows again.

"hello, everyone. i'm lai guanlin from taipei. please take care of me."

everyone stands up and bows politely back at him. he feels relieved at his lack of grammatical errors.

"you can sit there, next to daewhi." she points out a boy in the second row, "daehwi-ssi, please stand up."

daewhi is shorter than guanlin by half a head (most people are shorter than guanlin). he has a bright smile, and pats the seat next to him welcomingly.

"lee daewhi lived in america for a few years." the teacher tells him, "so he's very good at english. your schedules are mostly the same, so if you need anything, he can help you."

guanlin flops down on the seat next to daehwi, silently thanking him for knowing english.

"taipei, huh?" daehwi asks with interest, "when did you move to korea?"

"um, two weeks ago."

"yeah?" he looks highly impressed , "your korean is really good! did you understand everything our teacher said?"

guanlin nods, "i'm okay with understanding, except for some vocab. it's just that i sometimes struggle with speaking." he pauses, "sometimes as in a lot."

daehwi laughs, "that's okay. i can imagine it's tough- i lived in japan for a couple of years, too, and when i joined, i didn't know anything."

"i hope i can manage."

"i'm sure you can. i'll help you- if you ever need help, let me know. i'll translate for you. i take it you're good at english."

he nods again.

"great! we'll have fun, then. i'll introduce you to some of my other friends during lunch."

guanlin breathes out and then smiles- his first true smile all day. "that'll be nice. thanks."

daehwi smiles back.

***

most of his new homeroom classmates seem really nice.

some girls giggle a lot, though. they giggled at him all throughout their homeroom period. he feels slightly self-conscious as he leans towards daehwi and asks, "is there something on my face? do i look weird?"

"what?" the boy blinks back, confused, "what are you talking about?"

"they keep laughing at me." he side eyes the group of giggling girls. daehwi snorts.

"they're not laughing a you. it isn't everyday a handsome guy walks into the class and we find out he'll be joining us. it's probably, like, their dream, straight from an anime."

"um." guanlin isn't so sure he agrees with this, "i'm not that handsome, though."

daehwi gives him a once-over, "no, you're definitely handsome. you're all tall and fair-skinned and you've got this cool and charming aura about you. you're just. hansdome."

"oh. well." guanlin nervously pats his hair, "thanks, i guess."

daehwi chuckles, "there's always one guy like that in each grade- we didnt have one before, but from the way they're giggling, that might change."

"hm."

"in tenth grade, it's bae jinyoung. he's got the small face and boyish charms that all the girls like." daehwi continues cheerfully, "he's really nice, too- we're friends. i'll introduce you sometime. me and him go to the same after-school study centre. oh, and the eleventh grade's resident visual is park jihoon, he and woojin hyung come to the study centre, too. and in-"

daehwi continues to chatter on happily, and guanlin finds that he doesn't mind at all. he rather likes the feeling of daehwi's company, the warmth emitted by the boy. he feels more comfortable and at ease. he understand the korean, too, which makes him feel more confident. everytime daehwi uses a word that sounds difficult, he follows up with the english translation immediately. guanlin appreciates it.

the teacher motions for silence and then tells them that they can quietly disperse to their classes. daehwi tugs guanlin out of his seat.

"follow me, we have chemistry. which is your locker? we'll find it first."

"um, okay." guanlin tries to ignore the girls who are giggling quite furiously now. they start whispering in hushed voices as he draws closer to the door. another girl, who is standing with a different group, stacking up a couple of books on her table, turns around in time to witness the scene. she gives him a sympatheric smile and a jerk of her head, as if saying _i know it sucks, but leave it be_.

guanlin smiles back.

"um, guanlin-ssi?" one of the giggling girls says. the rest of the group shoves her forward, squealing, "welcome to our school."

"ah, thank you." he replies.

"if you need anything, you can always ask us." she smirks, winks a little like he should know what she means.

he nods slowly, "uh....sure. thanks."

daehwi snorts and tugs him out of the classroom, "see?" he grins, "i told you. you're definitely the new visual. just wait until the other homerooms hear about it, they'll be gawking at you like you're a zoo animal." he chances a glance at guanlin's face and quickly changes his words, "not all the time, though! just today! because, you know, it's your first day. just..." he seems to give up, "let's get to your locker."

chemistry is quite boring- guanlin's never liked chemistry, but he focuses as best he can. english class is far better. besides daehwi, he's one of the best students in his class. the teacher had been supremely impressed by his grammar and pronounciation.

the only class he hadn't been quite good at was korean literature. he understood whatever the teacher was saying, but the literature that they were reading now was extremely formal, and contained a lot of dialect. guanlin was clear in all the in-betweens- the questions the teachers posed in the middle, and the explanations she gave- but when it came to the actual text, he was completely lost.

the teacher assured him that it wasn't a big deal- he wasn't expected to learn everything so soon, and he was already doing quite well, but it still upset him a bit.

during lunch, daehwi drags guanlin to a bench outside, overlooking the school field. it's nice.

"it's our lunch place on tuesdays." daehwi explains.

guanlin frowns, "why only tuesdays?"

"well, the other days i sit in the cafeteria with some other friends, but tuesday is the only day that somi and i have the same lunch period, so we eat together."

"somi?"

"jeon somi- my best friend. i've known her since i was in play-school."

"ah, a childhood friend." guanlin nods, "is she also in ninth?"

"she's in our homeroom." daehwi grins, "but i doubt you would have seen her, with so many new things to focus on."

as if on cue, a voice calls out, "daehwi-ah!" and a petite girl with a bouncy brownish ponytail comes running up, lunch tray in hand. 

"ooh, you brought guanlin!" she beams at him, "guanlin-ssi, i'm somi, nice to meet you properly! let's take care of each other."

guanlin recognizes her instantly. she's the girl from that morning who hadn't giggled wildly along with the rest of the girls, and had instead offered him a friendly smile. he's slightly relieved that somi doesn't seem to be the giggly type.

"yeah, nice to meet you." guanlin says sincerely.

"somi's also amazing at english. she's part canadian. cool, right?" daehwi says. somi nods.

"so you can express whatever you like in english or korean. i think your korean's pretty good."

"oh." guanlin shrugs, "it's okay. i'm really struggling in korean lierature, though."

"ah, must be hard. it's hard for some of us." somi says sympathetically, "it's only one subject though."

"but it's really important." guanlin insists, "so what if i'm foregin? i can't say i studied in a korean high school but failed korean literature!" he sighs, "plus, it'll look terrible on my report card. it'll spoil all my plans."

daehwi quirks an eyebrow, "what plans?"

"uh.." guanlin gestures vaguely, "plans."

"you want to get into seoul national uni, don't you?" somi says, not even batting an eyelid, "is that why you came to korea?"

guanlin gapes, "how did you-"

"it's hard to get into that university." somi continues, "i think you made a good choice, coming here to do high school. it'll increase your chance by a lot more than if you were still in taiwan."

"but how-"

"guanlin-ah, you know that this school is really prestigous, right? our high school is a big deal."

"i know, but-"

"-people come here when they want to make a name for themselves. like, a good portfolio to get them into the top three seoul universities." daehwi explains, "people who study here either want to go to seoul national, korea uni or yonsei."

guanlin raises an eyebrow, "what about you?"

"same. seoul national." daehwi says, "somi wants to go to yonsei, though."

"that's how we knew you were intelligent." somi adds, "our school hardly takes people, let alone mid-year."

"oh." guanlin doesn't know what to say, "but... if i don't do well in korean literature, i'm kind of screwed."

this makes the two of them laugh.

"don't worry, guanlin." somi says, "we'll figure something out for you. eat lunch first."

guanlin toys with his rice, "if so many people are fighting for a spot in the same colleges, what will make us stick out?"

"ah, it's a thing that a lot of people don't know." daehwi says, "but my mom studied in korea university. she told me many things. first, though people here study like machines, they only reach 80s or 90-95 in their marks. because the portions are so voluminous. you need to find out your study method and go about it well." he hold up a second finger, "number two, you need to have some extra curricular."

guanlin blinks.

"like, an extra credit activity or something, to show that you have more to offer than just grades." somi says, "a lot of people focus so hard on their studies that they give the extra cred up. a shame, really."

"and lastly, do some community service." daehwi finishes, "it'll help you portfolio look good, but more importantly, it's really rewarding work."

"hm." guanlin says thoughtfully, "and then we have to ace the entrance exams."

"right, that too." daehwi says, "but it's like you asked- if ten people score 100 %, what will make the university choose you out of them all?"

guanlin nods slowly, "i have a lot to do."

"don't worry, guanlin!" somi slings an arm across his shoulder, "we'll work hard together!"

"i don't know where to start." he's a bit dazed from the list daehwi's just given him.

daehwi laughs, "it'll be fine, we'll help you. let's all try our best."

guanlin likes the sound of that. he nods, and laughs when the other two cheer.

***

one of somi's closest friends is a sweet girl names kang soeun from another homeroom class.

for some reason, though, somi called her rina.

"rina?" guanlin repeats, confused, "why rina? isn't your name soeun?"

"well, she calls me ennik sometimes, because that's my english name." somi explains, "so i started calling her rina, just like that."

"oh." he still doesn't get it, but he nods along.

"i was going to tell you that your korean is good." soeun says, grinning, "but i suppose you're tired of hearing that."

"yup."

"how is korean literature, though? isn't it a bit tough? somi mentioned that you weren't too keen on it."

guanlin nods, "i'm really worried about it."

"he wants to go to seoul national." somi pipes up, "soeun wants to go to yonsei, like me."

"there are so many people in this school, and all three of the top universities are so strict in acceptance, though." guanlin says, "does everyone get in?"

"hell no." soeun laughs, "that's why it's so important to work hard."

"from each graduating class- assuming there are...how many do we have in our whole grade-" somi calculates quickly, "three homerooms of thirty students. so ninety."

"perfect- if thirty students apply for each college, approximately...4 people will get into each college? so from our whole grade, only twelve will go to the top three." soeun tells him.

guanlin gapes, "are you serious?"

"yup."

"how- how-" guanlin groans, "that's it, i came all the way from taipei to fail the rest of my life, i am so screwed-"

"don't be so negative." somi scolds, "those who don't go to the top three still go to quite well-known colleges. there's a second tier of unversities which are pretty prestigoustigous."

"so, i'm guessing about eight students from each class will get into those-" soeun says thoughtfully.

guanlin frowns, "how do you know all of this?"

"it's an estimation from our previous graduating classes." somi says, "we take this very seriously."

"duh. so do i." guanlin rolls his eyes, "why do you think i came here, then?"

"if you're having trouble with korean literature and script, guanlinie," somi says slowly, "i think-" she turns to soeun, "-if he went with daehwi... it would be a good idea?"

"ah, like- like bae jinyoung and park woojin....?"

"mmhmm... park jihoon also goes there, i think.... it would help him, right? i heard that an oppa there is fluent in english. and this style has helped us a lot."

soeun's eyes light up, "it's a good idea."

"um, excuse me." guanlin says, annoyed, "care to tell me what you're talking about? i can understand korean, you know."

"i know." rina says, "ok, listen, lin-ah- can i call you that, guanlin is really long- go to daehwi and tell him that soeun and somi advised you to ask him about the centre."

"the centre?" guanlin echoes.

"he'll know." somi waves him off, "if he somehow doesn't, say it's to learn better korean script and literature. and you can accompany him after school." she gazes at soeun again, "i think it will help for sure."

"me too."

guanlin rolls his eyes again. somi catches it and whacks him lightly on the shoulder.

soeun laughs, and guanlin sighs, feigning annoyance, even though he's just trying not to smile.

***

as it turns out, daehwi knows exactly what soeun and somi are talking about. 

he positively lights up when guanlin mentions it, "i was thinking that!"

"thinking what?" guanlin demands, frustrated, "you keep saying that, but what the hell-"

"i've been thinking about it ever since you said you found korean lit hard!" daehwi bounces up and down, "this is great, guanlin-ah! so you'll come?"

"um, i-"

"-it's a lot of fun, i promise, and you have no idea how much it'll help."

"but-"

"-no, no, listen, it's not difficult, everyone-"

"but-"

"-no, no, listen, it's not difficult, everyone is really nice." his eyes widen, "but there is a fee. it's not expensive, though. do you have money?"

"for what? i don't even-"

"-want to come and check out the place tomorr-"

"WHAT PLACE?!" guanlin bellows, and daehwi shuts up, staring with wide eyes.

"daehwi, listen, i don't even know what you're talking about."

"right, right." daehwi seems to realize this, "shoot."

"mmhmm."

"i'm so sorry-"

guanlin groans, frustrated, "it's fine. but can you at least tell me now?"

"huh? oh, yeah." daehwi says, "so, most of our school goes to after-school tutoring centres to learn their lessons well. but somi and i trid it out for a month, and it didn't really work for us. so we started going to dtudy centres."

"um." guanlin blinks, "isn't that the same thing?"

"nah, i thought so, too, at first. but it's really, really different." daehwi leans back, like he's ready to give guanlin a long explanation, "so basically, at tutions, a teacher just teaches you the whole lesson, the way they do in school. a study centre is different. there, they help you when you get stuck, teach you concepts when you don't understand, and most importantly- they teach you how to be independant about studying."

guanlin raises an eyebrow.

"like, think of it this way." daehwi says, "if you made a habit of going to a tutoring centre, what would you do in college when you need to learn all sorts of material on your own?"

"huh. i... don't know."

"exactly." daehwi continues, "in a study centre, it's like.... people guide you. they give you more material to work with. i used to hate physics, but after going there, i started not minding it much. it's a really warm place. you can finish all your homework there, study for tests, anything you want, and you'll get help."

"sounds pretty nice."

"it is." daehwi smiles, "there are a few of those around seoul, but not many people opt for that over tutoring centres."

guanlin frowns, 'why not?"

"i mean, think about it, lin-ah." daehwi bites his lip, "tutoring centres give you exactly what you need. bring the spoon to your mouth. the grades, everything you need. but," he smiles "but by the end of it, you won't really know much, unless you're a really sincere leanrer who already enjoys the subjects. if you go to a study centre and work as hard as you can there, i assure you, you will not only get the grades, but you'll get the knowledge, and it'll just really help you."

"i'll get grades for sure, though?"

"if you try." daehwi shrugs, "in tutoring centres, whether you try or not, it's hammered into you. in study centres, if you try, you'll not only get grades- maybe you'll even begin to enjoy korean literature. maybe you'll learn how to study it by yourself when you need to. maybe you'll be able to teach korean to a foreigner some day, if you wanted to. if you try hard enough."

"a guide." guanlin repeats.

daehwi nods, "it's not ideal for those who are...absolutely fixated on marks. but if you are a hard worker, and if you are sincere, and if you actually want to know something new.... it'll work for you. what do you think?"

"it sounds pretty cool." guanlin admits, "but what if i'm not a hard worker?"

this makes daehwi laugh, "ah, lai guanlin, you're funny. i mean, you moved all the way here from taipei. you're betting your whole future on this. you better be a hard worker. i don't think you have a choice."

guanlin bites the inside of his cheek. daehwi's eyes soften.

"you'll come with me tomorrow? to check it out?"

"yeah." guanlin looks up, suddenly determined, "yeah, i will."

daehwi smiles at him and slings an arm around his shoulder.

"you came here from taiwan, guanlin- let's make sure your life in korea is worth it."

it will be, guanlin thinks.

he gave up the place he'd grown up in. he left his friends and family and came to korea to pursue his dreams. so of course he will do his best. of course he will work hard. people told him, when he was leaving taiwan, that this was crazy, that he was making a terrible mistake.

it will be worth it, he promises himself. 

or maybe he says it out loud, because daehwi nods along with him and tightens his grip on guanlin's shoulder, "don't worry, guanlin. it's a bit scary, but we'll support each other."

and in that moment, guanlin smiles, because he is excited to take it on.


	2. ii

"ah, so this is lai guanlin." the handsome tenth grade boy bows, smiling at guanlin, "i'm bae jinyoung."

guanlin vaguely recalls the name being uttered by daehwi. 'jinyoung, jihoon, woojin....'amongst the others who attended the same study centre. he quickly bows back, "i'm lai guanlin, nice to meet you."

"you're tall." jinyoung observes, "and you're really handsome."

"oh." guanlin says awkwardly, "thanks. so are you."

"thanks. did daehwi tell you about the study centre?"

"ah, not much about this one specifically. he says you'll all fill me in on the way there."

"we will." jinyoung gives him a friendly pat on the back, "come on, let's go get jihoon hyung and woojin hyung."

daehwi nods, "yeah, let's go. come on guanlin, it's this side."

"don't somi and soeun come to this one?" guanlin wonders. daehwi shakes his head.

"this centre is specifically for seoul national aspirants."

"really?' guanlin is surprised, "why?"

"because our mentors are seoul national students." jinyoung explains, "usually we're assigned a mentor who helps us out. since they experienced whatever we're going through not long ago, they can help a lot. and since they're studying in the university we dream of, they're good role models to have."

"all the hyungs are really nice." daehwi assures him, "and for every small group of mentors and students, there's one guide."

"also a uni student?" guanlin asks.

"no, an adult supervisor who works there." jinyoung says, "he'll observe what you're working on and then research new material for you, make notes, find other ways to help you understand things. sometimes he organises trips and things for groups of students, where we can apply whatever they've learnt."

"every group has one guide. so the guide looks after the mentors, and the mentors look after us." daehwi says cheerfully, "it's like a big family."

"how many groups are there?" guanlin asks, interested, "and how many pairs of student-mentors make a group?"

"i'd say five to seven pairs." jinyoung says thoughtfully, "and i'm not sure how many groups there are. it's a big place, but not too big."

"in fact, there aren't many spots left." daehwi says, "but i spoke to jisung hyung yesterday, and he says there's room for guanlin. you'll be in our group." he adds to guanlin, "you'll be the fifth member."

"oh." guanlin is relieved, "who is jisung hyung?"

"our group's guide supervisor." daehwi replies, "he's really nice, and really, really funny. he's very smart, too."

"did he graduate from seoul national, too?"

"of course. all the supervising staff are from seoul national. i wonder who will be assigned as your mentor."

"there are a bunch of mentors who are not yet assigned to students." jinyoung explains, "getting a student and being part of a group is exciting for them, too. i remember how excited minhyun hyung was when the two of us were matched."

guanlin is just about to ask what minhyun hyung is like when daehwi begins to wave frantically.

"there they are, finally, what took them so long? jihoon hyung, woojin hyung, quickly!"

one boy hurries towards them. the other lags behind.

"i'm park woojin!" the boy announces, beaming at guanlin. he seems nice, kind of exciteable. guanlin notices that he has a snaggletooth. it makes him look endearing, quirky. guanlin likes it.

"i'm guanlin." guanlin bows politely. woojin ruffles his hair.

"ah, so polite, our guanlinie! i'm glad you're joining us, our group will be complete! it's nice to have a full group from the same school."

guanlin feels warm at his welcoming words, "thanks, hyung."

"not a problem, we'll look after you. yah, jihoonie, hurry up, idiot!"

the other boy, jihoon, shows up, glaring at woojin, "i was coming, for god's sake."

"but you need to meet lai guanlinie!"

jihoon seems to realize this himself. he turns around, facing guanlin with interest. guanlin blinks.

park jihoon is good-looking.

he's shorter than guanlin (everyone is shorter than guanlin, and he's got a soft face and nice eyes. he seems like someone who would have an abundance of aegyo, yet for some reason guanlin immediately thinks of him as the manly type.

jihoon is gazing at him in a way guanlin can't quite decipher, so he decides to introduce himself first, "um, i'm lai guanlin. nice to meet you." he bows.

jihoon holds his gaze for another second, and then breaks into a small smile, nodding his head, "nice to meet you, too. i'm park jihoon."

"what do you think of our school so far?" woojin asks.

"i think it's great." guanlin says sincerely, "i'm really enjoying it."

"that's good." 

"mmhmm."

"i promised that i would tell him more about the centre on our way." daehwi says as they begin walking to the gates.

"ah, yes, we should." woojin agrees immediately, "are you going generally, guanlin, or for a specific subject?"

"oh, uh- generally, i guess, but i need to focus on korean literature and hangul script. i'm terrible."

jihoon raises an eyebrow, "seriously? that's pretty easy, why do you need tutoring for that?"

guanlin feels his neck flush, and the words sting a little bit. to be honest, one of his worries when coming to korea was that he'd be looked at as dumb. he really didn't want that, but he supposes that since he doesn't have a grasp of their language, it can't be helped.

however, even if park jihoon is handsome and is also his hyung, guanlin couldn't help the slightly icy tone from edging into his voice when he replies.

"no disrespect, but i don't think you should judge people based on what they want to expand their knowledge in, jihoon-ssi. maybe i just want to have better korean."

he's impressed that he's able to get the words out without any mistakes, and clearly daehwi is, too. jinyoung and woojin snort with laughter, the latter patting jihoon on the back, 'you deserved tht one, jihoon."

jihoon has the courtsey to nod, "i guess so. sorry, guanlin, i didn't mean it like that."

"it's fine, i should have spoken more politely." guanlin shrugs, "i just took it too personally- i'm not too good at korean yet."

"yet?" jihoon echoes, confused.

"oh, i didn't mention to you!" daehwi interrupts, "guanlin moved to korea just three weeks ago! he's actually taiwanese."

woojin, jihoon and jinyoung let out simulataneous, 'ohhhh's. jihoon looks extremely ashamed.

"ah, i shouldn't have judged so harshly, whether you were korean or not."

"it's fine." guanlin insists, "i've been getting it a lot."

this clearly makes jihoon feel even worse, "i should make it up to you."

"no, i'm-"

"-i'm your hyung, and you just moved here, and i already-"

"-it's reall oka-"

"-i really feel awful, i should do something." jihoon interrupts. guanlin sighs.

"if you're so sure, you can buy me pig trotters tomorrow and drop it off in the cafeteria at lunch time." guanlin says, "but i've also wanted to try that snack- banana kick. buy me that, also."

jihoon flat-out gapes, "you little brat!"

"but you said you would make it up to me." guanlin points out, "after judging my subject choices and insulting my knowledge, it's the least you could-"

"-fine, fine." jihoon rolls his eyes, "i will buy you banana kick and jokbal."

the other three are crying with laughter. guanlin smiles innocently.

"you should treat all of us, hyung."

jinyoung laughs harder and daehwi shrieks happily and woojin nods.

"you should treat us, park jihoon!"

jihoon groans, and woojin slings and arm around guanlin's shoulder, and jinyoung and daehwi trail behind, still laughing.

guanlin likes it.

***

"ah, yes, lai guanlin." the lady squints at him. she's extremely pretty, but very strict-looking. guanlin thinks she might be in her late twenties or early thirties. she consults her clipboard, "daehwi did speak to jisung-ssi about you, and your place has been reserved as part of their group. but you'll need to go through this paper, and fill in this registration, and then pay the fees."

guanlin blinks, "oh, shoot- fees."

"it's not a lot." the lady assures him, showing him the paper, "this is per semester."

she's right. the fees are extremely reasonable. guanlin told his parents about the centre yesterday, and they said they didn't mind transferring the money. anything to help him study well.

"so you'll only be allowed to properly start after the fees are paid for this term, but today you can get introduced to the centre, and we can assign you a mentor."

guanlin nods, "so i'll just... fill these." he glances down at the papers, all of which are in complex korean font. he looks at the others helplessly.

"um, we'll stay and help him out." jihoon offers, "just in case some of these words aren't...familiar."

the lady nods, "yes, jisung-ssi mentioned that you were from taipei. how are you liking korea? your language is good."

"thanks!" guanlin beams, and woojin coos.

"he's cute! guys, he's cute when he smiles properly!"

"shhh." jinyoung hisses, but the lady just laughs.

"wait, one second-" guanlin interrupts, "can i have this centre's bank details? i need to transfer the fees."

they all stare.

"guanlin, cheque is fine." daehwi says.

guanlin rolls his eyes, "where do i get a cheque from?"

"um, your parents, i'd suppose."

"yeah, well, they're in taipei. but they said they'll transfer the money. they might want to speak to you on the phone, though," he adds to the lady, "can i call them?"

the lady looks shocked, "you live in korea by yourself? how old are you?"

"i'm fifteen." guanlin says, "and i don't live alone, exactly. i stay in a teens' hostel-type thing, with five other high schoolers and two care-takers."

woojin is gaping at him, "i'm sorry, what?"

"okay, so it's like.... there's a married couple who live in a huge house, and they have enough space for six other people." guanlin explains, "so they rent out rooms so that each of us have one room, and we can treat the house like it's our own, and they look after us like we're their own children, and my parents pay for it every year."

before anyone can worry about his safety, he adds quickly, "my parents knew this uncle from before. he did an exchange-program in college, so he spent a semester with my dad, and they became close and kept in touch. everyone in that house is comfortable there because their parents have known this auntie and uncle for a long time."

"you must be working very hard." she gives him a smile, "alright, i'll go inside and get the company phone so we can call your parents. you quickly fill in that form, okay?"

having said that, she disappears further inside. guanlin quickly turns to the other four.

"who is she?"

"oh, she's the director of the centre- kwon bo-ah- ssi. but we just call her BoA sunbaenim sometimes. she seems a bit stern at first, but she's nice." jinyoung says, "forget all of that- lai guanlin, you live in a teens' hostel?"

guanlin groans, "don't make it sound so different! we're taken care of, and there's only six of us!"

"what if more people come?"

"six is their limit." guanlin assures them, "and i'm happy there. will you help me fill my form?"

by the time boA returns with the phone, guanlin has almost finished the form (with a lot of help from daehwi and some unnecessary cheering from woojin).

"here, dial the number." she says, and guanlin does. his father picks up on the second ring.

"hi, dad!" guanlin speaks in mandarin, putting it on speakerphone, "i'm calling from that study centre i told you about."

"ah, right! how is it going?"

"i haven't enrolled yet. you need to transfer the fees first." guanlin says, "i have the director with me to speak to you." he pauses and then turns to boA hopefully, "do you know chinese?"

she shakes her head.

"english?"

she shakes her head again.

"ah- okay, dad, the director will speak in korean, and my friend daehwi will translate to you in english, and if you need, i'll tell you in chinese."

"sounds good." his father says. guanlin can hear the smile in his voice.

before starting, boA introduces herself in broken chinese, and then continues in kroean about the aims and goals of the study centre, the safety, environment and fees structure, all the things which teachers and parents talk about. daehwi translates flawlessly, and occassionaly, guanlin does step in with mandarin. by the end of it, guanlin's father is clear about the study centre, and completely approves of it. guanlin can hear the satisfaction in his father's voice as he asks for the website link.

"i'm impressed." he says in chinese, and guanlin grins, "nice place you found, son. the fees are also very reasonable. i'll transfer as soon as i can- by tonight for sure."

guanlin relates this to boA, who nods gratefully.

"i'll call you tonight. tell me how your first day went." his father says, "work hard."

"i will, thanks, dad." guanlin answers, "love you. say hi to everyone."

"of course. love you, too, son. bye."

"bye."

guanlin returns the phone to boA, along with the registration papers.

"i'll file these." she says, "and then i'll send your father the website link. you'll be able to start by the next class, but you can meet your group and your mentor today." she turns to the rest of them, "your mentors aren't here yet. you're so early today."

"is jisung hyung here yet?" jihoon asks, "he usually arrives early, too."

"yes, he's here. intoduce him to guanlin and show him around."

the other four mock-salue her, and she smiles warmly before leaving.

woojin grins, "well, then, lai guanlin- let's go meet our leader!"

***

"ah, guanlin, so nice to meet you." yoon jisung smiles at the boy, who's bent in a bow. he pats guanlin's shoulder, "we'll have a good time together."

guanlin smiles back, "i'm looking forward to it, hyung."

"the rest of the mentors should be arriving any minute." jisung motions to a little cocoon of beanbags and tables and chairs near a window, "that's out group's spot."

"it's nice, isn't it?' daehwi says cheerfully.

a lot of other people have started coming. some seem like college students, some seem older, like guides.

"oh, there are dongho and minki- and jonghyun, also." jisung says, raising his voice, "yah, kim jonghyun-ah!"

"oh, hey hyung!" a man that guanlin assumes is kim jonghyun, jogs over, "what's up? aron hyung isn't here yet, so the three of us thought we'd set everything up."

"is everything fine with him? he's not usually late." jisung frowns. guanlin shoots a questioning look at jihoon, who whispers, "aron hyung is their guide."

"he's alright, just got held up. so, did you need something?" jonghyun asks jisung.

"yes, where is minhyun? he's usually early, too, but it's five minutes to starting time and he's not here yet."

another man- bigger, stronger-looking and more muscular- jogs up behind jonghyun. guanlin can hear daehwi gulp. when he chances a glance at his friend, he notices that daehwi's expression is one of contorted fear. the other three silently hide their laughter.

"oh, dongho." jisung greets, "i was just asking 'hyun where minhyunie was."

"ah, right." dongho begins to laugh, "it's a funny story- okay, so minhyun was cleaning the dorm, you know how he hates it messy, but minki is the messiest person ever, so of course, it's terrible. minki and jongyun and i drove here straight from class, but minhyunnie didn't have an evening class today, so aron hyung said that he'd drive him- but when aron arrived, minhyun was buried underneath a pile of books and clothes and things because he accidentally opened minki's closet, and then aron had to un-bury him and since minhyun's a neat freak, he insisted on cleaning the whole thing, so then they got late and they got stuck in traffic, but don't worry." he finishes with a bright smile, "they're almost here."

jisung blinks dazedly at the trio in front of him (another man with vibrant blond hair has joined the other two. guanlin assumes he is minki).

"right." he says, "right... as long as they'll arrive soon." he sighs, "the trouble you five get into, seriously. and i though minhyun was roughing it in our group."

"no, he loves your group." jonghyun assures him, "he says it's the best ever, always rubbing it in our faces."

"when will we get to do a joint group study again?" minki adds, whining, "last term it was so fun. maybe this term our groups should go on a picnic together or something."

"sounds nice." jisung says, "i'll speak to aron and boA and see what we can do."

"oh." jonghyun looks over jisung's shoulder and seems to notice guanlin for the first time, "who's this? a new member?"

"right." jisung says, motioning for guanlin to step forward, "this is lai guanlin. he's just moved in from taiwan, and he's classmates with daehwi."

guanlin bows, and the other three bow back at him.

"so you're the fifth member." dongho says, "i suppose boA will close your group, now? it'll be complete, with five."

"i hope so." jisung says, "it'll be great to have a complete group."

"well." jonghyun says warmly, "work hard, guanlin-ssi. try your best."

"i will." guanlin promises.

"yeah, kid, make the most of this opportunity." dongo says, somewhat stern, "don't screw it up."

minki hits dongho's arm and daehwi gives a nervous spasm, but guanlin can't help but laugh. he likes dongho, his manly-but-warm attitude. he hopes he has a chance to get to know him better.

"i'll try not to, hyung." he says cheerfully, and dongho smiles, eyes crinkling.

"cute kid." he pats guanlins shoulder so hard that he nearly falls over, "ah, gotta strengthen you up, though."

"it's not my fault you're built like a brick wall, hyung." guanlin says defensively. dongho gives a surprised shout of laughter.

"i suppose it isn't." he grins, "you'll be able to withstand it by the end of term, don't worry." he turns to face all of them, "we'd better get going to our corner- the kids are arriving."

with a wave, they part. guanlin smiles.

"those hyungs seem nice."

daehwi regards guanlin with something akin to awe, "wow."

"wow what?"

"you were getting along with dongho hyung! that's amazing! he's so scary!"

"he's not-"

"-daehwi has an unexplicable fear towards everyone bulkier than him." jinyoung interjects, "and dongho hyung glared at him once. now he nearly pisses himself every time he walks by."

woojin opens his mouth to continue, but jisung cuts in.

"enough, guys. the mentors will arrive soon, so show guanlin around the centre quickly."

"okay, then." jihoon tugs at guanlin's sleeve, "let's go, guanline."

guanlin's neck heats up, but he follows without saying a word.

his name sounds nice coming from jihoon's mouth.

***

the four mentors are ha sungwoon, ong seongwoo, hwang minhyun and kim jaehwan.

they seem nice. sungwoon talks a lot, but is also interesting and fun, and jaehwan seems very warm and easygoing (and slightly psychotic, but in a cool way). ong seongwoo is very funny, too- not in the quirky kind of way jisung is, but in more of a class-clown comedic way. however, he does seem incredibly perceptive, and he was very nice to guanlin on their first meeting, complimenting the younger boy's korean and looks and trying his hardest to speak in whatever chinese he knew.

the famous hwang minhyun, whom guanlin had already heard a lot about, was as kind and gentle as the others made him out to be. he seems to have a sense of humor as well, which guanlin appreciates. he smiles with his eyes, and is already very caring towards guanlin, even though it's only been a little time. 

throughout the centre, there is a buzz- a comfortable buzz, the kind in which guanlin would be able to work well in. not noisy, just relaxing.- the groups have started work. students are picking out books from the shelf, looking up things on the computer. mentors all around are seated with their assigned student, guiding them and talking to them. the people whom guanlin assuems are guides are walking around, supervising their groups, helping whenever necessary, and many of them seem to be writing.

"what do guides do as we work?" guanlin asks seongwoo.

"ah, see, they're in charge of the group, right? so before and after we properly start every session, the leader initiates our conversation. we talk about how our day has been, what we're doing, all of that."

"to get close?"

"exactly. then each pair runs our plan for the evening by him, and he gives us suggestions and things." seongwoo continues, "and after we start, he supervises for sometime, makes sure things are going well, and then he begins to make material for the student."

"material?" guanlin echoes.

"study material, notes, flashcards." seongwoo lists, "anything that he thinks will help you in the lesson you're studying. since the mentor is focussing solely on you, he can't also be preparing something else side-by-side. so the guide will find material, research important information, find extra lessons. anything you might need."

"wow, for all five students? at the same time?"

"hey, these guides didn't graduate from seoul national for nothing. and they're trained well. they find material based on each student's learning style, interests, abilities, everything. it's personalized."

guanlin understands why daehwi said this was better than a tution centre. he can't imagine having to sit woth a group in a classroom after school and repeat the whole process of class again.

"the guide is basically like our leader." sungwoon explains, "we mentors need advice, too, sometimes. and jisung hyung is really amazing. he looks after us so well."

"yeah, he's really nice." minhyun agrees, "i'm glad he's our group leader."

"speaking of which." jaehwan leans forward, "who do you think will be guanlin's mentor?"

"oh, crap, you're right." sungwoon says, eyes widening, "it'll be the fifth mentor!"

"which means the hyung line will be complete, finally." jinyoung says, "let's guess who his mentor will be."

"how many non-assigned mentors are there?" guanlin asks.

"mmm..." woojin bites his lip, "maybe, like... twelve?"

"woah. what do they do here during this time?"

"they don't come here all the time." woojin says, "so, basically, to become a mentor, you need to fill in a bunch of forms and do a test and two interviews. right?"

"right." jaehwan says, "and then after that, they either select you, or don't. so if you get selected, you can come and go anytime you'd like. but you only start coming regularly when boA gives you a call."

"oh..." guanlin realizes, "so it's like... you're in, but you only start work when the right student comes along."

"yeah. until then, you're part of the centre, but you don't have a student yet, so you don't have a group or any fixed timings."

"but." minhyun adds, "you could become part of a group at any time. you never know when the student will appear."

"hm. so is it...it's like.. exciting to get a student?"

all four of the hyungs nod immediately.

"it's a huge honor to work here." minhyun says, "really. i nearly died when i passed my interviews- you have no idea how excited i was boA told me that jinyoungie had joined and i was to be his mentor."

it's then when guanlin realizes he doesn't know which mentor is for which student, "so which of you is for who?"

"it's minhyun and jinyoung, daehwi and jaehwan, woojin and seongwoo, and me and jihoon." sungwoon says, "and you and whoever boA sunbae has called."

"do you know all the non-assigned mentors?"

"we've met them all before." jaehwan says. he lights up, "ooh, i hope it's-" he leans towards minhyun, whispering in his ear. minhyun lights up, too.

"it could be, because he knows- you know, and so does-" minhyun quickly leans towards the other two and repeats whatever jaehwan had said. they also light up.

"they would fit well, i think." sungwoon squints at guanlin, "yeah, it'll be perfect."

"it'd be awesome!" seongwoo says enthusiasically, "but let's not get our hopes up. if it's not him, i'll be a bit upset."

"it's likely, though." sungwoon says earnestly.

"who?" jinyoung demands, but jaehwan just grins and pretends to zip his lips.

woojin groans, "these hyungs are the worst!"

"ah, woojin." they turn around to see that jisung has turned up again, "that's not the way to speak to hyungs."

jaehwan leaps up, nearly knocking jisung over in his eagerness, and quickly says to him whatever they had been discussing. guanlin can't hear a thing, and unfortunately, neither can the rest of them. daehwi scowls.

jisung shrugs, "i don't know anything, yet. i came here to tell you that boA called the new mentor. he's on his way."

"but she didn't tell you who?"

"why would she? she'll introduce him when he gets here."

"but you hope it's him, too, right?" sungwoon asks, "i can see it on your face- you liked him a lot, too."

"and he'd fit well with guanlinie." minhyun adds, "don't you think, jisung hyung?"

jisung sighs, "anything could happen, so don't have any expectations. whoever arrives should feel welcome, okay?"

"of course, hyung." seongwoo says, "we know all that."

"so calm down. he'll be here shortly."

the others nod, and guanlin settles back against the couch to wait.


	3. iii

jisung is called to boA's office first, to meet the new mentor. and then boA and him and the mentor walk towards the group together.

guanlin blinks.

his mentor is quite tall (not as tall as him, though), with a puppy-dog face and kind eyes and bright pink hair.

guanlin is already impressed- it takes a real man to make pink hair look so good. the minute the rest of the group sees him, they go crazy, jumping around and screaming. even jisung hyung has a huge smile on his face from where he's standing. 

the rest of the centre has turned towards them in all the commotion, and when they see a new face (which is guanlin) and the arrival of the mentor, they start cheering, too.

"About time, Niel-ah!" Minki calls happily from one corner of the room, and there's another round of hoots.

the mentor looks pleased and excited and happy (he also looks highly embarassed at the reaction, and honestly, who can blame him?). 

the rest of the group rushes towards him, hugging him and wooting. "we were hoping it was you!" seongwoo shouts, and guanlin feels relieved- this mentor must be good. they had all been rooting for him from the beginning.

the commotion lasts a little longer, before jisung orders them back to their seats. in a moment, the centre is back to its calm, peaceful environment. the hyungs and guanlin's friends all return to their original places and wait eagerly for boA to officially introduce the new mentor.

"so." boA says, "jisung's group, you've been working hard, and now it's time to work harder, with a new pair in your group."

they nod.

"so, judging from the reaction, i'll assume that you've all met before." she continues, "and jisung, i know you will continue to take good care, as always."

"i'll do my best." he says, bowing.

"now, lai guanlin." she motions for him to get up, which he does, "guanlin, this will be your new mentor, kang daniel."

kang daniel.

guanlin is even more impressed now. kang daniel- such a cool and unique sounding name. he bows.

"i'm guanlin from taipei, nice to meet you."

daniel beams a megawatt bunny smile and bows back, "i'm kang daniel, nice to meet you, too! let's take care of each other."

guanlin nods.

"so, i've told daniel a bit about you, guanlin. i showed him your registration form." boA says, "daniel is also fluent in english, so that will help communication flow." these words bring relief to guanlin's system.

"so that's it." boA concludes, "i'm glad to say that this team is complete- all the spots have been taken!"

they all clap excitedly.

"well." boA smiles, "no slacking, boys. get to work."

"thank you, sunbae." jisung bows, "we'll see you afterwards." she nods, bows back, and leaves. daniel sits down next to guanlin.

"finally, niel!" jaehwan gives him a high-five, "and in our group, too! this is great!"

"i was so excited when she called, you have no idea." daniel says, "i nearly cried. then i broke every driving rule to get here."

they laugh.

"ah, seriously." he lets out a breath and leans back, satisfied, "this is great. ah. lai guanlin, thank you for coming to korea."

"no problem." guanlin replies amicably, and daniel grins.

"the hyungs wouldn't tell us who they thought would show up!" daehwi complains, "we thought it might be you, too!"

"yeah?"

"yeah, because you're good at english." jinyoung explains, "and so is guanlin. we thought it made sense."

"hyungs figured it out only after we did." woojin says, satisfied, "they just _think_ they're so smart."

sungwoon and jaehwan splutter while seongwoo and minhyun chuckle.

"well, then, we can talk more later." jisung claps, "lets get to work. you four, run the plan by me. daniel and guanlin, you can start lessons tomorrow. get to know each other today. choose a table."

the others line up in front of jisung to show him their plan, while daniel and guanlin find a more isolated spot to talk to each other.

daniel has a kind smile and an excited expression, and even though this is a whole new experience for him, guanlin doesn't feel nervous.

***

guanlin has decided that daniel is the coolest hyung ever.

he's funny and he's nice and he laughs at everything (even really stupid things). he's also incredibly smart- as expected.

"i don't want people here to think i'm stupid." guanlin says, wrinkling his nose.

daniel shrugs, "if you work hard, you'll do well. but to be honest, guanlin- who cares if they think you're dumb?"

guanlin blinks.

"i mean... they'll think whatever they want, and then they'll continue with their life, and you'll be worrying over it." daniel smiles warmly, "don't look at it like that. just do your best, regardless of what people think, okay?"

"i..." guanlin has never actually thought about it like that, "yeah. okay."

"good. i'm here to help you, too." daniel continues, "and i won't think anything you ask is dumb. i don't know lots of things. maybe you can teach me some chinese."

it makes guanlin feel happy, the fact that someone is regarding him as something of an equal, even if his korean is bad and his confidence is not too high and he doesn't know much about korea itself.

"i'd like that." he says, a bit shy, and daniel beams.

"time's almost up." he checks the clock, "jisung hyung said he'll treat us all today, to celebrate the group completing."

"really?" guanlin is shocked, "he'll treat ten of us?"

"sure. i mean, he's got a job." daniel grins, "he's not a broke college student."

this makes guanlin chuckle. 

that is how half an hour later sees him sitting in a bubble tea cafe with ten hyungs, all of whom are acting younger than him. it's refreshing.

"i miss bubble tea." guanlin says, sipping his.

"that's why we brought you here." jisung pats him on the back, "someone hard working like you deserves a treat."

"thank, hyung."

"why is my order so late?" woojin demands, "i ordered so long ago!"

"you ordered a minute ago." jinyoung rolls his eyes, "and you ordered after that girl." he points at a girl, "and she hasn't gotten hers yet, either."

"hey." jihoon squints at the girl, who is not facing them, "is that tzuyu?"

guanlin lights up. for the past couple of weeks of school, tzuyu has been finding him between classes and talking to him, making sure he was happy and settling down well. they'd become really close, and he's started calling her 'jiejie', which was the chinese equivalent of 'noona'. he remembers that she said she was in eleventh grade, meaning she must be classmates with woojin and jihoon.

"tzuyu jiejie!" he calls, and daehwi, jinyoung, woojin and jihoon blink at him in confusion.

the girl turns around, and it is indeed tzuyu. she smiles when she sees guanlin, getting up immediately.

"guanlinie baobao!" she says teasingly, and guanlin scowls.

"i'm only two years younger than you."

"that's a lot."

"no, it's not."

"wow, they're speaking in mandarin!" jaehwan says, highly impressed, "how do you know her, guanlinie?"

"yeah." jinyoung says a little faintly, "she's our upperclassman. and she's a prefect."

"ah, we should speak korean when others are around." guanlin realizes, "it might be a bit rude otherwise."

"you're right." tzuyu agrees, "oh, hey, jihoon, woojin."

"hey, tzuyu." jihoon smiles, "how do you know guanlin? sit down, by the way."

"we met on my first day." guanlin explains, "she showed me to my class when i got lost. and now she takes care of me."

"we're taipei buddies." tzuyu ruffles his hair, "the bubble tea here is good, right?"

"yeah, it reminds me of the type we'd get in the market stall at home."

"ah, seriously." tzuyu sighs reminiscently, "so, anyway, what is this big group?"

"i joined daehwi's study centre!" guanlin tells her excitedly, "and i went today and met all the hyungs."

"oh!" tzuyu says in realization, "a study centre is a great idea!"

"do you go to one, jiejie?"

"nope. i want to go to korea university, but i'm studying hard by yourself."

"wah." daehwi's eyebrows nearly disappear behind his bangs, "sunbaenim must be a genius."

"not a genius." tzuyu corrects, "just a hard worker. and an idiot."

"nah, tzuyu's really smart." woojin says, "she's one of the best in our grade. how are your friends, by the way?"

"which friends?"

"the sunbaenims who graduated when we were freshmen and sophomores." woojin says, thinking, "um...jeongyeon sunbaenim...mina sunbae... jihyo sunbae. and sana noona and momo noona. right?"

"ah, right!" tzuyu says, 'i see them quite often. they help me a lot."

"do they all go to korea uni?" guanlin asks, interested.

"yup. so does my other friend, nayeon unnie. she's a topper in college."

"wah." jisung says, "that's a lot to be proud of." and eveyone nods.

"which one is your mentor, lin-ah?" she asks.

"jisung hyung is the guide." guanlin says, and then he points at daniel, 'that's daniel hyung. he's my mentor."

tzuyu bows, "nice hair, sunbaenim."

he laughs, "thank you."

she turns to guanlin again, "is he nice?"

"he's really cool." guanlin says seriously, as if daniel couldn't hear him. he can see daniel light up happily through his peripheral vision, though, and it makes him feel warm, "and he speaks english well. and he's nice."

"that's good." she says, "daniel sunbaenim, please take care of guanlin."

"of course i will." daniel says earnestly.

it's nice, guanlin thinks, this life in korea. his language is not good, and he's not used to it quite yet, but it makes him feel right.

he's glad he came.

***

park jihoon actually buys him pig trotters.

he and daehwi and soeun are sitting at their table during lunch (and listening to daehwi complain about how unfair it is that somi and him only have lunch together once a week), and they are joined by jinyoung and a couple of soeun's friends from jinyoung's class- lee seojeong and kim sookyung.

when soeun calls out out to them, she says, "lua unnie, sei unnie!" and guanlin marvels at the strangeness of their names.

but then jinyoung moves over so that they can sit, and says, "guanlin, this is lee seojeong and kim sookyung, from my class."

the two girls are extremely sweet, and they seem to like guanlin a lot. seojeong ruffles his hair and coos at his smile and sookyung tells him to call her noona immediately and they both comment on how tall and handsome he is, and how smart he must be to come to korea all alone without knowing anything about the language or systems.

when he meets them, though, guanlin flat-out groans, "yah, kang soeun! why can't you and your friends call each other normally? what is this 'lei' and 'lua'-"

"- _sei_ and lua!" soeun corrects, "and it's a nickname, lin-ah, surely you know what a nickname is!"

guanlin drops his forehead onto the table, "you are so weird, kang soeun."

she laughs, "you love it, though."

"no. you're annoying."

she just rolls her eyes, "shut up, you gigantic beanstalk-"

"-you're just jealous you won't grow beyond this-"

"-why is your korean so much better when you're insulting people?-"

"guys." daehwi sighs, "can we not?"

but the others seem to find their banter entertaining. if there's something guanlin didn't expect with this new school, or even with the study centre, it was how kind all the people seemed to be. nobody from school had spoken to him rudely or jeered at his lack of language skills. in fact, they seemed to like him quite a lot. he is grateful.

they're all laughing as soeun, seojeong and sookyung tell them a story about a friend of theirs, 'suyeon unnie', as she's affectionately called. guanlin wonders if she also goes to some prestigous college, and then he's about to ask, and then-

"-yah. lai guanlin."

he turns around (they all turn around, actually, because even through the racket they were making, the soft yet firm voice cuts right across).

"jihoon hyung." guanlin blinks, "hi."

"hi."

"hey, hyung." daehwi says, moving over, "i didn't know you had this lunch period."

"me and woojin switched languages from thai to japanese, so our lunch break got switched." jihoon explains, "he's at the counter getting his lunch."

"sit." daehwi gestures to the space he made, "and woojin hyung will see us from there, right?" he gets up and waves wildly at woojin from across the cafeteria. the older boy spots them and grins, nodding and holding up a finger, as if saying 'a minute'.

jihoon doesn't sit.

"um." guanlin blinks, "are you okay, hyung?"

"yeah, i, um-" he clears his throat and then holds out a plastic bag to guanlin. 

guanlin stares.

it's a small bag- takeout. the name of the restaurant is stylized in fancy korean font, all swirly, and guanlin can't quite read it.

"it's, uh, jokbal." jihoon mutters, eyes on the floor, "because... well, you know. i promised."

"oh." guanlin isn't quite sure what to say. he's slightly overwhelmed, and also really glad, because he's always wanted to try jokbal. he feels bad that jihoon spent the money on him, though, "thank you."

"it's. not a problem." he shuffles awkwardly for a second, and then sits down.

jinyoung frowns, "where's your lunch?"

"i was supposed to buy today." jihoon says, "but..." he shrugs, and guanlin realizes, with widening eyes and a warm feeling in his stomach that jihoon spent his lunch money on jokbal. for guanlin.

"hyung, you didn't eat anything!" guanlin realizes with mild panic, "because you wanted to buy me jokbal? ah, _seriously_ -" he pulls out his wallet andhopes he has enough money for a decent meal, "i mean, you're really nice, hyung, but- ugh, if you were going to buy me food, then bring extra money, you can't just _not eat_ -" he presses a couple of bills into jihoon's hand, "really, hyung- you should take better care of yourself- i think you should get a decent meal with this, right? aish, hyung, i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have-"

"-i'm not taking your money, guanlin." jihoon says, pushing it back, "that defeats the point of buying you food."

"but now i feel awful!"

jihoon shakes his head. he's smiling, "i'm not hungry. really. eat well, i want you to enjoy it."

guanlin doesn't move.

"i bet sunbaenim didn't buy enough for the rest of us." sookyung says with a grin, and jihoon snorts.

"i barely had enough money for this kid, forget the rest of you."

jinyoung's eyebrows are raised, "you actually bought him jokbal."

jihoon meets his gaze firmly, "i told you. it's the least i could do after treating him rudely."

"attitude is not usually repaid by food, hyung."

"food is life." sookyung interjects, effectively breaking the stare-off.

daehwi smirks a little, "well, you could've gotten cheaper jokbal. this place is expensive."

jihoon ignores daehwi altogether, moving over a little bit so that woojin can join them.

"hey, lin." woojin ruffles his hair, "looks like you're lucky, huh? i didn't think jihoonie would actually buy you food. eat well."

guanlin looks up guiltily, "but hyung hasn't eaten at all." he lights up, "i know! jihoon hyung, we'll share!"

jihoon blinks at him, "huh?"

"share." guanlin bites his lip, "that's- isn't that the word for it?" he turns to daehwi to repeat himself in english and daehwi shoots him a thumbs up.

"it's right."

"it's right, guanlin." jihoon smiles, and it's the first time guanlin's seen this type of smile from him. it's soft, almost fond. guanlin swallows.

"then... i already had a sandwhich. so i wouldn't mind sharing, hyung."

jihoon gazes at him for a moment. and then he quietly unpacks the box and lays the food out in front of them.

the jokbal looks delicious, and there's definitely enough for them to share. jihoon picks up a piece with his chopsticks and hands it to guanlin, this time unable to meet his eye, "here."

guanlin tkaes the chopsticks, "i've never had this before. i've always wanted to try it."

"it's a historic moment, then." jinyoung grins, and they all lean forward as guanlin takes the piece into his mouth, lighting up.

"it's good!" he says in delight, "it's so good- i like this!" he picks up another piece, "ah, seriously, it's so delicious!" he shovels another piece into his mouth and then another and then another, and then he stops to look up sheepishly at jihoon.

jihoon is laughing. not the quiet kind of laughter, but proper laughter, with his head thrown back and his eyes crinkling and his arms wrapped around his stomach. it's a sight that makes guanlin's heart clench, and he looks away quickly.

"i knew you'd enjoy it." jihoon says, chuckling, "you don't have to give me any if you like it so much, guanlinie."

guanlin immediately pushes the remaining food to jihoon.

jihoon smiles again, the same warm and soft smile from earlier.

he takes the chopsticks from guanlin and takes his own piece of jokbal and nods in affirmation that it is very tasty and laughs again when the rest of their table groans in longing.

and guanlin looks away, pretends to focus on packing up the empty box so that he doesn't accidentally focus on jihoon instead, on the way that he smiles, and the way that his eyes crinkle when he laughs.

it's a strange feeling in guanlin's chest. he's not quite sure what it is.


	4. iv

"i'm not getting it." guanlin says, dropping his forehead to the table.

"it's okay, lin-ah." daniel is gentle and kind about it, and guanlin feels a little less stupid, "this one isn't easy to understand, and you're doing great. wanna take a break?"

guanlin nods, sighing, "sorry."

"hey, cut yourself some slack." daniel fishes inside his bag and pulls something out- a piece of candy, maybe?- and hands it to guanlin, "here, try this. jelly."

"jelly?" guanlin echoes, taking it, "is it good?"

"that one is orange flavour- my favourite."

guanlin pops it into his mouth and then makes a noise of surprise, "it's good."

daniel grins, "right? i eat nearly 10 every day."

guanlin gapes, " _ten?_ "

"mmhmm."

"that really can't be healthy, daniel hyung." guanlin frowns, "you should reduce. you'll get cavities."

"it's not that easy!" daniel protests, and guanlin laughs.

"we can each have five everyday."

"am i spoiling you?" daniel shoots back, and he laughs, too, when guanlin nods, "aish, you're so cute, guanlinie."

eventually, they settle back into work. daniel gives guanlin some time to go through his notes while he speaks to jisung, and then ushers him towards the computers.

"here." daniel beams, "jisung hyung found this for you."

"a video?"

"yup. it'll help you understand this concept."

guanlin sits down and hits play, and then a second into the video, his eyes widen- it's in mandarin.

the video is five minutes and twelve seconds long, and by the end of it, guanlin is positive he has a better grasp on the concept. daniel and jisung both look delighted as he sags in relief.

"did it work?" daniel is eager, "i figured it'll be hard to teach korean literature in korean, and i wasn't too sure how to explain the details in english, but i figured that if you got the concept, i could explain better."

"it worked." guanlin is impressed, "how did you find a korean literature tutorial in mandarin? that's like teaching english in, i don't know. spanish."

"jisung hyung is good like that."

jisung ruffles daniel's hair and then guanlin's, "glad it worked. now get back to your station, you two."

the rest of their lesson goes impossibly smoothly. guanlin is pretty sure he has the lesson down, and daniel offers to ask jisung for some worksheets that he can practice on.

"you're a really fast learner, guanlin." daniel says, kncking twice on the wooden window frame, "let's not jinx it, though."

"thanks, hyung. you're teaching me well." guanlin is compeltely sincere- daniel is easily the most patient hyung ever. he knows how to explain concepts in a cool way so that guanlin doesn't get bored, and he never gets annoyed if he takes too long to understand.

"we're going to the canteen." sungwoon tells them as everyone is packing up, "you two are coming, right?"

guanlin scrunches up his nose, "i don't have-"

"-i'll pay for you." daniel slings an arm around his shoulder.

guanlin sighs, "ah, by the end of this semester, i'll owe each of you millions."

"i don't expect anything back."

"i'm going to pay you back, though- i'm not broke." guanlin argues, "i mean... i'm broke here, but my family has money in taiwan. enough to pay you back, don't worry."

"his family is loaded." daehwi snorts, "i stopped by his hostel this morning so we could walk to school together, and i went to his room, and i saw a picture of him and his family in front of this fancy mansion, but it turns out that's his house."

"and," jinyoung stresses to add, "he has the latest iphone model."

"and he was wearing gucci clothes the other day!" woojin remembers, "and he had a supreme sweater over his sports uniform, too."

"well, unfortunately, i don't have any money in korea." guanlin grins, "except an allowance so i can survive, obviously. all that money belongs to my parents- and they spent a lot for me to live and study here. it's not fair to ask for more money. i don't need luxuries."

"very mature of you." minhyun says approvingly.

"anyway, for now, i'll pay." daniel says, "shall we go to the canteen?"

he's met with a series of hoots, followed by some laughter (jaehwan has the most interesting and infectious laugh guanlin has ever heard.)

guanlin grins as sungwoon hits jaehwan across the head.

"the chicken in this canteen is pretty good." minhyun tells him, "and so is the jokbal."

"forget all that- i just want ice cream." woojin says, "i have an idea- let's race!"

he takes off before anyone agrees, but the rest of them rush after him anyway.

***

"clouds?"

"no." guanlin says exasperately, "jihoon hyung, why are you so bad at this?"

"it's so vague!" jihoon splutters, "your favourite scenery? how am i supposed to know that?"

"i gave you hints." guanlin argues, "i said i like seoul because it's city-like, like taipei. and i said too much sunlight makes me want to go indoors."

"because you're a vampire. it makes so much sense. you like nighttime, you're tall and fair and dark-haired." jihoon says with a perfectly straight face, "it's the only explanation."

"vampires are usually handsome."

"trust me- you're extremely handsome, guanlin-ah." jihoon says, and then his eyes widen.

guanlin blinks, cheeks flushing red. he swallows, and then says, "you still haven't guessed my favourite scenery."

"you're hypnotizing me into not getting it. it's a power that only vampires have."

"you're such a sore loser." guanlin says in disbelief, "the answer is nighttime city skyline."

jihoon gapes, "that is not a scenery!"

"it is!"

"it's not." jihoon says, and guanlin regard him with a sad face.

jihoon holds off for a second, before sighing and relenting, "fine, fine, it's a scenery, and i didn't guess it. you get a point."

guanlin positively lights up, "so i'm in the lead again! your turn, hyung!"

"how-" jihoon demands, " _how_ are you in the lead, you missed _five_ of my previous questions-"

"-hyung, come on, you cheated and made them difficult on purpose!"

"i swear to god." jihoon sighs, "the things i do for you, lai guanlin. alright. you're leading."

guanlin beams again, "okay!"

"ah, what's this, guanlinie?" a new voice says, and both jihoon and guanlin turn around.

"soyeon noona!" guanlin smiles, waving her over, "hi!"

jihoon blinks, bowing down, "hello, sunbaenim."

"hello." she bows back, "i'm jeon soyeon from the twelfth grade."

"park jihoon."

"right, the boy who winked during the yearbook photoshoot last year." soyeon nods, "i know you. i didn't know yow and guanlin knew each other, though."

"we know each other." jihoon says unhelpfully. guanlin snorts.

"he's in the study centre that i go to." guanlin says, "so we met there."

"ah." soyeon nods, "well, it's good to see you making so many friends. you were so nervous about that when you arrived."

"yeah, but daehwi was really nice. he and somi and soeun helped me a lot." guanlin explains, "now i'm doing better."

"mm." she gives the two of them a little smile and then hitches her bag higher on her shoulder, "i'm off, then. want me to tell yumi ahjumma that you'll be back late?"

"not late." guanlin corrects, "but maybe in an hour or so."

"what will you do for an hour? it'll be dark soon."

"i need to go see soeun real quick. and jihoon hyung said he'll get me banana kick today." guanlin eyes soyeon, "don't you have dance practice now, noona?"

"hm?" she raises an eyebrow and then shrugs, "yeah. maybe."

"maybe?"

"i'm not going."

"you haven't gone all week." guanlin says in suprise.

"sunbaenim must be busy." jihoon guesses, "the work is hard in twelfth."

both guanlin and soyeon snort.

"the day noona cares so much about her studies is the day i speak fluent korean."

"it doens't work like that, guanlin." soyeon chides, "you're good at korean."

"so you'll start picking up on your studies?" guanlin asks. she rolls her eyes.

"i haven't got time for shit like that."

guanlin says nothing.

"listen, lin, i'm going home. i'll try to convince elkie to start dinner, but she'll probably be studying or something- i'm glad you at least hang out with people. it's not good to constantly be with your books." soyeon says listlessly.

"it's not good to be constantly without, either." guanlin reminds her, "especially when you're in a phase like this- i wish you would go back to the dance team."

"who's older here?"

guanlin mutters something under his breath. to jihoon, it sounds like "act like it, then."

soyeon ignores him, "i'll be fine. don't worry too much."

"the reason you don't put as much into studies is because you want to dance. but who's going to give you a dance scholarship if you don't even attend the practices? you won't have a solo stage at the showcase."

"i'll figure it out." she pats his shoulder.

guanlin regards her wearily, "fine. go home safely."

"i know, i know- do you know whether eunbin has swimming practice today?"

"she does."

"ugh." soyeon groans, "fuck it, i'll just buy ramyeon-"

"-just wait an hour." guanlin says tiredly, "i'll cook tonight. seriously, you're so useless, noona."

"you can't even crack an egg-"

"-it's the _one thing_ i can't do!" guanlin protests, "i'm good at cooking, you're good at baking. why do i need to know about eggs?"

"it might be helpful for cooking also-"

"yumi ajhumma cooks every day! wednesdays are the only day one of us has to cook dinner. why would i choose to make eggs?"

"whatever." she smiles a little, though, "see you tonight. but me banana kick."

"give me money."

"brat." soteon laughs at this, and then she waves and walks away. jihoon stares after her.

"what- how-" he finally says, "how do you- she's-"

"yeah?" guanlin turns towards him questioningly.

"soyeon sunbaenim is really nice." jihoon says cautiously, "but she's also a tiny bit scary."

guanlin is confused, "she's tinier than you. she's like... an ant."

"the aura." jihoon gestures, "like. a bit intimidating?"

"she tries." guanlin shrugs, "she's actually really sweet."

"i know- wait- how do _you_ know?" jihoon blinks, "how the hell- you guys cook _dinner_ for each other? how- what-"

"we live together, hyung." guanlin says patiently.

"i- you- huh?"

"me and soyeon. we live in the hostel together."

"you- she- oh." jihoon's eyes widen, " _oh_."

"right."

"then who are elkie and eunbin?" he asks, "they live there, too?"

"yeah, but they go to different schools. there's a guy named oscar, too, who's in a different school. and seonho. he's one of my best friends. he's in his final year of middle school. i think he'll join our high school next year."

"oh." jihoon seems unable to say much else, "do you... like it? living with all these people?"

guanlin thinks for a moment, "mm... it's an interesting combination." he finally says, "but it's nice. it feels like home."

"that's good, then." jihoon says.

"yeah."

jihoon pauses, "um, do you think i could come and visit sometime? to the hostel?"

guanlin looks suprised. and then he smiles, the nicest smile jihoon has ever seen.

"yeah. i think you could, hyung."

***

"thanks, lin!" soeun beams, waving, "bye!"

"bye, see you tomorrow." guanlin waves back, waits for her to close the door before he begins his walk back to the hostel.

it's dark now. all the street lights are on, though, and the roads are still busy. the vehicles still zoom by and the street vendors are still selling. guanlin's stomach growls, and he wonders if he has enough money to stop at the canteen that he usually goes to with his hyungs after the study centre.

he pulls out his wallet, letting out a happy noise when he sees he has enough for the jokbal. his pace speeds up considerably, and he's at the canteen in ten minutes flat. he's the only one there, which isn't too surprising. the rush hour is over, and they're due to close for the day.

"well, what'll it be, kid?" the man behind the counter asks, a bit impatient. he looks a bit older then sungwoon hyung. guanlin wonders whether the man still in college or has just graduated. it must be annoying to have to stand in a canteen till late at night and take orders all day.

he opens his mouth and then hesitates. he squints at the spelling of jokbal, and uncertainty swoops through his chest. he's not fully confident about he prounounciation- but he figures it won't really make a huge difference. the man will understand him. maybe he can ask him how to pronounce it better.

"um, can i have a- a plate of jokbal, please? in parcel?"

the man behind the counter blinks at him, eyebrows shooting up. and then he lets out a snort of laughter- not the fond laughter guanlin is used to, but more of the mocking kind. guanlin swallows.

"you want _jokbal_ , huh?" the man repeats, twisting the word 'jokbal' to make it sound the way guanlin had pronounced it. he turns around to call out to one of his colleagues, "yah- hurry up and go get a plate of _jokbal_ for the kid." he turns back to guanlin, "it'll take ten minutes. why don't you repeat your order? hey, do you want jokbal or _wang_ jokbal?"

the co-worker snickers, too, and guanlin wishes the earth would just open up and swallow him whole. he tries to say something, maybe defend himself, but he can't find the words. the korean doesn't come out, and even if it did, he has a feeling that the guys would find other mistakes in his pronounciation and point it out and laugh at him. he doesn't want to speak.

he doesn't want jokbal anymore, either. he wants to take back his order and get chicken instead.

but maybe he's mispronouncing chicken as well?

he just wants to go home. he wants to help make dinner for everyone and chill with seonho and oscar and talk to elkie (in chinese) and listen to hip-hop with soyeon. he wants to watch tv with daesuk ajhussi and then he wants to sleep.

but he can't, because the two laughing men are preparing his pig trotters and he has no choice but to wait it out and let them laugh.

it's the first time since he came to korea that he's actually felt like an outsider, someone who truly didn't belong.

there's a lump in his throat. 

he prays for ten minutes to tick by as quick as it can.

***

"are you ok?" somi asks.

guanlin blinks at her, "huh?"

"no, it's just- you've been weird all week."

"weird?" guanlin repeats, affronted.

"not, like- guanlin, watch where you're _going_ -" she pulls him to the side so that he doesn't bump into the pole, "you need to be careful."

"i know, sorry." he mutters, and she sighs.

school has drawn to a close, and guanlin is on his way to the study centre. guanlin had told the other four to go ahead without him, since he and somi were in charge of cleaning up their classroom for that day, and would be taking some extra time. 

"the centre is on the way to my house." somi explains, "you should come over some time."

"i should." guanlin agrees, "is this a formal invitation?"

"pabo." she laughs, fond, "you know you can come anytime you want."

"mmm."

"so tell me- what's up with you?" somi has switched from korean to english, which means she's actually serious. guanlin is a bit relieved at the change in language- he hasn't felt like speaking much korean for the past week.

"nothing." he lifts his shoulder, "i'm fine. same as always."

"i'm not stupid." she frowns, "you haven't been talking much recently. we've all noticed."

"who's 'we all'?" guanlin demands.

somi shrugs, "like, you've been talking to me and daehwi and tzuyu unnie more than to rina and sei and lua- they asked me if you were upset at them."

"crap." guanlin mutters, "somi, i'm not. tell them i'm not."

she ignores him, "which made me realize that daehwi and i know english and tzuyu knows mandarin- and you've not been speaking to us in korean. and you've been quiet in korean literature all week. it's weird. you haven't asked a single question. and i heard from lua unnie who heard from jinyoung-ssi who heard from his mentor- minhyun sunbaenim?- who heard from jisung sunbaenin who heard from daniel sunbaenim that you've refused to touch your korean books this whole week, and when he forces you, you only do the basics." somi comes to a halt, hands on her hips, "you can't fool me, lai guanlin- i know you well enough by now."

guanlin's throat constricts. he doesn't say anything, can't say anything. he doesn't think he has to- he feels like she already knows.

she does.

somi's entire being softens. she puts a hand on his elbow.

"it's not easy, lin-ah." she says gently, "it must suck soemtimes. i can't imagine what it must be like. but... you need to talk to someone, right?"

guanlin doesn't say a word. jerks his head a little.

"i..." she bites her lip, "don't be upset-but i got really worries and asked soyeon sunbaenim about it. i know you live with her. and she said you haven't spoken much to her recently either. she said you only speak to elkie unnie." somi eyes him, "elkie speaks mandarin."

"i know." guanlin snaps. he doesn't mean for it to come out harsh, but it does, "and i haven't spoken to anyone about anything, because nothing is wrong. and even if it was, then i don't need to burden people with my problems. okay?"

one of the reasons guanlin likes somi is because she doesn't get easily offended. she lets him blow off steam when he needs to, and doesn't become angry or upset or hurt. she just lets him be, and he appreciates that the most.

"ah, lai guanlin." she sighs, "what are we going to do with you? you need to take care- we worry about you a lot." she loops her arm through his, "you're one of my best friends. what should i do if i see you upset?"

he swallows, feeling guilty for snapping.

"listen, you don't have to talk to me, but if something's going on....maybe you should consult tzuyu unnie? she knows how it feels to come here the way you did- although she came with her family. and you two are close. just.... speak to her, if something is bothering you?" somi suggests.

it's a good idea. guanlin will consider it, so he nods, and somi brightens, looking happier than she has all day.

"great! ah, look, we've reached your centre- are those your friends? i can see them through the window."

guanlin looks up- and sure enough, he can see all of them, lounging around with books and pens, maybe waiting for him. daniel spots him and waves excitedly, and the rest of them follow suit. guanlin can see jisung twisting jaehwan's ear and he laughs- the older boy must have screamed too loudly.

somi laughs, too, and waves at daehwi before nodding at guanlin, "see you tomorrow. think about what i said."

"i will." he feels affection for jeon somi spreading through his body, "thanks, somi." and even though he's not usually so physically affectionate with his female friends, he pulls her to his chest for a hug, and she chuckles and hugs him back tightly.

"take care." she repeats, 'try studying some korean soon. you're doing well. you'll get there."

"i'll try." he says honestly, and waves at somi as she continues on her way home, before entering the building to see his friends.

***

"who was that?" daniel asks curiously as guanlin arrives, "is she your girlfriend?"

daehwi snorts, and the rest of them laugh at guanlin's horrified face.

"why- just because i hugged her?" he demands, and daniel ruffles his hair.

"i was kidding."

"that's jeon somi." daehwi tells all the hyungs, "our friend. i've told you about her."

"ah, so that's somi." seongwoo realizes, "your childhood friend?"

"yup."

"did you know her from before, too?" he asks guanlin, who shakes his head, "wow, then you've gotten close quickly. that's good."

"the four of us are really close in school, within the ninth grade." daehwi explains, "me, somi, lin and soeun."

"i see you and soeun together all the time." jihoon says, with an expression guanlin can't quite decipher. jihoon doesn't seem entirely happy, though. his mouth is curving down in a tiny frown, but he seems like he's trying not to be upset. guanlin doesn't like it. he wants jihoon to smile

"we're close." he says, "she teaches me korean proverbs sometimes. but she also teaches me wrong ones for laughs and i have to go confirm with daehwi afterwards."

they all snicker. jihoon smiles fondly, and guanlin's heart does a content lurch.

"you might as well just ask me- i won't make any up, even for laughs."jihoon tells him.

guanlin feels a shy sort of happiness in his stomach, "i'd like that."

"we can do that on some days, then." jihoon says, "during lunch, maybe." 

guanlin nods and doesn't notice daehwi, woojin and jinyoung exchange knowing smirks.

"hey, then what am i here for?" daniel complains, and guanlin laughs.

"hyung, i need you for everything- i'm failing in life."

"that's not true." jisung says, "you're doing well. and we'll all do even better if we stop talking and get to work."

theres a chorus of sighs and 'yes, hyung's echoing through the area. jisung chuckles.

"we can talk more later, i promise. but let's get some stuff done, too. we can all go to the canteen afterwards."

woojin lights up, "minhyun hyung, you don't have any work to do?"

"i'm free today." minhyun says, "are we all going?"

"i'm free." daniel says, and sungwoon, seongwoo and jaehwan all nod in agreement."

"we could ask dongho hyung to come." guanlin says thoughtfully, "i like dongho hyung. he's cool."

daehwi shivers a bit, "um. do we have to?"

"i think that's a good idea. aron, jonghyun and minki should come too." jisung says, "i'll go ask them now. you guys, please start work."

in the next ten minutes, they've settled down and daniel eyes him, waiting for him to take out his books.

guanlin pulls out his physics textbook. daniel bites his lip.

"we did physics on tuesday, though."

"i, um." guanlin doesn't look daniel in the eye, "i need help with physics. it's hard."

"but... we haven't touched korean literature all week. are you sure you don't want to go through that?" daniel asks carefully, "i don't want the work to pile up on you."

guanlin says nothing. he thinks about somi, all the things she said, the worry in her eyes, her suggestion to speak to tzuyu.

and then he thinks of the canteen, those two men who snickered and laughed and mocked his pronounciation, repeating his mistakes again and again till guanlin felt like an idiot, till he wanted nothing more than to go home- not to the hostel, but to taiwan, where he could speak freely and happily and nobody would laugh at the way he said things. nobody would make him feel like he didn't belong.

"it's- it'll be fine" guanlin finally says, "i'll be fine. it's fine. i really need to do physics.

with that, he proceeds to pull out his notebook and flip to the right page.

he doesn't notice daniel's worried expression, or the glance he exchanges with jisung when the older walks by.

the korean book stays buried in his bag for another day.


	5. v

"what do you guys want to order, then?" minki asks impatiently, "hurry up, it's already late."

there are fifteen of them there, so of course, his question results in chaos. eventually, jisung and jonghyun manage to calm everyone down and minki points at them one by one to hear their order.

guanlin badly wants jokbal. the person behind the counter is not the same as the one who was there last week, and he knows for sure his friends won't make fun of him, but-

-but the word dies on the tip of his tongue, and when minki points to him, he mutters unintelligibly that he'd like a cup of ramyeon.

daehwi frowns, "pardon?"

"r-ramyeon." guanlin says, a little louder, faltering a little bit even over this word, a simple word which he'd known even in taiwan. he doesn't like it, this feeling of uncertainty, the self-consciousness that creeps up within him.

if minki finds his hesitation odd, he doesn't say anything, just moves on to seongwoo's order. guanlin is grateful.

as they push two tables together to accomodate all fifteen of them, jihoon slides into the seat next to his.

"what did you order?" guanlin asks. jihoon leans back comfortably.

"chicken. you wanted ramyeon, right? didn't you have ramyeon this morning? i saw you eating it on the way to school."

"oh. yeah." guanlin says, "i- uh. i like ramyeon."

jihoon chuckles, "i see." he pauses, and a comfortable silence falls between them. jihoon offers guanlin a water bottle, and guanlin accepts, downing three gulps.

"are you doing alright?" jihoon finally asks.

guanlin groans, "why does everyone keep asking me that?"

jihoon shrugs, "i don't know about everybody. but you haven't spoken to me as much as usual this week, and you look a little down. i just wanted to know if you were okay."

"i'm fine." guanlin says in what he hopes is a firm voice, "i'm totally fine."

"...okay." jihoon doesn't look like he believes the younger boy, but he doesn't press further. instead he says, "have you seen the newest episode of stranger things?"

"i have." guanlin is triumphant. jihoon looks surprised.

"the subtitles aren't out yet! they only come out on saturday morning!"

"i know english, hyung." guanlin deadpans, "i don't need subtitles."

"crap." jihoon looks overawed, "i forgot. i should learn english just to watch american tv shows."

this makes guanlin laugh, "maybe you should."

"would you teach me?"

"i'll teach you english if you teach me korean." guanlin suggests jokingly.

"it's cool to know three languages." jihoon says wistfully, "you're so cool, lin. you must be a genius."

"not a genius." guanlin says, remembering the sneer on the canteen-man's face, "i'm lacking a lot."

"it's only been a month and a half." jihoon says, "and you know so much korean. it's crazy."

"crazy that i still can't pronounce simple things?"

"no!" jihoon looks shocked, "crazy that you can hold proper conversations and follow a korean school system. you joined school two weeks after you moved, and you were so good already."

"i'm not a genius, though." guanlin says softly, "i just worked hard."

jihoon gazes at him for a moment, and then smiles, sweet and gentle.

"i know, guanlin. you're working very hard. and you're doing well."

guanlin says nothing. jihoon waits for a second, but then he's distracted by the arrival of their food. he passes the cup of ramyeon to guanlin, who accepts it with a small nod. guanlin also scans the table once in hope that someone has ordered jokbal. maybe he could ask for a piece.

but nobody had. out of fifteen people, most of them had opted for chicken. minhyun had also got ramyeon, like guanlin. and true to his word, woojin had ordered ice cream. jaehwan snorts when he sees woojin's satisfied expression.

"you'll get a sore throat if you eat ice cream this late."

"that makes no sense." woojin retorts. jaehwan rolls his eyes, muttering about 'the disrespect, you little brat'.

"do you want some chicken?" jihoon offers to guanlin.

"how come you never offer me food?" jinyoung demands, and daehwi elbows his side, grinning madly. jihoon glowers at them.

"it's fine, hyung, you eat. i'll be full with ramyeon." guanlin says.

jihoon ignores him and hands him a piece of chicken anyway. it's a kind gesture. guanlin really doesn't understand why woojin cackles the way he does, but from the way he winces the next second, guanlin assumes someone has kicked him. probably jihoon.

"that hurt, you bastard." woojin hisses. jonghyun hits him across the top of his head.

"park woojin. language."

"sorry, hyung."

it makes guanlin laugh, and suddenly, he feels lighter.

***

"want to come to the canteen with me?" jihoon asks a couple of week later.

guanlin nods, "sure. i don't have money, though."

this makes jihoon laugh, "i'll pay for you, obviously." he says as they begin walking, "how was study centre today?"

"i got a lot of work done." guanlin says with satisfaction.

"physics?"

"korean history." guanlin corrects with a sigh, "seriously... i just wasted my whole school life studying chinese and taiwanese history and then i come here, and taiwan isn't even mentioned _once_. china is barely mentioned throughout the whole _book_. china's a big enough place- why don't you guys have a chinese history unit?"

"ah." jihoon says, "i forgot history must be as hard as korean lit. how is that going?"

guanlin doesn't fall for it, "did sungwoon hyung tell you that i haven't been reading recently?"

jihoon looks a little sheepish, "um. maybe?"

"i'll get into it soon."

"won't you fall behind?"

"no." guanlin says with hesitation, "or, at least, i hope not."

"if you don't touch your korean books next week either, daniel hyung is going to combust. he's already so worried." jihoon tells him. guanlin feels guilt bubble up in his stomach.

"it's not his fault. i'll talk to him about it."

"you should." jihoon comes to a stop, "we've reached. what do you want today?"

guanlin is about to step inside behind jihoon when he chances a glance towards the counter. and then-

-and then he stops, eyes widening. and then he backpedals immediately so that the man standing at the counter can't see him. jihoon is staring confusedly, but guanlin doesn't care, because stainding right there is _that man_ , the one who laughed at guanlin a couple of weeks ago and made him feel like absolute shit, the reason that he hasn't been able to really smile for the past few days.

and a lot of people might think he should have gotten over it, but he hasn't.

 _he hasn't_.

the mocking laughter follows him everywhere he goes, everything he does.

everything he _says_. he can't speak confidently anymore. guanlin thinks it's almost funny how one thing, one tiny, tiny, _miniscule_ thing like a stranger's mockery could make him feel so insecure and worthless.

"guanlinie?" jihoon asks, worried, "are you okay?"

"uh- yeah." guanlin swallows, "i just remembered i need to-um- call my dad. so i'll do that and can you, uh, order for me?"

"-guanlin, are you sure you're okay?" jihoon reaches out to grasp guanlin's elbow, and guanlin nods frantically.

"i'm fine- i'm- i'm great, hyung, and i'm starving, and i need to call my dad." in his slightly frazzled state, he fumbles with his words and cringes at his pronounciation, "i told my dad i'd call him and i forgot. he'll be worried."

"oh." jihoon clearly doesn't believe him, but he lets it slide, "okay, you should call him. i'll go in and order. parcel?"

guanlin nods again.

"what do you want?"

"jokba-" guanlin stutters to a stop, unable to finish the word. he doesn't know how to say it, he can't.

it's been a while since he had jokbal, and he's really craving it, but-

-but he still can't say it. he still can't say it _right_.

jihoon raises an eyebrow expectantly, and guanlin draws in a breath and mutters, "chicken, please, hyung."

"chicken?" jhoon repeats, still looking a bit worried and slightly suspicious.

"yeah." guanlin looks away. jihoon regards him for another moment before accepting his answer and squeezing his elbow.

"i'll be back in five, lin-ah."

the place on his elbow where jihoon squeezed is warm, and it calms guanlin a little (he ignores the butterflies in his stomach). guanlin takes out his phone, thinking maybe he could call his dad for real. he suddenly misses his family. and if he called, then he wouldnt be lying to jihoon. he feels bad about that.

but his father doesn't pick up, and guanlin supposes he'd still be at work. five minutes later when jihoon emerges from the canteen holding two plastic bags, the older boy frowns.

"didn't you call your father?"

"he didn't pick up." guanlin mutters, "thanks for the food, hyung. it's almost dark, let's go home."

"here's yours." jihoon holds out a bag to guanlin, "i got some extra in case your friends at the hostel wanted any."

"thanks." guanlin says again.

"and, uh, guanlin... it's not chicken." jihoon isn't looking him in the eye, "i- they, um, didn't have any left."

"oh." guanlin frowns, "i thought chicken was the one thing they always had."

"not, uh, this time."

"that's okay. what did you get me?"

jihoon mutters something guanlin can't quite hear. when he asks the elder to repeat himself, jihoon looks at him and says softly, "jokbal."

there's a moment of silence. guanlin can practically hear the wind that blows by. it shouldn't be such a big deal, but somehow, it is. guanlin wonders how jihoon knew- maybe because he had started to ask for jokbal before hesitating and switching his order.

"thats- that's fine, right?" jihoon asks nervously. 

"of course!" guanlin says, "i love jok- uh- this food, hyung. this food is really good."

jihoon looks a lot more suspicious now than he did earlier, "why don't you say it?"

"huh?"

"why won't you say the word? jokbal."

guanlin swallows, "i don't know what you're talking about, hyung." before jihoon can ask anything else, he says, "how is the school newspaper thing going?"

there's another moment of silence, and then jihoon speaks again. "it's fun." he accepts the change of topic without another word, "i'm incharge of reporting about the clubs and activities this semester. i just have to observe a different club every week and write a report about it."

guanlin gets a sudden idea, "hyung- have you done the dance troupe yet?"

"um... no." jihoon says, "that's this week? or, no this week is the swimming team. the dance team is next week."

"alright, when you go, can you check whether soyeonie noona is there?" guanlin asks, "she doesn't talk about dance anymore, and doesn't answer any of our questions. it worries me."

"i'll check it out." jihoon assures him, "you take good care of your noona, lin."

"she takes care of me, too, though." guanlin says fondly, "not in the way people expect, but the reason i'm as comfortable as i am is because of her. she's really nice and she understands me well."

"that's good." jihoon says,. he points at a building they are approaching, "this is you, right?"

"yup." guanlin replies, "thanks again, hyung."

"no problem. i'll see you at school tomorrow."

"definitely." guanlin gives jihoon a genuine happy smile, and for a moment, he thinks maybe jihoon looks a little wonderstruck.

or maybe that's just his imagination, because the next minute, jihoon is patting his back and returning his smile and wishing him a good night.

jihoon stands on the sidewalk and waves until guanlin has entered the house and shut the door and waved back through the window.

guanlin lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

his cheeks are flushed, and maybe it's not just because of the weather.

***

"hey, guys." soyeon walks into the house about half an hour after guanlin did.

by now, guanlin has set the table for everyone and is splitting the jokbal between the six of them, plus for ajhumma and ajhussi. seonho is repeatedly dropping cutlery in the pretense of helping them, and elkie shoves guanlin everytime he accidentally lets a not-so-nice word slip out in mandarin.

"guanlin hyung is swearing at us in mandarin." seonho complains as soyeon approaches the table.

"i am not." guanlin protests immediately, "elkie jiejie, tell them i'm not."

"he's not." elkie says obediently. eunbin snorts.

"lin brought jokbal from the canteen." oscar says cheerfully, "here's your piece, noona."

"thanks." soyeon sets another plastic bag on the table, "i went to the canteen, too. just now."

"woohoo, feast!" seonho shrieks, "i don't need to cook today! wednesday has been saved!"

"when do you _ever_ cook?" guanlin demands, "you have never cooked here in your entire life-"

"-how do you know?-"

"-i know because the house is still _standing_ , and if you'd cooked, it would be ashes by now-"

"- _rude_ , you might as well go back to swearing at me in mandarin-"

"-for the hundredth time, i was _not swearing at you in mandarin_ , but if you want to be sworn at, i can do it just as well in korean, watch me-"

"-guys, guys, calm down." eunbin says, "you don't want yumi ajhumma to walk into an argument."

"what argument?" seonho says innocently, "i was just complimenting my favourite hyung on the interesting mandarin words he knows."

"loser." guanlin rolls his eyes. it comes out a little too fondly, and seonho laughs and slings an arm around his shoulder.

"where is yumi ajhumma, anyway?" he asks, "even on wednesdays, she's home by this time."

"she's upstairs folding the clothes." oscar tells them, "seonho, when she asked you to put the clothes in the washing machine, she meant to _separate_ them first, and _then_ put them in, not to just stick it in all together."

"don't tell me." elkie rolls her eyes, "he didn't separate light and dark?"

"poor ajhumma spent all morning removing the stains."

guanlin turns to seonho expressionlessly, "if anything happened to my white supreme sweater, you will be skinned alive."

seonho gulps, "eunbin noona, guanlin is bullying me."

"i have nothing to say." she glares at the younger, "i put a white dress in the wash, too."

"if you think messing up the laundry can get you out of doing it, you are so wrong." elkie says pleasantly, "because i will teach you how to do it properly, and you will do it for the rest of your life."

"this is what happens when you're the maknae." seonho grumbles, "guanlin hyung, aren't you the maknae of your study centre group?"

"yup."

"and?"

"and hyungs are really nice."

"especially jihoon-ssi, right?" soyeon smirks at him, "the two of you spend quite a lot of time together at school. it's suprising."

"why is it suprising?" guanlin demands.

"because. he's your sunbae by two years. your in the ninth and he's in eleventh."

"so? we go to the study centre together."

soyeon rolls her eyes, "so do woojin and jinyoung, and they don't buy you jokbal during lunch hours. i heard about that."

"is jihoon the one who walked you home today?" eunbin almost squeals, "aww, that's so-"

"if we discuss this any longer, no one is getting pig trotters." guanlin interjects, "anyway. soyeon noona, what did you get from the canteen?"

"chicken." soyeon replies, "good thing, too, because i almost bought jokbal. it would have been a waste. especially since they were running short today. the prices went up like crazy. imagine if had bought any, we would have enough to last us days, and i would have blown all my cash."

"the prices of- pig trotters?" guanlin repeats, a little dazed, "the pig trotters were expensive?"

"yeah. how did you manage to get so much? aren't you broke?"

guanlin ignores her question, "but- what- i thought they were out of chicken."

soyeon looks highly affronted, "out of _chicken_? since when does the canteen run out of _chicken_? that's, like, the one food which they always have."

"oh." guanlin says faintly.

"are you okay?"

"yes, for _god's sake_ , i'm _fine_ -"

"-how did you get so much jokbal? you know how expensive this was?" soyeon raises an eyebrow, gesturing to the box full of jokbal.

guanlin coughs, "uh- jihoon hyung... paid. for this."

she smirks, realization dawning on her face, "oh...of course he did. i see."

before he can say anything- not that he knew what he was going to say- soyeon opens the box of chicken and begins setting that on the table, too, "ajhussi is on his way home from work, so let's surprise them by setting the table with all this food."

"i made some soup, too." eunbin adds, "just in case. i'll go get it."

"oscar, can you fill the water?" elkie asks, "i'll go help ajhumma finish the folding. seonho, come with me. i'll teach you how to use a washing machine while i'm at it."

the two of them disappear up the stairs. soyeon regards guanlin mischievously, "well?"

"well what?"

"nothing." she grins at him. then she reaches into the box and pulls out a piece of chicken, holding it out to guanlin, "want this piece of more easily available, less expenisve chicken?"

guanlin's cheeks flush red. he looks away and ignroes soyeon's knowing look.

he thinks of jihoon, and his heart feels warm.

***

guanlin goes to tzuyu's house the next morning before school. they still have an hour left before the first bell, so he takes a breath and tells her that he wants to talk to her. she agrees immediately and grabs her schoolbag so that they can walk directly to school together.

"i can't do it, jiejie." guanlin says quietly. he's not crying- he doesn't usually cry. but he feels empty and sad and confused and he doesn't know what to do now, "it's so hard. i can't do it."

tzuyu's eyes soften, "what happened, baobao?"

"everything. life happened." guanlin looks away, "i feel stupid for thinking i could manage in korea."

"don't say that." she says, "come with me. let's get bubble tea."

he follows her obediently. they walk in silence for some time, until tzuyu asks, "what's upsetting you?"

guanlin holds off for a second, before saying, "i know my korean is accented.... but does it sound... really weird? like, if you met me and listened to me speak, you'd know i wasn't korean. but do is sound somewhat ridculous?"

"absolutely not." her voice is firm, and guanlin is surprised. he'd expected the usual response he gets from people- the gasp and the shake of the head, and the sweet reassurances. all those words which really didn't mean much, because they weren't honest, they were just polite.

"how do you know?"

"i'm like you, remember?" tzuyu smiles, "i moved when i was eight, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard for me, too."

"i know."

"my korean used to be accented, as well. but i will tell you right now, lai guanlin- there is nothing ridiculous about it."

guanlin doesn't asnwer. tzuyu continues in the same firm tone, "so what if you have an accent right now? you just moved to korea. normal people take years to converse in korean, and you took two weeks."

"it doesn't matter to random strangers."

"aren't you proud to be from taiwan?"

guanlin blinks, "i- huh- what?"

"you have an accent. you don't sound fully korean yet. because you're not from here." she smiles at him, "in time, you'll be able to speak without an accent, but for now- aren't you proud to be a foreigner? when someone asks you where you're from, and you say 'taiwan'." she regards him, "do you not smile?"

there's a moment of silence. and then he nods.

"i smile."

"then? what's wrong with having an accent?"

guanlin takes a moment to process her words, "nothing."

"what made you ask me this question?"

guanlin bites his lip, "nothing important, jiejie-"

"-don't even try that with me." tzuyu snorts, "come on, guanlin. i'm buying you bubble tea. you owe me something."

he laughs, "okay, if you put it like that."

"let's hear it, then."

guanlin proceeds to tell her about the incident at the canteen, about the two workers who sniggered and laughed until guanlin felt stupid, until he felt numb. he wonders whether tzuyu will feel sympathetic or whether she will roll her eyes at his lame reasoning. he hopes she doesn't feel pity- he doesn't want that.

by the time he finishes, they have reached the bubble tea cafe, and are both seated. she's gazing at him with a sad smile and an understanding expression.

"oh, guanlinie." she says softly, "it sucks, doesn't it?" 

a lump forms in guanlins throat when he nods, and in that moment, he loves tzuyu for saying that, loves her for not laughing at him or pitying him or patting his head like he's a child who doesn't know anything. he loves her for looking at him as an equal- even though she's older- and admitting that even though there's a lot of other ways to look at the situation, it is sometimes so _tiring_ to live this way.

"it's not easy." she leans back, "and sometimes, you just want to let everything go."

"since the language is new for me." he swallows, "i'm just so _exhausted_. not physically, but mentally. jiejie-" he breathes out, "jiejie, my heart is _tired_."

tzuyu doesn't say anything, just lets him continue.

"i don't know what to do." he says, frustrated, "sometimes i think i'm making progress, and then something like this happens, and i question everything."

"what is it that makes you tired?"

"not being able to understand fully or immediately. having to take five seconds to process a few lines, making the other person wait for my response. sometimes, in some places, when people talk too fast or speak with dialect, i don't understand at all, and i just guess the context based off of a couple of words. i feels so bad when niel hyung or daehwi or somi have to translate for me when i don't get things, and all my teachers correct my work so tirelessly, even though my hangul handwriting is awful. i'm a burden on so many people. i feel like i'm just." he lets out another breath, "just holding on. just _barely_."

tzuyu nods, "i get what you mean."

he sighs, "that's... that's all."

"does it feel better to get it all out?"

"yeah." he closes his eyes, "yeah."

"mmm... this feeling will last for a couple of months, if i'm honest with you, guanlinie." tzuyu tells him, "but you can make it better for yourself."

"how?"

"if you study the language more, you'll feel more confident." she leans forward, "i know that you haven't been reading recently."

he shrugs.

"it's up to you to improve." tzuyu says, "do you think you'll ever see those canteen guys again?"

"maybe."

"exactly, they work at a _canteen_. you could see them at anytime." she grins, "so... wouldn't you want to walk right up to them and order jokbal in fluent korean?"

there's a moment in which guanlin stills, tzuyu's words replaying in his head.

he'd expected her to say 'you'll never see them again, so let it go'. yet, here she was instead, saying that he might see them again, so doesn't he want to get the better of them this time? and more than that- doesn't he want to get the better of _himself_?

doesn't he want to prove to himself that he can improve, and he can learn better korean, and he can stay here in seoul and continue working for his dreams?

out of all the people whom he wants to prove himself to, lai guanlin is at the top of the list.

it's as if tzuyu can see the wheels turning in his head, "who cares about hundreds of faceless people who want to bring down others? what's the point of wasting your time and energy on them?" she's switched from mandarin to korean, and that's how guanlin knows that it's time to step up, time to let go of all the fears he had, "lai guanlin- do you want to become better?"

"yes." he's switched to korean, too.

"and can you do that by just thinking about what others might think of you?"

it's just like what daniel said, and guanlin's heart feels lighter, "no."

"now tell me- do you ever wish to return to taipei?"

guanlin looks her right in the eye and shakes his head.

"no. this is my dream."

she smiles at him, and she looks proud, like she knows exactly what's going through his mind.

"well, then. it's time to get to work, isn't it?"


	6. vi

guanlin goes up to jihoon the next day after school, "jihoonie hyung!"

"hey, lin." he smiles, "what's up?"

"uh..." suddenly, guanlin isn't sure how to broach the topic, so he just says, "thanks."

jihoon's brow furrows, "for what?"

"um." he looks away, "the pig trotters yesterday. they must have cost you a lot."

jihoon's eyes widen, "oh!" he says, "no, it's fine."

"chicken would have been cheaper." guanlin says quietly, and jihoon's face flushes.

for a second, neither of them speak, and then finally, the red ebbs away from jihoon's face, and the older boy clears his throat.

"did you eat well?"

guanlin turns to him, surprised, "what?"

"yesterday, the jokbal. did you eat it well?"

"yeah. it was delicious, hyung."

"well, then." jihoon squeezes his arm, and guanlin's breath hitches, "that's all that matters to me."

guanlin doesn't speak for a moment, and then he asks timidly, "hyung?"

"yes?"

"next time we get food from the canteen.... do you want to join me at the hostel for dinner? you can meet my friends, and ajhussi and ajhumma."

jihoon beams at him, and guanlin's pretty sure that there's something wrong with how light-headed he feels when jihoon nods and says that he'd love to.

jihoon makes him feel different.

guanlin isn't sure why.

***

"hyung!" guanlin says with intention, dropping his bag onto the table with a thud.

ten pairs of eyes turn to him expectantly. he huffs.

"daehwi, you're hardly my hyung."

"i'm nine months older than you!" the boy protests, "that's three-fourths of a year!"

"we're both 2001-liners. it doesn't make a difference."

"how is jinyoung your hyung but not me?" daehwi demands. jinyoung squawks indignantly.

"i'm a 2000-liner, of course i'm a hyung, you loser!"

"which hyung were you calling, though?" jaehwan asks.

"um, niel hyung. but it doesn't matter, really."

"of course." daniel beams happily, "'cause i'm your favourite, right?"

"duh."

"guanlinie!" seongwoo shouts, clutching his chest, "how could you?! i thought we had something special!"

"sorry, hyungnim." guanlin giggles, "you're second. don't worry."

"i'm offended." minhyun mutters teasingly. sungwoon turns to guanlin, grinning.

"who's third?"

"everyone." guanlin repsonds readily, and they all laugh.

"aww, look at jihoon's face!" woojin flat-out cackles, "he's so offended!"

"shut _up!_ " jihoon snaps, shoving woojin. he does indeed look offended, lines on his forehead and his mouth turned down. guanlin panics.

"hyung, no!" he says frantically, "you're also my favourite! jihoon hyung, don't be mad at meee." the last part drags out into a petulant whine, and jihoon's expression clears into a fond one.

"i wish i had a camera." jisung says affectionately, "these moments are so rare for guanlinie."

"what's that supposed to mean?" he demands.

"i don't know. you're our maknae, but you've been forced to grow up so fast." jisung says, ruffling guanlin's hair, "you've moved here at this young age, and you're living without your family, and you're doing really well. being really mature and well-mannered and smart."

"thanks, hyung."

"it's nice to see you behave like a kid once in a while." minhyun agrees, "i know with all the trouble you face, it's difficult and you have to be strong always. but i'm glad when you get a chance to be like this."

"mm." guanlin leans into jisung's hand which is still petting his hair.

"you're cute, guanlinie." jihoon mutters softly, and guanlin swallows, flushing. daehwi hides his face behind his book and makes a noise.

"thanks, hyung." guanlin mutters back.

"anyway, lin-ah." daniel says, saving him from any further embarrassment, "what did you want to say to hyungs?"

"oh, right." guanlin turns to face the rest of them resolutely, fishing out a book from his bag, "daniel hyung, i wanted to tell you- i've been lagging behind in korean lit for a couple of weeks. i need to get back into it as soon as i can."

daniel stops whatever he's doing and looks up in surprise. jisung lets out a small, relieved breath. daehwi and jinyoung exchange pleased glances and jihoon smiles.

"yeah?" daniel says, "you up for it?"

"absolutely." guanlin stacks all his korean books on the table in front of daniel, "work-time starts in exactly twelve minutes. we have a lot to do today."

daniel looks as though he might cry with happiness, and guanlin wonders how many days daniel had spent worrying about him. it makes him feel guilty, but also touched.

"that's excellent, guanlin-ah." jisung says, "i'm glad you seem to be back to form. let's make it a productive day, yeah?"

"let's get it!" sungwoon hoots, and jaehwan rolls his eyes.

"yah, this hyung, seriously, he acts like _he's_ the 01-liner-"

"-excuse me, brat, but you are younger than me-"

"guanlinie, you must be feeling happier now, right?" jihoon asks him quietly, and guanlin nods.

"much better now."

"that's good. i was worried about you." jihoon leans back, "if you're still up for it, i can help you out with proverbs at school."

guanlin smiles, "i'd like that."

"yeah?"

jihoon seems visibly relieved after guanlin smiles at him, and it makes butterflies swarm the younger's stomach. he nods his head eagerly and relishes the way jihoon's eyes seem to light up.

"yeah."

***

"tzuyu jiejie- jiejie, jiejie, _jiejie_ ,-" guanlin calls repeatedly. tzuyu is standing outside the tenth grade wing, talking to woojin. she turns around when he calls her name and smiles at him. woojin gestures for him to come over, so he does, walking towards them quickly and toppling tzuyu over in a hug.

"heyyy, linlin is in a good mood." tzuyu says jokingly in mandarin, "what's up with you?"

"i went back to studying korean lit with niel hyung, jiejie, just like you said!"

"really?" her face lights up, "daebak, guanlinie! i'm so proud of you!"

woojin huffs, "you guys can't just switch from mandarin to korean and then back to mandarin!"

"when did we speak in korean?" guanlin asks confusedly.

"she said daebak." woojin points out, "and then you went back to mandarin."

"ah, sorry." guanlin says, rubbing the back of his neck, "woojin hyung, by the way, have you seen-"

"guanlinie!" 

he turns around to see somi and soeun. both of them are hurrying towards him. they quickly bow to woojin and tzuyu, before squealing happily and throwing themselves onto him.

"daehwi told us you went back to studying korean lit!" somi says excitedly. he rolls his eyes and shakes them off.

"it's not that big of a deal."

"its is." soeun says earnestly, "it means you're overcoming your hurdles. it's a very big deal. we should celebrate."

"you just want an excuse to get ice cream."

"don't judge me, lai guanlin-"

"-i literally didn't say _anything_ -"

somi tugs on guanlin's sleeve impatiently, "can you two not fight? guanlin-ah, i wanted to tell you something funny."

"what?" he asks, and woojin chuckles at his uninterested tone. somi smacks him.

"it's really funny, i swear- so, nari's friend wanted to confess to you today, and i overheard their conversation about it, and i know you don't like her that much-"

"-please tell me you didn't say anything stupid." guanlin begs, "i'd rather turn her down myself than having you open your idiotic mouth."

somi huffs. tzuyu flicks guanlin's forehead and he makes an annoyed noise.

"anyway." somi continues, "i was about to step in, when nari goes 'but isn't lai guanlin dating kang soeun?'."

guanlin's mouth drops open, gaping at somi in shock. soeun's in a similar state, spluttering as somi dissolves into silent laughter.

"can you not laugh?" guanlin hisses, "what kind of bullshit is this?"

somi goes into another peal of laughter, "it helped you escape from being confessed to, though!"

"why-" soeun looks slightly horrified, "why do they think that?"

"what do we even _do?_ " guanlin wails, turning to woojin and tzuyu, both of whom are in a similar state of hilarity, "why does everyone assume everything? the other day, niel hyung thought i was dating _somi_ , of all people!"

somi wrinkles her nose, "um. no."

"it's just because you're handsome." soeun rolls her eyes, "if you're seen with a girl, you're automatically dating her. and since we're best friends, obviously this would happen."

guanlin says nothing.

"anyway, you owe me ice cream now, because i saved you from nari's friend."

"you've got to be kidding me."

before soeun can respond, a new figure approaches them. jihoon.

"hi, hyung." guanlin says a bit weakly, raising his hand in greeting. jihoon smiles back at him, before nodding at the rest of them.

"what's up with you guys? i could hear you laughing all the way down the corridor."

somi snorts, and woojin relays the events which had just taken place to jihoon. by the end of it, jihoon doesn't look nearly as amused as the other three. guanlin is grateful.

"people tend to assume you're dating someone when you just hang out with them." jihoon says, and guanlin and soeun nod furiously in agreement.

"isn't it a _little_ bit funny, at least, jihoonie?" woojin weedles. jihoon laughs, but to guanlin, it sounds a bit strained.

"yeah, i guess. if it goes on at this rate, the next rumors will be that guanlinie is dating tzuyu."

guanlin rolls his eyes and tzuyu snickers, pulling him into a headlock, "don't be stupid. he's my little baobao dongsaeng."

"your _what?_ " woojin blinks.

"my little baby brother." tzuyu explains, reaching up to ruffle guanlin's hair, "not so little physically, but still."

"hm." jihoon doesn't look enormously pleased, but he still manages a smile. guanlin wonders why jihoon doesn't seem as bright and happy when they're with some of their other friends as he is when they're at the study centre, or when it's just the two of them. he kind of wishes that he could make jihoon smile all the time, and then he feels confused- he's never really wished that kind of thing before. about anyone.

jihoon is _different_ , and guanlin wonders why.

"don't worry about jihoon. he's just a bit." woojin winks, "you know."

somi, soeun and tzuyu burst into giggles. guanlin stares, puzzled.

"what? what do you mean?" it takes a lot to reduce tzuyu and somi, normally level-headed, into these kind of giggles.

"nothing." jihoon says immediately, stepping forward and taking his wrist, "guanlinie, i wanted to show you this book i found- a korean proverb thing. i thought you'd find it helpful."

"oh." guanlin is surprised, "where did you get it?"

"i found it at home." jihoon mutters, "come on, before the bell rings. we can go through it."

guanlin is not at all opposed to the idea. "okay!" he agrees.

to be honest, he has no idea why somi, tzuyu, soeun and woojin are laughing so hard.

***

they are all lounging around at the study centre when guanlin asks.

they have just finished their work, and and everyone has packed up, and now they're just catching up.

"what does jeojang mean?" 

jinyoung blinks and daehwi laughs and woojin shrieks in delight and jihoon groans.

daniel blinks, confused at this reaction, "it means to save."

"save?"

"yes."

guanlin frowns, "i...save you in my heart? that's- jihoon hyung, why did you come up with a weird thing like that?"

the remaining three members of the 'maknae line' are rolling on the floor by now, laughing like crazy. jihoon groans, burying his face in his hands.

"where did you hear about that?" woojin demands excitedly.

guanlin shrugs, "i was with one of my friends the other day, and jihoon hyung waved at me and i waved back, and my friend said 'oh, you know jihoon sunbaenim?' and i said yes, and he just went 'i save you in my heart'." he makes a face, "he said jihoon hyung is famous for that."

jihoon hides his face behind a pillow.

"it's basically. like... every year, there's a yearbook, right?" woojin says, "and so from each grade, there's a bunch of people who are voted with titles by the rest of the grade."

"oh..." guanlin nods, "like 'most popular' and things like that? we had that in middle school in taipei."

"something like that." jinyoung says, "so, about seven to ten people from each grade get titles, and then there's the most popular guy and the most popular girl."

"i remember!" jaehwan lights up, "for us, the most popular girl was sana. she was famous for her aegyo and she was really kind."

"so jihoon hyung was the most popular guy?" guanlin asks, and daehwi nods.

"yeah, and the most popular has to have a quote beneath their picture in the yearbook. and hyung's was 'i'll save you in my heart'." he does this strange 'lock' gesture at his chest, and the others snort and copy him. jihoon scowls.

"did all of you have titles?" guanlin asks with interest, "that your classmates voted you for?"

"grade's visual." jinyoung points at himself.

"grade's visual and most popular." jihoon mutters, embarassed.

"grade's dance king." woojin grins, "and the loudest person, which is not a title, but still."

"grade's aegyo king." daehwi laughs, "not surprising, right?"

"how does this work, though?" guanlin asks, confused.

"the student council hands out surveys to the students. they pick the people who they think shined the most that year, and then they write why he or she shined. there's not set title, except most popular. it changes every year." jinyoung explains

"i don't think it's a good idea to label someone as popular or not." minhyun says disapprovingly, "it's like creating a heirarchy."

"it's not, because it's us who votes." jihoon shrugs, "and we're not like that. we're all there working for the same dream- we don't look at each other in that way. most popular is usually just someone who did something special that year or someone who worked really hard or was kind to everyone."

"oh, then that's alright." minhyun nods.

"last year i organized that community service drive." jihoon explains, "i think that's what made people vote for me."

"so most popular is just the person who touched your heart." seongwoo says, "that's nice."

"i bet i know which titles guanlinie will get." daehwi says, "grade's visual, grade's fashionista or most popular."

guanlin frowns, "i'm not that popular."

"yes, you are." jihoon, woojin, jinyoung and daehwi chorus. guanlin rolls his eyes.

"it's because you work hard." daehwi explains, "and you're really smart and kind to everyone."

"plus you're handsome." jihoon adds. guanlin's cheeks flush.

"thanks." he mutters. 

jihoon's cheeks flush, too. woojin is suddenly overcome by a coughing fit.

sungwoon raises an eyebrow, "am i missing something?"

"no." jihoon says firmly.

guanlin ignores all of this, "hyung, what made you come up with such a strange catchphrase?"

jihoon shrugs helplessly, "i just did."

"have you actually ever said it to anyone?"

"no."

guanlin snorts, "i'd like to see that if it ever happened."

jihoon says nothing, but smiles a little bit. he doesn't say the phrase, but he make the gesture at guanlin. the younger boy laughs and makes the gesture back. jihoon's smile grows wider, eyes crinkling happily.

guanlin's heart lurches.

***

"what are you doing?" seonho demands.

guanlin looks up from the stove, "oh, seonho. you're home early. don't you have piano class or something?"

"cancelled." he drops his bag on the table, "don't you have study centre today?"

"four times a week." guanlin corrects, "so i'm free today."

"can i have some ramyeon?"

guanlin nods, "i made too much, anyway. nobody's home except ajhumma, and she doesn't eat ramyeon."

"is she in the garden?" seonho asks, settling down on the chair.

"yeah. we should go help her out after we eat, okay?"

"yeah, i know." there's a moment of silence, and then seonho gives him a mischievous smirk, "so, how was school?"

"fine." guanlin replies expressionlessly, "normal. why?"

"how's that guy- park jihoon-ssi?" seonho's smirk grows wider, "he's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

guanlin splutters, nearly knocking over the pot of cooking ramyeon, " _boyfriend?!_ " he demands, "what are you talking about?"

seonho simply cackles in response.

"yah, yoo seonho!" guanlin says heatedly, "shut up, _stop laughing_. what are you even saying- jihoon hyung is _not_ my boyfriend."

"okay, okay, chill." seonho grins a him, "no need to get so hot and bothered about it."

guanlin huffs.

"i mean, it's pretty obvious that you like him, anyway."

guanlin is overcome by another fit of panicked splutters, and seonho dissolves into peals of laughter once more.

"i knew it!" the younger boy hiccups, "i've seen the way you smile at him, and the way you're all happy when you talk about him. and he comes to drop you at home after study cente sometimes, how sweet!" seonho snickers, "as if a six foot tall guy like you couldn't walk ten minutes from the centre to his house. you're smart enough- i bet you wouldn't get lost or anything, but he still walks you all the way home."

"he's just being nice!" guanlin protests, "it's normal!"

"his house is in the _other direction_." seonho deadpans, "he drops you at home and then turns around and walks _fifteen minutes_ back to his own house. he could easily just go home. it would take him two minutes."

" _so?!_ "

"so, i see the way you giggle when he waves and then turn all red like a middle-schooler when he says something to you." seonho rolls his eyes in mock disgust, "it's cute and all, but mostly it's gross. you like him so much. don't even try to deny it."

"i'm your hyung." is all guanlin can manage, "stop laughing at me."

"i'm not." seonho says earnestly, "i'm just saying. it's cute. gross, but cute. you should bring him around sometime."

"he's not my boyfriend."

"maybe not, but you do like him. it's _so_ obvious." seonho says, "i'll take a video the next time he comes to pick you up for school in the morning. i don't know which is worse- the way you turn red when he holds open the door for you, or the way he smiles when you say good morning." he shakes his head, scoffing, "bleh."

guanlin opens his mouth, and then closes it, and then opens it again.

"shit." he says, staring at seonho with wide eyes.

seonho blinks at him, and then makes a noise of disbelief, "please don't tell me you're just now realizing it."

guanlin gazes back at him, frozen. seonho's mouth drops open.

"you really never knew?"

guanlin runs a hand through his hair, dropping into a chair and letting out a breath, "shit."

"wow." seonho says, trying to conceal his laughter as he gets up from the table, "well, then, hyung. call me when that ramyeon is ready. i'll be in the garden with ajhumma."

he gives a cheery wave and strides away, whistling a cheery tune that guanlin can't really hear, as if he didn't just hit guanlin with one of the biggest realizations of his whole life.

guanlin leans back, eyes still wide, still frozen in slight shock. he remembers all the butteflies in his stomach, the light-headedness that comes with jihoon's touch. he thinks about jihoon's eyes, his smile, his laugh, his kindness, his sarcastic eye roll that guanlin finds endearing. he thinks about the way he wants to make jihoon smile all the time.

the way jihoon makes him feel different. _happy_.

happy in a way nobody has quite made him feel before. the way guanlin's heart swells and feels too big for his chest whenever they're together is because-

-because, well.

 _shit._ guanlin buries his face in his hands as the realization finally hits him with full force.

because lai guanlin likes park jihoon.


	7. vii

the realization that he actually likes park jihoon- like, _likes_ him- does cause guanlin to stop functioning for a brief period of time.

brief as in about two weeks.

seonho is absolutely loving it. he's nowhere near as helpful as he should be, seeing as it's his fault that guanlin is even in this situation in the first place. instead of being helpful, yoo seonho is every definition of a pain in the ass. when guanlin returns from the study centre, he smirks. when guanlin leaves for school in the morning, he cackles. evey moment they are together, he makes smug remarks and jokes which guanlin would prefer not to disclose.

guanlin has had a great number of dreams in his life. but the one he would like to achieve the most at the moment is to punch yoo seonho in the face.

well, not really. he loves seonho, they're best friends. but that is kind of the problem.

also, thanks to seonho, the entire hostel knows about his crush on jihoon.

 _everyone_.

not even just the six kids- even ajhussi and ajhumma know about it. ajhumma smiles sweetly and tells him to invite jihoon for a dinner, and promises that she will cook well for him. ajhussi grins and claps guanlin on the back whenever jihoon appears at the hostel before school in the mornings, giving guanlin exaggerated winks that guanlin pretends to ignore.

"why is guanlinie broken?" eunbin asks, as the six of them lounge in the living room on a saturday evening.

"excuse me?" guanlin scoffs, and eunbin grins.

"i think it's sweet." elkie ruffles his hair in the way that tzuyu does. the two of them have finally met- guanlin introduced them. now they like to baby guanlin together in a way that could be nice if it wasn't so totally humiliating.

" _what_ is sweet?" guanlin huffs, "i'm not doing anything."

"sure." soyeon snorts, ruffling through the cd case for a good movie, "do any of you want to watch annabelle?"

"no!" guanlin whines before anyone can say anything, "i can't watch horror movies, don't make me watch one or else i'll just go to my room."

"you're such a baby." soyeon rolls her eyes, "fine, let's watch winnie the pooh. is that okay with you, lin?"

"do we actually have that cd?" seonho asks with interest, and elkie groans.

"let's go back to talking about why guanlin is broken." oscar says cheerfully, "that's much more interesting."

"can we not?"

"he's broken because he realized that he has feelings for the very lovely park jihoon." seonho says, "duh."

"more like you drilled the realization into me, you little shit." guanlin snaps, and seonho smiles angelically.

"hey, i gotta do what i gotta do. the fact that you didn't even know-" he shakes his head, "crazy."

"in guanlin's defense, that means jihoon-ssi must be even more oblivious than he is." elkie says. soyeon smirks.

"oh, i doubt it. i see guanlinie and his friends around at school. and let me tell you, whatever park jihoon _does_ know about whatever- he's not hiding it well."

guanlin blinks, "what does that even mean?"

"um, nothing." she shrugs, "just that he isn't subtle, but you're the only one who doesn't know yet."

"know what?"

"listen guanlinie." soyeon pulls out a cd- the chaser- and then turns around to look at guanlin, "whatever you're going through in your very pretty head.... i bet jihoon-ssi has already gone through it."

guanlin still doesn't understand. 

seonho rolls his eyes, "hyung, you're such a sharp and perceptive person about everyone except yourself."

eunbin whacks him, "leave him alone, seonho. just wait until you catch feelings for someone."

"nobody is worth my time."

"this is exactly why you don't have anybody." oscar snorts, and seonho clutches his chest in mock hurt as elkie and eunbin laugh.

soyeon squeezes guanlin's shoulder. her gaze is soft, a stark contrast to the previous amusement.

"leave it be, guanlin." she says, "everything will be fine. trust me."

guanlin sighs and nods, and soyeon smiles at him as she holds up the chaser cd, "let's enjoy the movie, okay?"

they all huddle together, pillows and blankets everywhere. eventually, ajhussi and ajhumma join them, and the eight of them watch movie after movie, late into the night- they keep the chinese subtitles on just in case. guanlin didn't ask them to, but they did it anyway. the act was so natural, the way seonho quickly pressed 'chinese subtitles' without even thinking about it, before leaning back onto guanlin's stomach and offering him a grin.

it's easy and warm, and guanlin-

-guanlin is happy here. 

***

the monday morning before school, the doorbell rings, and guanlin knows immediately that it is jihoon.

guanlin is upstairs in his room, and just to be sure, he quickly dahses to the window and peers downstairs. he's right.

jihoon looks up by chance, sees him and waves. guanlin waves back and holds up one finger, as if to say 'in a minute'. jihoon replies with a thumbs up.

now, guanlin rushes to gather all of his stuff and run downstairs and open the door before someone else can do it, and he's in the process of stuffing some books into his bag, and then he grabs his sweater, and then he finds his shoes, and then-

-and then someone opens the door, and guanlin groans and prays that it isn't jeon soyeon who did. he can just imagine the smug look on her face.

he stumbles down the stairs and just barely misses tumbling down the bottom steps.

"careful, guanlinie." jihoon says from the doorway, "ah, seriously, why are you carrying so many things? wait, come here-"

guanlin turns bright red and mutters something unintelligably.

this new realization is really not helping him.

he hears soft laughter, and turns around to see eunbin. she must have been the one to open the door.

"aren't you going to introduce me formally, guanlinie?" she asks.

guanlin sighs, "yeah, yeah- hyung, this is eunbin. eunbin, hyung."

eunbin smacks his arm, "you little brat- just because you're taller doesn't mean i'm just 'eunbin'. jihoon-ssi, how old are you?"

"um, i was born in 1999." he says awkwardly. she gapes.

"yah, lai guanlin! he's only a year older than me!"

"fine, chill." guanlin rolls his eyes, "jihoon hyung- eunbin _noona_." he turns to her, unimpressed, "happy?"

she is clearly _not_ happy, though, because she turns around and shouts up the stairs, "elkie unnie! how do you swear in mandarin?"

the reply is instantaneous, "don't bully the baby, eunbin-ah!"

guanlin smirks, "ha." he raises his voice and shouts up the stairs in mandarin, "elkie jiejie, i love you!"

"love you, too!" she calls back, "have fun at school!"

eunbin shoves guanlin a little, "whatever." and even though she's annoyed at him, she sighs and stand on her tip-toes to straighten out his hair and collar, "idiot." she mutters, "i can't believe i have to take care of you like this. where's seonho, has he left?"

"yeah, ajhussi said he'd drive seonho and oscar today, since he had to be at work a little early."

"where's ajhumma?"

"in the kitchen with soyeon." guanlin answers promptly.

jihoon looks on with interest, "i've never come inside before." he says, "usually i just wait for you on the sidewalk."

"you should start coming inside." eunbin says kindly, "you can help guanlin get ready."

guanlin splutters, "i don't need help-"

"-okay, you can save guanlin from the tirade that is yoo seonho." she says, smiling fondly, "i don't know how you two became best friends."

"same." guanlin shrugs, "but seonho can be cool sometimes."

"that's because the two of you join forces to irritate everyone else."

jihoon laughs, "your hostel life sounds so interesting, guanlin."

"i guess." guanlin mutters, and for some reason, he's flushing red again. seriously, can he not do _anything_ without turning red these days? eunbin smirks.

"alright, you two better get going."

guanlin nods, raising his voice and calling into the house, "ajhumma, soyeonie noona, elkie jiejie, i'm leaving!"

a chorus of 'bye's and 'have fun's reach his ears, and ajhumma hurries out of the kitchen to give guanlin a hug and tell him to walk safely and concentrate well and have a good day and eat properly.

"thank you for taking care of him, sweetheart." she tells jihoon warmly, and jihoon bows.

"it's fine, ajhumma- i'm the hyung, after all."

"yes, but you're really making things easier for him. in a new country all alone- i'm so glad he's made friends."

"of course." jihoon squeezes guanlin's elbow. guanlin stops breathing, "he's settled really well. i like spending time with him."

guanlin's mind short circuits. did jihoon mean 'i' as in himself, or 'i' as in all of them? did he mean it in a brotherly way or a friendly way or more? when he said that he liked spending time with guanlin, did that mean just at study centre, or all the time?

"see you." eunbin says, grinning as if she knew that there was a crisis taking place in guanlin's mind.

guanlin sighs, raises his hand in farewell, and heads out the door behind jihoon.

***

"your hostel life is so lively." jihoon marvels as the two of them trudge to school.

guanlin lifts a shoulder, "i suppose."

"do you like it?"

"it's the best." guanlin's reply is instant, "i'm really lucky. they're all great."

"why doesn't soyeon sunbaemin walk to school with you?" jihoon asks.

"she comes on bicycle with some of her friends." 

"ah." jihoon clears his throat before chancing a glance at guanlin, "well, i'm glad. i like walking to school with you."

"oh." of course, guanlin flushes red, "i like walking with you, too."

the silence that falls over them is comfortable. guanlin can sometimes be a quiet person, and he's glad to have someone who can make silences feel good instead of awkward. 

"do you ever miss your life in taipei?" jihoon asks suddenly.

guanlin thinks about for a moment, "yeah. of course. all the time."

"do you ever wish to go back?"

"no." guanlin says simply, like how he'd told tzuyu weeks ago, "this is what i want."

"mm." jihoon says, "that's good."

"mm."

"i've never been to taiwan." jihoon tells him, "i've always wanted to go. i bet the bubble tea there is even better."

guanlin laughs, "you can never beat taiwan bubble tea, hyung! everything else is just fake- wait until you taste the original."

"we can go together, then." jihoon says playfully, "next time you visit, i'll also come. i'll treat you to bubble tea."

"you'll treat me?" guanlin teases, "in my own hometown?"

"it's my habit now." the older boy grins, "how can i let guanlnie even open his wallet?"

"ah, hyung, seriously." he giggles happily, and then he feels surprised, because he's really genuinely _never_ made that sound before. ever in his entire life.

jihoon seems a little bit in awe, and for a brief second, guanlin wonders if maybe- _maybe_ \- jihoon might think of him in a way other than 'friend' or 'dongsaeng'. because he doesn't think he's seen jihoon's eyes shine that way for anyone else.

but then a few people whom guanlin recognizes- they're all in the tenth grade- call out for jihoon. when guanlin and jihoon turn around, there are three students hurrying towards them. guanlin knows the two girls immediately- they're soeun's favourite unnies. kim doyeon and choi yoojung. and then there's a guy who guanlin knows is lee chan, one of jihoon's friends.

doyeon and yoojung seem to know guanlin immediately.

"soeun's best friend, right?" they ask, and guanlin nods and smiles bashfully and bows when the three seniors coo at him and call him handsome.

he feels a bit awkward after that, trailing behind jihoon and his friends. jihoon tries to pull him forward, but guanlin doesn't want to come in the way of the tenth graders' conversation, no matter how nice they are. lee chan is kind enough to carry on a conversation with him, asking him about his hobbies and enviously telling him that he has good proprtions.

guanlin is grateful for their kindness, but all he can focus on is the way jihoon laughs with his friends, the way his eyes crinkle as he smiles.

and he thinks that maybe jihoon doesn't think of him any differently, after all.

***

"you're distracted today." daniel says. not annoyed, just gentle. a little worried.

"hmm?" guanlin looks up.

daniel chuckles, "this is the second time you've zoned out in the past ten minutes."

"shit, sorry." guanlin mutters, "i'll listen well, hyung. let's try again."

instead, daniel closes the book, "guanlin-ah, everyone has bad days. don't force yourself, you'll just become frustrated. we can take a little break."

"i'm wasting your time, too." guanlin argues, "i'll work harder, i promise."

"you are working hard, guanlin." daniel says, "besides, i like hanging out with you. let's go downstairs and take a walk, shall we?"

"can we do that?" guanlin asks, interested.

"sure." daniel gets up and gestures to jisung, who walks over, "lin's having a rough day. i'm taking him down for a walk for some time."

"sure." jisung smiles, "within the compound, though, okay? i want to be able to call you easily if it's getting too late. haven't both of you put your phones on charge?"

"oh, yeah." guanlin remembers.

"it's fine. try to come back within half an hour. if it gets delayed, i'll call you through one of the windows."

"sure. thanks, hyung." daniel says, "come on, guanlinie."

guanlin follows daniel downstairs. the compound is really nice, with trees and flowers and a walking path. it's just the two of them, and they walk in silence for a few moments, before guanlin says, "hyung?"

"yeah?"

"what do you do when you've felt all happy and butterfly-y around someone for months and months and you don't know what that means, and then someone points something out, and you realize that all the butterflies were like, y'know" guanlin makes a gesture, " _like_ , and you realize, shit, i _like_ him, i've liked him for so long, and then you can't do anything around him without turning red and making a fool out of yourself, but you really don't think he feels the same, but sometimes you _do_ , but then you think you're just being stupid?"

daniel blinks at him, mouth slightly open.

"hypothetically, of course." guanlin adds hastily. 

"hypothetically?" daniel repeats faintly. 

"for science."

"science?"

"um. psychology?"

"guanlin, i'm your mentor." daniel deadpans, "i know you don't take that subject."

"i'm... exploring my options." guanlin says lamely. 

daniel chuckles, "that was a strangley specific question, though."

guanlin just shrugs, "yoo seonho is an asshole who ruined the peace i had in my life."

"yoo seonho- isn't he your dorm buddy?" daniel asks with interest. guanlin nods.

"he's my best friend, but he's an idiot."

"wouldn't it be worse if you still hadn't realized that you liked jihoon by now, though?"

guanlin stops in his tracks, " _how_ -" he splutters, "how did you- _when?_ \- i didn't even _say_ -!"

"just had a feeling." daniel says, lips quirked up, "i'm right, aren't i?"

guanlin gapes, "but- when did you-?"

"a couple of months, maybe." daniel shrugs, "no big."

" _a couple of months?_ " guanlin repeats, jaw dropping, " _how?_ i've only known for a few _weeks_!"

"because you were oblivious." daniel says, "but that's okay, lin. you're still young."

"but i wasn't even obvious!" guanlin freezes, "or was i?"

"you really weren't." daniel assures him, "you still aren't. but we spend a lot of time with you. some things just come to mind."

"do all of you know?" guanlin asks miserably.

"mmm." daniel bites his lip, "maybe. it's okay, lin-ah. hyungs won't say anything."

"i know, but still." guanlin groans, "daniel hyung, what am i going to do?"

"what do you mean?"

"i can't like jihoon!" guanlin cries, "he's him and i'm," he gestures vaguely at himself, " _me_! everyone loves him, he's so popular and handsome and cool! and i _can't even speak proper korean_! and- and he just thinks of me as his friend! i'm like, his little brother who just showed up from taipei and began following him aorund!" guanlin groans again, "he probably thinks i'm the biggest annoyance ever. nobody wants a freshman kid trailing around everywhere." another groan, "what if i'm not even his friend? what if i'm so annoying that he secretly hates me?" guanlin lets out a pitiful sigh, "i'm doomed."

daniel seems to be fighting a smile, "you should take up drama, lin-ah."

"i've thought about it." guanlin says, sighing once more, "i'm not good enough at korean."

"hey." daniel's voice takes on a slightly firmer adge, "don't you dare put yourself down, lai guanlin. you're doing well in korean, improving every day. and what bullshit is this- 'i'm me and he's him;? jihoonie is very sweet and handsome, of course, but who said you're not? i think anyone who dated lai guanlin would be the luckest person in the world."

guanlin feels slightly better, "thanks, hyung."

"let me tell you- first of all, jihoonie is _not_ annoyed by you." daniel says, "i swear. he adores you- we all do."

guanlin lets out a pitiful whine, "but i don't want him to adore me the same way you guys do!"

"oh, trust me." daniel chuckles, "the way jihoonie adores you is pretty different."

"how do you know?"

"just... the way he looks at you, maybe." daniel smiles, "i've known jihoon for a couple of years, and woojin has known him since they were kids. he's never seen jihoon look at anyone like the way he looks at you."

guanlin doesn't say anything.

"listen, lin." daniel says, "i'm not going to jump to any conclusions, and i'm not going to meddle in your business. i don't want to cause trouble for you- i want to be there for you, whenever you need anything. and i'm not saying you have to talk to jihoon about this right now. but don't stress about it, okay? be happy."

"i'm trying, hyung." guanlin murmurs, "but i act so stupidly around him these days. the other morning, i was carrying loads of things, and he offered to help me and i just stood there all red and blabbering like an idiot."

this makes daniel laugh, "aw, it's not that bad, guanlin! i bet it was cute. you can pull off that kind of shit and make it look adorable."

"i'm not adorable." guanlin pouts, "i'm a man."

daniel seems to have hearts in his eyes, "ah, you're so cute! i really can't handle it."

"hyung!"

"men can be cute." daniel pinches guanlin's cheek, "guanlinie is cute."

guanlin sighs, fighting back a smile, "whatever."

daniel chuckles, "let's not stress out about anything, okay? it'll be fine. shall we go back up and try to finish the lesson?"

guanlin nods.

as they walk up the stairs, guanlin says hesitantly, "daniel hyung?"

"yes?"

there's a moment of silence, and then guanlin clears his throat a little and says shyly, "i'm glad you're my mentor."

daniel beams so _brightly_ , looking so unbelievably happy, and it warms guanlin's entire being. the older boy reaches out to ruffle guanlin's hair and then sling an arm around his shoulder, "i'm glad, too, lai guanlin." he says, and he's never sounded so fond.

guanlin returns to the study centre with a lighter heart.

jihoon eyes him with concern as they return and asks him if he's alright. the butterflies swarm around in guanlin's stomach and his heart _thump-thump-thumps_ fast and so _loud_ that he's sure jihoon will hear it.

he still turns a little red, and he still shines a little, because how can he not? it's jihoon.

but when he nods and assures jihoon that he's fine, just needed some air, he doesn't stutter as much or do anything that would make him feel stupid. instead, he smiles, the bright, happy smile that only shows up around park jihoon.

jihoon smiles back, so affectionate, and there's a little spark of hope in guanlin's heart.

because it's one of those smiles that guanlin's never seen jihoon give anyone else.


	8. viii

guanlin strides up to daehwi with great purpose.

the bell hasn't rung yet, and daehwi seems to be waiting for him. the older of the two waves happily when he sees guanlin approaching, but his expression changes from cheerful to bewildered as guanlin drops his bag onto the table and looks daehwi right in the eye.

"daehwi, how obvious is my crush on jihoon hyung?"

daehwi blinks at guanlin, and then lights up.

"no way! you finally realized that you like him?"

guanlin groans, "daehwi, please don't tell me that i'm the last among the eleven of us to know about my own crush."

"you're not." daehwi reaches up to pat guanlin's shoulder, "you're second-last."

"who's last?"

"jihoon hyung." the boy says, and guanlin groans again, dropping into his seat with a great air of self-pity.

"yah, stop moping." daehwi kicks him lightly, "you're not _that_ obvious."

"that's what niel hyung said." guanlin replies miserably, "but if i'm not obvious, how the hell do you all know? even tzuyu jiejie knows, and we don't even talk about jihoon hyung!" his eyes widen in panic, "what if she or woojin hyung accidentally mention to jihoon hyung that i like him? he'll hate me! my life is over." he drops his forehead onto the table with a thump, "i'm leaving. i'm going back to taipei."

"you should really take up drama." daehwi says, amused, "you'd do great."

"i can't take up drama. i'm dying."

"because you have a crush on jihoon hyung?" daehwi scoffs, "c'mon, lin-ah, it's not the end of the world. and hold on, how does tzuyu sunbaenim know?"

"didn't one of you mention it to her?" guanlin asks.

daehwi shakes his head vigorously, "we would never! we only found out because minki hyung said you and jihoon seemed sweet together- he thought you two were dating already. and we said you're not, but then we thought about it, and we started observing. besides, we already knew that jihoon hy-" he breaks off, coughing suddenly.

"jihoon? jihoon hyung what?" guanlin demands.

"uh, nothing." daehwi says unconvincingly, "just that, um. since we know that jihoon hyung and you are... y'know. um. really close." 

"that's not what you were going to say." guanlin says accusingly, but nonetheless, he drops the topic, "but then how does jiejie know?"

"how do you know she knows?"

"because she laughs everytime i mention jihoon hyung. and when she sees us together, she gets that expression on her face. like, she just _knows_." guanlin says, "and not just her. somi and soeun, too, and i haven't said anything to them, either."

a strange sort of realization seems to danw on daehwi, "uh, are you sure they laugh because of _you?_ "

"huh?"

"like, are you sure the reason they act so mischievously is because they know you like him? or do you think it could be for something else?"

"what else?" guanlin snorts, "they always smirk at us, whenever we even talk. but they never do it any other time. and if i mention jihoon hyung, all three of them get all smiley and annoying."

"okay... are you sure it couldn't be for any _one_ else?" daehwi tries again, "like, maybe they suspect something related to you and jihoon, but maybe it's not necessarily _your_ crush they were noticing."

guanlin sighs and shakes his head. for someone so intelligent, daehwi could really be stupid sometimes. 

"daehwi, no." he says tiredly, "i don't think you're getting it. it's obvious that they notice my crush. they wouldn't say anything otherwise. i need to stop being so obvious."

"no!" dahewi says in alarm, "you're not being obvious! if you're any _less_ obvious than this, it's- uh- jihoon might think you're.... avoiding him or something."

guanlin bites his lip, "hm. you do have a point. but do you think he'll even really care much?"

daehwi blinks at him for a moment, mouth slightly open, "wow."

"what?"

"nothing....just," daehwi shakes his head in disbelief, "for someone so intelligent, guanlinie, you can be really dumb sometimes."

guanlin blinks back at him, completely lost.

***

"so, i heard from daehwi that you finally realized-" 

guanlin lets out a tortured sound, "don't say it."

jinyoung snorts, clearly amused, "you really should take up drama, guanlin. you'd be good."

"why does everyone keep saying that?" guanlin demands. jinyoung just laughs.

"where's daehwi?"

"he'll be coming to study centre a little later. it's his day to clean up the classroom."

"ah." jinyoung hikes his bag further up his shoulder, "it's jihoon's day, too."

"where's woojin hyung, then?"

"he left half-day today. some doctor's appointment. he'll be at the centre already, i'm guessing. it's just the two of us for now."

"that's okay." guanlin says, "i like you lots, jinyoung hyung. you're really nice."

"aigoo." jinyoung looks unbelivably fond, "you can be really cute sometimes. like- all the time, but sometimes it's extra cute." he ruffles guanlin's hair, "i like you lots, too. not in the way you like jihoon hyung, though."

"hey!" guanlin whines, and jinyoung laughs again.

"don't worry about it guanlin. it's going to turn out fine."

"how do you know?"

jinyoung shrugs, a telltale smile on his face, as if he knows something guanlin doesn't.

"i just know." he says, "i know more than you think."

"you're acting like daehwi."

"daehwi knows more than you think, too." jinyoung grins, "to be honest, you should know by now, too."

"know _what?_ " guanlin demands.

jinyoung sighs, "you _do_ know there is a chance that jihoon could like you back, right?"

guanlin blinks at him. jinyoung shakes his head in disbelief.

"liste, hyung." guanlin says, as gently as possible, "i think you've been spending too much time with daehwi recently. you're beginning to sound just like him. i think you might need some rest. i'll tell minhyun hyung that you're tired today."

" _what?_ " jinyoung says incredulously, "why- _what_ \- guanlin-ah, there's always a chance that the person you like might like you back. unless they're, i don't know. already taken or straight or something."

"is jihoon hyung straight?" guanlin wonders.

"to be honest, he's never been in a relationship, so i don't think he knows, himself." jinyoung says, "but he's pretty simple. if he likes someone, he likes them. he doesn't give a shit if it's a guy or a girl. he likes them for them."

"has he liked someone before?" guanlin asks, "does he like someone now?" his eyes widen in horror, "oh my god, what if he's, like, in love with woojin?"

jinyoung's jaw goes slack, " _woojin?_ "

"they're best friends, and they've known each other forever! it makes so much sense!"

"lai guanlin, this is getting ridiculous." jinyoung says with as much authority as he could muster, "jihoon hyung and woojin hyung are nothing more than best friends, okay? and to answer your previous question, jihoon hyung _has_ found people attractive, obviously. but he's never had actual feelings for anyone."

"then how do you know all that stuff?" guanlin raises an eyebrow.

"what stuff?"

"y'know, that he likes a person for who they are, doesn't care if it's a guy or a girl."

"um... i got to know more about him recently." jinyoung says, lips quirking up.

"how?"

"you'd be surprised." the older boy says simply. "guanlin, jihoon adores you, you know that, right? no matter what happens, he'll still adore you."

"i know." guanlin mutters despondantly, "am i being to obvious in front of him?"

"not really. but recently you have been giving him some hope."

guanlin frowns, "huh?"

jinyoung coughs, "nothing, nothing. it's just... you've been cheering him up recently?"

"oh." guanlin pauses thoughtfully, "maybe i should tone it down in front of him. like, i should react less expressively. and maybe i'm smiling too much? i'll smile less, too."

"no!" jinyoung says frantically.

"again, you sound like daehwi."

"you already have a resting bitch face, guanlin-ah." jinyoung says chidingly, "if you try to be even less obvious than you are now, he'll think you hate him."

"jihoon hyung has more of a resting bitch face than i do." guanlin points out.

jinyoung considers this, "true. and he can be quite tsurendre."

"yup. i am very obvious about my love for everyone." the younger drapes himself over jinyoung, making the two of them stumble, "do you feel all my love for you, hyung?"

jinyoung laughs loudly, "too much, lin-ah. but to be fair, jihoon hyung is way less tsurendre around you than he is around anyone else."

guanlin doesn't speak for a moment, and then he says decidedly, "i should try to be less obvious."

they reach the study centre in the next few minutes and greet woojin, the three of them flopping down on the sofa.

"it's not a good idea to be less obvious." jinyoung whispers to guanlin.

"not in a bad way. i'll just.. act less stupid around him."

jiynoung shakes his head, rubbing his temple, "woojin hyung?"

"yeah?" woojin replies.

"you need to speak to that best friend of yours and tell him to hurry up."

woojin eyes guanlin's slumped posture for a minute and then grins.

"don't worry, i'll take care of it."

***

"those girl are giggling at me." guanlin says to somi uncomfortably, "it's weird."

"it's because you're really hot." somi says, as if it's obvious.

guanlin frowns, "hot?" he repeats, confused, "it's nearly winter. what does that even mean?"

"ah, not like that." somi says, and quickly repeats herself in english. 

guanlin flushes, "shut up. i'm really ugly today. i slept too little and now i look like shit."

"you do not." somi tugs at her ponytail, "if anyone looks like shit, it's me."

"you're really pretty, somi." guanlin says defensively, and somi gives him a smile, slipping her arm through his.

they walk around in silence, ignoring the bustling activity of the school.

"somi?" guanlin says, "how did you find out that i like jihoonie hyung?"

somi stops in her tracks, eyes widening and mouth dropping open, " _what?!_ "

guanlin groans, "please tell me that i did not just reveal my own crush."

"you like him? _really?_ " she practically shrieks, "no way!"

"i thought you already knew!" guanlin lunges forward to cover her mouth, "you laugh whenever we talk!"

"i'm not laughing at _you!_ " somi looks delighted, "i'm laughing at _him!_ "

"why-"

"-wait, has daehwi not mentioned it yet? he knows, too. all your study-centre friends know-"

"-know _what?_ -"

"you _idiot_!" somi squeals happily, "you're so stupid, guanlinie!"

guanlin scowls, "would you stop insulting me and just tell me what's going on?"

somi grins at him, "you really are blind, lai guanlin. listen, the reason that me and soeun and tzuyu unnie laugh whenever you're with jihoon isn't because we know you like him. i mean, _now_ i know, and i'm so stoked- but that's not the reason."

"then what is?"

"it's because we know that _jihoon-ssi_ likes _you_."

guanlin's mind promptly short circuits.

"um, what? somi, you're being ridiculous, this is like daehwi and baejin hyung all over again. i think you need to-"

"-i think _you_ need to open your eyes, guanlinie pabo!" somi says, doing a cheerful twirl. unlinke daehwi or jinyoung, she seems less incredulous and disbelieving and more firm, as if she knew what guanlin would say, but she knew she was right, anyway, "jihoon-ssi adores you so much! he never looks at anyone the way he looks at you. and he's probably scared to tell you because he thinks you don't feel the same."

"i- what are you-"

"jihoon likes you, guanlin." somi smiles at him, "so don't worry now, okay? everything will come around."

***

"jihoon doesn't like me, does he?" guanlin asks woojin, feeling slightly pathetic.

"what?" woojin looks surprised, "of course he does! guanlin, we all love you- has anybody been rude to you lately?"

"what-i-no-," guanlin shakes his head, "-i'm fine. i didn't mean it like that."

"then?"

"um, it's just... somi told me the other day that-" he clears his throat and then shakes his head, "never mind, this is stupid."

but woojin seems to realize what guanlin is saying. his eyes widen a bit, and a tiny smile settles on his face.

"does jihoon like you back, you mean?"

guanlin swallows and nods, "i know it sounds weird to ask, but after somi said it, i couldn't stop thinking about it. and daehwi and jinyoung hyung kept hinting at it too, and then i started thinking too much. but i don't want to think too much." he gazes at woojin sadly. "i really like jihoon so much, hyung. i like him _so much_. i don't want to build up hope."

"oh, guanlinie." woojin says softly, "what do we do with you, hm?"

for a moment, neither of them say anything. and then woojin speaks.

"jihoon is my best friend. and as his best friend, i know some things about him. extra things, more than the rest of our group knows. right?"

guanlin nods.

"so, whatever he does tell me, it wouldn't be good of me to speak about it to others." woojin continues, "but i will tell you something, guanlin-ah. i understand that you don't want to build up hope. that's totally fine. but can you do something for me?"

guanlin nods again.

"will you wait for him a little bit?" woojin is gentle as he squeezes guanlin's shoulder, "i'm not the one who should confirm it for you. i'm not the one who should tell you whether jihoon likes you or not. but i _will_ ask you to wait for him a little. jihoon has a tough time opening up to people sometimes, and he's never had feelings like this before."

"i-"

"whatever the others have told you- i'm not going to say they're wrong." woojin says, "but i will ask you to let jihoon talk first. let him approach you confidently. that will help him a lot."

"how does it matter who approaches who first?"

"mm... jihoon is someone who takes his own time to process and analyze his own feelings." woojin explains, "so if someone talks to him first... it might... i don't know-" 

"-stress him out a little? because he hasn't thought it out properly yet?"

"exactly." woojin nods, "if you let him approach you, that means he's already solved everything in his head. if he approaches you, it means he's completely, one hundred percent ready. and that would make it easier on you, too, guanlinie."

"okay." guanlin says softly.

"i'm not asking you to wait forever. maybe a few days? or even a few weeks?" woojin says, "but... by the end of it, you'll have all your answers. and you'll have them from the person you really want them from. does that sound alright?"

woojin is loud and lively and always ready to stir up trouble and make people laugh. he's one of the most cheerful, energetic people guanlin knows, but he can also be- and guanlin now knows this from experience- gentle and caring and thoughtful. and now, woojin is gazing at him, half-sympathetic and half-understanding, and guanlin is so, so glad for woojin hyung.

"that sounds alright." guanlin says, voice quiet.

"good." woojin smiles, standing up, "come one, guanlin. let's go get you some bubble tea."

"really?"

"yeah." woojin slings an arm around his shoulder, "your mind must be tired. this'll tide you over."

as they walk towards the bubble tea shop, guanlin lets out a deep breath.

and then he smiles.

jihoon hyung is sweet and kind and caring and funny. jihoon hyung makes guanlin feel _light_ , makes him feel complete and happy in a way he's never felt before.

he can wait for a few weeks.

for jihoon, he can wait forever.


	9. ix

"why doesn't he know?" guanlin asks miserably, flopping face-first onto soyeon's bed.

"did i give you permission to enter my room?" is the reply he gets. however, even as she says this, soyeon moves to sit next to him and strokes his hair comfortingly, "what's all this about, hm?"

"how does jihoon hyung not know that i like him? it's been weeks since i spoke to woojin hyung about it, and jihoon hasn't done anything different at all." guanlin's voice is muffled, "woojin sounded so sure that jihoonie hyung would confess soon, but i feel like he's avoiding me even more now. this is stupid."

"why don't you just go and confess to jihoon first?"

"woojin hyung asked me not to."

"what?" soyeon looks puzzled, "why?"

"he said jihoon hyung takes time to process his own feelings. and if i confess first, he might say or do something he regrets because he's confused or doesn't know how to react." guanlin replies monotonously, "woojin hyung says he doesn't want me to get hurt just because jihoon hyung takes longer to figure himself out."

"ahh." soyeon nods in understanding, "that's true. if jihoon-ssi is that type of person, it's better to let him sort himself out first. better for both of you."

"how does it matter?" guanlin demands, "if he likes me, he likes me! that's it."

"he really likes you." soyeon says quietly, "to the point that it scares him, because he's obviously never felt this way before."

"neither have i."

"you can't compare yourself to him, lin. you're two very different people. for you, you go with your heart. for jihoon, i feel like his mind also plays an important role."

"are you saying i don't think things through?" guanlin asks dubiously, "because i do."

"you moved from taipei to south korea on a whim." soyeon deadpans.

"it was not a _whim!_ " guanlin says hotly, "i thought about it for _months_ , noona! i can't just leave my family on a _whim_ , what do you think of me?"

soyeon's eyes soften, "you're right." she says apologetically, "i'm sorry, guanlinie, that was a bad example. i shouldn't have said it."

guanlin shrugs slightly.

"i'll try again." soyeon squeezes his shoulder, "i mean... for you, if something _feels_ right, you do it. you like jihoon, he makes your heart flutter, so you don't think twice about confessing to him. moving to korea- a lot of things could go wrong- but your _heart_ said it would work, so you did it. it even happens for even simple, everyday things. you and seonho are alike in that way."

"like?"

"the other day when we saw the stray puppy near the river? you and seonho were hell-bent upon bringing it home, while oscar and i instead thought about the impact of it, and what it meant in the long run."

"i still say we should have brought the puppy home." guanlin grumbles.

"i tend to understand jihoon-ssi's situation, because i'm more like him than you when it comes to this." soyeon says, "i go with what my mind says more than what my heart says."

"jihoon hyung thinks with his heart, too." guanlina argues, "he's so caring."

"guanlinie." soyeon says, "just because people go with their mind more than their heart, it doesn't mean they are any _less_ caring. that's not how it works. the most caring person in the world could be the type to go with their mind. don't i seem like someon who cares about others?"

"you do."

"exactly. it's just- people who go with their minds think more about the situations which their decisions could lead to _before_ they make the decision, while people who go with their heart think about it after the decision is made." she explains.

"oh." guanlin says softly, "that makes sense. having two people who think the same might cause trouble."

"true."

"so... jihoon hyung likes me, but he's thinking about the consequences of confessing?" guanlin's voice is suddenly small, "do you think he regrets likeing me? do you think he likes me at all?"

"oh, guanlinie." soyeon says, pulling the boy into a hug, "he adores you. don't doubt that. and i'm sure he doesn't regret having feelings for you. how could he? you seem to make him so happy."

"but-"

"-he's just thinking about it." soyeon looks him in the eye, "not because he's not sure- it's the exact opposite."

guanlin blinks back, confused.

"see." soyeon says, "jihoon wants to be the best version of himself for you. he wants to figure himself out so he can show you a cool side of him. he doesn't want to hurt you because he is confused. he's just making sure he can show you someone you'll like."

"i like jihoon hyung no matter what." guanlin says quietly, "even if it was his worst side. i'd still like him."

soyeon smiles, "once he confesses, you can tell him that."

***

"your korean lit grades are really going up." daniel says approvingly, "i'm proud of you."

"thanks, hyung!" guanlin beams, "it's because of your help."

"seongwoo, seongwoo hyung, look!" daniel holds up guanlin's test paper, waving it in front of seongwoo's face, "guanlinie got an A in his korean lit test!"

"hey, that's awesome." seongwoo says, ruffling guanlin's hair, "you're doing well, kid." he takes the paper and turns around, calling for sungwoon and jisung and jaehwan and minhyun.

"what's up?" jaehwan asks as the hyungs gather around daniel and guanlin.

"guanlinie is improving his korean lit, see?" seongwoo sounds like a proud father as he holds out the test paper.

"daebak!" minhyun says, "look at you, guanlin, working so hard. this is great!"

"ah, look at how much his grammar has improved." sungwoon adds, nodding approvingly.

"and his handwriting got so good!" jisung says, delighted, "our guanlin is really a genius."

this kind of praise makes guanlin turn bright red and bury his face in his arms. the hyungs laugh fondly at the action before they retun to their respective tables. the way they had all come to support guanlin and cheer him on, and the way they had seemed so proud of his work makes the boy feel warm. he can't wipe the happy smile off his face, and daniel coos.

"you're really happy, right?" he says, "well, you should be- you did well. let's keep working hard to get more good results like this."

"what was with the commotion?" a new voice- jihoon- asks, approaching their table, "why were all the hyungs crowding around?"

daniel looks eager to show off his dongsaeng's remarkable improvement, "look at guanlinie's korean lit test. he got an A."

jihoon scans the test paper before his face lights up with a (very beautiful, guanlin can't help but notice) smile, "daebak, guanlinie! wow, you must have worked hard."

guanlin flushes and buries his face in his arms again.

jihoon laughs, "you really can't take compliments like these, can you?"

guanlin shakes his head. if he had looked up, he would have seen jihoon's adoring smile, would have seen so much affection in the older's eyes, would have seen the way jihoon was so enamoured by him.

but he doesn't look up, so he doesn't notice a thing. jihoon squeezes his shoulder and congratulates him once more before making his way back to sungwoon, and daniel smirks before using a notebook to whack guanlin across the head.

"look up, pabo. why do you always miss everything?"

guanlin scowls at his hyung, who simply laughs, "you should have seen the way he was looking at you."

"doesn't matter." guanlin mutters, "he won't confess."

"give him time."

"it's been nearly a month since i spoke to woojin." guanlin says flatly, "a _month_. and i've liked him for more than that. do you know how hard it is to wait for someone when all you want to do is just confess?"

daniel smiles, "yet, you do it."

"it's jihoon." guanlin says, "of course i'll wait for him. i'll even wait for years, hyung, but that doesn't make it easy."

"i know." daniel says sympathetically, "it must be hard."

"i don't know. maybe it's harder because everyone keeps telling me that he does like me for sure. and they keep telling me he'll confess soon. so i keep expecting." guanlin sighs, "but maybe i shouldn't expect. because- now i sometimes doubt whether he'll ever really come. like, what if i'm waiting for someone who'll never arrive?"

daniel gazes at him for a moment, and then says, "you have every right to feel that way."

"do i?"

"absolutely. it's not easy. and jihoon has every right to feel frustrated too, when people keep telling him to speed up."

"maybe if people hadn't pressurized him so much, he would have confessed by now." guanlin drops his forhead onto the table.

"maybe." daniel replies, "maybe not. who knows? everything works this way for a reason, guanlinie. whatever happens is meant to happen like this."

"would it have made a difference in the long run if he had just confessed faster? or if i just confess first."

"it could have. it might." daniel says confidently, "but you won't know until you reach the situation which makes you look back and think, 'this is why it was good that it took so long for him to confess'."

"you think?" guanlin asks hopefully.

"absolutely." daniel says, "and besides- you know he likes you, right?"

"sometimes i doubt it." guanlin tells him, "but other times, i'm pretty sure."

"and you're fine with waiting for him?"

"i like jihoon hyung so much." guanlin says, "months is nothing if it's someone who's worth it for me."

danile doesn't say anything for a minute or two. then he reaches over and ruffles guanlin's hair.

"how are you only fifteen?"

guanlin grins, "for someone like you, niel hyung, i'm sure everyone seems mature."

"brat." daniel chuckles, "tell me- when jihoon does confess, will it surprise you?"

"it'll surprise me that he confessed." guanlin says honestly, "but it won't surprise me that he likes me. because i already know. and it probably won't surprise him when i return his feeling, since he already knows that, too."

"then what's the problem?"

guanlin laughs, "you tell me, hyung. to be honest, i'll feel relieved when he confesses. it'll make me realize that this whole thing is actually real. he atually does like me and i actually will get to be with him someday. sometimes i think i'm just imagining everything. it's like i'm going crazy."

"don't worry." daniel says, "he's almost there. there'll be a point where he just has to tell you because he can't take it anymore."

"how do you know that he's almost at that point?"

daniel smiles, "ah, guanlin- you were too busy hiding your face away a few minutes ago."

"so?"

"so- you should have seen the way he looked at you."

guanlin lets out a breath and hopes and hopes.

***

"hi, guanlinie."

guanlin turns around to see jihoon walking towards him. of course, his face flushes and his heart speeds up.

"hey, hyung. what're you doing so early? it's saturday."

"i could ask you the same." jihoon responds, smiling.

guanlin shrugs, "fair enough. i'm going to the pharmacy. ajhumma needs some medicine for her headache and we've run out."

"i'll come with you." jihoon says, "i'm just going for a walk. i woke up early and didn't feel like studying or anything."

"if you don't mind." guanlin says, unable to keep the happy grin off his face, "going to the pharmacy is a bit boring."

"but i'm going with you." jihoon replies, "so it'll be fun."

guanlin turns bright red and looks away. when he chances a sideways glance at jihoon, the older boy's ears are flushed and he seems to be coughing.

it's moments like these which make guanlin want to cry. _why won't you tell me, jihoonie hyung? why are you making this so difficult- i like you so much._

they walk in silence for some more time, and then guanlin says, "i found a puppy by the river recently."

"oh?"

"yeah, i was there with the oscar, seonho and soyeon." guanlin tells him, "and we saw a puppy. it didn't have a home, and we were scared it would suffer a lot if we left it there. seonho and i wanted to bring it back to the hostel, but oscar and soyeon noona said no."

"why?" jihoon asks.

guanlin lifts a shoulder, "some bullshit about consequences and practicallity."

"ah." jihoon nods, "it makes sense, guanlinie- there are six of you living with ajhussi and ajhumma, away from your families, and they have to take care of all of you. adding a puppy to the mix? won't it be too much for them?"

" _we'll_ take care of the puppy!" guanlin insists, "we'll make sure they don't have any extra work at all! and during the day, it can keep ajhumma company. she gets lonely without us, you know. and she loves animals."

"i know." jihoon says, "but it really isn't practical. it's not just about taking care of the puppy- it's also the cost, the conditions. everything. it's not easy."

"but." guanlin lets off a frustrated huff, "i hate that we just left him there. he could be _dead_ by now, for all we know." he feels a lump in his throat, remembering the sweet, friendly little puppy which had seemed so happy to see them and had yipped and hopped around adorably as they played with it. he thinks about all those people who come for stray dogs and take them away and throw them into cages and hurt them. he thinks of harsh weather conditions and the oncoming frost that is south korea's unbearable winters. he thinks about the dog without any food or water or shelter.

"what if he's dead?" guanlin suddenly demands, and jihoon jumps in surprise at the way guanlin seems near tears, "what if he's not alive because those people came and found him, or what if he just _froze_ to death or what if- what if he _starved?_ " he lets out a miserable noise, "you know what jihoon hyung? screw all of you."

jihoon looks positively shocked, "what?"

"i'm serious. screw you and freakin' soyeon and oscar and all you people who spend so much time going over their throughts and analyzing situations and thinking that the systemmatic approach is the only way. all of you can go to hell." guanlin doesn't want to walk to the pharmacy with jihoon anymore. he doesn't want to think about how much is heart hurts everyday because jihoon spends so much time going through things in his head, "because even if we had just gone with our hearts the way i had wanted to, we could have found an alternate solution later. we could've brought the dog home for at least a week while finding a good shelter or something. we could've made sure he was safe. now we don't even _know._ "

"i'm sorry, guanlinie, i know it must hurt a lot-" jihoon still looks a little stunned, "but that isn't my f-"

"-i don't _care!_ " guanlin is a little surprised by the way his voice has raised, "you're just the same! and there's nothing _wrong_ with that, because you're _you_ , and how could i hate you? i can't hate you or soyeon or oscar, but especially you! that's just the thing!"

"what-"

"-why do you _think_ so much? you can think a _little_ , but you can't analyze to the point where it drives someone _crazy!_ "

jihoon gazes at guanlin, open-mouthed, "lin-ah, i don't know what you're trying to-"

"-hyung, i know it's not easy for you, but for me it hurts! i just want to hear your thoughts from your _heart_ and not from your mind!" guanlin runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, "how will i ever know anything you say is real if you think so much before you actually say it?"

realization seems to dawn on jihoon. the realization that this is not, in fact, only about the puppy near the river. this is about _eveything_ , this is about how much guanlin's heart aches and how long he's been waiting. and by now, guanlin just wants to _know_. he feels like he's going insane, not knowing whether any of it was reality, just living each day off his pure affection for jihoon and the hope that his friends were right, jihoon really did like him.

jihoon draws in a breath, "guanlin, i-"

"-it _hurts_ , hyung." guanlin's voice is small now, and jihoon flinches as he hears the raw sadness in the boy's voice, "i don't want to feel hurt anymore. i just want you to talk to me."

jihoon doesn't say a word.

"this is-" guanlin feels helpless, "hyung, just- say _anything_. i'm not-" he lets out a shaky breath, "hyung, you're so _cool_. and you're so _nice_ all the time. and i feel like, no matter what you say to me, whether you think it through or not, i would still think you're the best. i wish you would talk to me."

jihoon is even more helpless than guanlin. he still doesn't open his mouth, and guanlin tries one last time.

"jihoon hyung. i'm sorry, i know i just started shouting at you randomly like this. i didn't mean to." he tries to calm himself, "but i can't just keep it inside anymore. i wish you would say something to me- anything. i just- don't know what to do now. hyung, _please_ -" god, he sounds so desperate, "please, say something. just tell me that- i don't know, that i'm not going insane. or just tell me to wait a little longer. i don't need anything more than that."

guanlin waits and waits and waits, but jihoon keeps gazing back at him, not saying a word, and _this_ is what woojin must have meant. this is what he was saying, that if you threw something too suddenly at jihoon, he wouldn't be able to handle it immediately. he would need time, but guanlin doesn't know what to do any longer. guanlin _aches_ , and jihoon still doesn't move.

so guanlin whispers out, "i'm so sorry, hyung."

and then he turns around, in the direction of the hostel, and walks. away from jihoon- _away, away away_ , because he is so _stupid_ for opening his mouth, for thinking that any of it could have been real-

and his heart breaks.

***

lai guanlin hasn't cried in years.

he is fifteen years old. he hasn't cried since he was eleven, the time when the ajhussi next door passed away.

he didn't cry when he lost basketball or baseball matches. he didn't cry when he had nasty fights with his sister. he didn't cry when he broke his arm and was in so much pain that he thought he would die. he didn't cry when he left his home and came to korea, didn't cry as he packed his bags and waved goodbye to his family and friends, didn't cry as those canteen-workers jeered at his korean and mocked him until he felt like nothing more than dirt on the ground.

he cries now, though.

now, as he barrels into the hostel without the medicine he was supposed to get for ajhumma, as he pushes passed the rest of them and bolts upstairs, he cries and cries and cries until he can finally remember what shedding tears feels like.

how crazy, he thinks, that a person who hadn't cried while doing something as drastic as leaving his old life, his hometown, is crying now, over a boy.

 _not just any boy, though_ , his mind reminds him, _it's park jihoon. out of all the people in the world, isn't park jihoon worth crying over?_

guanlin thinks of the look on jihoon's face- shocked, taken aback- and wonders if they had all been wrong. maybe jihoon hadn't really ever liked guanlin, maybe guanlin really was going crazy.

the door to his room opens, and he tries to school his face into a neutral expression. he fails, but it probably wouldn't have made a difference, anyway, because his face is flushed and his eyes are still teary.

"guanlinie hyung?" seonho asks in a small voice, creeping inside the room, "i brought you some water."

seonho is a good best friend, guanlin decided, as he takes the water without a word and downs the whole thing in a gulp. it makes him cough, and seonho pats him on the back until he stops.

"don't worry about the medicine. oscar's gone to get it." seonho tells him, "is there anything you want?"

guanlin wipes his eyes and shakes his head, "no, it's fine. i'm just being stupid and overreacting."

seonho watches him carefully, "okay."

"yeah." he takes a breath, "it's fine. i'm fine. i'm sorry i couldn't get the medicine."

"don't do that." seonho scolds softly, 'you are _not_ fine, lai guanlin. and nothing is going to change just because you say that you are. you don't have to talk to me, but you have to talk to _someone._ "

"it's burdensome. for you to listen to me."

"did i tell you that? does hyung get to decide what's burdensome for me? i thought that was a right i had."

guanlin's face crumples and he hides himself behind the pillow, " _fuck_ \- i messed up, seonho. i messed up really badly."

seonho runs a hand through his hair, "no one said what you go through is easy. you have the right to mess up sometimes."

"i-" guanlin takes a shaky breath. he's so _upset_ , and his korean just _isn't coming_. he tries to think in korean as often as he can, but right now he really can't, "i can't _think_. freakin' _hell_ , i can't- the korean isn't _coming_."

"oh, hyung." seonho raises his voice a little, "elkie noona!"

she's there in an instant, and soyeon and eunbin are right behind her. guanlin doesn't mind- he suddenly realizes that he feels better with all of them there. and when oscar returns from the pharmacy, it will really feel complete.

"what's going on, baobao?" elkie asks him softly in mandarin.

"jiejie- i did something stupid." guanlin says shakily, "i said horrible things to jihoon hyung. i didn't mean to, but we were talking about the puppy near the lake, and then he was saying what noona and oscar were saying, and i thought the puppy might have died, and i thought, if people think with their _hearts_ sometimes, they wouldn't hurt others. and i wanted him to know so badly, and i couldn't _not_ tell him, and i was so _angry_ at him for making my heart hurt and-" guanlin lets out a little sob, "-and i was awful to him."

"what exactly happened, lin-ah?" she cradles his face in her hands, wiping away the tears.

guanlin quietly recalls the entire scenario- breaking into hiccups in the middle- and elkie translates it to korean for the rest of them. by the time he's finished, he's a mess again, and has buried himself into seonho's sweater. 

"oh, lin-ah." eunbin sighs, "you've had a rough morning, haven't you?"

guanlin doesn't respond.

"everyone makes mistakes. and yours is justified. how long did he expect you to last? i thought you would've snapped ages ago." she brushes some hair out of his eyes, "look at me- this in't your fault, nor his. things like this _do_ happen. and it'll work out." she stands up, "i'll go let ajhumma know that we should have something extra special for lunch- something chinese, to cheer you up, hm?"

guanlin makes a noise of thanks as she disappears from the room.

"she's right, you know." soyeon murmurs, "you had a right to snap. he needs to know eventually, or he might never realize that the time he takes does affect you."

"i wish i hadn't shouted at him." guanlin says miserably.

"it's okay. it happens." elkie tells him, "and he will understand, too. maybe this is the push he needed."

"i'm sorry about the puppy, guanlinie." soyeon adds, eyes bright, 'i didn't know it upset you so much. to be honest, when you say it like this, we could have rescued it and found a shelter or someone to take him in. i looked at it in such a logical point of view- i need to learn to be more open-minded."

"it's okay." guanlin says quietly.

thay don't speak for a moment, and then guanlin says, "do you think jihoon hates me?"

"he could never." seonho says, "in fact, i think now he's properly thinking about this for the first time."

guanlin blinks up at him with large, glassy eyes.

"from his heart." seonho clarifies, "i bet he's finally thinking about it emotionally instead of analytically."

"maybe he's just thinking about what an asshole i am."

"but you're _not_ , guanlin-ah." seonho says earnestly, "you're _definitely_ not, you're one of the coolest, best people i know. i'm never wrong about these things- seriously."

guanlin lets out a watery laugh. elkie hugs him.

"once he comes around, we'll kick his ass."

" _no_." guanlin says seriously, "jihoon hyung is too sweet and nice and handsome. you can't kick his ass."

they all chuckle at this.

"just wait a little bit longer, guanlinie." soyeon squeezes his shoulder, "for jihoon-ssi, you can make it through this, right?"

guanlin thinks of jihoon and prays that he still has a chance.

he is still ready to wait, because how can he not be? how can he look away from the one person that makes him feel so happy?

park jihoon is someone worth waiting for.


	10. x

guanlin doesn't see jihoon that whole weekend.

it's partly because he's holed himself up inside his room, and won't come out even for meals. during sunday lunch, yumi ajhumma comes upstairs with a plate of fried rice which tastes just as good as the rice his mother made back at home. it makes him happy and sad, makes him miss his mother- but the food is so good that he really doesn't care.

"i'm sorry for not coming downstairs." guanlin says, feeling extremely selfish.

"oh, sweetheart, it's okay." yumi ajhumma says gently, sitting next to him, "trust me, i've had heartaches, too. it might have been a long time ago, but that doesn't mean i don't understand what you're going through."

guanlin says nothing, spooning some rice into his mouth.

"jihoon-ssi- that's his name, right?- seems to be such a sweet gentleman. i'm sure he'll come around soon." she pats guanlin's hair in a motherly fashion, "and when he does, he'll realize that he had nothing to worry about."

"i wish i knew what it is that he was worried about in the first place, though." guanlin mutters.

"mmm.... from what i've heard from the rest of these kids... they say he's never felt so strongly about anyone before."

"i've heard. but neither have i."

ajhumma chuckles, "it may be so. but you're the instinctive type, guanlinie. i'm sure he's just afraid of giving himself to you and then being rejected."

"what?" guanlin sits up straight for the first time all day, "ajhumma, no- he _knows_ i like him. _everyone_ knows i like him. everyone knows we like each other. it's a thing."

"that's just it." ajhumma replies, "by being together, you'll show each other different sides of yourself, right? sides that you don't show other people?"

guanlin nods slowly, "yes."

"i'm sure he's just afraid or nervous about you accepting those other sides of him, too."

"what do you mean?"

"let me see." she says thoughtfully, "what kind of person does jihoon-ssi seem to be to most people?"

"cute." guanlin says immediately, "he's the best at aegyo, he's really cute. and he's very... i don't know... sweet and charming. that type."

"but maybe there's more sides to him."

"there has to be." guanlin agrees, "nobody can be so sweet and cute all the time. i'm sure there's more sides to his personality."

"exactly." ajhumma says, "for example, you come across as very calm and composed, right? but only your friends or us here at the hostel know how excitable you can be."

"hmm." guanlin bites his lip, "i see what you mean. he might just be worried about me not liking all the sides of him."

"maybe." yumi ajhumma smiles, "and maybe he's just trying to get over that nervousness. maybe he's just trying to sort himself out and think about what it is he wants and who exactly he is. before you can commit to a relationship, you need to be sure about who you are as a person. not everyone is as comfortable in their own shoes as you are, guanlinie. it's a gift that you should be grateful for."

"i am." guanlin says. he's often wished to have other people's qualities or be more like someone else in some ways. but at the end of the day, if he had to be reborn as anyone, he would choose himself. he is lucky, with a good family and a good set of friends and a good life. he is blessed, and he won't ever take it for granted.

"i know." ajhumma pinches his cheek, "and i think from the way you snapped at him yesterday, he might realise that you would like him no matter what. it might have not been the best way to do it, but it got the job done."

"which is?"

"he knows that you genuinely do like him. he knows that you're willing to stick around and get to know all the sides of him, and you're ready to accept him for who he is. he knows that you like him for who he is."

"of course i do." guanlin says, "so... this is what the others meant when they said to give him time because he's figuring himself out?"

"i suppose."

"but then... if i hadn't yelled at him, wouldn't i be waiting forever?"

"maybe not forever." ajhumma laughs, "you would have been waiting longer, that's for sure. but maybe you wouldn't have gone through so much heartache. i think that's what your friends were trying to prevent."

"oh..."

"but." ajhumma looks him in the eye, "let me tell you something. i've been married for thirty-five years, and the secret to a good relationship is definitely communication. love would be difficult without trust and communication. and if you had waited for him for so long without opening your mouth, the communication would have been missing. i think that what you did will make your relationship stronger whenever he does come around."

"you think?" guanlin asks hopefully.

"everything happens the way it does for a reason." ajhumma replies, "whatever is happening now is meant to be. no matter how much it hurts, you were meant to feel this way- it will help you later in life, when you least expect it. there may be a time when you think back to this moment and say, 'ah, it's a good thing i snapped, and it's a good thing i continued waiting for him'."

"that's what daniel hyung said." guanlin murmurs, "my mentor at study centre? he said the exact same thing."

"well, he sounds like a very wise young man." yumi ajhumma gets up, "i'm going to go back down and check if the others need anything. will you be alright?"

"yes." guanlin says, "thanks, ajhumma- you're the best."

she smiles, "not a problem. although i do expect you to join us at the table for dinner tonight."

"i will." guanlin promises. ajhumma gives him a warm hug, which he returns gratefully.

"love you." he says, suddenly tired out from such an intense conversation. she shakes her head fondly and takes his empty plate from him.

"i love you, too, sweetheart. now get a good rest and then try to finish up some work before dinner."

guanlin lets out a breath as she leaves the room, and thinks that, in all honesty, he should be very, very grateful for the people he has in his life. he wonders how many hostel wardens look after the students like their own children, how many of them cook special food everyday and watch movies with them and comfort them when they're upset. 

he thinks of the way ajhumma makes sure they've eaten well everyday, the way ajhussi takes them out to play sports or see movies on weekends. he thinks of the way they do their utmost to make sure the six students are happy and comfortable. it really makes him feel like he has a family in korea- him and seonho and soyeon and oscar and eunbin and elkie and ajhumma and ajhussi- all of them together.

his heart is hurting, but he thinks he can still be happy.

***

guanlin avoids the eleventh grade wing like the plague on monday.

he tells daehwi what happened, and much to his relief, daehwi doesn't ask any further questions or scold him or give him advice or anything like that. he just squeezes his shoulder comfortingly.

"ah, this weekend must have been awful for you. how about we get some ice cream after study centre today? my treat."

"thanks." guanlin says gratefully, and then his face falls, "i really can't face jihoonie hyung at study centre today."

"you, um." daehwi coughs uncomfortably, "you probably won't. hyung isn't coming today."

"i- he- what?"

"he texted sungwoon hyung this morning that he can't make it to study centre this week."

guanlin gapes, "this whole _week?_ "

"mhmm. sungwoon told jisung hyung, right, because he's the group leader? and jisung hyung called woojin hyung this morning to ask if jihoon hyung was sick or something- because jihoon hyung isn't picking up his phone- and woojin hyung said no, he's not." daehwi bites his lip, "i heard about it from jaehwan hyung. the hyungs were pretty worried until woojin told them that jihoon is feeling okay."

guanlin is stricken, "shit- i must have really messed up. i must have made him feel awful."

"i wouldn't say it's completely your fault." daehwi says firmly, "listen, guanlin-ah. whatever happens-"

"-happens for a reason, i _know_." guanlin says, frustrated, "everyone keeps saying that, and i _get_ it, but at the same time-"

daehwi raises an eyebrow, "that is not what i was going to say, actually."

guanlin blinks back a little sheepishly, "oh."

"i was _going_ to say whatever happens happens. and whatever has already happened is over. you can't change it. so instead of worrying, just focus on something else for now. i know it must hurt both of you a lot, lin-ah. but feeling anxious isn't going to change a thing."

"you're..." guanlin stares at daehwi for a moment, impressed, "...right. hm."

"excuse me, but i'm pretty smart. just so you know." daehwi says, looking offended.

"i know. it's just. wow." guanlin nods, "yeah, okay. i'll focus on my lessons really well today and try to get an awesome result."

"great!" daehwi beams his usual megawatt smile, "me, too. let's make it a good day. you're ready, right?"

guanlin is ready. he says as much, and then the two of them rush to class to greet somi and soeun.

***

"so i, uh." daniel gives him a small smile, "heard what went down on saturday morning."

guanlin blinks, "did daehwi tell you?"

"no, woojin did. i don't know the details- all i know is that you kind of, um... 'snapped', in woojinie's words."

"oh. jihoon must have told him." guanlin sighs despondently, "i messed everything up. is that all woojin hyung said about the whole thing?"

"that's all he said. he said it wasn't his right to disclose more than that." daniel says understandingly, "and i'm sure you didn't mess up."

"i don't know, hyung."

"nothing you or jihoon have done or said will change the way you feel about each other." daniel says, "it's okay, guanlinie. everyone loses their shit sometimes."

this makes guanlin chuckle a little, "i wish i hadn't exploded like that, though."

"ah, well." daniel grins, "he's seen the worst of you, then. and he still adores you, imagine that."

"do you think?"

"absolutely. and look at the way jihoonie is avoiding everyone and acting all tsurendre- not exactly a great side of him, either" daniel eyes guanlin, "but you still want him, don't you?"

"of course." guanlin says.

"then what's the issue? it'll be fine." daniel pushes the math textbook towards him, "don't think so much. let's channel that brain energy into this and try to finish twenty sums in half an hour."

guanlin snorts, "that's nothing." he takes the pen from daniel and pulls out his notebook, "i bet i can do them in twenty minutes."

"one sum per minute?" daniel quirks an eyebrow. not dibelieving- daniel never looks at guanlin disbelievingly, never makes him feel like he can't do something. the look daniel gives him is simply challenging. _let's see, then,_ daniel is saying, _let's see what you can do._

guanlin takes a breath and gets to work.

***

"daehwi, it's _fine_." jaehwan says tiredly, "you don't have to pay for all four of us."

daehwi looks dubious, "are you sure? i don't want to just pay for myself and guanlinie, that's a bit rude."

"we don't mind." seongwoo says, "i'll pay for jinyoungie. and jaehwan- fend for yourself."

"bastard." jaehwan mutters, taking out his wallet.

"yah, i'm your _hyung_ , you brat!"

"then pay for me!"

" _you_ pay for _me!_ " seongwoo retorts, "i've spent all my money this past week on ramyeon, i'm broke!"

"but you said-"

"-hyungs, its fine." daehwi interrupts weakly, handing a few notes to the cashier, "i'll just pay."

there's a brief silence, and then seongwoo and jaehwan both sigh in relief and thank daehwi with side-hugs.

"thank you, daehwi-ah." seongwoo says sincerely, "i'll make sure to treat you soon after this hell week is over."

"your hyungs are suffering." jaehwan says, "it's midterm week in college. there's so much work to do. i swear i'm just living off coffee."

"not good." guanlin chides, "hyungs, if you want food, you can just let me know. i can bring you something."

"wah!" seongwoo puts a hand to his heart, "i am touched! guanlinie, my child-"

"-what a beautiful angel that has descended upon our humble abode-" jaehwan clasps his own hands together dramatically.

jinyoung gazes at them, eyes wide, "is this what happens in college?"

"they must be hallucinating because of the hunger." daehwi says matter-of-factly, "don't worry, hyungs- the ice cream is here!"

by the time they take their ice creams and sit down, guanlin's has started melting.

"ask for a napkin." jinyoung tells him, and guanlin hesitates.

"guanlinie." seongwoo's voice takes on a firmer edge, "we have to try to get past this little obstacle, okay? nobody will judge you for what you say or how you say it- and if they do, jaehwanie and i will take care of it."

"more like 'jaehwanie and i will call dongho and daniel.'" jinyoung mutters under his breath, and daehwi snorts with laughter.

guanlin sighs, rising from the table and looking for a worker. he sees a hyung who looks like he may be daniel's and jaehwan's age, and calls out, "um, excuse me, sir?"

the man turns around and nods at guanlin.

"uh, can i- have a napkin?" guanlin tries hard not to fumble with his words. he's pretty sure his pronunciation was a little off at 'napkin', but to his relief, the hyung didn't seem to find it strange.

"sure, kid. give me a second." the man disappears into the staff quarters and comes back a second later with napkins, "here."

"t-thanks." guanlin mutters, sinking back into the chair. the man smiles at him and returns to whatever work he was doing. guanlin lets out a sigh of relief.

"i'm proud of you, lin-ah." jinyoung says, "soon you'll be able to ask for jokbal at the canteen."

thinking of jokbal reminds him of jihoon, and guanlin slumps a little again.

"hey, what's up?" jaehwan asks, concerned.

and the thing is- guanlin doesn't know what's up with him and jihoon anymore, not since saturday when he exploded. but still, even before that, he hadn't talked properly to the boy in a while. they had been walking on eggshells around each other, tiptoeing in a way guanlin hated. and guanlin-

-guanlin _misses_ him.

"i want to see jihoon hyung." guanlin mutters, "i miss him."

"ah." seongwoo's features soften, "tough love is the hardest. you can initiate the conversation and go talk to him, right? solve this problem?"

"i'm scared of initiating things with him now." guanlin says honestly, "people kept telling me not to, and then i accidentally did, and look what happened. i don't want to mess up even more."

"you didn't mess up." jaehwan and jinyoung chorus.

"i mean- maybe shouting wasn't the best thing to do." jinyoung adds as an afterthought, "but something needed to be done. you couldn't help it."

"i would've shouted." seongwoo adds.

"either way, i'm just going to wait it out, i guess." guanlin says, "i'll let him approach me. if he ever decides to. if he still- you know." guanlin suddenly feels small, "if he still wants me."

all four of his friends are regarding him with sad smiles, empathetic expressions, and yet- no pity. this is what guanlin loves about them- all of them. they never look at him pityingly. sympathetic sometimes, yes. but never pity.

"hyung will come around." jinyoung says.

"yeah, jihoonie's too sweet to let you hurt any more than this." daehwi agrees.

"jihoonie is hurting, too, though." jaehwan reminds them, "it's not easy for him, either."

"true. but still."

"listen, guanlin. i bet all of us have told you that it will turn out well, right?" jaehwan says, "so trust us."

"yeah- everything will fall in place." seongwoo agrees, "i mean, look at the bright side. you might be feeling sad, but you did really well today at study centre. you finished sixty sums in an hour."

"and you asked for napkins really coolly." jinyoung says, as if it was actually possible to be cool while asking for napkins.

"yeah. you're really cool." daehwi nods vigorously, "much cooler than jaehwan hyung."

"hey!" the boy in question looked injured, and manages to knock over his ice cream as he gestures wildly in retaliation.

they all laugh, and guanlin is happy.

***

guanlin and jihoon don't cross paths for the next few days, either.

jihoon doesn't turn his way at school, nor does he come to study centre. sometimes, guanlin thinks he really messed up too badly, thinks he doesn't have a chance anymore.

but then one day, during lunch, he sees jihoon- he sees jihoon even though jihoon doesn't see him.

jihoon is on the field, kicking the ball around with some of his friends, while guanlin is on his way to the bench where he and daehwi meet somi for lunch once a week.

and jihoon is with his friends, and they're all laughing, but jihoon somehow looks so _sad_.

even as he laughs, it looks like he's forcing it. it doesn't reach his eyes, doesn't make him throw his head back in the way guanlin loves so much. he just looks unhappy, and guanlin hates himself for feeling lighter because of it.

because... if jihoon is sad, that means guanlin isn't the only one. it sucks that both of them are being stupid, that both of them are upset. _but_ \- but if jihoon is sad, that must mean he misses guanlin, too. he might miss guanlin at least half as much as guanlin misses him.

maybe it means guanlin is not the only one who feels like this.

it gives him hope. he thinks, maybe jihoon does miss him, after all. maybe he does have a chance, maybe there is a way to fix this, a way to make it work.

and the longer guanlin stares at park jihoon, the more aware he is of how _beautiful_ the older boy is, the more aware he is of how strong his own feelings are. over the past few weeks- and especially over the past few days- he's felt kind of numb. he hasn't seen jihoon, hasn't spoken with him. just thought of him, longed for him, and nothing else.

now, everything comes crashing back with full force, and he feels stupid for thinking he could numb out his feeling until jihoon came around. how could he? everything he felt for the older was so strong, so _real_. he can't imagine not feeling this way every time he looks at jihoon, whether they're currently on speaking terms or not. can't imagine not feeling the warmth and the butterflies and the pure, undulated happiness.

jihoon is gorgeous. he's so sweet, and he has the most wonderful smile and he laughs with his entire being- and when he does, it's like the world lights up. jihoon's hair falls onto his forehead in such a cool way, but sometimes, guanlin wants to be able brush it away from his eyes- because jihoon's got the warmest, most beautiful eyes, and guanlin can see stars in them.

jihoon cares for everyone, is kind to everyone he meets, but sometimes he can come off a bit sharp, the same way he was when he first met guanlin. and guanlin likes that, too, likes the way jihoon can switch from gentle to blunt, from cheerful to deadpan. it makes him laugh, makes him like jihoon even more.

guanlin likes the way jihoon does aegyo that _would_ be cringey but somehow isn't, just because he is the cutest human being ever, and he likes the way jihoon is easily embarrassed and he likes the way jihoon buys him food and looks at him with shining eyes.

guanlin wants jihoon to look at him like that again.

jihoon spends too much time in his own head, thinks more than he acts, analyzes more than he speaks. jihoon only says something once he's thought it over thrice, and almost never goes with instinct and heart over mind. he's the exact opposite of guanlin in some ways, but somehow-

\- somehow guanlin doesn't mind that, either. it's something he wishes jihoon would work on, but if that is part of him, guanlin will accept it with open arms and adore him for it.

 _how much longer do i wait, jihoon hyung?_ he thinks longingly, watching the boy brush his hair out of his eyes and give his friends a smile that hides pain, a smile that guanlin knows is not real, _don't you know how much you mean to me?_

and as if jihoon could hear guanlin's thoughts, he turns around, catches guanlin's gaze even from the distance.

for a moment, they just stare at each other. guanlin's heart beats too fast, and there's a lump in his throat, and he wants to scream- but he doesn't make a sound, doesn't say a word.

and this time-

-this time guanlin looks away first. this time guanlin is the one to avert his gaze, he is the first one to turn away. because it hurts _so much_ , and he doesn't think he can look any longer. he knows that the longer he looks, the more he will want.

and that isn't safe yet.

so he looks away first, and wonders if it will make a difference to jihoon. wonders if the older boy will even care.

guanlin looks away first, so he doesn't see the way jihoon's fingers clench into fists, doesn't see the way the boy swallows and keeps looking, doesn't notice that jihoon looks at guanlin the same way guanlin looks at him. with longing and affection and adoration and _want, want, want._

 _i'm waiting, jihoon hyung,_ guanlin thinks, _i'm still waiting for you_. 

and somehow, finally, after so many weeks, guanlin feels like jihoon might reach him soon.


	11. xi

"you look happier today." somi notes as she and guanlin walk to school together.

"i feel better."

"have you- has something...?" she trails off uncertainly, not sure what might set guanlin off.

he shrugs, "i've decided not to think too much. i'm going to wait it out."

somi blinks.

"i just feel different." guanlin says, "i feel like jihoon hyung will come around soon."

"hm." somi nods, "that's good. let's not talk about it, then."

guanlin smiles gratefully, "actually, i wanted to ask you- what is this 'club' thing? sunbaenims have been handing out circulars all week."

"ah- around this time, we freshmen start thinking about what clubs we want to join next term. the sunbaes are basically spreading information about their respective clubs."

guanlin frowns, "so are there, like... auditions?"

"for some things." somi says, "like, for dance, or music or theatre. and for any sport teams, there are tryouts."

"what other things are there?"

"there's art and literature and photography and writing and news, to name a few." somi lists, "all sorts of interesting things. you don't need to audition for those, but there is a fixed number of people they can accept."

"what happens to all the people who don't get the club of their choice?"

"there's always a space for everyone." somi tells him, "don't worry. what do you want to do?"

guanlin bites his lip. just yesterday, one of his seniors had passed around a flyer saying that they were looking for new members for the basketball team. apparently, quite a few seniors had graduated, consequently leaving the team, and they needed to complete the team as soon as possible to start training for the basketball season. guanlin had wanted to join immediately. he loves basketball, and had played in taiwan. in fact, when the senior handed the flyer to him, he had said, "hey, you might be good, since you're so tall. come try out, okay?"

"earth to guanlin." somi waves a hand in front of his face, "well? what's your plan?"

"um... i was thinking of trying out for the basketball team." guanlin mumbles, "they have a few openings, and i used to play in taipei..." he trails off, unure, but somi lights up.

"that's so cool! i didn't know you played basketball!"

"uh, yeah, i kind of-"

"-you should _definitely_ try out." she says excitedly, "you have to. it'll be so great!"

"what if i don't get selected?"

somi scoffs, "so? who cares? just train and try out again next year. seniors will keep graduating, openings will always be there. besides, it's rare for freshmen to get onto the team."

guanlin groans.

"chill, you could be one of those who do." somi shakes him lightly, "it'll be awesome. just try your best. we'll go find out more information about it today."

guanlin sighs, nodding, "okay. what are you gonna do?"

"taekwondo." somi replies without hesitation, "i still need to get my balck belt."

"work on getting the others first." guanlin snorts, and the girl smirks.

"surprise, surprise- i already have them."

guanlin does a double take, mouth dropping open, "wait- _what?!_ "

"didn't you know?" somi looks surprised, "i love taekwondo. i've been learning for years."

guanlin edges away from her, gulping. he may be tall, and he may be good at running and swimming and basketball, but he has absolutely no strength at all. he needs to start going to the gym. the thought that tiny, harmless-looking jeon somi could probably beat him up and knock him out does not do wonders for his pride.

somi laughs at his reaction and tugs at his elbow, "come on, walk faster. daehwi and soeun will be waiting. and maybe the seniors have hung up new flyers."

the birds are chirping, and there's still ten minutes till the bell. somi is pulling him impatiently, and guanlin knows that she is right- daehwi and soeun are probably already in class, complaining about how he and somi are always late (even if they're not). it makes him feel cheerful, makes him look forward to the day ahead.

"guanlin!" somi says exasperatedly, "stop daydreaming and come _on!_ "

guanlin rolls his eyes, but hurries after her anyway, smiling fondly.

***

guanlin does indeed have a good day at school.

he'd made up his mind and decided to try out for the basketball team. the try-outs were in three weeks, which was enough time for him to warm up and practice. he had filled out the form and handed it to the sunbaenim-in-charge, while soeun, somi and daehwi cheered happily behind him.

"who's the captain of the team?" guanlin asks the sunbaenim, who grins.

"that would be me. min sungki, eleventh grade."

guanlin squeaks, immediately bending himself into a bow. sungki is tall- even taller than guanlin- and he's muscular and strong-looking, but he has a kind face, and a warm, gummy smile.

"it's alright, stand up." sungki pats his shoulder, "i've seen you around. you're the kid who jihoonie always likes to be around, right? and you're friends with woojin and tzuyu, too."

a flash of happiness crosses guanlin at the words 'kid who jihoonie likes to be around', but it leaves just as quickly. _don't assume that jihoon still likes to be around you_ , he chides to himself. instead of thinking any further, he just nods.

"woojin hyung and jihoon hyung and i attend the same study centre, and tzuyu looks after me since we're both taiwanese."

"oh, a foreigner?" sungki seems surprised, "your pronounciation is good."

guanlin flushes and smiles, "thanks."

"ah, you're very handsome." sungki checks his registration form, "lai guanlin, ninth grade. not many freshman get into the team, but if you work hard, i'm sure you'll do well."

"i'll do my best, sunbaenim."

"see you at try-outs, then." sungki raises an arm in farwell, "three weeks."

as he walks away, soeun, somi and daehwi appear next to guanlin.

"why didn't you tell me he was the captain?" guanlin demands. daehwi shrugs.

"that family is legendary. if one of them are in the school, they'll be on the basketball team for sure, no questions."

guanlin raises an eyebrow.

"his cousin is min yoongi." daehwi explains, "yoongi-ssi is graduated years ago. he was an amazing basketball player, and the captain back when he was here. and yoongi-ssi's older brother, joongki-ssi, was a legend back in the day, too. basketball just runs in their blood."

"it's true." somi adds, "just ask nayoung unnie about it. she was a freshman here when yoongi-ssi was a junior."

"well." guanlin lets out a breath, "try-outs are in three weeks. let's see what happens."

"work hard." soeun says, "it'll go well."

guanlin nods resolutely, ready to take on his next challenge.

***

"i'm trying out for the basketball team." guanlin announces to daniel, "and i need to practice a lot."

"oh, you play basketball?" daniel asks, "daebak! make good use of that height, guanlinie."

guanlin laughs, "i used to play in taipei. i was the team captain in middle school."

"no shit?" daniel looks highly impressed, "what was your position?"

"small forward." guanlin replies, pulling out his geography books, "why is korean geo so hard? why can't you guys have less extreme whether conditions?"

"you're one to talk." the older scoffs, "taiwan has the taiwan strait. i bet it was hell to study that."

"it was not." guanlin says defensively, and daniel laughs.

"well, let's get to work on this, then."

the session passes quickly, and as usual, guanlin leaves feeling more confident than when he came. as they pack up their bags to leave, jisung turns to him, jinyoung, daehwi and woojin.

"any idea when jihoon will be coming back? he's alreay missed four sessions."

"and let me tell you." seongwoo adds, "if jihoon doesn't come, it's not only him that will struggle to catch up. sungwoon hyung will have to work a lot more and longer to make sure jihoon is on track."

woojin nods guiltily, "i know. tell sungwoon hyung we're sorry."

"we'll speak to jihoon hyung and make sure he comes back soon." jinyoung adds.

"we're not trying to force him." jisung says, "but if he's not sick, and if there's no personal, financial or family problems, then he should definitely be attending. or at least, we should be given advanced notice. missing one or two classes is excusable, but missing four is absolutely not."

"i understand, hyung." daehwi says apologetically.

"do you know what happen to him?" jaehwan asks.

woojin, daehwi and jinyoung turn in sync to look at guanlin. the rest of them follow suit, eyebrows raised in bewilderment.

guanlin shrugs, "if i can come to the centre, then he sure as hell can. so no, i do not know why he is absent."

it's true. guanlin has thought a lot about what he said to jihoon, and it's true that he was rude and harsh, but there was nothing so terrible in his words that would make jihoon withdraw himself from even study centre.

a nagging feeling in the back of guanlin's mind makes him feel uneasy, and he hopes he hasn't hurt jihoon too badly. hopes jihoon doesn't feel as hurt as he himself does.

"fair point." daniel says, and guanlin is grateful, "woojin, tell jihoon that we expect him at study centre next time. if there's no personal emergency, of course."

"will do." woojin nods.

as they all leave, minhyun takes out a packet of banana kick from his bag.

"anyone want some?"

as the rest of them argue over the packet, guanlin is suddenly hit by a wave of emotions.

he remembers that time he'd asked jihoon to buy him banana kick, and the older boy had agreed, smiling that warm smile that guanlin adored so much. they never ended up going and actually buying it, though. guanlin has asked for banana kick many times, and jihoon had agreed every single time, and yet, somehow, it had never happened. guanlin still hasn't tasted banana kick.

he's not planning to taste it until jihoon buys it for him, which might mean waiting anywhere from a few weeks to a few years.

guanlin doesn't care anymore. he is used to it.

and he adores jihoon far too much to _stop_ waiting for him. if jihoon confesses tomorrow, guanlin will be ready to accept. if jihoon confesses in five years, guanlin will be ready to accept. and if jihoon never confesses, guanlin will simply harbour feelings for him in silence. he is ready to do that for park jihoon.

and still, something as small and insignificant (and yet, so significant) as a packet of banana kick can make guanlin think of jihoon, can make guanlin's heart ache with longing. he _misses_ jihoon. he wants to see jihoon's smile. he wants jihoon back.

"guanlinie?" minhyun is looking at him with concern in his eyes, "are you alright? would you like some?" he holds out the packet.

guanlin swallows and shakes his head, "no thanks, hyung." and as he says this, he takes out his phone and snaps a quick photo of the half-empty packet.

"why did you take a picture of a banana kick pack?" jaehwan asks, confused.

_because i want to send it to jihoon hyung with the caption 'you owe me. i'm waiting'. and i want him to see the 'i'm waiting' and connect the dots and fucking make a move. i also want him to know that i don't hate him and i also want to apologize to him for being a jerk._

these thoughts run through guanlin's mind, but he doesn't say anything out loud.

"this is the trend, jaehwanie. keep up." jisung says, as if it is obvious, "that's what kids do these days. take pictures of their food and caption it with number symbols."

"number symbols?" jinyoung echoes.

jisung makes a sign with his fingers, "like this. and then they add words."

guanlin, jinyoung, woojin and daehwi burst out laughing.

"hyung!" woojin cackles, "that's called a hashtag!"

" _ohhh_." daniel says, understanding, "hashtags. but aren't those also slowly going out of fashion? these days it's all about the aesthetic."

jisung looks affronted, "what do you mean 'going out of fashion'?"

"never mind, hyung." seongwoo pats jisung's shoulder, grinning, "it's okay to grow old."

minhyun looks at the banana kick packet in his hand, "you certainely do have an interesting aesthetic taste, then, guanlinie."

guanlin can't help but laugh. he could always count on his hyungs to cheer him up, even if they did so unknowingly.

he bids the rest of them goodbye as they reaches the crossroads, assuring them he'll be fine, it's only a few minute walk till the hostel.

and once he reaches the hostel, he leans against the wall, pulling out his phone and attatching the picture of the banana kick to a caption that says _'you have to buy me banana kick soon, jihoonie hyung. i'm still waiting for you.'_

guanlin's finger hovers over the 'send' button, but in the end, he simply saves the message to his drafts and rings the bell, waiting for someone to open the door and let him inside.

***

they finish dinner and then retire to different areas of the house.

it's thursday evening, but for some reason, elkie and eunbin don't have school the next day. apparently, the school was being treated with pesticide, which required students to stay at home. guanlin found the reasoning ridiculous, but he couldn't do anything about it.

the two girls are happily lounging in the living room and watching a movie with ajhussi and ajhumma. seonho, on the other hand, has a week's worth of schoolwork spread out in front of him on the countertop. oscar is sitting across from him and doing his best to explain algebraic expressions, but it's clear that seonho couldn't care less.

soyeon is already upstairs in her room. it must have been a tough day for her. guanlin sympathises.

guanlin himself is lying face-down on his bed. he's been staring at the draft message to jihoon for about fifteen minutes, and he knows it's not doing him any good.

he checks the time. it's nine-thirty. if he tries to get some work done, then he won't have anything to finish over the weekend, leaving him free to practice for basketball try-outs. and he's sure he can finish his english essay in an hour, which means he'll be able to sleep by eleven maximum.

he sighs, gaze returning to the draft message. and then, just like that- on impulse, because that's just how guanlin is- he hits send. he hits send and watches his phone light up as the messege is delivered. he watches the photo, along with his caption- _i'm still waiting for you_ \- as it glares at him from the screen. he swallows and turns away.

he doesn't know when jihoon will see his message. he might even be asleep by now, who knows. guanlin wants to just focus on his work without any distraction, so he puts his phone on silent and tosses it aside, pulling his notebook towards him to start his essay.

he works steadily for one hour. full focus and concentration. by ten forty-five, he's finished, and he's also happy knowing that his weekend is free. he stows his notebook away in his bag and stretches, reaching for his phone.

and then-

-and then he freezes.

he stares at the screen for a good ten seconds, lips parted in surprise.

he has twenty messages and twelve missed calls.

all from park jihoon.

"what the _fuck_." he hisses, hurriedly unlocking his phone and scrolling through the messages.

_guanlin?_

_guanlinie?_

_are you busy?_

_you might be asleep, but you don't sleep this early usually._

_guanlin_

_where are you?_

_guanlinie_

and the rest just continue like that, one after the other, and when guanlin checks the time of the messages and calls, his heart jolts.

every single one of them had taken place in the span of the last five minutes.

jihoon had tried to reach him _32 times_ in the last _five minutes_. guanlin's heart is racing now, and he's worried. is jihoon okay? did something happen? he starts typing a message in response, before deciding that it would take too long. he chooses to call jihoon instead. that way, he'd reach the older boy immediately, and he'd know for sure if everything was fine.

he's just about to press the call button when he hears it.

a small sound, as if something was hitting glass. he pauses, listening closer.

another tap. and then another. guanlin frowns. the sound seems to be coming from his window.

he turns around and gazes at his window, but all he sees are the trees and the row of shops and houses across from his hostel. nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that could have made such a strange noise. and then-

-and then he sees a stone.

a pebble, to be more exact. it hits the window lightly and then bounces off again. guanlin gapes at the scene, before hurrying to his window and peering around.

and standing there, on the sidewalk in front of his hostel, is park jihoon.

for a moment, guanlin can't move. his eyes meet jihoon's and he can see jihoon's cheeks flush even from the distance.

jihoon isn't wearing a coat or a hat or a scarf. it's nearly winter, the weather is cold, but the older boy is wearing jeans and a sweater. jihoon's hair is ruffled and gorgeous, and his cheeks are red from the wind, and his eyes are filled with so many emotions, and suddenly guanlin doesn't know what to do.

park jihoon is so _beautiful_.

so guanlin opens his window and leans out, and for a second, he feels like laughing, because what the actual fuck is his life? jihoon standing in front of his house and throwing pebbles at his window? that's some pretty romantic shit right there.

but then again, guanlin thinks fondly, jihoon has probably never read romeo and juliet in his life. he probably wouldn't get the reference. he'll probably have a totally different reason for pelting stones at guanlin's window to get his attention.

"what are you doing?" guanlin asks, leaning farther out the window so that jihoon would be able to hear him.

jihoon doesn't answer his question, "come down." he says instead.

"what are you doing?" guanlin repeats weakly, "it's eleven o'clock. why are you here?"

"i've been an idiot, guanlin, please come down." 

guanlin doesn't move. jihoon has made him wait for so long, and then suddenly, without any warning, he is standing in front of guanlin's hostel, at eleven o clock in the night, asking guanlin to come downstairs and see him.

as guanlin glances down, he sees jihoon covers his middle with his arms.

he must be freezing, guanlin realizes, and he quickly closes his window and rushes downstairs, grabbing his coat for jihoon while he's at it. 

he hears footsteps behind him, and realizes that it's soyeon.

"what's going on?" she asks.

"that's what i'd like to know." elkie peeks out of the living room, eunbin right behind her, "what's with the noise?"

"were you shouting at someone?" seonho wants to know.

guanlin wonders how they're all still awake. he finds it amazing that seonho is still sitting at the countertop trying to do homework.

oscar looks at guanlin's coat, "are you going somehwere?"

guanlin answers none of them. he pushes past everyone and hurries to the door, hears it slam shut behind him.

jihoon is on the sidewalk, waiting for him. when he sees guanlin approaching, his eyes light up, and guanlin's breath catches in his throat, because he doesn't think he's ever felt so strongly for jihoon as he does now, in this moment.

he rushes towards jihoon, "hyung, what are you doing- it's _freezing_ , why aren't you wearing a-"

and the rest of his words die right there, because the older boy steps forward, and his hands reach up to cup guanlin's face gently, and then-

-and then jihoon kisses him.

for a moment, guanlin freezes. how can he not freeze? he can barely comprehend what's going on. but jihoon's lips are so warm and soft, and- and there are actual real fireworks. the butterflies that had remained surpressed for weeks are everywhere, and guanlin feels _right_ , and a sudden warmth spreads throughout his body. a feeling jihoon can give him- only jihoon, and nobody else.

jihoon is kissing him so tenderly and yet so passionately, holding him close like he's afraid guanlin will disappear if he lets go.

_park jihoon is kissing him._

and guanlin wraps his arms around jihoon's waist and kisses him back.

"what are you doing?" guanlin asks breathlessly when they part. jihoon is gazing at him in a way that makes his heart race. the older boy doesn't respond, just tugs guanlin into another kiss. guanlin doesn't argue.

when they part for the second time, guanlin reaches forward to push some hair from jihoon's eyes. he feels all the air leave his lungs.

jihoon's eyes have stars in them. guanlin has missed him so much.

"what are you doing?" guanlin asks again.

jihoon stares at him some more, his cheeks turning even pinker, before he says, "i like you."

and suddenly, guanlin feels real.

everything is real. everything was real. everything has been real. he hasn't been going crazy imagining things. he hasn't been pining uselessly. jihoon has confessed. jihoon likes him. and finally, _finally_ , guanlin is done waiting. it's all over, and he can put an end to the months of patience and longing, because finally, he can be with jihoon.

there's a small smile on guanlin's lips, "i know."

jihoon pouts, and guanlin kisses it away.

"i like you, too." he whispers, "i like you so much."

"i know." jihoon presses kisses all over guanlin's face, until the younger giggles and hides his face behind his hands. jihoon tugs the hands away so that he can see guanlin's face, "stop hiding. you're so beautiful."

guanlin flushes. he wants to reply with 'so are you', because it's true, but he's not going to do anything without getting some questions answered.

"well?" he raises an eyebrow. and jihoon sighs.

"i'm so sorry, lin-ah. i'm so sorry. i was an idiot, and you were right. i've liked you since we first met, and i didn't know how to tell you. when woojinie said you liked me, too, i thought- ah, it can't be true. but more than that..." jihoon runs his thumb across guanlin's cheek, "you were right about me thinking too much. that's why i couldn't say anything before. i spent too much time worrying and thinking. i'm sorry i made you wait so long. i'm sorry i hurt you so much."

"it's okay." guanlin says, and he realizes that it truly is, "i'm sorry, too. i shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

jihoon shakes his head ruefully, "i needed it. i was being stupid. i'm sorry." he lets out a shaky breath, "i missed you so much."

guanlin swallows, "i missed you, too."

"i'll treat you better." the older looks up, his words filled with promise, eyes filled with determination, "i'll treat you so well- you deserve everything. i'm sorry for hurting you and making you wait. i adore you so much. you have no idea how much you mean to me." he falters, "i'm not good at this. talking about feelings. and i- it's- i get embarrassed and i don't know how to tell you-"

"-it's okay." guanlin breathes out, pulling jihoon to his chest, "i already know. i like that about you. i adore you so much, too."

jihoon clutches guanlin's shirt, "there's a lot of things about me that i'm scared you won't like."

"don't be." guanlin says, "i like you. i like all sides of you, no matter what." he takes his coat and secures it around jihoon's shoulders, "idiot. it's so cold, what were you thinking, coming here at this hour, dressed like this?"

"i..." jihoon looks up, shy, "well. for once, i didn't think much."

"for once, you should have." guanlin retorts playfully.

jihoon shakes his head, "i saw your text about half an hour ago. and i'd been missing you for weeks, and i wanted to see you, and i wanted to talk to you, and you sent me that and i just kind of snapped."

"snapped?"

"it was like- i didn't care that it was nearly midnight and freezing and a weekday. i didn't care that it would take fifteen minutes by walk. i just needed to see you. i wanted to see you and kiss you and tell you i'm sorry. i wanted to _be with you_. i wanted you to be mine." jihoon looks incredibly flustered, but he doesn't stop talking, "so nothing else mattered except you. i started walking, and then i started running. i just wanted you."

"oh, hyung." guanlin practically melts, "why are you so sweet? i can't be angry at you even if i try."

jihoon doesn't say anything to that. he runs his fingers through guanlin's hair, and after a moment, asks, "will you be my boyfriend, guanlinie?"

guanlin pecks jihoon's lips, marvelling at the fact that he can actually do that, "of course." he pauses, savouring the smile on jihoon's face, before saying, "hyung?"

"mm?"

"i love romeo and juliet and all. beautiful story, if you don't count the dying part. but... why the stones?"

as expected, jihoon looks compeltely bewildered, "what? romeo and juliet?". it's so cute that guanlin can barely contain his laughter.

"have you ever read or watched romeo and juliet?"

"no." jihoon frowns, "but i know they die. why do you ask?"

guanlin can't help the fond smile from crossing his face, "no reason. why did you pelt pebbles at my window?"

"i tried texting!" jihoon says defensively, "and i called like a hundred times, and you wouldn't pick up. but by that time i was already here. i didn't want to knock or ring the bell, since it's so late. i didn't want to bother the rest of the hostel."

"mhmm."

"so i couldn't knock on the door, i couldn't ring the bell, you weren't answering my texts, you weren't picking up the phone, i was already at your house, and your window is right there." jihoon raises an eyebrow, "what do you expect me to do?"

guanlin chuckles, "call the landline before coming?"

"i told you- i didn't think that much. i didn't think at all. it was just about seeing you."

this makes guanlin blush, and jihoon coos at him, "aww, did i make guanlinie embarrassed?"

"shut up."

"you know- it wasn't supposed to be like this."

"meaning?"

"i was supposed to come inside, and we were supposed to go to your room, and i was supposed to apologize and confess first before kisisng you." jihoon laughs a little, "but when i saw you, i couldn't help myself."

"i like this better." guanlin decides, "even if it was unplanned, you were very romantic."

"yeah?" jihoon looks pleased.

"it would be hard not to accept an apology or confession like this." guanlin smiles, "not that i'd ever reject your confession. i've only been waiting for this for like... i don't know. months and months and months?"

"wow." jihoon suddenly seems very impressed with himself, "i'm going to fucking kill this boyfriend game. i'm going to be the best boyfriend ever. you're going to forget all the waiting."

guanlin leans down and kisses jihoon again, "i don't care about the waiting anymore. i would wait for you even longer than this."

jihoon looks up, sparkling eyes and loving gaze, "yeah?"

guanlin's breath hitches as jihoon reaches forward to link their figners together. he smiles, resting his forehead on the older boy's.

"yeah."

jihoon is here, with him. jihoon and him are together, arms wrapped around each other.

jihoon's lips are on his again.

and this, right now, is everything. guanlin has never been so happy.

"will you come back to study centre now?" guanlin asks.

jihoon nods, looking a little sheepish, "yeah. can i hold your hand when we walk inside so that everyone knows we're together?"

a warm feeling envelopes guanlin. he kisses jihoon again, "of course."

jihoon laughs, a little breathless, like he can't believe this is actually happening. guanlin can relate.

"it's fucking freezing outside, would you stop making out and come back in?!" soyeon shouts from the dooryway, and guanlin groans.

"looks like we had an audience." jihoon says, amused.

"screw my life."

"finally!" seonho's loud voice carries through the wind, "do you know how long they've been dragging this on! why are hyungs so dumb?"

"yah!" guanlin shouts back, "i heard that, you bastard!"

jihoon is laughing. it's the kind of laugh that guanlin loves- eyes crinkled and head thrown back. guanlin has missed this, missed him- and now he doesn't have to anymore. 

"i really really like you." he breathes, "i like you so much."

jihoon beams, "i really really like you so much, too."

the moon shines and the stars twinkle, and jihoon is smiling and guanlin is happy- even as the rest of the hostel shouts and cheers and whistles from the doorway. 

guanlin squeezes jihoon's fingers, "let's go inside."

and finally, for the first time, jihoon follows him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh finally jihoon confesses.
> 
> i'm so looking forward to the next chapters. panwink are going to be such cute boyfriends, just wait and see what i have in store ;P
> 
> thank you for all your support so far. every single kudos and comment honestly means the world to me. i never thought this story would recieve the response that it did. it's all thanks to you guys and i'm honestly so so grateful. love you all <3
> 
> hope you keep supporting me and this story. it means the world to me :)
> 
> next chapter will be out next week <3


	12. xii

"yah, lai guanlin!" oscar shouts from downstairs, "your boyfriend is here!"

guanlin practically glows at this.

he still can't believe this is actually real. it feels like a dream, and guanlin is still pinching himself. to be fair, nobody can blame him- jihoon had randomly showed up at his hostel last night, dressed like it was mid-spring instead of near-winter, pelting stones at his window and begging guanlin to come downstairs and hear him out.

very dream-like.

"guan- _lin!_ " oscar calls again, and guanlin rolls his eyes.

"i'm _coming_ , give me a second!"

he double checks that he has everything, before slinging his bag over his shoulder and heading out of his room. he knocks twice on soyeon's door, and she comes out, too. she's dressed in her uniform, just like he is, and is in the process of tying up her hair.

"what's for breakfast?" she asks, and guanlin shrugs.

"i don't know. hurry up, jihoon hyung is waiting downstairs."

"right." soyeon smirks, "your _boyfriend._ "

guanlin beams, "yup."

she laughs fondly at his reaction, "listen, we have ten minutes, right? i wanna have a quick talk with him."

"um, i don't think-"

"-just a little talk." she pushes past guanlin and scales the staircase, "there was too much happening last night to say anything."

before guanlin can protest, soyeon is already calling, "park jihoon-ssi, do you have a minute?"

"oh." he can hear jihoon, sounding half-surprised and half-fearful, "um. yes?"

"i should think so."

guanlin gulps and hurries down the stairs as fast as he can. to his horror, he notes that oscar, eunbin, elkie and seonho have all joined soyeon, and the five of them are squinting hard at jihoon, as if all the secrets of the universe are stored in his mind and they want to burn their way through his brain to find them.

"jihoon hyung!" he practically shouts, before any of them can say anything, "good morning!"

the change in jihoon's expression makes guanlin's heart flutter. he had previously been looking bewildered, and maybe little terrified. the minute he sees guanlin, though, his expression softens into the happiest smile, and his eyes practically light up.

"good morning." jihoon says, looking at guanlin as if the younger boy was the actual sun. 

guanlin really doesn't think this is real.

"okay, stop." soyeon reaches out and uses her hand to physically turns jihoon's head back to the rest of them.

"noo _na_." guanlin reprimands. 

she completely ignores him. of course.

"listen, last night was cute and romantic and shit, and we're sure you're a great, great guy, okay? and guanlinie has been waiting for you for so long that of course we approve and we want you both to be happy from now on, and all that, but," soyeon fixes jihoon with her death glare, "if i ever catch guanlin crying over you again, i swear to god, we will come at you with knives and tear you to pieces."

"soyeon noona, _no_." guanlin hisses. _honestly_ , he thinks, frustrated, _this is just brilliant- he'd just managed to get a confession from jihoon, and now the boy was going to run in the other direction, screaming. all because jeon soyeon could never shut the fuck up._

"true." seonho says, and guanlin groans, because seonho, too?, "you better treat hyung well. he's really awesome and really cool."

jihoon blinks.

"lai guanlin is a precious sweetheart who deserves nothing but the absolute best, i hope you know." elkie adds, and guanlin wishes the floor would just open up and swallow him, "so if you ever pull any rubbish again, don't think we won't know."

"and don't think we'll keep quiet about it." oscar agrees.

for a moment, guanlin just kind of contemplates the meaning of life. he's going to die of humiliation, this is it for him- jihoon is going to run away, and since that would definitely upset guanlin, the rest of his friends would take yumi ajhumma's knives and run after jihoon, screaming bloody murder. then they would all go to jail, and elkie's and guanlin's parents wouldn't even be here in korea to bail them out, and if elkie and guanlin stayed in jail, who would help yumi ajhumma cook everyday? and who would help her at home and in the garden? and if she exerted herself too much, she'd fall ill, and then she and ajhussi would be sad, too.

and it's all because soyeon couldn't keep her mouth shut.

it's only then that he realises that now all of their gazes were turned to him. soyeon, seonho, oscar, eunbin, elkie and jihoon were point-blank gaping at him.

"i said all that out loud, didn't i?" guanlin asks weakly.

seonho opens his mouth, and then closes it, and then opens it again. he doesn't say anything.

"dammit." guanlin mutters, "i need to work on that."

jihoon chuckles, "you're so cute, though." he says, and guanlin flushes a little, "have you ever considered taking up drama?"

"don't try to change the subject." oscar warns.

"listen, i get why you guys are worried." jihoon says, "it's reasonable, and i'm really sorry. i'll treat him well, i swear." he flashes a grin at seonho, "i am well aware that guanlinie is really awesome and really cool." he turns his gaze to soyeon, "and i don't intend to hurt him. ever. if something happens and he ends up unhappy- it won't happen, but _if_ \- then i give you full permission to come at me with knives. i won't even run."

guanlin's breath hitches. jihoon gives him a sweet smile, and guanlin returns it.

"i-" soyeon seems a little lost for words, "okay then. well. that's that."

"yup." seonho nods in approval, "you're cool, too, jihoon hyung, don't worry. i can call you hyung, right?"

"sure." jihoon says, "guanlinie, come on, let's get going."

"okay." guanlin quickly peeks into the kitchen to say goodbye to ajhumma and ajhussi, before following jihoon out of the house.

"jihoon-ssi, you can stop by for dinner any time!" eunbin calls after them, and guanlin is eternally grateful that _some_ one presented his boyfriend with a normal, hospitable image of their living quarters.

jihoon doesn't seem traumatised, though. that's a good thing. he's humming cheerfully, as if he's seeing everything in a new light. he reaches over, smile as soft and sweet as ever, and takes guanlin's hand, lacing their fingers together. he gives guanlin a look, as if saying, _hey, is this okay?_

guanlin squeezes jihoon's fingers and nods.

***

"guanlinie, you're early toda- what- wait- _what_ -" daehwi's mouth drops open when he sees jihoon and guanlin walking together, and he practically hyperventilates when he sees their intertwined fingers, "are you- is that- _how_ \- are you-"

jihoon flushes a little and looks away. guanlin grins, nodding.

daehwi lets out a shriek, "finally!" he hurls forward and forces the two of their hands apart so that he can hug guanlin. 

jihoon makes an offended sound, "hey!"

"sorry, hyung, you don't deserve a hug." daehwi pulls away from guanlin, flushed and excited, "well? who asked who? how did it happen?"

"hyung confessed." guanlin says cheerfully, and daehwi shrieks again.

"what is with the noise?" a new voice- somi- demands, appearing from the corner of the freshman wing. soeun is right behind her, "daehwi, seriously, can you not- wait- they're-?" somi breaks off questioningly.

"are you guys done giving each other the cold shoulder?" soeun asks bluntly. daehwi gives an excited spasm.

"even better- jihoon hyung finally confessed!"

somi and soeun freeze for a second, before they let out squeals that guanlin couldn't believe they were actually capable of.

"are you serious?!" soeun asks, hopping, "finally- jihoon sunbaenim, if you had dragged it on any longer, i would have hit you."

jihoon groans, "do all your friends hate me?"

"no!" guanlin denies, "they like you, really. soyeon noona likes you a lot, that's just how she is. and soeun is being annoying."

"who's annoying?" soeun raises an eyebrow, "the person who comforted you for weeks when you thought you were going crazy thinking jihoon-ssi could ever look your way? hm? who's annoying?"

guanlin sighs. she has a point, "okay, okay, i owe you."

"that's more like it." soeun grins, "now come on, daehwi, somi. there's still ten minutes till the bell. let's give these two some time."

somi giggles and daehwi gives them a thumbs up, before the three of them dash back to homeroom.

jihoon squeezes guanlin's hand, "i really hurt you a lot, didn't i?"

"mm." guanlin bites his lip, "i think i took it too seriously?"

"it doesn't seem like that." jihoon says gently, "it's okay to tell me, you know. if you felt hurt because of me."

"i felt hurt." guanlin mutters, avoiding the boy's eyes, "but it's fine now."

"did you really cry over me?"

"i cried after i shouted at you." guanlin corrects, "i thought you hated me. i thought i spoiled everything."

"you didn't. it made me think."

"i know."

"listen, i'm not too good at... showing my affection for people." jihoon says, "i don't know how, and i'm really shy about it. you know."

"i know." guanlin says again, "it's fine. i told you- it's cute. hyung is cute."

jihoon blushes, "well. i'm going to try to do well, okay? i'm going to try and show you and tell you all the time. but... just keep in mind that you mean everything to me. i might not always know how to show it, but... you mean everything to me."

park jihoon is smooth.

guanlin has really pale skin, so even if he only turns a little pink, it looks like he's on fire. jihoon chuckles at his flushed cheeks, fanning them and cooing. "you have really pretty skin, linlin." he says appreciatively, "you're like a flower."

"i can't believe you think you're bad at showing affection." guanlin hides his face behind his hands. 

jihoon looks delighted, "i said i'm working on it- i did okay, right? i've been preparing myself for weeks, telling myself that i could only ask you out once i was ready to be my best for you. i didn't think i'd accidentally push you away in the process."

guanlin feels a sudden lump in his throat. all this time, while he was hurt and confused and upset- jihoon was only trying to improve himself. he only wanted to be good enough for guanlin, which is crazy, because jihoon is already the best and he has nothing he needs to improve.

"you don't need to change anything." guanlin says firmly, "i like you how you are. i'll like you no matter what. but still- you're doing well in talking sweetly to me."

"you're younger, right? and you may be tall, but i'm stronger. you're a pretty flower." jihoon grins teasingly, "so shouldn't i look after you?"

guanlin grins back, pulling jihoon into his chest, "are you sure it's not the other way around? with me taking care of you?"

this makes the older laugh, "let's just take care of each other, then."

the bell rings. students mile around, hurrying to their classes. guanlin quickly leans down and pecks jihoon's cheek.

"bye, hyung!" he laughs to himself as jihoon turns into a red, spluttering mess, "see you at lunch!"

jihoon raises a hand in farewell. the red still doesn't leave his cheeks. guanlin beams.

cute.

***

"guanlin-ah!" jihoon calls, hurrying after the younger boy, "wait for us."

"it's literally been less than a day." daehwi says in disbelief, "and he's already forgotten about the rest of us."

"don't you love us anymore, hyung?" jinyoung adds, clutching his heart dramatically, "why don't you greet us, too?"

"what is the _matter_ with you?!" woojin demands, gasping for breath as he finally catches up to jihoon, "linlin's not going anywhere, you could have _slowed the fuck down_ , you dumbass."

guanlin ignores them, "hi, hyung."

"how was your day?" jihoon smiles, brushing some hair out of guanlin's eyes, "you had a korean vocab quiz, right?"

"he did really well." daehwi boasts, "he got a higher mark than, like, half the class. he got a higher mark than me, but only by one point."

"daniel hyung will cry." woojin grins, "he was so excited about your korean test a few weeks ago, remember? and the other day- jihoonie, you missed this- guanlin used some korean phrase, like, you know-"

"-a colloquial term, and it made him sound really korean-" daehwi interjects, "it was like, a term that koreans use in everyday conversations-"

"-and daniel was so proud he nearly combusted." jinyoung finishes, already laughing, "i've never seen him like that. not just him, seongwoo hyugn and minhyun hyung, too. they were like proud fathers, ruffling his hair and going 'that's our guanlinie'."

"ah, that's good." jihoon says, sounding every bit as proud as daniel had sounded. guanlin's heart is warm, "he's always improving in korean. do you know how hard he works, hm?"

"we know." the other three chorus, and guanlin chuckles, embarrassed.

"i swear to god, one day seongwoo hyung and minhyun hyung are going to fight over custody." woojin says, "seongwoo has already termed guanlin as 'his child', and minhyun hyung said that if guanlin wanted a korean surname, he could use hwang."

"i would use lee." guanlin says cheerfully, accepting daehwi's high-five, "that's really close to lai, don't you think?"

jihoon nods, "how common of a surname is lai in taiwan?"

"pretty common." guanlin says, "not the most popular, but not as unfamiliar as ong over here. it's like... jung or hwang or park here in hangul."

"park guanlin." jihoon muses, before realising the implications and turning bright red. woojin lets out the most mirthful laugh, and guanlin intertwines his fingers with jihoon's and gives his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"all surnames sound good with guanlin."

"i agree." jihoon says, leaning into guanlin a bit as they walk, "you can pull off anything."

"cute." daehwi says, at the same time jinyoung mutters, "gross."

"we didn't even do anything!" guanlin protests, "if you keep this up, jihoon hyung will never even _smile_ at me in public!"

jinyoung looks a little guilty at this. 

jihoon swallows. guanlin is an affectionate person, someone who shows love to everyone he cares about, and is happy an content in receiving warmth from those close to him. he is the type of person that loves so wholly and purely, the type of person who would break if someone he cared about turned their back on him and hurt him.

jihoon never wants to hurt him again. he wants to do nothing but make guanlin smile forever and ever and ever.

guanlin sometimes needs reassurances that people care about him. and jihoon isn't good at that.

yet guanlin is willing to let jihoon be. he says he is okay with jihoon not being overly affectionate, because he knows how much the older boy cares, and that it enough for him. he accepts jihoon just the way he is, with all his strengths and all his flaws, and adores him for it.

jihoon is so fucking lucky.

he wants to be better for guanlin, wants to be someone who can show his affection and say sweet things, even in public, and not get embarrassed over everything. he wants to improve and be someone who makes guanlin sure of jihoon's love for him.

so he brings their clasped hands to his lips and presses soft butterfly kisses to guanlin's knuckles, squeezes his fingers quickly before allowing their hands to drop between them again. guanlin's eyes widen, shocked. his cheeks turn pink and his face breaks into the most pleasantly surprised, content smile jihoon has ever seen.

guanlin returns the gesture- three butterfly kisses against the back of jihoon's hand- and neither of them can believe it is possible to be so happy.

woojin, jinyoung and daehwi exchange a quick glance, smile at each other. then jinyoung swings an arm around jihoon, and daehwi latches himself onto jinyoung, and woojin leans on guanlin, causing all of them to stumble and then laugh.

guanlin closes his eyes and smiles wide.


	13. xiii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday to our bae jinyoung!!
> 
> jinyoung, who always works hard and does his best no matter what, i hope you have an amazing day! thank you for looking after your hyungs and dongsaengs, and, of course, your fans.
> 
> our jinyoung, super handsome, resident small face, vocal tone king, always improving and putting in all his effort, savage but kind-hearted, we love you!!! <3

"i'm nervous." jihoon says as the five of them approach the study centre building.

daehwi turns to him, surprised, "about what?"

"i literally skipped four classes for no reason." jihoon deadpans, "i have so much to catch up on, and poor sungwoon hyung will have to work for extra time to help me. i'm in so much trouble. i can feel it."

"what were you thinking, though?" woojin demands, "skipping four classes in a row for literally no reason? that's fucking insane!"

"i did have a reason." jihoon says defensively. guanlin snorts.

"a pretty pathetic one, hyung. no offense."

" _rude_." jihoon huffs, "i was just trying to sort myself out. i was afraid that if i saw you properly- like, standing right in front of me- i would do something stupid."

"like?"

"i don't know." jihhon mutters, "kiss you."

guanlin grins teasingly, "that _is_ kind of what ended up happening anyway, isn't it? i wasn't even standing in front of you, i just sent you a picture of banana kick."

"shut up."

"actually," daehwi says, "how _did_ he ask you out? how did it happen? you never told us."

"mm." guanlin smirks at jihoon, "wanna tell the story, hyung?"

"no."

"ok, then they'll hear it from my point of view." guanlin turns to the other three, "so after study centre, i took a picture of minhyun hyung's banana kick, right?"

they nod.

"well, i've always been asking jihoon hyung to buy me banana kick, but he still hasn't, so i just sent him the picture-"

"-and he wrote 'i'm still waiting' as the caption!" jihoon says heatedly, "how did you expect me to react?"

"with a text?" jinyoung asks. guanlin shakes his head.

"i just put my phone on silent and finished some work, like a good child, and then at like 11 o'clock, i had more than 30 texts and calls from hyung-" he turns to jihoon menacingly, "and i was _so fucking worried_ , park jihoon, i swear to god, if you _ever_ pull shit like that again, i will kill you."

jihoon splutters, "yesterday you said it was romantic!"

"it was." guanlin beams, "okay, guys, listen- so i was about to call him back, and then suddenly someone is throwing stones at my window."

woojin, jinyoung and daehwi gape.

"he _threw stones at your window?_ " jinyoung repeats, incredulous, "how- how did your window not break?"

"they were _pebbles!_ " a very flustered jihoon says defensively, "and it was really late, so i didn't want to bother his hostel by knocking or ringing the bell. but he didn't pick up the phone, so i really had no choice."

"are you sure it wasn't a romeo and juliet thing?" daehwi asks sceptically, "y'know, just casually reenacting a scene from the most famous romance story ever to prove how much you like him?"

woojin snorts with laughter, "rome-hoon and guanliet?"

"hey, guanliet sounds pretty good!" daehwi looks impressed, "that was good, hyung."

"anyway." guanlin cuts in, "he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and it was freezing, so i took a coat and i went downstairs to give it to him, and i was asking him if he was okay, what he was doing, and he didn't even let me finish."

"he kissed you?" jinyoung asks eagerly, and woojin lets out a whoop.

"that's my bro! he went full-on!"

"oh my god, _shut up._ " jihoon hisses, "can we please get back to the point?"

"which is?"

"um, the hyungs are going to kill me today?"

"well, too late to care." guanlin strokes the back of jihoon's hand comfortingly, "we're here."

jihoon groans, squeezing guanlin's hand tighter, "you promised to hold my hand the whole time."

"i know."

jihoon turns to the rest of them, regarding them with mock-sadness. "it was nice knowing you." he says, before turning to guanlin specifically, "especially you. i wish we could've lasted longer- and i wish i had stopped being stupid earlier- but the hyungs are going to murder me now, so this is goodbye."

"oh, for god's sake." guanlin says incredulously, "stop _moping_ , let's go."

jihoon makes a pathetic noise and allows guanlin to pull him forward. woojin follows, laughing, and daehwi is shaking his head in disbelief, and jinyoung is muttering 'what the actual fuck?' while jogging after them, all five of them taking a couple of seconds to bow to boA before quickly resuming their previous actions.

it's an interesting sight, boA thinks, as she watches them go.

it makes her smile.

***

jisung does not greet them with a warm smile as he usually does.

instead, he zeroes in on jihoon and raises an eyebrow, "hello, jihoon."

jihoon gulps, "hi, hyung."

"i heard from sungwoon that you texted him this morning to let him know you'd be coming back today."

jihoon nods.

"any _particular_ reason you felt the need to skip four classes without any advanced notice?"

jihoon shuffles a little, lifting a shoulder, "sorry."

jisung smiles pleasantly, "as it turns out, 'sorry' is not, in fact, a reason."

"he'll be really proper from now on, hyung." guanlin says earnestly, "he'll work really hard, and be less stupid."

jihoon shoves him, before burying his face into guanlin's chest. guanlin giggles.

"o..kay?" jisung is now regarding the pink-faced, beaming pair suspiciously, "have you sorted out your disagreements, you two?"

"oh, trust me." jinyoung rolls his eyes, "they have done way more than just sort out their disagreements. where are the other hyungs?"

"they're inside. come on, you five. let's get started."

the rest of the hyungs are all glad to see that jihoon is okay, but minhyun still feels that the boy deserves a little scolding.

"jihoon, i hope you don't pull anything like that again."

"i won't." jihoon bows his head.

"i understand that you were trying to figure some things out, which is fine, but at least some advanced notice would have been nice. it would've been the right thing to do."

"i know. i'm sorry."

"it's not just about how much catching up you have to do- it's about how worried we were." minhyun is stern, "we were _extremely_ worried about you."

"sorry."

"it's fine, jihoon-ah." sungwoon intervenes, "we're glad you're feeling happy and ready to work. we have a lot to do today."

jihoon nods gratefully, "i'll work hard, hyung. i'm sorry."

"it's alright." jisung finally smiles at him, and jihoon seems relieved, "we all have hard days."

"you look better, too." daniel says to guanlin, raising an eyebrow, "did something happen?"

it is then that jaehwan notices guanlin's and jihoon's intertwined fingers, "is that a thing now?" he asks, grinning madly and pointing at the two of them.

jihoon, as per usual, blushes madly, and guanlin wills away the pink in his own cheeks and nods.

"no shit?" seongwoo says, clearly surprised, "i was wondering how long it would take jihoon to confess."

"it's really a thing now?" daniel asks, delighted, "that's great! i'm so happy for you guys. take care of each other, okay?"

"we will." the two chorus in return. daniel ruffles guanlin's hair.

"i'm really, really glad it worked out." he says quietly. guanlin nods, beaming.

"i knew something was up." jisung shakes his head, smiling, "you should have seen the two of them at the entrance just now."

"flirting?' jinyoung snorts, "they've been doing that all term. we're used to it."

"how cute." sungwoon coos, "i don't think i've seen jihoon smile this much, ever."

"you should listen to the story of how they got together." daehwi chortles, "it's crazy. jihoon hyung went all sangnamja on our guanlinie."

" _jihoon_ went sangnamja?" jaehwan asks in shock, " no way! i thought for sure that it would be guanlin!"

woojin shakes his head, "jihoonie snapped."

"well?" seongwoo says eagerly, "aren't you going to tell us how it happened?"

jihoon groans and attempts to hide himself, burying his face as far into guanlin's chest as he can. the hyungs all coo like teenage girls.

"hyungs are so uncool." daehwi huffs, "you're giving the same reaction as somi."

jaehwan looks offended, "if jihoonie can be a sangnamja, then i can definitely pull off-"

"yah, shut up, i wanna hear the story!" daniel shoves jaehwan- who splutters at the betrayal- and leans forward.

so for the second time, guanlin retells the story of how jihoon came running to his house, threw stones at his window to get his attention and then kissed him. this time, he has help from woojin, daehwi and jinyoung. woojin adds good sound effects, and daehwi is excellent at giving reactions. so is jinyoung, but on a different level- wherever daehwi squealed, jinyoung would retch, making everyone laugh.

by the time the story draws to a close, dongho, minki, aron and jonghyun have joined their little circle, and all the hyungs are applauding and wolf-whistling. there is a lot of 'alright, jihoon!' and 'wah, jihoon really went for it, huh?' being tossed around, and jihoon looks very much like he would like to die.

"but what is it that he said to you?" aron wants to know, "you said that after he kissed you, he said really sweet and sincere things that made you forgive him instantly."

"yeah, if you tell me, then i'll also be able to get out of trouble easily." minki says, "share the wisdom, maybe?"

the thing is, guanlin has been consistent in leaving out that part of the story. those words that jihoon said to him- they are special. jihoon, who doesn't usually talk about his feelings or show emotion, spoke to guanlin so sincerely and full of affection. guanlin wants to keep that in his heart forever.

"mm." guanlin squeezes jihoon's hand, "i don't think so, hyung. sorry. that part is for me alone."

"ahhh, how cute!" jonghyun cries, "i'm so happy for you!"

dongho grins, clapping jihoon on the back, "i never pinned you as the manly type, but after that story i might think about changing my mind."

"i am manly!" jihoon insists, and guanlin snorts.

"guys, the kids have started coming." aron says, "we'll have to get back to them."

"oh, right." minki gets up, "congrats, you two. keep looking after each other."

the others nod, echoing the sentiments, and jihoon smiles, "we will."

the group disperses, and they all get into their mentor-student pairs to begin work, and daniel is still beaming as if it's the best day of his entire life.

"hyung?" guanlin says questioningly.

"i am so happy for you!" daniel says, looking every bit excited as he sounds, "did you see how cute you and jihoonie are together? i told you it would all work out well!"

guanlin nods, "you're the best hyung. you really made me feel better when i was upset."

"i'm glad." daniel seems pleased, "and now that you're in a better mood, we can really focus well on work. is it biology today?"

"yeah." guanlin pulls out his books, "let's get to work."

across the room, jihoon catches his eye. the older boy's lips curl up into that one specific, sweet, happy smile that's always reserved only for guanlin, ever since they first met, all those months ago.

guanlin's heart soars.

***

"tell me something about yourself." jihoon says, "something i don't know."

they are walking home from study centre together, just the two of them, and jihoon has promised to buy guanlin banana kick.

"what do you not know about me?"

"a lot of things, i think." jihoon murmurs, smiling at the younger boy fondly, "tell me what makes you happy."

"hm." guanlin pauses for a moment, and then says, "there was a night-market back in taipei. and there was a river near there. i used to go there with my friends and eat street food and we would just hang out, and then we used to go to the river and lay in the grass. there was a sports ground, too. we used to play there all the time. doing those things made me happy."

"do you ever miss it?"

'"all the time." guanlin says honestly, "but for me- i think, more than things or places- it's people that make me happy."

"i see." jihoon says, reaching out to take guanlin's hand again, "i make you happy, don't i?"

"of course." guanlin rolls his eyes, "the happiest. you already know that."

jihoon giggles a little, "just wanted to hear you say it."

"you are so sappy."

"only for you."

guanlin shakes his head in disbelief, "what happened to you?"

"you like it." jihoon grins as guanlin blushes, "i knew it- see, you like it so much!"

"shut up!" guanlin whines, and before jihoon can say anything else, he asks, "what makes you happy?"

"well... i guess for me, it's moments that make me happy." jihoon says thoughtfully, "small things, like all of us laughing together at study centre. or when we're just all chilling. and it's fun and easy, y'know? and some people, too. some people make me really happy."

"like?"

"the study centre group for sure. and obviously, woojin and i have been friends forever." jihoon brushes some hair out of guanlin's face, "and it's weird, because i don't usually get close to people easily, but you've made me happy from the time we first met."

guanlin feels a warmth in his heart, "how sweet, hyung." he teases, and jihoon smacks him.

"what kind of things do you like to do?" the older asks instead. guanlin shrugs.

"i like sports. basketball, skating, baseball, swimming. and running, too." he pauses, "also, i like playing the piano."

"yeah?" jihoon looks impressed, "i'm dating a genius, huh?"

the butterflies in guanlin's stomach go crazy at this, because jihoon literally just said that they are dating- which they are, of course, but it's crazy and amazing to hear it said so clearly like that, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"what do you like to do?" guanlin asks, "besides dancing and running. and football, right?"

"yeah." jihoon says, "that's why my thighs are really strong. i've been kicking footballs around forever."

"that's pretty cool." guanlin grins, "i'm not bad at football. when i was younger, i lived in LA for a few months. in school, said i liked football, because i didn't know that it's called soccer there, right? and next thing i know, i ended up in those helmets with those enormous shoulder pads and everything, and i had no idea what was going on."

jihoon bursts out laughing, "idiot." he says fondly, "don't you know that football is a totally different game there? our football is their soccer. and their football is something else entirely."

"i _know_." guanlin huffs, "i just didn't know it back _then_. i was younger, okay?"

"younger like what, ten?"

"younger like five, thank you very much."

jihoon laughs again, "i see. you lived in LA for a few months? that must be how you learnt english."

"yup." guanlin's expression becomes mischievous, "let me hear your english, hyung."

"shut up." jihoon pouts, and guanlin snorts.

they walk in silence for a few more minutes before jihoon points at a nearby convenience store, "linlinie, look- they must have banana kick." he tugs guanlin towards the store, and sure enough, there are racks full of the snack packet. guanlin happily takes ten, and jihoon splutters.

"i did not agree to pay for ten packets!"

guanlin droops slightly, "oh. right. sorry."

"but, of course you can take as many as you want." jihoon says hastily, not wanting to do anything to upset the younger boy, "you can take twenty if you want, look, hyung brought his wallet. buy a bunch for yourself and all your hostel friends and soeun and somi and daehwi."

the smile is back on guanlin's face- the smile jihoon loves so much, the one that is accompanied by the most attractive and adorable dimple on the younger boy's cheek- and that in itself makes jihoon more than happy to spend his entire month's allowance on banana kick for his boyfriend.

"it's okay, hyung, i'll just buy two." guanlin takes two packets, "one for me and one for you."

"you're so sweet." jihoon chuckles, "you can take three if you want."

"it's fine, i don't want you to spend to much on me."

"i'm your boyfriend. it's my job."

"hm." guanlin seems to consider this, "then next time, i'll pay for us. okay, hyung?"

"okay." jihoon says, although he knows for sure that he will not ever let guanlin touch his wallet when he is around.

even after they wander around and finish their banana kick and throw away the packets, they don't really want to part ways and go home. eventually, as they find a deserted-enough side-street, jihoon leans against the cement wall and tugs guanlin down for a kiss.

guanlin complies, wrapping his arms around jihoon's waist and kissing back sweetly. when they part to breath, guanlin whispers, "people could see us."

"so?' jihoon scoffs, "that'll just be my way of showing people that you're mine, and they better keep their hands and eyes and everything off my pretty flower." he captures guanlin's lips again, feels the heat from the younger boy's blush.

"didn't know you were the possessive type." guanlin murmurs hotly against his lips.

"oh, just you wait." jihoon breathes, "you wanted to see all the sides of me, right?"

"mm." guanlin makes a noise of content as jihoon begins kissing down his jaw, "i like this side of you, too."

his statement makes jihoon swoon a little. his heart feels too big for his body, and he feels so, so grateful. his kisses get a little less heated and a little more tender, and guanlin chuckles softly, noticing the change.

"i like you, hyung." he reassures jihoon, pressing soft kisses to jihoon's lips, "i like you so much, no matter what. i like you however you are."

and jihoon lets out a shaky breath, cups guanlin's face in his hands and kisses him with so much passion, and guanlin is kissing him back, and he is so happy.

when guanlin finally pulls away, his lips are red and swollen, and his hair is gorgeously ruffled, and he looks stunning. jihoon stands on his tip-toes to press a last kiss to the younger boy's cheek. guanlin smirks, returning the kiss with one to jihoon's lips.

jihoon is about to straighten out guanlin's hair so that they can continue their walk home when they hear a squeal.

they both whip around to see tzuyu standing in front of them. she has a shopping bag in one hand, and is accompanied by chaeyeong, who is another girl in jihoon's class and one of tzuyu's best friends.

"tzuyu, chaeyoung." jihoon clears his throat awkwardly, making no move to step away from guanlin, "hey."

chaeyoung flashes a grin at him, "heyyy. sorry to interrupt you. i said we should leave you alone, but tzuyu wouldn't listen."

"how- uh. how long were you standing there?"

"like two seconds." chaeyoung lifts a shoulder, "not long at all. did we miss something? should we have come earlier?"

"oh, shut up." jihoon grumbles, because chaeyoung knows _exactly_ what she is talking about.

"guanlinie, what is this- how come you didn't tell me?" tzuyu demands.

"i'm sorry!" guanlin lifts his hands in mock-surrender, "it happened, like, yesterday!"

tzuyu looks like she might combust, so chaeyoung plants a steadying hand on her shoulder, "calm, tzu."

"i _am_ calm!" she insists, and guanlin snorts.

"don't roll your eyes at me." tzuyu points at him accusingly, "just _what_ do you think you were doing?"

"he _was_ making out with his boyfriend until you interrupted." jihoon says boredly, and chaeyoung lets out a whoop while tzuyu gapes.

"he asked you out?"

" _i_ asked _him_ out." jihoon corrects, "very romantically, but i won't tell you that story."

tzuyu lets out a half-strangled and half-ecstatic noise, "i'm so happy for you two!"

"thanks." they chorus. chaeyoung gives them a thumbs-up before pulling tzuyu away.

"we better get back home, tzuyu. we've bothered them enough, and you'll see them in school tomorrow."

they wave at the other two until they're out of sight. jihoon threads his finger through guanlin's.

"let's get you home then, hm?"

"your house in the other direction." guanlin points out, "you don't need to trouble yourself."

"you aren't trouble." jihoon looks affronted, "besides, i like walking you home."

"but then you'll walk back to your house all by yourself."

"i like walking alone sometimes."

guanlin nods understandingly, "thinking time?"

"yeah."

"what do you think about?"

jihoon shrugs a little. smiles, "i don't know. a lot of things. life, the universe... you know how it is."

"aww." guanlin pouts, "you don't think about me?"

"i do." jihoon blinks, "i just said i did."

"no, you didn't- you said you think about life and the universe."

jihoon regards him innocently, "exactly."

there is a moment in which guanlin processes the older boy's words. then his entire face goes red and he hides behind his hands and he's groaning, seemingly disgusted and yet, somehow endeared.

"hyung. _what happened to you?_ "

"i don't know." jihoon replies honestly, "that was a good one, admit it."

"hyung!"

"and it's so true that i didn't even have to think twice."

" _hyung!_ " guanlin's voice rises an octave, "what the fuck? that was so-"

"romantic? beautiful?"

"cheesy!"

jihoon laughs at his reaction, "you secretly like it. you wouldn't blush so hard otherwise."

"you show new sides of yourself all the time." guanlin shakes his head in disbelief.

"and what do you think of this one?"

guanlin smiles, "i like it, of course. what would you call this side of yours?"

"the 'whipped for guanlinie' side."

guanlin chuckles, "ah, i also have one like that. the 'totally head over heels for jihoon hyung' side."

"cute." jihoon says happily, "come on, guanlinie. let's go home."

guanlin smiles and nods his head and follows.

***

"want to stay for dinner, jihoon-ssi?" soyeon asks, "ajhumma made pasta today."

"wow." jihoon marvels, "italian food? you guys are so global."

this makes seonho laugh, "you should see us when we fight over a cup of ramyeon. that's when we show our global-ness. me and soyeon and eunbin will be shouting in korean, and elkie noona and guanlin will be arguing in mandarin, and sometimes, guanlin and oscar will slip into english, too."

jihoon snickers.

"it makes no sense that we argue over ramyeon." oscar says, "because most of the time, it's me who _made_ the ramyeon. it's already _mine_. why do you guys even bother fighting for it?"

eunbin rolls her eyes, "it's all for one and one for all. you should learn to share. gosh."

before oscar can retort, elkie says, "call your parents and ask them if it's alright, jihoon-ssi. we'd love to have you over."

"if it's not a problem." jihoon smiles, pulling out his phone and shooting a quick text to his mother.

"does your mom know about guanlin?" eunbin asks with interest. jihoon nods.

"of course she does. i told my parents yesterday that i finally managed to ask him out, and he said yes, and now they want to meet him."

"they don't mind me?" guanlin asks.

"my mom thinks you're really handsome- i showed her your picture- and my dad thinks you're 'admirable' for coming to korea and working so hard." jihoon says, "they told me to look after you well."

"aww, how cute." elkie coos, "jihoon-ssi, look- your mother must have replied?" she points to jihoon's phone, which had just vibrated.

"right-" he checks it, "yeah, she says it's alright."

"great." soyeon says, "let's have some pasta, then."

ten minutes later sees them all seated at the dinner table, along with ajhumma and ajhussi, wolfing down the delicious pasta. 

"have you gone back to check on the dog by the river?" jihoon asks randomly, "is it still there?"

"it's still there." seonho says, "guanlin and i go often. we take it food and everything."

"mm." jihoon notices that soyeon and oscar looks slightly guilty, "i'm glad that it's doing well."

"yeah." guanlin says a little sadly, "but we're worried about him. we noticed he had some scars last time, and he flinched when we first tried to pet him. he usually comes to us easily."

jihoon's lips tug down, "oh."

"that poor thing." ajhumma shakes her head, "people can be cruel to strays, you know. and for absolutely no reason, too."

"the frost is coming on hard." ajhussi adds, "it's bound to be an extreme winter. i doubt that little guy will make it if he doesn't have any food or shelter."

guanlin and seonho look like they might tear up. jihoon feels a lump in his throat on seeing the sad expression on guanlin's face. he reaches under the table to squeeze the boy's hand.

"i'm sorry we couldn't do anything, guys." soyeon says, "i know that there are consequences and things to consider while taking in strays- but i shouldn't have been so harsh about it."

"me, too." oscar mutters, "i was really snappy with you two about it. thinking back now, i understand why you were upset."

"it's alright." seonho says, managing a smile, "you're right- there are a lot of things to consider, it would be difficult to just randomly take in a stray. i guess."

"yeah." guanlin nods, "it would've been hard."

they don't say _we still would have done it, though_. it hangs in the air, and jihoon knows that guanlin and seonho are still genuinely upset about it.

"we'll see what happens." elkie says, "don't be upset, you two."

"yeah, maybe we can take it a few blankets." eunbin agrees, "or we could by him a dog house and set it up near the river so he won't freeze."

guanlin and seonho perk up a bit at this idea, while the others nod.

"it's a sweet little thing." oscar says, "it seems really friendly. i don't get why anyone would just hurt it like that."

"people suck, that's why." seonho snaps, and ajhumma makes a disapproving noise.

"um..." jihoon bites his lip, "where exactly is this dog? near the han river?"

"not the han river." guanlin corrects, "next to that little creek a few minutes away. near jinyoung hyung's house."

"oh!" jihoon knows what he's talking about immediately, "there's a grass clearing and a lot of trees, and a run-down shed, right?"

"exactly!" soyeon says, "you must have seen it. i'm sure you've been to jinyoung-ssi's house many times."

"i know exactly what you're talking about." jihoon confirms, "the dog is there?"

"yeah." eunbin says, "you should come with us one day to meet him."

"i should." jihoon agrees.

the wheels are turning in his head. more than anything, he wants to make that sad frown disappear from guanlin's face forever- and of course, he wants to help that poor poor dog, too. the winter is coming, and it's not safe.

ajhumma and ajhussi seem like sweet and understanding people. the rest of the hostel seems to be very reasonable, as well, and all of them seem fond of the dog.

and jihoon wants to make guanlin smile, wants to make him happy. his mind is working overtime, trying to set his thoughts in order, trying to figure out if his little plan will work.

jihoon has an idea.


	14. xiv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE HAVE CROSSED 100 KUDOS!
> 
> you guys are amazing. i never expected so many people to read this story, and i feel so happy and grateful to all of you.
> 
> thank you so much! i'll keep working hard *sends hugs* love you guysss! <3

jihoon gives guanlin a lot more kisses than usual that morning.

on a normal basis, when jihoon comes to pick him up in the morning, they trade a quick good morning kiss. sometimes, jihoon will sit inside and have breakfast with ajhumma until guanlin is ready. other times, they will rush out the door, carring a sandwich in a napkin because they are so late.

today they are early.

when guanlin opens the door for jihoon and smiles at him and wishes him a good morning, as he always does, jihoon replies by standing on his tip-toes and pressing five soft kisses against his lips, before pulling away and beaming like sunshine.

guanlin blinks, cheeks filling with warmth, and jihoon laughs at his reaction, shoving him aside and making his way towards the kitchen to say hello to everyone else.

"we still have nearly twenty minutes." jihoon says cheerfully, pouring some syrup over guanlin's pancakes and taking a bite.

"we do." guanlin replies, slightly suspicious, "why are you so early?"

"i'm not allowed to be early because i want to spend more time with my boyfriend?"

"okay, why are you so happy? you're never this happy in the morning."

"it's because he gets to see you, duh." seonho snorts, cringing a little when jihoon nods.

"besides." soyeon slides into the seat next to guanlin, "nothing wrong with being cheerful."

guanlin gapes.

jihoon being chirpy in the morning is one thing- but soyeon? jeon soyeon doesn't _do_ chirpy mornings. she has two extremes when it comes to any time before eleven am: the deadly evil glare-at-everyone mode, and the deadpan i-will-not-smile-for-the-next-two-hours mode.

and yet, here she is, chattering happily with ajhussi while wolfing down her breakfast.

guanlin shakes his head. something is seriously wrong. if it goes on like this, oscar might even come down the stares singing and smiling.

guanlin chuckles to himself at that mental picture. oscar was even less of a morning person than soyeon and jihoon. guanlin had never seen him smile while coming down the stairs in the morning before school. it would definitely be a strange sight.

as if on cue, guanlin hears seonho say, "good morning, oscar hyung!" and guanlin turns around to do the same, when his jaw drops.

oscar is heading towards them. smiling.

he is humming some unfamiliar melody, and he looks awake.

"what the _fuck_." guanlin pushes away his pancakes, "what is going on?"

jihoon raises an eyebrow, "are you not going to finish that?"

"i am going to finish that, but you can have some if you want."

"you're the best." jihoon pulls the plate towards him. guanlin rolls his eyes fondly.

"guanlinie, have you packed your bag?" ajhussi asks, "i don't see it with you. you'll be late if you don't get ready quickly."

"oh, crap, i forgot." he quickly rises from his seat, bowing sheepishly in apology when ajhumma scolds him for his language, and hurries up the stairs to get his bag.

"woah, what's with the rush?" elkie asks in mild alarm as guanlin bumps into her, "you still have time, right?"

"i forgot to pack my bag." he takes a step back and blinks at her, "jiejie? aren't you going to school today? where's your uniform?"

elkie is dressed in jeans and a casual top, a far cry from the pleated skirt and shirt-and-tie that she and eunbin have to wear at their high school.

"i have some work to do." elkie waves him off.

"like what?"

"college application stuff. i need to visit a couple of places and talk to some advisors. i couldn't get any other appointment time."

"ah." guanlin nods. elkie, like soyeon, is in her final year of high school. guanlin hopes that they do their best and get into their first-choice college, but at the same time, he dreads the moment that they'll have to leave. it would mean them leaving the hostel and going to the university dorms, and guanlin isn't ready to let them go.

"what happened, baobao?" elkie asks, concerned, "you look upset suddenly."

"huh?" guanlin shakes himself out of his reverie, "it's nothing. how come soyeon noona doesn't have to go anywhere today, then?"

"we're not applying in the same places, obviously." elkie says, as if it was obvious, "her college acceptance rides on that twelfth-grade dance showcase later this year."

worry bubbles up in guanlin's stomach at this. soyeon still hasn't been regular to dance practice, and he's scared for her. she's an amazing dancer- but so are so many other twelfth graders. he wants his noona to stand out from the crowd- which she always manages to do, somehow- but she's not practising as much as she should be. it is strange, because usually nobody works harder than jeon soyeon.

as though elkie could read his mind, she says, "i'm worried, too. something is bothering her."

"i know."

"me and soyeon are same-age friends, but the two of you are really close, like real brother and sister." elkie smiles at him, "i know how much you look up to her, and everyone knows that soyeonie loves you more than anyone. plus, you know about your school better than i do."

"y'think i should talk to her about it?"

"try. see if you can understand what's up. we can all help her out."

"okay." guanlin agrees.

"good. now, hurry up- you're late for school."

guanlin blinks and then looks up at his watch.

"crap!" he shouts, and rushes to his room, calling out a 'sorry' when ajhumma scolds him about his language from downstairs.

he can hear everyone laughing fondly, and elkie is shaking her head, as if saying, _ah, what do we do with him_.

guanlin would say that it is these moments he treasures the most. he wants to pause, take a second to let the warmth sink in-

-but, of course, he can't.

he grabs his bag and trips his way down the stairs, quickly waving to everyone, before rushing out after jihoon.

they are definitely late.

***

"everyone was acting weird this morning." guanlin says.

soeun raises an eyebrow, "what d'you mean 'weird'?"

"soyeonie noona and oscar and jihoonie hyung were so cheerful this morning." guanlin frowns, "and elkie jiejie isn't going to school today. she said something about having to meet some college advisor, and not having another appointment time, but i bumped into hwang eunbi sunbae this morning, and i asked her how the preparations for the dance showcase were going. and she said 'good, but i have no time to practice on weekends. i have so many college advisory meetings'."

"so?"

"so i asked her if she didn't have any during school times, and she said college advisors don't want students to skip school, so they only schedule appointments on weekends."

"hm." somi bites her lip, "something is definitely fishy. have you tried asking jihoon-ssi about it?"

"he changed the subject." guanlin says, "everyone was seriously acting so weird."

"i know!" daehwi lights up, "why don't you coax it out of him with aegyo?"

guanlin scrunches up his nose, "i don't know if my aegyo will be effective, though."

somi and soeun shriek. somi even reaches over to squish guanlin's cheeks.

"what are you _talking_ about?" soeun demands, "that was so cute, do it again."

"do- huh?" guanlin turns to daehwi helplessly, "what did i do?"

"that face you just made- it was the cutest thing i've ever seen, oh my god." somi puts a hand on her heart, "you are the true aegyo. daehwi and jihoon-ssi don't stand a chance."

"ex _cuse_ me." daehwi sounds highly affronted.

"jihoon's aegyo is the cutest." guanlin insists, "he's so cute. he came up with a new thing recently, and i make him do it for me all the time."

"you guys are so adorable." soeun mutters, "anyway, if you don't want to do aegyo for him, it's fine. you can just smile at him, that's aegyo enough."

"my smile is _cool_ , not cute!" guanlin huffs. 

his three friends regard him skeptically.

"guanlin, you're all chic and intimidating _until_ you smile." daehwi says slowly, like he's teaching a pre-schooler, "you give off this kind of chaebol aura at first glance."

guanlin gapes.

"but when you smile, you look like a baby." somi says, "it's nice. you really look like the maknae, then."

"whatever." guanlin leans back and stretches, "are we going to ignore the fact that people are acting strange today?"

"yes." soeun stands up, "we are going to the basketball court right now so you can practice for tryouts."

"shit, yeah, we need to do that!" daehwi stand up, too, "tryouts are in, like, ten days."

somi is the third to get up, and she tugs guanlin to his feet, too.

"don't be lazy." she admonishes, "you need to practice till the last minute."

"i know." guanlin assures them, "let's go change into our sports shorts."

"and hurry up." daehwi adds, "we only have half an hour left."

"i'll race you!" somi says, already rushing three feet ahead of them.

"cheater!" daehwi shouts, taking off after her. soeun and guanlin grin at each other, before running after the other two.

guanlin is the tallest, and his legs are the longest, and he's been doing track ever since he was seven. he easily overtakes his friends, laughs when they shout about the unfairness of his leg length.

like, this, with the wind in his hair, and his friends right beside him, guanlin feels free

***

"you're not- huh?" guanlin blinks at jihoon.

"i'm not coming to study centre today." jihoon repeats, "i'm sorry, something urgent came up- i already informed the hyungs."

"is something wrong?" guanlin asks, worried.

"no." jihoon assures him, "everything is fine- i've just got something quick to finish. i'll see you tonight, though."

"you will?"

"yeah." jihoon pouts, "i wanna spend some time with you. is that a crime?"

guanlin giggles happily, "no."

"that's what i thought." jihoon smiles. and even though they're still within the school gates, and there are students milling around everywhere, exhausted after yet another school day, jihoon gives guanlin a quick kiss.

"you'll definitely come tonight, though, right?" guanlin holds out his pinky, "promise?"

"of course, babe." jihoon hooks his finger with guanlin's, waiting for guanlin to shake. guanlin just stares at the older boy, lips parted in surprise and cheeks flushed.

jihoon raises an eyebrow, "what did i-oh." he seems to run his previous sentence through his mind, swallowing as he realises how he let the pet name slip, "sorry, i-"

"-i like it."

"i thought- you- huh?"

guanlin blushes furiously and avoids jihoon's gaze, "i said. i-uh-" he clears his throat,"i like it."

jihoon's fingers tighten around guanlin's pinky, "oh."

"yeah."

"i'll be calling you that more often then." jihoon says, "this is funny, i've never seen you so embarrassed."

"oh, shut up!" guanlin shoves jihoon, who just laughs.

"i'll see you tonight, then. study hard." jihoon smiles, is about to leave, when guanlin says, "hyung, wait a minute!"

"yeah?"

"before you go, can you do an aegyo for me?"

jihoon splutters, "what? right now? here? so suddenly?"

"i feel like seeing it." guanlin widens his eyes, juts out his lip, "please?"

"forget me being good at aegyo." jihoon breathes, staring at guanlin, "you're like- a real, pure, walking aegyo."

"what?"

"nothing." jihoon waves him off, "which one do you want to see?"

"mm. let me think-" guanlin scrunches up his nose. jihoon makes a noise of disbelief before leaning in and kissing guanlin again. harder this time, nibbling a little on the younger boy's lower lip.

"hyung!" guanlin says in shock as they pull away from each other, "we're in school!"

"no one saw." jihoon says carelessly, "and besides, that was the cutest face i've ever seen. listen, i don't think you know how cute you are."

"whatever." the younger ignores him, "i want to see the kkukku-kkakka one."

jihoon sighs, "you really want me to compromise my image, don't you?"

"hyung, your image is cute."

"excuse me!" jihoon crosses his arms, "i am a fucking _man!_ do you know how manly i am?"

"oh, trust me, i know." guanlin smirks, "just don't think everyone else knows. not that they should."

"why not?"

"that side of you is just for me." guanlin says, half serious and half whining, "you're supposed to be all sangnamja only for me."

"is that right?" jihoon looks amused, fond, endeared, all at once.

"and if other people see your manly side, it's supposed to be because you're being all manly and hot towards _me_." guanlin pouts, "i need to be involved in the picture."

"oh, guanlinie, as far as i'm concerned, you're always involved." jihoon brushes some hair away from guanlin's eyes, "but i quite like the idea of being 'all sangnamja and hot'- as you put it- only towards you."

"because i'm special."

"you're very special." jihoon agrees, "what about me?"

"hyung is the most special, obviously." guanlin beams, "will you do the aegyo?"

jihoon sighs, clears is throat, and takes a deep breath, before curling three fingers next to his face and saying in a baby voice, "kkukku-kkakka!"

guanlin looks absolutely delighted, though, clapping his hands together and chattering happily about how cute jihoon is. jihoon counts it as a win.

"you're really running late now." jihoon checks his watch, "i'll see you tonight, okay?"

"okay. bye, hyung."

"bye, linlinie." before jihoon can leave, he and guanlin exchange one more quick kiss. 

then jihoon is waving and hurrying down the stairs towards the main gate, and guanlin hitches his bag higher on is shoulder and prepares to leave, as well, when a familiar voice- woojin- calls out his name.

"hey, woojin hyung." guanlin says in greeting, before noticing jinyoung right behind him, "and jinyoung hyung."

"hey." woojin says, smiling cheerfully, "i saw you and jihoonie just now. i don't think that should be allowed."

guanlin gives him an unimpressed look.

"he's right." jinyoung agrees, "you two might be cute, but there's only so much that lonely single people can take."

"do you not like being single?"

"i love it." jinyoung corrects, "and i want to keep loving it, so don't try to change my mind by being cute with jihoon hyung."

guanlin rolls his eyes, "sorry that i- finally, by the way- have a love life."

this makes woojin laugh, "where's daehwi?"

"it's his day to clean the classroom, so he'll be a bit late." guanlin says, "he told us to go on."

"and jihoon's not coming today, right?" jinyoung asks, "woojin hyung just told me."

"yeah." guanlin frowns, "he says he has some urgent business. i was a bit worried, but he said it's nothing serious."

"it's not." woojin says soothingly, "don't worry, i bet he's just got some errands to run."

"i'll meet him tonight, though." guanlin shrugs, "i'll ask him then."

"okay, we're running late." jinyoung checks his watch, "guys, come on."

woojin slings an arm each around both jinyoung and guanlin, and the three of them hurry down the stairs and towards the gate to go meet their hyungs.

***

"you...huh?" guanlin cocks his head, regarding daniel.

"we want to come to your hostel." daniel repeats cheerfully.

"what, like- right now?"

"yeah." daniel raises an eyebrow, "we can, can't we?"

"i...yeah." guanlin blinks, "sure."

"guanlinie said okay!" daniel calls, and the rest of their group cheers.

"i'll have to call ajhumma and tell her to make dinner for nine more people." guanlin pauses, "or ten. jihoon hyung said he was coming."

"you don't need to make dinner for us." seongwoo says, "we just want to come and check out your place. we're not usually all free at the same time, so we thought we could go right now."

"yeah." jaehwan agrees, "we don't want to interrupt your time with jihoonie. we'll come for dinner another day."

"for now, we just want to see the hostel." sungwoon finishes.

guanlin nods slowly, "that's...fine."

"so shall we go?" jisung asks, an excited bounce to his steps.

guanlin says nothing. the rest of them follow as he leads the way out of the study centre and to the hostel, "are you guys okay?" he asks suspiciously.

"we're great!" jaehwan assures him, "why do you ask?"

"no reason." guanlin says, squinting, "everyone has been acting weird all morning."

"who is 'everyone'?" woojin asks. guanlin sighs and gives up.

"just. nothing. just follow me."

***

there is definitely something strange going on.

sungwoon is talking quietly into his phone for their entire walk, and when they reach, all of guanlin's housemates- and ajhumma and ajhussi- are standing outside, as if they were waiting for him to return.

"okay." guanlin stops in his tracks, " _what_ is going on?"

"come on, guanlin!" jinyoung tugs at his sleeve, "look, it's jihoon hyung."

" _what?_ " and sure enough, jihoon is standing with the rest of his friends. the older boy comes running across the lawn to meet guanlin, curling his fingers around guanlin's wrist and pulling him forward.

"guanlinie!" jihoon giggles. he completely ignores the sixteen other people standing there and reaches up to kiss guanlin deeply.

"aww, how cute!" guanlin hears jisung coo.

"hyung, what's going on?" 

jihoon practically bounces on his heels, "i have a surprise for you!"

guanlin stares.

"i spoke to your hostel friends and planned the whole thing!" the older boy presses kisses against guanlin's cheeks, "and when i called sungwoon hyung to tell him that i had to skip today to prepare the finishing touches, he said they'd all like to come, too."

"come for what?"

"hyung!" seonho charges forward, looking so unexplicabily happy, "you'll never believe what jihoon hyung did!"

"what did he do? what's going on?" guanlin demands. he's never been more confused in his whole life. all his friends are standing together- his hyungs, ajhumma and ajhussi, his hostel friends, all in one big group- and guanlin can't separate them. oscar has his arm slung around woojin like they've been friends forever. ajhussi and jisung are standing next to each other.

and jihoon is still standing in front of him, their fingers intertwined, with the most gorgeous smile on his face.

"hyung?" guanlin asks again.

jihoon giggles, places one more kiss on guanlin's knuckles, "wait here."

and then he turns around and runs into the hostel, leaving all of them waiting there.

guanlin is clearly the only confused person- everyone else seems to know exactly what's going on. he turns to elkie and eunbin accusingly, but they just look away, smiling. he glances at soyeon instead. she averts her gaze and strikes up a conversation with jinyoung.

"seonho." guanlin squints at the younger boy.

"it's the best thing _ever_ , you'll be _so_ happy!" seonho jumps around excitedly, nearly bumping into minhyun, who chuckles fondly and ruffles the younger boy's hair.

"guanlinie!"

at the sound of jihoon's voice, guanlin turns towards the entrance of the hostel. jihoon has returned, and in his arms, he's carrying something. something.... brown?

guanlin blinks.

brown and fluffy. with a tail.

he draws in a breath, "oh my god."

beside him, he can hear his entire group of friends break into cheers and shrieks and whistles. jihoon bends down and lets the puppy wiggle out of his arms. it lets out a cheerful bark and bolts towards guanlin, as if it recognizes the boy immediately.

"oh my god." guanlin repeats. he doesn't even notice that the dog has tackled him onto the ground. he wraps his arms around the ecstatic puppy and buries his face into the soft brown fur, and his heart is racing, and he can hardly believe this is real.

the puppy from the river is _here_. the puppy that he and seonho had been so worried about, the one that they had been visiting for weeks, the one that they had loved so much is right here in his arms- wearing a _collar_.

guanlin checks the collar and chokes up.

name: miso  
owner: CUBE hostel

followed by the address and phone number of their house.

"look at you." guanlin murmurs happily into the dog's- miso's- fur, "you looks so healthy now. looks like you're going to be with me from now on, right?"

miso yips, and guanlin really can't believe this.

"contrary to what we thought." soyeon's voice cuts into his little bubble, "it's not a boy. it's a girl."

guanlin looks up. soyeon has the widest smile on her face, and there are tears in her eyes. guanlin wipes his own eyes, "why are you crying?"

"shush, you."

guanlin turns his gaze back to miso, "miso, hi! are you happy to be with us now?"

"miso, meaning that soybean paste dish?" jaehwan asks, confused.

eunbin snorts, "no. miso, meaning 'smile', actually."

"you really are an idiot, jaehwanie." seongwoo says with mock superiority.

"as if you weren't wondering the same thing!"

"why would they name her _soybean paste?_ obviously she would be called 'smile'!"

"it's the _same word!_ "

"how-" guanlin asks weakly.

"i might have lied." elkie says sheepishly, "i didn't go to meet a college counsellor this morning. eunbin and i went to take miso to the vet to get all her shots."

"jihoon-ssi planned this with us." oscar explains, "he found miso at the river and washed her up and we all bought things for her together. we wanted to surprise you."

by now, jihoon had settled down on the grass next to guanlin, leaning into the younger boy's side. he looks up at guanlin with the sweetest smile.

"was it a good surprise?"

guanlin nods, unable to speak. he pulls jihoon close and buries his face into the older boy's neck, "thanks."

jihoon chuckles, pulling away, "miso is cube's new pet. ajhumma's really excited about having company."

"you're the best."

"this doesn't come for free." jihoon says seriously, "i'll need at least one hundred kisses in return."

guanlin giggles, kissing jihoon softly. jihoon pushes their foreheads together, " at first, we were thinking of naming her _gyeoul_ , since you found her in winter."

"but i said miso was better." elkie pipes up, "it means smile, which is perfect."

"besides, even if someone thinks it means that soybean paste dish, that's pretty adorable." eunbin adds, laughing.

"elkie noona said that she couldn't pronounce _gyeoul_ that well." seonho explains, "so we figured that miso would be easier for both of you- and it's a nice name."

"miso." guanlin repeats, and the puppy yips and licks his face excitedly.

"you really got a good young man here, guanlin-ah." ajussi says approvingly, nodding towards jihoon, "he went and found her and washed her up and kept her in his house for a few days while we prepared her room here."

"it was so cute." elkie adds, "he kept talking about how excited you'd be."

"shut up." jihoon mutters.

he's still smiling, though. guanlin leans in and kisses him again, and seonho shouts, "not in front of the baby!", diving forward to cover miso's eyes.

everyone bursts out laughing, and daniel picks up miso, announcing that they could be twins.

"don't we look alike?" he asks.

"ew, no." sungwoon wrinkles his nose, "miso's cute. you're annoying."

"rude!"

guanlin let's out a breath, feeling like his heart could burst at any moment.

"are you happy?" jihoon asks softly, his eyes never looking away from guanlin.

guanlin nods, "the happiest." he says, and leans in to kiss jihoon again.

miso barks, wiggling out of daniel's grasp and hurling herself at guanlin and jihoon, causing the two to break apart and tumble into the grass.

everyone bursts out laughing, and in this chaos, with his friends chattering and shrieking and miso barking and jihoon's arms wrapped around him, guanlin feels utterly content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> in case anyone is confused:
> 
> 1) 'gyeoul' means winter.
> 
> 2) 'miso' means smile in korean. _but_ there is also a dish called miso, which is made out of soybeans. however, they named the puppy miso because she makes them smile.
> 
> also, guanlin's hostel's name has finally been revealed! haha, it wasn't much of a secret anyway. it is quite obviously the cube dorm. still, it's nice to put it out there.
> 
> leave me a comment letting me know your thoughts on this chapter. alsooo, what do you think of wanna one go so far?
> 
> thank you for your love and support as always. can't wait for you to read the next chapter <3


	15. xv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is a bit late, but:
> 
> our kim jaehwan and park jihoon, happy birthday!
> 
> kim jaehwan- our main vocal, main visual, main rapper, main dancer, main everything! you were an individual trainee who was not confident in dance and was not under a company, but now you have worked so hard and conquered the world with your talent! your dancing has improved so much, and your singing is obviously amazing.
> 
> our kind and hard-working jaehwan, we love you! <3
> 
> and park jihoon- our wink fairy, jeojang, aegyo boy, visual, manly man, talented dancer, singer, rapper, with an amazing charisma and performing ability. you've always taken care of your hyungs and dongsaengs and fans (and of course, you have always been so sweet towards guanlin). you are always warm-hearted and hard-working.
> 
> our irreplaceable, sweet jihoonie, we love you! <3
> 
> hope you both had a great day.

"bye, miso!" guanlin coos, slinging his bag over his shoulder, "be good for ajhumma, okay?"

miso yips happily and guanlin makes a noise of contentment.

"jihoonie hyung, you're the best _ever_." he says. jihoon smiles.

"i know."

"wow, keep a watch on that ego." soyeon snorts, flicking jihoon's forehead.

" _hey!_ " jihoon protests, "there is nothing wrong with my ego! i am just happy that guanlinie is happy!"

"don't justify yourself." but she's grinning, and so are jihoon and guanlin.

"by the way, guanlinie." ajhussi says, leaning against the door-frame, "when are those tryouts you were talking about?"

"ah, basketball tryouts. they're in three days." guanlin wrinkles his nose nervously, "after school."

"i'm sure you'll do fine." he assures the boy, "you've been practising all month."

"i hope it turns out okay."

"what about you, jihoon-ssi?" ajhussi asks, "are you trying out for the basketball team, too? you look like you have some muscle on you."

jihoon flexes proudly, "you think?"

"check out the thighs." soyeon marvels, "damn, you'd be an awesome dancer."

"i'm thinking of switching into dance, actually." jihoon says, "i've been doing track, but i want to dance really badly. i'm going to audition."

" _woah_." guanlin's eyes widen and take up his whole face, "you're so cool, hyung."

jihoon flushes, trying not to look exceedingly pleased, "thanks."

"aww, look at him!" eunbin coos, appearing behind them, "he's all red!"

guanlin ignores her, "hyung, what kind of dance do you do?"

"i like everything, but mostly i'm going to audition with popping." jihoon says.

guanlin eyes jihoon in wonder, "that's so cool."

jihoon reaches up to push a strand of hair out of guanlin's hair, "pretty." he murmurs, hoping the others don't hear.

they hear.

soyeon and eunbin go into a series of shrieks and guanlin can hear seonho snort in the distance and ajhussi chuckles fondly. guanlin just grins and intertwines their fingers.

"pretty." he echoes softly, before turning back to the others, "we better get going. we're already kind of late."

"you're right." soyeon checks her watch, "can i walk with you guys today?"

"sure." jihoon says, "let's go."

***

"hey, babe." jihoon squeezes guanlin's waist, "how was your day?"

"fun!" guanlin lights up, "we had music today, and the teacher wanted us to sing some choir song, but she needed someone to play the piano as accompaniment, because she was conducting, so she let me play."

"guanlinie is an amazing piano player." daehwi says with admiration, "we had an awesome time jamming after music class, too."

"daehwi and somi and soeun are good singers, too." guanlin agrees, "it was super fun."

"what about you?" woojin asks, "do you sing?"

"not really as good as them." guanlin grins teasingly, "i'll rap next time."

"you do have a good voice for rapping, actually." woojin tells him, "you know... deep and kind of addictive? i think you'd make a great rapper."

"sure."

"i'm serious!"

"what are you guys doing here, though?" jihoon asks, "shouldn't we get going?"

"we're waiting for soeun." daehwi says, "guanlin needs to give her something."

jihoon squints at guanlin, who rolls his eyes.

"some notes for class, hyung. that's it. don't look at me like that."

jihoon grins, "i'm kidding, i'm kidding. kang soeun, right? there she is, with doyeon."

they turn around to see soeun and doyeon hurrying towards them. guanlin fishes out a notebook from his bag as they approach.

"hey, guys." doyeon says cheerfully, as soeun takes the notebook from guanlin, "how are you all doing?"

"we're doing well, sunbaenim." jinyoung says, "and you?"

"i'm alright." she waves a hand, "you know how it is. hey, daehwi, guanlin- have you seen somi? we've been looking everywhere for her. and mina, too."

"ah, i saw somi and kang mina sunbaenim just as i was coming downstairs!" guanlin remembers, "they were in the theatre club classroom, talking to a few of the other sunbaes. kim sohye-sunbaenim, i think? and yoojung noona and yeonjung sunbaenim"

"oh, they've gone to meet sohye." doyeon nods, "mina did mention wanting to try for some mergers next term."

"mergers?" daehwi repeats, confused.

"sohye is the vice president of the theatre club." doyeon explains, "and mina and yoojung are vice presidents of the dance club, and yeonjung is the vice president of the vocal section of the music club. so sometimes the heads of the clubs like to talk to each other and see if they can come up with some special activities or merged classes that all their club members to do together. like a dance drama, or musical theatre. things like that."

"oh, that's cool." jinyoung looks impressed, "do the vice presidents always end up becoming the presidents when they go up to the twelfth?"

"almost always." woojin says, "there's a re-election, and it's rare that the vice-presidents don't get re-elected."

"which club are you signing up for next term?" daehwi asks.

"i'm going to continue in the dance club." woojin tells them, "it's fun. mina and yoojung and i have some mad choreography plans. a lot of seniors left, though- some of the ebst dancers graduated last year."

"jeon jungkook sunbaenim is gone, right?" doyeon realizes, "ah, it's seriously weird without him. he used to be in four different clubs, and he was perfect at everything."

"four?!" soeun repeats in shock, "which ones?"

'um, dance, vocal, art and track and field." jihoon says, "he was awesome. he literally used to sing the whole song while doing the most intense choreography, and he wouldn't sound the slightest bit out of breath. he was good at studies, too. i think he's in seoul national."

"we could ask the hyungs." daehwi suggests, "daniel hyung and jaehwan hyung might know him."

"yugyeom sunbaenim and bambam sunbaenim have gone, too." woojin says, "and lalisa sunbaenim. some of the best."

"shame." jihoon says, "by the way- i'm auditioning for the dance team."

they all light up, "no shit?" woojin demands excitedly, "that's great!"

"you'll be perfect!" doyeon nods, "i can't wait to see your audition. you should do some popping."

"i was going to."

"this is _so_ exciting!" soeun hops up and down, "i didn't know you were a dancer!"

"if you can call it that." jihoon lifts a shoulder, "i'm lacking a lot."

"you're going to be the _best_ , hyung!" guanlin says, leaving zero room for doubt, and jihoon smiles, kissing his cheek sweetly.

"ew." woojin mimes vomiting, "can you please not?"

"fuck off."

" _hyung!_ " guanlin admonishes.

"sorry, babe."

everyone is laughing, though. it's nice, like this, guanlin thinks.

warm and happy.

***

"you once said that soyeon sunbaenim has dance practice even in winters." daehwi says, "but club season only starts next term."

"the twelfth-grade dancers have practice throughout the year." woojin explains, "since they're the senior-most, they need to be trained to lead us well when the club season comes around. also, twelfth graders participate in a special dance showcase."

"for what?"

"many of them are aiming for dance scholarships after they graduate. scouts from all over seoul come to watch the showcase." jihoon says, "if they catch the eye of a scout, it could mean that they really have a chance. they practice for that showcase throughout the whole year. they work really hard."

"not that noona's been regular about regular about practice." guanlin mutters, "ah, seriously. i worry about her so much."

"she's a great dancer." jinyoung says reassuringly.

"so is everyone else. how will she stand out if she doesn't even attend practice properly?" guanlin sighs, "she usually works so hard. this is weird for her. something is bothering her- i wish i knew what."

"don't worry." jinyoung claps him on the back, "you'll figure it out. don't sweat."

guanlin lets out a dramatic sigh, "fine." he says, "i'll just wait. and not do anything about it. just let all the doom befall my poor noona and not even do anything to help-"

"-have you ever considered taking up drama?" woojin asks with interest.

guanlin scowls, " _why_ does everyone ask me that?"

"it's cute." jihoon assures him, "you're cute."

guanlin flushes happily.

"how are basketball tryout preparations coming?" woojin asks instead, "working hard?"

"of course. seonho plays, too, so we practice together at home as well."

"that's nice." jihoon squeezes his hand, "i want to come and watch your tryouts. can i?"

"sure." guanlin shrugs, "i wanna watch your dance audition."

"okay."

"i feel like we're walking really slowly today." daehwi comments, "are we late?"

they pause. guanlin pulls out his phone and checks the time.

"fuck." he curses under his breath, "we were supposed to be there, like, twenty minutes ago."

there's another moment of silence in which the five of them blink at each other with dawning horror.

then, as if on cue, they all run.

***

guanlin smiles, "what kind of concept is this, hm?"

"no concept." jihoon replies, coy as he leans against the door-frame, "i just came to see you."

"it's late." the younger reasons, "and we saw each other at study centre just hours ago."

"so?"

guanlin chuckles, "so nothing, i guess. you need to stop throwing stones at my window."

"you weren't answering your phone."

"you didn't even try."

"maybe i just like seeing you smile when you see me through the window." jihoon says, grinning at guanlin's blush, "i know it's nearly twelve, but tomorrow is saturday, so i suppose it doesn't matter."

"mm."

"will you let me inside now? interrogation over?"

guanlin's lips quirk up, a cheeky expression falling onto his face, "there's an entry fee."

"oh?" jihoon raises an eyebrow, "is there, now?"

"mmhmm. twenty kisses." 

jihoon giggles, curling his fingers around the younger boy's collar and tugging him down for a passionate kiss. when they part a few moments later, guanlin whispers against jihoon's lips, "if that was one, we'll be here till tomorrow morning."

"is that a problem?"

"absolutely not." guanlin kisses him again, arms wrapping around jihoon's waist. jihoon's reaches up from his collar to cup guanlin's face, thumb stroking the boy's cheek softly.

"i hope you don't charge all your guests with this entry fee." jihoon murmurs, as they part for air.

"no." guanlin assures him softly, lips impossible close to jihoon's, "only you."

"good." jihoon breathes, and then they're kissing again. 

"well, as sweet as romantic as this is," a new voice says, and guanlin and jihoon jump away from each other immediately, turning around to see ajhumma, "i am going to have to ask you to take it to a more private setting."

guanlin groans, face turning bright red and burying his face in the crook of jihoon's neck.

jihoon is red, too, but besides that, he has no shame, "hello, ajhumma! i'm sorry to bother you so late."

"not an issue." she waves him off, "i didn't hear you ring the bell."

"i- um. didn't want to disturb the rest of you so late." jihoon says lamely, "so i. uh. called guanlinie down to open the door for me."

"how thoughtful!" ajhumma beams, "now, didn't you two have study centre this evening?"

"um. yes."

"then surely you can go without seeing each other for another twelve hours or so."

"i have sudden cravings." jihoon says honestly, and ajhumma bursts out laughing.

"you really are a sweetheart, aren't you? i hope your parents aren't worried about you leaving somewhere at nearly midnight."

"yeah." guanlin frowns, 'don't make your parents worry, hyung."

"don't worry, baby." jihoon soothes. guanlin flushes bright red and buries himself in jihoon's sweater once more. the older turns to ajhumma and explains, "i told them where i was going and i took a key so they could go to sleep without waiting up for me."

"doesn't mean they _will_ sleep." guanlin reminds him, voice muffled, "they'll be up waiting for you, anyway. they're your parents- they'll be a bit worried."

"i guess you're right." jihoon admits, "just give me fifteen minutes of cuddles and kisses and i'll be on my way."

guanlin wrinkles his nose, "only fifteen minutes?"

"yah, you're the one who said my parents would worry if i didn't return home soon!"

ajhumma smiles at them, "why don't you just stay over tonight, jihoon-ssi? we definitely have extra toothbrushes and towels and things, and i'm sure that guanlin has clothes that would fit you. although he is quite tall, i don't think it would make a huge difference."

"yeah!" guanlin lights up, "you can watch a movie with me, hyung! i was just preparing to watch this chinese movie. i'll turn on the hangul subtitles for you."

"sure." jihoon agrees, "i'll call my mom."

ten minutes later, it was decided that jihoon would be staying over at the hostel for the night, and guanlin was happily making ramen that they could eat while watching the chinese movie.

"it's midnight, ajhumma." guanlin says, "why were you awake?"

"just to get some water." ajhumma replies, "didn't expect to see you two at the doorway."

guanlin coughs. jihoon smirks.

"anyway." ajhumma gets up, "i'll be off to bed. will you be watching your movie in the living room, guanlinie?"

he shakes his head, "in my room. don't worry, i'll turn off all the lights downstairs and lock the door once the ramen is ready."

"okay. good night, both of you."

"good night, ajhumma." they chorus. once she has gone upstairs, jihoon wraps his arms around guanlin from behind.

"sleepover!" he cheers, and guanlin giggles.

"we'll only be able to start the movie by twelve-thirty, though."

"what? why?" jihoon checks the clock, "it's only just twelve! the ramen will be done in another minute!"

"well. you do owe me, like, seventeen more kisses, hyung."

jihoon melts a little. he waits for guanlin to turn off the stove and put the ramen in a box and turn around, and then pushes him back against the table for another deep kiss. savours the way guanlin's mouth feels under his tongue, savours the sweet sounds the younger makes, savours how safe he feels wrapped in guanlin's arms.

"four." he whispers as they pull away from each other.

guanlin beams like sunshine and leans in again.


	16. xvi

"hyungs!" guanlin announces, and all nine of his hyungs plus daehwi turn to face him in unison, "i have a question."

"about school?" daniel asks. 

guanlin shakes his head.

"about korea?"

guanlin shakes his head again.

daehwi suddenly grins, "oh... i think i know. i heard about what happened in advanced arithmetic today."

"what?" jinyoung presses.

"what," guanlin asks with great seriousness, "is 'gwiyomi'?"

there is a moment of silence, in which everyone blinks at guanlin in varying levels of confusion.

"gwiyomi?" jihoon repeats, "why do you want to know that?"

"a bunch of girls in advanced arithmetic keep trying to get me to 'do' it." guanlin explains, frowning, "what's there to do? every time i ask what it means, they start giggling at me and saying i don't even need to, the job is already done." his eyes widen agitatedly, "what job, hyung? have i done something bad?"

"no, baby." jihoon says immediately, trying not to laugh at the perplexed look on the younger's face, "gwiyomi is...um, how do you say this- an aegyo dance."

the lightbulb seems to go off over guanlin's head.

"ohhhh." he says, and they all coo at him.

"heart cannot handle." seongwoo says in english, making daniel laugh, "too much cute."

jihoon, on the other hand, scowls a little, "so there's a bunch of girls in the class who just sit there and flirt with you?"

"uh..." guanlin thinks about it, "well, since i didn't know what it meant until now, i don't think it can be flirting."

"well." jihoon sticks his nose in the air, "are they in your homeroom?"

"yeah, most of them."

"that nari girl and her friends?"

"woah, hyung!" daehwi looks impressed, "how do you know nari?"

"her friend wanted to ask guanlinie out and-"

"-oh, and she thought he was dating soeun, right?" woojin says, "i remember."

jihoon huffs, "i'll walk you to class tomorrow, okay, lin?"

"um." guanlin blinks, "sure. why?"

"because. i want to."

jaehwan is hiding his mouth behind his hands, and minhyun and sungwoon are clearly trying not to laugh. jisung and daniel exchange fond glances.

"jealous jihoon come through." jinyoung mutters to daehwi and woojin, and they both snort with laughter, trying to muffle it.

"what's so funny?" guanlin asks, and jihoon scowls at the rest of them before pinching guanlin's cheek.

"nothing. come sit with me."

"he's just jeal- _ow_ , what the-" woojin clutches his shin, "you didn't have to kick me, idiot!"

"i'm _not_ jealous!" jihoon practically whines, "i just don't like the idea of a bunch of girls hanging all over him!" he squares in on guanlin, "do they know we're dating?"

guanlin looks a little unnerved, "um, well-"

"-no, they apparently think he's dating kang soeun." jinyoung snorts, "remember?"

jihoon stick his nose in the air, "well. that's perfectly alright with me."

"really?"

"yes. because tomorrow morning they will realise that they are wrong. okay, lin?"

"um." guanlin swallows, "yeah. whatever you want."

"good." the scowl remains on the older's face, though, and guanlin giggles softly.

"don't worry, hyung. you're my favourite always."

jihoon looks a little placated by that, and minhyun coos, "they're cute."

"they'd be cuter if they got to work." jisung says cheerfully, and everyone laughs.

and jihoon smiles again, lacing his fingers with guanlin's and kissing his knuckles.

***

"shit." guanlin feels the zipper of his backpack slide open, "one second, hyung."

he hurriedly pushes the books back inside, sighing in relief that they didn't fall out, before zipping his bag shut again.

"guanlinie." jihoon hisses, "we're almost at your class."

guanlin blinks, "so?"

"so- _hold my fucking hand!_ "

guanlin rolls his eyes, but a smile still crosses his face.

"you're cute when you're jealous, hyung." he teases, squeezing jihoon's hand.

"i'm not jealous." the older defends himself, "but you're mine. all those girls better understand that."

"i could just tell them."

"after i walk you to class and you kiss my cheek goodbye." jihoon agrees, "then you could definitely tell them."

guanlin laughs, "i really like you so much, hyung."

jihoon beams, looking positively enamoured, and he sighs as they come to a halt in front of guanlin's class. guanlin can see a lot of his classmates gape at their intertwined fingers. daehwi is wearing a smirk, and somi is giggling and soeun looks downright astonished as whispers flow through the class.

"no way- is he dating park jihoon?"

"i do see them together often."

"but jihoon-ssi is an upperclassmen! he's a sunbae of _two years!_ "

"they're both visuals, it makes sense."

"maybe they're just friends."

"nari- they're _holding hands_."

jihoon nods, satisfied, "that's better." he mutters to guanlin and guanlin giggles, bending down and pressing a kiss to jihoon's cheek. as expected, that seemed to confirm everything for guanlin's homeroom, and he hears a couple of guys let out low whistles.

"damn, he scored."

"who- guanlin or jihoon sunbae?"

"both, duh" they hear daehwi says, and there's a fervent murmur of agreement.

"wow, we could be the next power couple." jihoon says cheerfully, and guanlin shoves him.

"have a good day, hyung. i'll see you after school."

"you, too. bye, baby."

as guanlin settles down at his desk next to soeun, she raises an eyebrow, "what was that, hm?"

"it's called jihoon hyung being jealous." daehwi grins, hopping onto the table, "cute, right?"

"you guys will be, like, the next power couple of the school." somi says, "literally nobody in here had a bad thing to say against you two. nari and her friends were disappointed, but even they can't deny that you and jihoon oppa look good together."

"that's so satisfying." guanlin leans back, relaxed, "now they know i'm not dating soeun."

"yeah, that would be a dream for you." soeun agrees, and shrieks when guanlin drops his heavy backpack on her lap as revenge.

daehwi and somi laugh, and soeun scowls and guanlin grins.

it's going well, this new life in seoul. he doesn't think he can call it new anymore.

***

"i'm going to die." guanlin announces.

"guanlin, don't say stupid shit like that." soeun scolds, "you'll be fine."

"he said," guanlin retorts, "that freshmen almost never get in."

"well, you will do your best."

"you practised like crazy, guanlinie." daehwi pats his arm encouragingly, "just give it your best shot."

"i guess you're right." guanlin can already feel his stomach churn with nerves.

"everybody, assemble on the court in ten minutes!" sungki calls, blowing his whistle, "we'll start with stretches and jogging before the actual tryouts."

a chorus of nervous yet excited 'okay!'s echo around the gym. somi gives guanlin a smile.

"you really worked hard, okay, lin? and hard work will always pay off."

"just do your best." jihoon agrees, wrapping an arm around guanlin's waist, "i know you'll be amazing no matter what the end result is."

guanlin nods weakly. jihoon presses a kiss against his knuckles.

"confident, okay?"

guanlin nods again.

"guanlin, hi!" a voice calls from behind them. the five turn around to see tzuyu, woojin and jinyoung rushing towards them.

"it hasn't started, right?" woojin demands.

soeun shakes her head, "ten minutes till stretches."

"good." 

"we can watch, right?" tzuyu asks, "if it makes you nervous, we'll leave."

"yeah, we just came to cheer you on beforehand." jinyoung agrees, "it's okay if you don't want us to stay."

it warms guanlin's heart to see so many people there to support him. this morning, ajhumma and ajhussi had cooked a special breakfast for him, and oscar and eunbin and elkie had hugged him and told him to do his best before he left.

seonho had hugged him, too. "hyung is the best!" he'd said, "i'll be cheering from my middle school, okay? hwaiting!"

his parents and sister had called the previous evening and assured him that no matter what, they would always be proud of him, and that had made him feel somewhat relieved.

and jinyoung, tzuyu and woojin watching wouldn't do anything to negatively affect his performance. he would show on the court what he had worked for all this time. them being there would give him more strength, if anything.

"of course i'll be happy if you stay to cheer for me." guanlin says, "even if i don't know if i'll make it."

"it's fine no matter what." jinyoung assures him, "it's good to try new things."

"hey, guanlin! hi, everyone!" soyeon calls, hurrying to join them, "it hasn't started, right?"

"a few more minutes." tzuyu replies.

"oh, good. is it okay if i stay?"

they all nod. soyeon pinches guanlin's cheeks.

"don't look so nervous. once you go onto the court, it's just about you and your practice and your love for the game. nothing else matters. so just enjoy yourself and do your best, okay? noona is cheering for you."

soyeon always knows what to say to make guanlin feel better.

"i will." he promises, and wonders if that's what she does when she goes on stage for a performance, wonder if that's what makes her dance so beautifully.

 _when will you dance again_ , he wants to ask, but he knows it's not the right time.

sungki blows his whistle, and jihoon gives him a soft kiss good luck.

"hwaiting!" he says, and they all echo the sentiments. tzuyu even says, "jia you!", which is the mandarin equivalent of 'hwaiting!'. the familiar term puts his nerves at ease a little.

he takes a deep breath and steps onto the court.

***

"friday." guanlin grumbles, "the final selections for the team will be announced on _friday_. how do i wait four days?"

"they do need time to talk and decide." tzuyu reminds him, "but you were great out there."

"you really put all your height to good use." jinyoung agrees, "i expected you'd be good at shooting and defence, because you're so tall, but i didn't know you were so fast, too."

"oh, trust us." daehwi says tiredly, "we know." and somi and soeun nod in weak agreement.

"we know." they echo, and everyone laughs.

"let's just hope for the best." jihoon says, "you were amazing."

"when's your audition? tomorrow, right?"

"yup." jihoon pops the 'p' and makes a nervous noise. soyeon pats him on the back.

"i've seen you dance once- the school store battle during your freshman year. you're really good. i think you'll do well."

"thanks, sunbae."

"no problem." she replies, "but take it from me- once you're on the team, you have to put your all into it. one hundred percent focus and effort. it's very important."

"noona." guanlin cuts in, sharp yet airy, "i don't think you are currently in the position to talk about that."

soyeon raises an eyebrow, "really? odd."

"very odd." guanlin repeats, voice taking an icy edge.

"um, guys?" woojin begins, "maybe-"

"-as far as i know." soyeon interrupts, glaring at guanlin, "it's none of your business."

guanlin rolls his eyes, "you say that to everyone. but as it turns out, i don't really want to see you just sitting around at home next year, wondering what went wrong."

"is that what you think is going to happen? because-"

"-because you don't study properly because you're focusing on dance." guanlin snorts, "except you're not."

"how is this any of your business?"

"it's not my business to worry about you?"

"i don't need you to. i'm the older one between us."

"then fucking _act like it_." guanlin snaps, and he's never sounded so cold in his life, especially to jeon soyeon of all people.

soyeon is looking at guanlin like she can't quite believe it. she tosses her hair back.

"it's tiring sometimes. i'm always looking after you."

it stings, somewhere deep in guanlin's gut, "well, then, if it's so tiring, just stop." he grits out.

soyeon lifts a shoulder, "maybe i will."

"maybe you should. but even if you do, i bet it won't make you go back to dance practice."

soyeon opens her mouth, but guanlin beats her to it.

"i know, it's none of my business." he picks up the pace, walking ahead of them, "i'll see you. i won't be home until later." he waves at the group, "bye, guys. thanks for coming to support me today." he zeroes in on soyeon, but still addresses all of them when he says, "keep working hard."

and then he walks ahead.

***

jihoon catches up with him.

of course he does. sweet, gentle jihoon, the only calm in guanlin's storm. guanlin is usually relaxed, always smiling, always patient- but he gets irked when people whom he cares about worry him to such and extent and then act so nonchalantly about it.

"i'll apologize to her." guanlin says after some time. they're wondering around the stream, the same place they first saw miso, "later. after i cool down. i was in the wrong to have spoken so rudely."

"maybe you were rude." jihoon concedes, "but it was something she needed to hear."

"my timing could've been better."

"i mean- isn't that always the case with you?" jihoon is not angry, just curious, "it's what you do. it's like you and me all over again. she's struggling with returning to practice or telling you what's wrong because she's thinking too much about it. and you worry about her and want the best for her and talk from your heart without thinking at all."

"do you really think it's that tiring to take care of me?" guanlin asks, a little insecure, "i mean, i know it's annoying, but-"

"-oh, guanlinie, _no_." jihoon seems to melt, "come here, baby. sit down with me."

they sit down on the grass together, jihoon cuddled into guanlin's side.

"you are in no way tiring to look after." the older says firmly, "nobody thinks that, least of all jeon soyeon, who loves you more than she loves anyone on this planet. okay?"

guanlin doesn't respond.

"honestly, you barely need to be looked after." jihoon continues, "you need help or you have questions, sure. but you never need to be constantly watched. you know what you're doing and i adore that about you. i adore when i get to look after you, too." he squeezes guanlin's hand, "she didn't mean it like that. you two were just arguing. that's how it is."

"i guess you're right." guanlin sighs, "i shouldn't have went off in front of everyone. god, she must be so upset at me."

"i think she'll be ready to talk to you now." jihoon corrects, "i mean- after you went off at me, more than being upset, i really thought about what you said. you have that effect on people."

"i do?"

"you don't get angry often. and when you do, it's so rational and calm. even this argument- while you were speaking from your heart, you were so collected. you make people want to listen and understand." jihoon explains.

guanlin thinks, and then giggles a little, "i'm like the boss."

"whatever you want to believe."

guanlin pouts. jihoon kisses him sweetly.

"you're really cute, hyung." guanlin says cheerfully when jihoon pulls away. jihoon turns bright red.

"shush."

"cuttteee, my boyfriend is cuttteee-"

jihoon kisses him again, and guanlin laughs softly, "what a technique to shut me up." he murmurs as they pull away.

"now come on." jihoon orders, "i think you owe your noona an apology?"

"i do." guanlin stands, "thank you, hyung."

"for what?"

"i don't know." guanlin shrugs, "coming with me, maybe? i always feel better when you're around."

"oh." jihoon's face flushes, "well, uh, i. also. always. yeah."

"it's okay." guanlin giggles, "you've been improving, but you still are a bit emotionally constipated sometimes."

"no, shut up, i can say it."

"say what? that you feel better if i'm there, too? it's okay, you don't have to."

"but i want to!"

"i already know." guanlin says softly, "you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"but you- you're the one who said you like it when i'm affectionate." jihoon protests weakly, "it's important to you- being told that you're loved."

"but i know." guanlin pushes some hair out of jihoon's eyes, "and it's more important to me that you are comfortable."

"i-"

"-hyung, when you really want to tell me something, it'll come out of your heart. you won't have to think so much."

"but." jihoon clutches guanlin's shirt, "i feel so much for you."

"i know." guanlin pulls jihoon to his chest in a warm hug, "i feel so much for you, too. and that's just it, hyung. i know how you feel about me. it's okay. you don't have to worry about a thing."

jihoon lets out a shaky breath, "what did i do to deserve you?"

"shut up with that nonsense." guanlin scolds, "you're the coolest. and i like you the most out of anyone."

they stay like that for a few minutes, wrapped in each other.

guanlin breaks the silence first, "it's getting late."

"i'll walk you home."

it's small things like this that show guanlin how much he means to jihoon. small things, like 'i'll walk you home', 'hold my hand', 'you're so cute'. small things like kisses and blushes and fond smiles. these kind of things that make guanlin's heart grow warm. these kind of things that tell guanlin how much he is adored.

jihoon doesn't have to tell him. guanlin already knows.

"i'm good at showing you." jihoon murmurs, "i can kiss you in front of everyone, hold your hand and walk you to your class- but somehow, even though i want to, i don't know how to say things. i get scared."

guanlin shakes his head, smiling softly, "it's okay. i believe in you. i'm good at waiting."

"okay." jihoon looks visibly relieved, "okay." 

when they reach the hostel, jihoon kisses him so tenderly that guanlin feels a lump in his throat. jihoon kisses him like guanlin is his entire world, like he's all the older ever needs. and when they whisper good night to each other, guanlin can hear jihoon's heartbeat.

he feels himself falling even deeper, and he wonders if he can even classify this emotion as just 'like' or 'affection' or 'adoration' anymore. those words don't feel like enough now. they can barely begin to describe the way he feels for jihoon. everything is so much more at this point- bigger, stronger- and the way he feels when he and jihoon so much as _look_ at each other- he can't call that something as simple as 'affection'. 

it feels like so, so much more.

***

"where's soyeonie noona?"

guanlin had just finished telling everyone about the basketball tryouts, and soyeon was noticably absent.

"in her room." oscar answers, "she said she had some work to do."

"oh." guanlin nods, "okay."

elkie turns towards him, "you must be tired after tryouts. go shower and take some rest. i'm proud of you for working hard today."

he thanks her and hurries up the stairs. he decides that it might be a good idea to shower first before entering soyeon's room, so he does. and then, once he's washed up and dressed in oversize pajamas, he knocks softly on soyeon's door.

"what?" comes her deadpan reply.

"it's- um- me." wow, guanlin is really lame, "can i come inside?"

there's a pause. and then, "sure."

he steps in, closes the door behind him. sits on the edge of her bed.

"so." she looks at him.

"i'm sorry."

soyeon looks taken aback, "what?"

"i'm sorry." he looks down, ashamed, "i thought about it- i was in the wrong, noona. i shouldn't have lost my cool like that, especially in front of everyone. i was worried about you, but i should've just waited and talked to you about it calmly later. and it was disrespectful and it's none of my business, you're right-"

"-guanlinie, breathe, come here." soyeon pats the spot next to her. he crawls there, still avoiding her eyes.

"it's okay." she says, "you just spoke from your heart as always. it's okay. yes, it was disrespectful, as i am three years older to you, and you shouldn't have spoken that way in front of everyone. but everyone makes mistakes, and you were just worried about me. it's okay."

"but i-"

"-i thought a lot about what you said." she continues, "and i realised that my worries could worry you guys, too. because we're a family, right? and me hiding how i feel about something from the rest of you would definitely make you guys worry. it _is_ your business. we live together, we're so close- you have all the rights to be worried and ask me about it."

"i'm sorry." guanlin says again, "i'll do better next time."

"i forgive you." soyeon says, ruffling his hair, "noona is sorry for worrying you."

guanlin still feels ashamed of himself, and he can't help but say apologetically, "noona? if it's very tiring to look after me, i'll try to be less of a burden on you."

there's a moment in which soyeon pauses, frowns, thinks back to their little spat and tries to remember exactly why he was saying those words. then her eyes widen.

"oh my god- guanlin, _no_. i'm so _so_ sorry, _fuck_ , i never should've said that. i don't know what i was thinking, and i didn't mean it at _all._ it's not- i love you, okay? you're my best little brother, we'll take care of each other forever. i promise."

"okay." guanlin murmurs, soft and suddenly sleepy. it's been a long day, and he's worn out, physically and emotionally. he knows soyeon loves him, even after their little fight. it's just nice to hear it sometimes, "we both said bad things. let's move forward."

"i love you." she repeats, "never forget that."

"love you too." he curls into her bed, "my bestest big sister."

"you really are a baby when you're sleepy." she says, fond, "are you going to crash here? should i set up the mattress on the floor?"

"could you?" he asks hopefully, and soyeon gets up and begins to pull out the mattress for him. he used to use it a lot when he first moved in. he had been homesick and hadn't wanted to sleep alone, but he hadn't wanted to worry ajhumma and ajhussi, either, so he would camp out in different rooms, most often soyeon's or seonho's.

"there you go." she replies, once it's all set up. guanlin rolls out of bed and flops onto the mattress with a happy thump.

"thanks."

"no problem. hey- what about dinner?" he can hear her worried frown.

"not hungry." he mutters, and soyeon laughs.

"me neither."

there's a silence in which soyeon continues her work and guanlin is drifting between dreamland and reality, "noona?" he asks, drowsy.

"yes?"

"what does love feel like?"

another pause. guanlin is half asleep, has nearly dropped off when soyeon's voice jolts him awake again, "what kind of love?"

"not our love." he tries to clarify despite his sleepiness, "like, not family. or friends. or miso."

"like- you mean jihoon-ssi?"

"mm."

"i've never experienced that kind of love, unfortunately. but i suppose it feels deeper than affection." soyeon sounds thoughtful, "maybe, just... pure happiness. like you have everything you need, and you feel on top of the world with that person. like that person is everything to you."

"so...how do i know if i'm falling in love?" he asks quietly.

"mm... trust your instincts, i would say. when you feel the signs, you'll know."

guanlin thinks of the way he felt that very evening, standing near the stream with jihoon. or maybe he's dreaming it. maybe he's asleep now.

"do you think you're falling in love?" he hears soyeon ask in the distance, and that confirms that, no, he has not yet fallen fully asleep.

guanlin shuffles a little, taking a moment to comprehend her question. nods when he does.

"love is a strong emotion." she says.

he nods again, "think i'm falling in love." he murmurs, burying his face into the pillow, "it's not like before."

"it's stronger?"

"stronger. more." guanlin lets out a tired breath, "he's everything. i like this feeling."

"well." soyeon seems to be smiling, "you're lucky."

"i know."

she laughs gently, "you're so tired, guanlinie. go to sleep. jihoon-ssi will be here to pick you up for school tomorrow morning."

jihoon sounds good to guanlin right now. sleep sounds good right now, too, "good night, noona." he says softly

"good night, guanlinie."


	17. xvii

it hits guanlin at the most normal moment.

they are walking home from study centre- just him and jihoon- and as usual, jihoon kisses him good night in front of the hostel and waits for guanlin to go inside and wave from the window.

guanlin does, and jihoon's face lights up as he waves back, and guanlin thinks clearly, unabashedly, surely-

- _i love him_.

it is a sudden thought, and guanlin freezes for a second, realising the weight of the words in his head.

i love him.

guanlin giggles, hand clutching the spot above his heart. _i love him, i love him, i love him_ -

\- "you good?" soyeon taps him from behind, "close the curtain."

"i'm in love with him."

"you- you're- huh?" soyeon takes a second to process his words, and then her face breaks out in a smile, "aww, guanlinie!"

guanlin lets out another giggle and topples soyeon over in a hug, still giddy from the rush of his realisation.

"you should've chased him down and told him before he left." eunbin chuckles from her spot on the counter. she's swinging her legs and drinking a glass of water, looking appropriately pleased for guanlin.

"oh, i've learnt my lesson from doing shit like that to him." guanlin says, "it made me feel bad last time, shouting at him."

"i meant-"

"- i know, but he told me later that he was just preparing himself to be a good boyfriend before he confessed to me." guanlin smiles dreamily, "isn't that so cute?"

" _you're_ so cute." eunbin says, "what, so you're not gonna tell him?"

"i'm not gonna tell him _now_." guanlin corrects, "i don't wanna send him into another spiral of confusion. i'll wait for him to fall in love with me first."

"i'm pretty sure he is already." soyeon shrugs, "what difference does it make?"

"me telling him would just make him overthink things again. it might make him feel pressured." guanlin says, "it's okay, i don't mind waiting some more. it's not like it's difficult- he's my boyfriend."

"well." eunbin pats his head, "i'm happy for you."

guanlin giggles again, content, "i'm so in love with him."

"how did you know?" soyeon asks with interest, "what made you realise so suddenly?"

"um." guanlin blinks, thinking, "nothing, to be honest. i just looked at him and i felt it."

"you felt it?"

"my heart just went- and, i don't know- i just knew." guanlin frowns helplessly, "how do i explain this?"

"you can't explain love." eunbin says in a sing-song voice. guanlin nods in serious agreement.

soyeon grins, "that's okay. i'm happy for you, too. come to my room- i have something to tell you."

he follows soyeon to her room, and she sits on the bed and looks at him solemnly and then begins speaking.

"so. from monday.... i'm going back to dance practice."

guanlin swears the world stops spinning for a moment.

"you- wait- what?"

"i'm going back." soyeon smiles, "i thought about what you said to me. and i thought about everything that's been bothering me. and after a while, i decided there's no other way. i need to."

"because- because you want to?"

"absolutely." she pats the space next to her, and guanlin sits, "i stopped going for a period of time- not because i didn't like it anymore."

guanlin frowns, "then?"

"i stopped because i didn't know if i was meant for it." soyeon says softly, "i didn't- i didn't know if i was good enough. fit to be a dancer. i thought about it a lot, i thought maybe this is not the right thing for me. i don't look good enough, either, and-"

"-noona is the prettiest noona in the whole universe." guanlin says hotly, "you look way better than just good enough."

soyeon looks touched, "you're such a sweetheart sometimes, lin-ah."

"only sometimes?"

"oh, shush, you." she laughs, "anyway, i doubted myself a lot. and i became insecure about my skills, and that made me... dislike the idea of going to class and showing everyone what a bad dancer i am."

"but you're not a bad dancer. you're one of the best."

"i have a lot to learn." soyeon clarifies, "but after thinking about it, i realised that it doesn't matter if i'm good or bad- i have potential. if i work hard, i can become better."

"noona, you're literally a natural born dancer." guanlin says, puzzled, "and everyone knows it."

"that's the thing- i made a mistake by getting disheartened when other people did better than me. i became cocky for a while, and then i crashed. but i learnt my lesson." soyeon says firmly, "i have things in dance which i'm good at and things i'm not so good at. i will work to improve myself and do my best."

"what made you realise that you had to go back?"

"i went to the studio." soyeon murmurs, "and it was empty. and i was alone, so i just turned on some music and did a basic routine, and i realised- i had to go back. because-" she pauses for a moment, and then says, "because i love it. i need it. i am a dancer. how can i leave it so easily? how can i give up just like that?"

a smile works it's way across guanlin's face, "i'm so glad."

"me, too."

"noona, i was so worried about you."

"i know. i'm sorry, lin."

"i'm so happy, really."

she laughs, "i know. i told ajhumma and she's making a special dinner as motivation."

guanlin laughs, too, "i need it. basketball tryout results are out this friday."

"well, then." soyeon squeezes his elbow, "hwaiting!"

guanlin grins, leaning back and nodding resolutely, "hwaiting!"

***

everything jihoon says, everything he does, makes guanlin want to pull him close and hold him forever.

loving is so different from liking.

maybe he's always been in love with jihoon, and it was only that moment after study centre that he had realised it. maybe that had been the moment when his heart grew to a size that couldn't be contained anymore, and what he had thought was like showed itself to be love, and-

-and honestly, guanlin loves being in love.

he would be a bit happier if jihoon also fell in love with him and confessed first, but in all honesty, guanlin is happy just loving jihoon. he doesn't love jihoon for the sake of jihoon loving him back- he loves jihoon because of how jihoon _is_.

sweet and caring and cute and handsome and protective and easily jealous and gentle and kind and possessive and smart and fun and just _everything_.

guanlin loves him so much.

"you're cute today." jihoon observes as guanlin giggles and plays with the older's fingers.

guanlin pouts, "what, i'm not cute every day?"

"you know that's not what i meant, babe." the older pinches his side, "what's up?"

"just happy."

"you guys are disgusting." jinyoung says cheerfully, curling his fingers around jihoon's wrist and consequently pulling both jihoon and guanlin forward, "walk faster- we don't want to be late again."

"yeah, last time was hell." woojin mutters, "i'll never be late again."

"but we can't blame them." daehwi says, "they're busy college students and they still take so much time and effort- more than what's needed- so that we can do our best. we can't take that for granted and arrive late."

"you're right." guanlin says guiltily, "i feel awful still."

jihoon nods despondently, "me, too. let's work extra hard today for hyungs."

there's a general chorus of agreement, and then guanlin says, "by the way, hyungs, i have news!"

the other four raise their eyebrows.

"soyeon noona's returning to dance!" guanlin hops excitedly.

"that's great!" jinyoung says sincerely, "i'm happy for her."

"me, too." daehwi agrees, "tell her we're cheering for her."

"yeah." jihoon squeezes guanlin's hand, "when is she going back?"

"she said on monday."

"oh, that's perfect!" woojin says, "she can help us train the newbie's after tomorrow's auditions."

"don't talk about that." jihoon groans, "i can't even think about it."

"don't worry about it." guanlin kisses the older's knuckles briefly, and he's in love, love, love, "you'll be amazing."

jihoon smiles.

fuck.

guanlin is in love.

***

"there he is!" guanlin whispers, "woojin hyung is on the panel! how cool!"

"and yoojung unnie and mina unnie are there, too!" somi says, "obviously, since they're the leaders and woojin oppa is the choreographer."

"and there's eunbi sunbaenim." daehwi points, "they're all awesome dancers. it's making me nervous."

"you're not the one auditioning." soeun scoffs.

the four of them are seated in the fifth row of the auditorium, waiting for the auditions to commence. guanlin had been surprised at the turnout- it seemed as though half the school had showed up to watch the auditions.

"there were this many people for track and basketball, too." daehwi says, as if he could read the younger's mind, "you just didn't notice because you were focused."

"hey, guys!"

they turn around to see jinyoung, seojeong and sookyung hurrying towards them. a moment later, tzuyu and chaeyeong appear, too.

"woah, that's a lot of you." somi jokes, moving aside to make space for the rest of them, "here to support jihoon oppa?"

"of course." seojeong sits down and slings and arm around somi, "and to watch yoojung unnie be an awesome panelist."

"also, sanha is auditioning, too." jinyoung says, "he's in my class."

"xiyeonie is also trying out." chaeyeong adds, "and so is- woah! is that jeon soyeon sunbaenim? is she going to judge, too?"

guanlin practically shoots up from his seat as he watches soyeon make her way towards the desk of panelists. the others greet her happily. then, eunbi takes hold of the mic and clears her throat. the hall falls silent immediately.

"hello, everyone, this is hwang eunbi speaking." she says, "as the current captain of the senior dance team, i will be in charge of these auditions."

there's a round of applause.

"along with me i have four other people who are obviously well known throughout the school for their dance skills- choi yoojung and kang mina will be taking over as leaders once i graduate."

another round of applause.

"park woojin is our main choreographer, so it's essential that's he's here to make note of skill and technique, as well as the improv segment."

the nine of them clap extra loud at this announcement, and jinyoung even throws in a whistle.

"woo, park woojin!" daehwi shouts, and woojin grins and rolls his eyes at them.

"and finally, we have the centre of the senior dance team, who has also won us several inter-school dance competitions, jeon soyeon!"

once again, the nine of them shout themselves hoarse. guanlin gives soyeon a thumbs up and she beams back at them. it feels like this is a fresh start for her, another chance to regain her title as one of the most reputed dancers in their school. it's a good way to begin things, and guanlin is proud of her.

eunbi clears her throat again, "we are extremely happy that so many people are here to support the dance team. thank you." the five panelists bow, "we request that there be no noise during the performance, as to not disturb the dancers. we will be watching fifteen auditions today, as well as a ten minute random dance battle and an improv segment. only eight dancers can qualify to make the final team."

"woah." soeun whispers, "that's seven just cut off."

"four of them will be announced today." eunbi adds, "twenty minutes after auditions. the other four will be announced tomorrow, after further deliberation and consultance." she bows again, 'thank you for coming- we will now begin."

***

jihoon is a wonderful dancer.

guanlin is mesmerised as he watches the boy do all sorts of cool dance moves. his body moves fluidly and his steps are precise. even after his individual audition, he absolutely _destroys_ everyone else during the random dance battle. he seems to know all the songs and dances.

and then the improv segment is even better- guanlin wants to learn popping after watching jihoon dance.

"he's so cool." guanlin whispers, eyes wide as jihoon finishes his performance.

"he was great!" chaeyoung agrees, and all of them cheer as the older exits the stage.

"look." daehwi grins, pointing at woojin's expression, "he's happy."

indeed, woojin seems to be wearing a smile that says _yup, that's my best friend, he fucking killed it_. guanlin can relate.

a lot of other dancers are good, too, but guanlin can easily say that jihoon was one of the best, no doubt.

the room falls silent as hwang eunbi stands up to announce the four dancers who have already been chosen.

"this is in no particular order." she says, "from class ten, yoon sanha. also from class ten, park xiyeon."

a round of applause. jinyoung and guanlin clutch each other in nervous anticipation.

"from class nine, kyla."

"oh, kyla!" soeun claps happily, "that's awesome!"

"and from class eleven, park jihoon."

they all go crazy. guanlin can spot jihoon's relieved sigh from a mile off, and a beautiful smile graces the older's face.

guanlin gives him a thumbs up, and jihoon beams, as if he'd been looking for guanlin the whole time, and unashamedly does the jeojang sign back at him, smirking when guanlin turns bright red.

"oh my god." he mutters.

his friends are laughing, clearly being the only ones to have understood the little interaction. guanlin can see soyeon and woojin muffling their chuckles behind their hands.

"come on, lin-ah." tzuyu tugs guanlin up, "let's go backstage and congratulate jihoon."

they all follow her in the end, and once jihoon catches sight of guanlin, he pulls the younger into a hug.

"i told you!" guanlin giggles, "you were the best."

jihoon doesn't reply, just cups his face and kisses him deeply. guanlin smiles into the kiss, returning it passionately.

'we are still on school property." jinyoung says pleasantly, yanking them away from each other.

"that was the most innocent kiss ever." jihoon pouts. jinyoung makes a face.

"we need to celebrate!" somi says, bouncing around happily, "we should wait for soyeon unnie and yoojung unnie and mina unnie and woojin oppa- and then we could all go out for ramen!"

"we should." jihoon leans into guanlin's side. guanlin holds him close and cherishes the way love feels.

"kyulkyungie unnie said she would like to join, too." chaeyoung adds, "let's wait for all of them."

jinyoung freezes, "kyulkyung sunbae?"

"yeah."

"oh!" guanlin lights up, "she speaks mandarin! right? i've met her before, she's really nice."

"what?" jinyoung echoes faintly.

"she's nice." guanlin repeats, "are you okay?"

"guys." jinyoung's voice is an urgent whisper, "we can't let her come."

they all pause, surprised.

"she's too cool!" jinyoung looks ready to die, "she's like, you don't understand- the best, coolest, awesomest sunbae ever! she's like, the role model of my life!"

daehwi and tzuyu snort with laughter. guanlin frowns.

"then wouldn't you want to meet her?"

"i'm not cool enough! she'll think i'm stupid."

"but you are." jihoon says innocently, and guanlin shoves him.

"don't be mean, hyung."

'sorry, baby."

"you'll be fine, jinyoung." chaeyoung throws an arm around him, "i'll protect you."

jinyoung groans, and the rest of them laugh, and jihoon pulls guanlin in closer.

'were you proud of me?" he asks, quiet enough that the others don't hear.

"so proud." guanlin rubs his nose against jihoon's, "you were amazing. really."

jihoon smiles, standing on his tip-toes, "another kiss congratulations?"

guanlin smiles, nods his head.

kisses him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's unbelievable that it's already been a year since the produce 101 finals, when our precious wanna one was formed! i'm so glad that the boys have done so well and come so far. i'm really proud of them <3
> 
> also, a year since the infamous panwink kiss, haha.
> 
> it's not only the members of wanna one- so many members of produce are doing amazing now. the jbj boys, nu'est, jung sewoon, samuel, mxm, seonho- and that's just to name a few.
> 
> i couldn't be happier or prouder for how far they've all come.
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO!!!! CUBE FAMILY REUNION HAPPENED!!
> 
> the byeongaris were finally reunited on stage, exactly one year after the finals!
> 
> istg, i was so excited when i saw guanlin come onto the stage during the encore. and he's such a baby at cube!! they treated him so well, and they were so happy to see him.  
> if you wanna scream about that, i'm free, haha.
> 
> thanks for reading and supporting. next chapter coming soon! <3 <3 <3


	18. xviii

"i can't go inside."

"guanlin, stop being a wuss." jinyoung scolds, and guanlin pouts pathetically.

"you're so mean."

"i'm not mean, i'm just _saying_ -"

"-shut up, jinyoung." jihoon interjects, rubbing his thumb against guanlin's cheek and saying, "you take how much ever time you need, baby. i'll wait for you."

"this is why i like you the most." guanlin mutters, his nervousness lessening a little as he watches jihoon smile.

"anyway." somi says, hands on her hips, "the list is not going to magically change no matter. i think you should just face it, guanlin."

"you might have gotten in." daehwi agrees.

guanlin sighs, "there were too many other good players. i suck at basketball."

"guanlin, no negativity." soeun pats him soothingly, "let's just go inside. you're holding everyone up."

" _who_ am holding up?" the boy demands, 'you guys could go inside. i'll just camp out here. freezing and sad in the cold seoul winters. alone. forever."

in front of him, jihoon, woojin, daehwi, somi, soeun, jinyoung, tzuyu and soyeon groan.

"yah, lai guanlin." soeun massages her temple, "why don't you take up drama?"

"i will. once i am properly rejected from basketball." he stays rooted to the spot, with no intention to go inside and check the list of names and thereby meet his impending doom.

"i thought we made it clear to your stupid ass that we're not moving unless you go inside the damn building." soyeon says, a pleasant smile on her face, "hurry up, or i will kick you inside myself."

"somi can do it better." soeun giggles, "she knows taekwondo."

and so, with no will of his own, lai guanlin allows himself to be herded inside the school building and towards the bulletin board in the main hall, where the results of the basketball tryouts are pinned up.

"i can't look, i can't look, i can't look-"

"-guanlin." woojin looks a little helpless, "can you try not to freak out?"

"would all of you stop being so insensitive." jihoon huffs, "let him say whatever he wants. you wouldn't be standing here if you weren't ready to take care of him."

tzuyu chuckles, "looks like we've brought about the possessive boyfriend mode in jihoon."

guanlin smiles a little at this, leaning down to bury his face in jihoon's neck. jihoon pets his hair sweetly, murmuring soft reassurances in his ear.

"c'mon, baby." he coos, "if you just take a look at the list, you won't be so nervous anymore. and besides, everything happens for a reason. no matter what, it was an incredible experience to practice, right?"

"yeah."

"if you make it, you'll have to practice harder. if you don't- you'll have to practice hard for next year."

"i know."

"don't worry, guanlin-ah." jihoon's voice is sweet and soothing, "i've got you."

guanlin presses a kiss to jihoon's cheek, "i know, hyung." _i love you_.

"well." woojin looks torn between fond and exasperated, "as adorable as this is, i think it's time guanlin checks that list."

guanlin sighs. nods with a renewed determination and walks towards the bulletin board, where students are already crowded. 

some of them are cheering and high-fiving. others' shoulders are drooping despondently, giving each other hugs in consolation. in two minutes, guanlin would know which of the categories he'd be in. he squeezes in beside nari, finding the basketball tryouts list immediately.

the first thing he does is scan the list of substitutes. he's pretty sure that a freshman would end up as a substitute, but his name isn't there.

he can already feel his spirit drooping. he'd so badly wanted to be on the team- his name isn't next to shooting guard or power forward or point guard, either. he wants nothing more than to crawl up and hide.

"guanlin!" nari squeals, "congratulations! i knew you'd get it! and just the position you said you wanted!"

guanlin blinks, dazed, "what?"

"you- didn't you say you wanted to be small forward? it's incredibly hard for freshman to get on the team, let alone their position-"

"-what are you- i didn't-"

"- you're right here." nari points at the list, "see? small forward."

his name is there.

_small forward: lai guanlin, class 9._

"what." he says dumbly, "how?"

"guanlinie!" he hears jihoon before he sees him, and the older boy beams like sunshine and kisses guanlin deeply, completely disregarding the other fifteen students who were hanging around. they all hoot and wolf-whistle, and nari is squealing again.

"hyung." guanlin giggles, as they pull away. jihoon is as red as guanlin must be, but they don't have a chance to say anything else, because at that moment, all his other friends are cheering and piling onto guanlin in a group hug.

this is good, guanlin thinks, and with a growing smile, lets soyeon and tzuyu takes turns pinching his cheeks.

he thinks, i made it.

he thinks, i have to work hard.

he thinks, i can't wait to tell the hostel. i can't wait to tell the hyungs.

he thinks, i can't wait to tell my father.

***

"lai guanlin, small forward!" jinyoung all but screeches excitedly as the five of them barge into study centre that evening.

"alright!" daniel knocks over the entire stack of books as he rushes over to give guanlin a hug.

jisung doesn't even scold them for the commotion- instead, he joins the rest of the hyungs for the gigantic group hug between eleven of them.

"wah, he really made it!"

"i knew he would!"

"i'm so proud of you, guanlinie!"

guanlin beams as he hears all the compliments from his hyungs. jihoon wraps his arms around guanlin's neck and guanlin gives him a sweet kiss. jihoon beams, "i knew he would get in, anyway."

"of course you did." jaehwan looks amused while jinyoung and woojin mock-retch.

fifteen minutes later sees guanlin and daniel at their table with books spread out in front of them. however, instead of discussing chemistry, they are very seriously discussing basketball.

"are jump shots part of chemistry?" jisung asks pleasantly as he walks past, and daniel and guanlin hurriedly lower their voices.

after some time, they actually do begin chemistry. and then guanlin asks, out of the blue, "hyung?"

"yes?"

"so.. um, i was wondering. what do you do when you're in love with someone and you want to tell them but you're afraid they'll freak out and run away from you?"

daniel sighs, smiles a little, "for science?"

guanlin nods, "psychology."

"broadening your horizons?"

"of course."

"well." daniel says thoughtfully, "i think... there will be a point where you can't contain it anymore."

"so.. you're saying i should wait to tell- i mean.... that person in my science book should wait to tell him?"

daniel chuckles, "i would say that the person should express himself when he feels comfortable. and if the person's boyfriend is as sweet and enamoured with him as jihoon is with you, i don't think you'll have to worry about him running away."

"we're not talking about me." guanlin reminds him.

"of course not." daniel corrects himself, grinning, "you know what i mean."

"okay then. i will... use that. as my case study."

daniel is shaking in silent laughter and guanlin hits his shoulder and pouts. 

"cute." the older says fondly, pinching guanlin's cheek. he quickly drops his hand, though, visibly gulping. guanlin frowns.

"what happened?"

"um, nothing." daniel looks over guanlin's shoulder, "your boyfriend can be scary as fuck sometimes. tell him i'm allowed to pinch your cheek."

"what? why?"

"he just glared at me." now daniel is the one pouting, "i'm not gonna steal you away or anything!"

guanlin giggles, turning around and catching jihoon staring. jihoon flushes, but guanlin just flashes him a bright smile, and jihoon melts a little.

"concentrate, park jihoon." sugwoon whacks his head with a roll of paper.

"hyung!" guanlin says, getting up and walking towards jihoon's chair, hugging him from behind and resting his chin atop the older's head "don't hit jihoon!"

"what he said." jihoon tells sungwoon, smug, "don't hit me hyung." he then rises out of the chair, turning towards guanlin and smiling prettily, "thanks, baby. i love you."

there's a moment of silence in which all eleven of them pause, taking in and actually processing what jihoon had said. guanlin's mind goes strangely blank. he can vaguely hear minhyun in the background, "have they said it before?" and seongwoo's reply, "clearly not."

"i." guanlin stares at jihoon. he expects jihoon to deny what he said, or to defend himself or something. however, the older just seems a little surprised at himself, and besides that he seems quite fine.

"i mean." jihoon looks down, "um. actually. yeah, that's what i meant."

"you- you mean-?"

"i love you." jihoon repeats. firm and calm, like he means every word, "i've loved you for a long time, i think, but somehow looking at you now, i just realised it."

_jihoon just realised it. he didn't have to think at all. he just looked at me and felt it and told me._

"right from here." jihoon touches a hand to his chest, where his heart is, "didn't even have to think twice. don't regret saying it at all." he reaches forward to cup guanlin's face in his hand, "you don't have to say it back now. but it's nice that you know. how much i love you."

jihoon is red now. he's shy, and he doesn't usually know how to express his feelings in words, but he's doing it, doing it in front of all their friends, just for guanlin, just because he loves him, and-

"- i love you, too." guanlin's voice is equally firm and genuine, "i love you, hyung."

their kiss is soft and sweet, like the first time they kissed, all those months ago when jihoon stood in front of the hostel and pelted stones at his window to call him downstairs. jihoon's hand are still cupping guanlin's face, just as they were back then, and guanlin still feels so much love from the older.

needless to say, the hyungs let them leave study centre early that evening.

***

"tell me again." jihoon whispers.

their fingers are intertwined. they had taken a detour after their hyungs had allowed them to leave the centre early. there had been much cheering and teasing and (even though he would forever deny it) some tears from jisung.

seongwoo had shaken his head in disbelief that jihoon was once again the one to make the first move, and guanlin could relate to the sentiments- he was equally shocked. and so, so happy. and so, so in love.

now they are back at that stream where guanlin first found miso. they are alone, lying in the grass, wrapped in each other.

"this will be the third time." guanlin murmurs teasingly.

"you've been counting?"

"i've been the one telling it."

"tell me again." jihoon repeats, "when did you know you loved me?"

guanlin chuckles a little. loves a lot.

"when you waved goodbye from the other side of the window, and i wanted to call you back and ask you to never leave me."

"you know i'd never leave you."

"i know." guanlin pulls jihoon in, "i know, hyung. i love you so much."

"i love you, too." jihoon kisses him. soft, sweet butterfly kisses, trailing from his neck to his jaw to his lips, "i love you, i love you, i love you."

they kiss for a long time. just the two of them, and the chilly breeze of winter air, and the grass and the sound of the running stream. 

just the way jihoon wraps his arms around guanlin as though he's afraid the younger would disappear if he let go. and guanlin presses even closer, because he can't bare even the smallest distance between them.

their lips move in sync, sucking and nipping and just moving against each other. jihoon's hands move into guanlin's hair, and the youngest lets out a satisfied little whine when the older tugs. 

"i love you." they whisper back and forth, and then catch the words in the other's mouth, wanting it to stay close and in their hearts forever and ever, "i love you, i love you."

it's late before they walk back home, clothing dishevelled and lips swollen and hair messed up. jihoon insists on straightening guanlin's collar and hair and takes the opportunity to pepper a few more kisses onto his face, as well.

"can't have your hostel thinking i defiled this pretty flower, can we?" the older teases, and guanlin turns bright red.

"shut up." he pouts, kissing jihoon's cheek, "they already know how well you take care of me."

"my family knows how well you take care of me, too." jihoon smiles, "you should meet them soon."

"i'd like that."

"good." another kiss, "i'll see you tomorrow."

"okay." guanlin says, "good night, hyung."

"good night, baby. i love you."

"i love you, too."

this is how they part for the night. the words are sweet on guanlin's tongue, and he's never been happier.

***

eunbin and elkie are squealing.

"that's so cute!"

"how come i wasn't there?"

"that's _so cute!_ "

"why are you such a wuss?" seonho demands, "first jihoon hyung had to be the one to confess, and now he has to be the one to say 'i love you' first?"

"hey!" guanlin protests, "i have my reasons! i am not a wuss, you little fucker."

"language." oscar tuts, but he's smiling, too, "ah, look at our young guanlinie, all cute and in love."

" _so_ in love." guanlin says happily, "everything is perfect. plus with the news about the basketball team-"

"-we should celebrate." ajhumma cuts in, "a picnic this weekend. we can let miso run around and play, too."

"that'd be fun." ajhussi agrees, "there's a lot to celebrate indeed- our guanlinie in a happy relationship, on the school basketball team, soyeon taking the initiative to return to dance and oscar doing well in his recent tests."

"we can call your study centre friends!" soyeon adds cheerfully, "and i'll ask kyulkyungie to come, too. it'll be great!"

"i doubt jinyoungie hyung would come if pinky jiejie is coming." guanlin snorts, "he can barely talk when she's around. she's 'the role model of his life', as he put it."

they all laugh.

"i thought it was cute." soyeon chuckles, "reminded me of those few weeks where you couldn't be around jihoon without looking stupid."

"heyyy."

"jinyoung literally didn't open his mouth the whole time when we all hung out together." soyeon remembers, "maybe don't tell him that she's coming along, too, then."

"whatever you say."

"guanlinie, you have a text." eunbin picks up his phone, tapping in the password as if it's her birthright.

"hey!" guanlin whines, "noona, give me my phone."

"it's from jihoon oppa! he sent you a gigantic heart, how cute!"

elkie giggles, "i bet he can't sleep unless you send him a heart back, that's disgusting."

"why are you smiling then?"

"because it's cute!"

seonho gags, "you send each other good night messages?"

"all of you shut _up!_ " guanlin huffs, snatching his phone back.

he texts jihoon back with a gigantic heart and three kiss emojis, ignoring the teasing from all his friends.

"there." guanlin says, "look, i sent him heart- you know why? because i love him, and he sent me a heart first, you know why? because he loves me, too. you guys can't relate- you're too single."

"ouch." oscar clutches his heart, "hit me where it hurts, why don't you."

they all dissolve in laughter once more at his overly-injured expression.

it is a good feeling, guanlin thinks contentedly.

a good feeling to be surrounded by love.


	19. xix

"it'll be fun, won't it?" jihoon asks, threading his fingers through guanlin's hair, "the picnic on sunday?"

it's thursday evening, and the two of them had finished study centre and gone back to the hostel for dinner. jihoon only has to be home by nine, so he and guanlin are holed up in guanlin's room, curled on the little beanbag he has.

"mm." guanlin nuzzles further into the older's stomach, enjoying the feeling of jihoon petting him.

"cute." jihoon mutters, kissing his forehead.

guanlin looks up, "hyung, that reminds me- some of oscar's friends from his hometown are coming over tomorrow. they'll only be staying in seoul for a night, but ajhumma said they can sleep at the hostel. there's not really enough space for them, so i said they can take my room for the night."

"aww, you're such a sweetheart."

"so, i could bunk in seonho or soyeonie's room, but i was wondering if i could sleep over at yours instead? that'll be more fun, right?"

jihoon's face lights up, "i'd love that! tomorrow night?"

"mmhmm."

"i'll tell my parents. they've been waiting to have you over."

"really?"

"yeah. my eomma saw my lock-screen, and i think she kind of loves you more than she loves me now."

"your lock-screen?" guanlin sits upright, leaning on jihoon a bit, "what is it? you've never showed me."

"oh." jihoon's cheeks flush a dark, pretty pink. guanlin makes a happy noise and kisses the blush on the older's skin.

"you're so pretty, hyung."

"shut up." he tosses guanlin his phone. guanlin turns it on and checks the lock-screen- and his face immediately breaks into the sweetest smile jihoon has ever seen.

jihoon's lock-screen is kind of cliche, he'll admit. but he really likes the photo- he can't help it. it's guanlin, of course, with his adorable smile and pretty eyes and handsome face. he's holding jihoon's hand- though jihoon himself isn't in the picture- and pulling the older forward.

"you're so cute, hyung." guanlin says happily, "i can't believe your lock-screen is me holding your hand."

"well, what's yours?" jihoon demands.

guanlin looks a little bit sheepish, holding up his phone- it's a picture of guanlin and jihoon and miso. guanlin is hugging miso and jihoon is hugging both of them. jihoon vaguely recalls jaehwan taking the photo while seongwoo screeched from behind about how 'the cuteness is blinding me' and jinyoung, as per usual, mock-retched in the corner, all while smiling.

"well, what's your wallpaper?" jihoon taps in his passowrd and shows guanlin his wallpaper, which is a shot of guanlin nuzzled into jihoon like a sleepy baby byeongari, and jihoon petting his hair and smiling a him, absolutely enamoured.

"fine, you win." guanlin pouts, "this is my wallpaper. but i bet my camera roll has more cute pictures than yours."

guanlin's wallpaper is a picture of him and his family. jihoon doesn't blame him even for a second. in fact, he chokes up suddenly, because guanlin must miss his family everyday, and he must feel so happy after seeing even their picture, and the first thing a person sees when they turn on their phone is their lock-screen- and guanlin's lock-screen had been jihoon. 

jihoon knows that the first thing guanlin does in the morning is check the time on his phone. which means-

"-it sounds stupid, but i like seeing this picture of us first thing every morning. it makes me happy." guanlin smiles fondly at it, "that's why it's my lock-screen, instead of the picture with my family."

"love you." jihoon murmurs, feeling both emotional and grateful. he can't express how happy he is to be able to say those words to guanlin, be able to here them back.

"love you, too."

"is there any drama you want to watch when you come over tomorrow? i'll download it."

"mm. let's just watch whatever's on tv. i've been watching that drama that came out last year- descendants of the sun."

"oh, i like that one!" jihoon lights up, "i already have it downloaded. let's watch it together."

guanlin's reply is eager but mumbled. jihoon chuckles.

"you're sleepy, aren't you, baby? come on, let hyung tuck you in."

guanlin falls asleep feeling warm. he pulls jihoon in and they hold each other close.

***

"what the fuck are you doing here." guanlin gapes, as jihoon stretches across his bed, "hyung! your parents- you didn't- didn't you go home last night?"

"i called my parents and told them i'm staying over." jihoon says, looking quite cheerful, "my appa dropped off my uniform and backpack about half an hour ago, on his way to work. he works near here, did you know?"

guanlin blinks.

"okay, honestly, you were so cute when you were sleeping. i didn't have the heart to leave." jihoon says, grinning, "and i didn't want you to fall asleep with me and wake up without me. so i thought i'd better stay. i told ajumma and ajhussi, don't worry."

guanlin melts.

"hyung, why are you so sweet?" he flops back into bed, face first on the pillow, "i can't handle so much sweetness in the morning."

jihoon laughs.

"it's good to wake up next to hyung." guanlin adds quietly as an afterthought, "once i got over the initial shock."

jihoon hugs him from behind, "waking up next to you was the best, i swear. you look like a fucking prince even when you sleep."

guanlin makes an embarrassed sound. jihoon kisses his hair.

"get up, baby. we'll be late otherwise."

it takes a while for jihoon- who had already showered and gotten dressed- to coax guanlin out of bed and into the bathroom. guanlin whines the whole time, saying he wants to skip school and sleep and complaining about the unfairness of early morning.

"i have jet lag." he protests, as jihoon pushes him towards the bathroom.

"babe, you got here, like, seven months ago and haven't left since."

"six months." guanlin corrects in a pout.

"almost seven." jihoon fights back a smile, "don't try to fool me- i know how long it's been since i met this angel, don't i?"

guanlin turns bright red and buries his face in his hands.

"you're still beautiful in the morning." jihoon murmurs, "even after waking up, you're gorgeous."

"shut up." guanlin groans, "are you more shameless in the mornings?"

"possibly." jihoon thinks about it, "i think my brain-to-mouth filter doesn't work as well in the morning as it does during the day."

"it doesn't work well in the night either."

"touche. anyway, the point is, you can't have jetlag. i'm sorry, guanlinie, but i don't think it works like that."

"it does." guanlin insists, but allows himself to be pushed inside the bathroom for a shower.

he comes out twenty minutes later, dressed in his uniform and looking far more alive than he had looked earlier, "what's for breakfast?"

jihoon, who is sitting on the younger's bed, looks up from his phone, "um, cereal, i think."

"hm. will you feed me?"

jihoon rolls his eyes, smiling, "when do i not?"

"you don't always feed me."

"i do. i definitely do."

"well, what about all those times that i feed you?" guanlin protests.

"well, okay fine." jihoon concedes, "besides those times. but i feed you more, admit it."

"whatever." guanlin swats jihoon with his towel and kisses him before he can start scolding the younger, "love you."

"i love you, too."

***

"you kids all like jokbal, right?" ajhussi remembers, "guanlinie, how about we have some for the picnic?"

"sure." guanlin spoons some more cereal into his mouth, "but ajhumma won't have time to make jokbal along with everything."

"we can get it from the canteen." soyeon suggests, "we can get a box on sunday morning."

"will you go, guanlin?" ajhussi asks, "soyeon has to meet up with some friends for dance practice that morning, and i'm not too sure about the others. you'll be free, right? no basketball practice?"

"i'm free." guanlin nods slowly.

"so you don't mind getting the jokbal?"

"um." guanlin clears his throat, "no. no problem. of course i'll get it."

"great! i'll let her know."

guanlin finishes his cereal quietly. he can feel jihoon's eyes on him as he talks less and less, and finally slings his bag over his shoulder and says goodbye to everyone in something close to a grunt.

"what's up?" jihoon asks, concerned, "are you okay?"

"hm?" guanlin slows down so that he can intertwine his fingers with jihoon's, "i'm fine."

"are you sure?"

"yes. why?"

"you've been quiet since breakfast. is something the matter?"

guanlin lifts a shoulder, "no big deal."

jihoon clearly doesn't believe him, but he says nothing. after a while, the older says, "is it about the jokbal?"

"what?" guanlin blinks in surprise, "how- how did you-"

"you shut off the minute ajhussi mentioned it." jihoon says, "and i don't know if you remember, but i do- there was a time a few months ago when i asked you what you wanted from the canteen and you were about to say jokbal, and then you changed last minute and said something else."

guanlin is silent.

"i observed you ever since, and i realised that you've never really said the word jokbal since then. you've barely come inside the canteen since then." jihoon rubs his thumb over guanlin's knuckles, "did something happen?"

"you notice so many things." guanlin murmurs.

"only about you."

guanlin flushes, "it's no big deal hyung, i'm serious. it happened months ago- i should be over it by now."

"what happened months ago? babe, if you tell me, i could help you."

"it's not really important." guanlin insists, "i told tzuyu jiejie about it when it happened and i did my best to overcome whatever, and that should be that. it's stupid of me to still be hung up on it. it's stupid in general."

jihoon holds guanlin firmly in place, stopping him from walking any further, "lai guanlin, you listen to me- nothing that bothers you is stupid."

"i just-"

"-i don't want to see you upset ever. i hate it when you're not happy. so at least for me, let me know what's going on so that i can make you smile."

guanlin can't help but giggle at this, "damn, you're smooth."

"i try." jihoon chuckles, "now, what happened?"

"it's nothing. just... a few months ago when i first moved here, i ordered jok- pig trotters at the canteen and all the workers there laughed at me and mocked my pronunciation." guanlin gulps, "you know i kind of suck at korean-"

"-that is absolutely not true-"

"-and my pronunciation was really off, and they just mocked me and joked about me while preparing my food and then laughed me out of the canteen, like i was a fucking joke. and i didn't even know enough korean to defend myself. it made me feel like an idiot, you know, like i came here just to not belong, and i thought i really wasn't going to make it here if i couldn't even pronounce an easy word without causing a scene."

"oh, baby." jihoon looks so sad, and guanlin wishes he hadn't even opened his mouth. he never wants to see that expression on jihoon's face.

"i mean." guanlin shrugs, "it's okay. i need to here it sometimes to improve, maybe."

"no." jihoon is firm, "you do not deserve to be treated like that by anyone, ever. where are those guys? do they still work there? i'm going to go fucking _pulverize_ him-"

"-hyung, no!" guanlin says frantically, "calm down! it's okay! he was there that day you got me food, too. that's why i couldn't go inside."

realisation dawns on jihoon's face, "ohh- and back then, for those few weeks- so this must be why-"

"this must be why what?"

"when you suddenly stopped studying korean and we were all worried to death. this was why."

guanlin nods, "ah, yeah. it was because of this."

jihoon stands on his tip-toes to press feather-light kisses to guanlin's lips, "don't worry, guanlinie. you're going to overcome this on sunday."

guanlin shakes his head immediately, "i can't. why can't you go instead?"

"it'll be okay." jihoon is soothing, "you know how to say jokbal now."

"no, i don't!"

"i'll help you practice."

"hyung, i really can't. i'm-" _scared_ , the voice in guanlin's head says, and guanlin wills it away.

jihoon's eyes soften, though, "it's not easy. i know."

"i can't."

"you can. i'll be with you."

"i'm scared."

"and that's okay." jihoon cups guanlin's face like he's something precious, "nobody has the right to treat you that way."

"but-"

"-won't it be fun to walk in there and beat them up?"

when guanlin raises an eyebrow, jihoon adds hastily, "with your skills. beat them up with your language skills and not with.... my fist."

" _definitely_ not with your fist." guanlin hides a smile, "i didn't know language skills could beat people up."

"more than proving anything to them- won't you want to prove to yourself that you can do it?"

this makes guanlin stop for a moment. it reminds him so much of his conversation with tzuyu all that time ago. it reminds him of the way daniel encourages him, and the way soyeon assures him that everything will be fine. and guanlin is a lucky, lucky person to have so many people looking after him like this.

"i do." he says quietly. jihoon smiles and kisses him.

"i know. hyung will be right there with you."

guanlin squeezes his hand, "i love you."

"i love you, too." jihoon tugs him forward, "now come on, or we'll be late for school."

as it turns out, they're almost late- _almost_.

they make it in the last minute and all their friends are exasperated and fond and annoyed, and jihoon is sheepishly apologising and guanlin is just laughing, and he thinks to himself that maybe, maybe he can order the pig trotters by himself on sunday.

maybe it is time for him to be a little braver.


	20. xx

"this is lai guanlin." jihoon says, slightly nervous, "you know about him, obviously. my boyfriend."

jihoon had expected guanlin to be _slightly_ anxious at least- it's not everyday you meet your boyfriend's parents- but guanlin is his usual sweet, polite, endearing self. he beams at jihoon's parents with his gummy smile and bows respectfully and introduces himself in the cutest (and most improved) korean jihoon has ever heard.

of course, both jihoon's mother and father had heard so much about guanlin already that they couldn't wait to meet him. and jihoon had been so happy the past few months, gushing about guanlin every opportunity he got- possibly to the point where his parents had maybe began to doubt whether guanlin even existed or if he was just a figment of jihoon's imagination (jihoon pinches himself every day).

so jihoon's parents beam right back and coo at guanlin, ask him questions about himself and make him feel at home immediately. 

jihoon lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"and how old are you, young man?" jihoon's father asks, giving guanlin a warm smile as they usher him nto the living room.

"um. i'm fifteen, sir." guanlin replies, and jihoon's father nods.

"ah, yes, jihoon mentioned you were in year nine. how are you liking life in korea?"

guanlin has jihoon's parents (and jihoon) wrapped around his pinky by the end of their conversation. jihoon's mother seems especially taken with him, giving guanlin her phone number and insisting that he contact her every week to let her know how he's been doing.

"it must be so difficult." she fusses, "so young, away from your parents. don't you worry, sweetheart- we'll take good care of you."

"thanks!" guanlin says brightly, "jihoonie hyung also takes very good care of me."

jihoon's parents turn their happy smiles to jihoon.

"of course, our jihoonie has always been a wonderful boy!"

"eomma!" jihoon hisses, embarrassed.

"and he's awfully enamoured by you." jihoon's father adds, as if jihoon isn't already dying of humiliation, "always talking about how much he loves you. we started to wonder whether you were even real after a point."

" _appa_!" jihoon groans, sliding onto the floor and trying to bang his forehead onto the sofa in frustration.

a cool hand on his forehead stops him from feeling the impact, though. he looks up to see guanlin smiling at him.

"you can't hurt yourself, hyung." he says, tugging the older boy up, "it's okay- really. you know how my hostel friends were when you first met them."

jihoon buries his face into guanlin's sweater and says nothing. guanlin runs a hand through his hair.

jihoon's parents look positively delighted.

"well, then." jihoon's mother says, "you both go upstairs and watch tv for sometime- or try to study, even better- and i'll call you once dinner is prepared."

" _thank_ you." jihoon grits, taking hold of guanlin's hand and tugging him up the stairs.

he hears guanlin's laugh behind him, and it's still one of the most beautiful sounds he's ever heard.

***

"sorry about that." jihoon mutters, flopping onto his bed.

guanlin sits beside him, "don't be- i think your parents are great."

"they are." jihoon says, "but that doesn't mean they should expose me so blatantly."

guanlin giggles at this, shy blush covering his face, "if it helps, i called my sister the day you asked me out and talked about you for two hours."

"aww!" jihoon leans forward, tickling guanlin's stomach, "that's so cute! what did you tell her- how amazingly romantic and breathtakingly handsome i was?"

"shut up." guanlin covers his face, trying to hide his laughter.

"don't-" jihoon pulls guanlin's hands away from his face, "you look beautiful when you laugh."

"shut _up_." the younger boy repeats in a whine, "you know you look better."

"what bullshit."

"you just asked me whether i told my sister about your breathtaking looks."

"did you?"

"why?" guanlin flips over, nuzzling jihoon's stomach, "planning to woo her next?"

"never." jihoon's answer is instant. he knows guanlin is joking, but he still feels the need to reassure the other, "you're the only one for me, guanlin-ah. i can't look at anyone else. you know that, right?"

he can practically feel the heat radiating off the younger boy's face.

"i know." guanlin's voice is muffled, "i can't look at anyone else, either."

"i would like to meet your sister sometime, though- and your parents, and maybe your old friends." jihoon pushes hair out of guanlin's eyes, "i want to go to taiwan with you someday."

guanlin lights up, "i'd love that! hyung, i could show you so many things- i lived in linkou, i can show you all the places i used to go for basketball and school stuff and restaurants- and all the bubble tea cafes, you can't beat taipei bubble tea-"

jihoon listens contentedly to guanlin's stories about his life in taipei and all the things they could do together. when guanlin draws to a close, looking questioning as to why jihoon had stopped talking, jihoon leans forward and presses a sweet kiss to his lips.

"i can't wait to go to taiwan with you, baby." jihoon murmurs against guanlin's lips. guanlin kisses him back.

"promise you won't end up liking my sister or my friends better than me?"

"hey." jihoon cups guanlin's face in his hands, "don't worry. there's nobody else i want. i'm so in love with you."

"i'm so in love with you, too." guanlin puckers his lips again, "kiss?"

jihoon kisses him again. a sharp tap on the door has them springing apart.

"eomma!" jihoon lets out a long-suffering sigh, "can you _not_ -"

"-she said she was going to call us when dinner is ready." guanin shoves him, "don't be rude."

jihoon's mother opens the door and laughs softly when she sees jihoon's irritable expression, "ah, was i intruding?"

"yes." jihoon snaps, at the same time guanlin says, "no."

the younger boy raises an eyebrow, " _hyung_."

jihoon rolls his eyes, "whatever. if she won't let me finish in private, i might as well kiss you in front of her instead."

"hyung!"

jihoon laughs, "i'm kidding, angel. come on, let's go for dinner."

"angel?" guanlin mouths, grinning. jihoon burns red, and guanlin giggles, pressing a kiss to the older's cheek.

jihoon takes one look at his mother- and then immediately wishes he hadn't. she looks so excited, and that instantly triggers the worry in jihoon.

"guanlinie, you just go ahead. i'll be there in a second."

as soon as the younger boy disappears, jihoon whirls around and face his mother, "eomma."

"yes?"

"no embarrassing stories."

"embarrassing stories?" she says, "i would never. i consider your childhood adventures to be cute- not embarrassing."

"eomma!"

"guanlin seems like such a sweetheart."

"he is." jihoon glowers, " but don't try to change the subject."

"hyung!" a voice comes from further inside, "you said a second, and it's been longer!"

"i'm coming!" jihoon can't help but smile at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. he gives his mother one more warning look before they head into the dining room together.

of course, he turns away just in time to miss her slightly mischievous smile.

***

"that's so cute!" guanlin is nearly dying of laughter, "hyung, why were you so cute?"

jihoon says nothing.

"and then," jihoon's mother continues, as if she hadn't embarrassed him enough, "he came to me and demanded that i pour more dance skills into his drink so that he could win!"

jihoon's father is laughing, too, fond as he remembers jihoon's childhood adventures. guanlin finally stops laughing to give jihoon a pout.

"don't be mad at me."

"i'm not mad at you!" jihoon says immediately, "you're cute, and you didn't do anything wrong. i'm mad at _them_." he glares at his parents. 

they smile cheerfully.

"i think you were an adorable kid." guanlin says earnestly, "i wish i had a picture of a face to match to the story though-"

"-i have so many baby pictures!" jihoon's mother interrupts, and jihoon groans.

an hour later sees them in the living room. guanlin and jihoon's parents are poring over jihoon's childhood album, and jihoon is sulking in the corner. eventually, after an album of jihoon's elementary school field trips, guanlin comes and cuddles up to jihoon, pulling him in all soft and sweet.

"you were so cute, hyung. what happened?"

"yah!" jihoon pushes the younger boy onto the floor, "you little brat!"

guanlin is rolling on the floor, laughing, and jihoon's parents join in.

the _betrayal_.

"stop it!" jihoon whines, and guanlin leans up to intertwine his fingers with jihoon's, "love you, hyung."

"love you, baby." the older boy's reply is instantaneous- and then he goes beet red, remembering that his parents are right there.

guanlin seems to remember, too. he flushes and pulls jihoon into his chest, burying his face into the older's hair.

"well." jihoon's father seems pleased, "look at my son, a true man."

"appa."

"when you told me how you fancied him, i told you to go for it, and i'm glad to see that you did."

"appa."

"and very romantically, too. a true sangnamja."

"ap _pa_."

"i've really raised you to be a manly young man, son, and i'm glad you're happy with-"

" _abeoji_."

guanlin is giggling furiously at jihoon's deadpan expression. jihoon's father grins.

"anyway- you both settle upstairs. i cleaned the guest room just in case, but if guanlin would rather sleep in your room, i also brought out the mattress."

"thanks." guanlin smiles sweetly, "you don't mind me sleeping in jihoonie hyung's room?"

"of course not." his mother says, "make yourself comfortable, darling."

"come." jihoon tugs guanlin up, "let's just go to my room. away from these creatures."

"hyung!" guanlin protests, "don't be rude!"

jihoon's parents just laugh, though. jihoon smiles despite himself and kisses his parents good night. his heart expands and nearly bursts out of his chest when guanlin bows a little shyly and murmurs, "good night, thank you for looking after me." and jihoon's mother pulls him into a hug and jihoon's father pats his back warmly.

"sleep well, son." jihoon's father says, "let us know if you need anything."

guanlin smiles the whole way up the stairs and the whole time jihoon sets up the blanket and the whole time they set up the laptop to watch k-dramas.

jihoon's heart aches with love.

guanlin has a beautiful smile.

***

"i only watch k-dramas if they have a happy ending."

jihoon lets out a sigh, "guanlinie. baby, angel, love of my life- that makes _no fucking sense_."

"of course it makes sense!" guanlin looks highly affronted, "i can't watch sad endings- or even ambiguous endings. yuck, ambiguous endings are the worst- fuck creativity and opening our minds, i just want all the characters to be happy, why is that so difficult?"

"aww." jihoon kisses his pouty lips, "you're so sweet. but you can't start a drama knowing how it finishes."

"i don't _want_ to know how it finishes." guanlin says, thoroughly distress, "i just want to know if it finishes _happily_."

"that's like giving away half the plot."

"it is not."

"and anyway- if a new drama begins airing, you'll really never know. the ending won't be out yet."

"i only watch dramas once they finish and the happiness is confirmed."

jihoon rolls his eyes, "what an idiot. you're missing the mysteriousness of it."

"you're so annoying, hyung." guanlin leans back, nuzzling into jihoon's stomach- he seems to like doing that a lot these days- "you're lucky i love you so much."

"i know." 

"i'm lucky you love me, too." guanlin adds softly, tugging jihoon down for a kiss, "you're so cute when you go all red and flustered."

jihoon kisses him lightly, "flattery gets you nowhere."

"yeah, right." the younger snorts, and they both laugh, exchanging soft kisses while waiting for the drama to download.

"i know it's dumb because drama characters aren't even real, but i feel like everyone deserves to be happy in the end." guanlin says after a few moments, rolling over and stretching, "even if they don't exist. i just like it when people who go through a lot end up happy."

"you've got a good heart, lin." jihoon pats the younger boy's chest lightly, "no wonder you're such a softy."

"i'm not a softy!"

"excuse me, who went sangnamja on who, just remind me-"

"-i was _waiting_ for you, you can't just-"

"-and who calls who 'hyung', hm?" jihoon grins, leaning forward to tickle guanlin, "who calls you 'baby'?"

"hyung, stop!" guanlin falls into a fit of laughter as jihoon tickles him, voice going breathy as he begs, "hyung, please- _ah!_ "

jihoon pauses, cheeks flushing deep red. guanlin seems to realise at that moment, too, the way he sounded. he blushes, burying his face in his hands, and jihoon clears his throat.

"um. sorry."

"it's." guanlin fans both his face and jihoon's, "it's fine."

"you, um." jihoon grows even redder, "you sound pretty, lin."

"oh my god." guanlin disappears behind his hands again, "you know we're babies, right? i'm fifteen and you're seventeen, and-"

"-i know, i know!" jihoon says, alarmed, "i wasn't implying- okay, i _was_ \- but i wasn't going to make you- i know, guanlin. we're not even legal yet."

"yeah."

"and i'm not planning on doing anything you're not comfortable with." jihoon says firmly, "you're fifteen."

guanlin smiles, a little relieved, "i thought- it's just- you'll be legal so soon, hyung. just in a few months, in may, you'll turn eighteen. and i thought... you might be annoyed, having to wait for me to turn eighteen just so you can- you know-" his cheeks burn, "i mean. you're a guy. we're both guys. hormones and shit."

"hormones and shit, indeed." jihoon laughs softly, "but listen, babe- i don't care if i have to wait for another three years- or even thirteen years-"

"-you definitely won't have to wait that long-"

"-no matter what you say, i won't be touching you until you're legal and comfortable with it. okay?"

"okay." guanlin seems to loosen, "okay."

"this bothered you, huh?" jihoon runs a hand through guanlin's hair, "you look more relaxed now."

"to be honest, hyung." guanlin lifts a shoulder, "i know you love me, and i love you- but it's normal for teenage guys to want sex. and. i'm not ready for that yet. i'm only fifteen."

"i know. and that's fine."

"but- you're going to be eighteen soon. i'm two and a half years younger than you, and i'm scared i might hold you back. you know." guanlin turns red again, "sex-wise."

"you won't." jihoon promises, "i'm fine, waiting for you to be ready."

"it's just." guanlin looks away, "sometimes i get scared, too."

jihoon says nothing. waits for guanlin to continue.

"like, i know you had a lot of fears when we started going out- but there were some things that worried me, too. you won't be upset if i tell you, right, hyung?"

"of course not." jihoon intertwines his fingers with guanlin's.

"it's just that- you're older than me and cooler than me." guanlin mutters, "and you'll be eighteen soon. you'll graduate when i'm still just going to eleventh grade and you'll go to college and meet new people, and they're probably better than me, and they can give you sex, which is something that i won't be able to comfortably give you for the next three or four years, and _don't_ lie and say that you're okay with that-"

"but i am." jihoon squeezes his hand, "guys are hormonal, yeah. so are girls. so are all teenagers, i guess. but i don't want to have sex with random people until you come of age. i don't want to look at anyone else. i just want you."

guanlin can't seem to meet his eyes, "i can't give you as much as other people can. you're going to realise it soon, once you go to college and see a new world. i'm scared of it, hyung."

"lai guanlin, you listen to me- i don't know what you're talking about when you say i might find people better than you. have you seen yourself? there's no one better- you're at the top. you're the only one i can see."

"i-"

"-i don't _care_ about other people. i don't give a fuck about sex for now. the only time i will lay a finger on you is when you're eighteen and when you _want me to_. and until then i'm going to date the hell out of you, just watch."

"hyung."

"i love you so much, and i'll never stop loving you." jihoon pulls guanlin closer, "i love you for _you_. not for anything else. and if i have to wait five, ten, fifteen years for sex- then so be it. it doesn't matter to me, as long as you're happy."

guanlin buries his face into jihoon's shoulder, "there are so many people who are better than me."

"not for me." jihoon murmurs, "i love you."

"i love you, too." guanlin struggles a little, "don't you- sometimes, i- i want _more_. but i know i can't. like. i don't feel ready."

"i date you because of your personality as the main thing." jihoon reminds him softly, "sex is secondary. it's normal to want more- you're fifteen."

"you're seventeen." guanlin's voice is sharp and perceptive, "that means you must want more, too, sometimes."

jihoon is caught here. because it's true that sometimes- sometimes he _does_ want more- wants to touch guanlin more, to kiss him harder, to go lower. wants to hear guanlin whine and whimper and moan. and it makes him feel guilty, because he can't help it- he can't control his hormones, can't stop his thoughts. he just knows he won't act on it until his boyfriend is ready.

"hyung?"

"i jerk myself off just fine." jihoon says with a wry grin, "thinking of your pretty face."

"hyu- _ung_."

"i want my first time to be with you." jihoon says seriously, "and i want it to be special. and i want you to be ready."

"and legal."

"of course." jihoon kisses him, "don't worry, guanlin-ah. you're not holding me back from anything. i want to wait for you. plus." he rubs his nose with guanlin's, "speaking about me in college- i expect you to visit me every weekend. not like i'm planning to leave seoul."

"i know." guanlin sighs happily at this.

"and we still have another year and half before we have to think about it." jihoon adds, "nothing to worry about. you're not planning to let me go, are you?"

"as if." guanlin snorts, "the amount of effort it took to get you in the first place, i swear to god-"

"-shut up." jihoon retorts, "give me another kiss."

guanlin tackles him onto the bed, kissing him sweetly.

and jihoon-

-jihoon is content.

***

"lunch at the lake is this weekend, right?" jihoon's mother asks, "we're going out this sunday to meet some friends for lunch, so jihoon might have to stay over at your place."

"no problem." guanlin says, wrapping an arm around jihoon's waist, "i'll keep him out of trouble."

"heyy." jihoon protests, chuckling as he presses a kiss to guanlin's jaw, "i think i'll be the one keeping you and seonho out of trouble."

"touche."

"where are you boys heading now?" jihoon's father checks the clock, "it's only eight am."

"we said we'd meet daniel hyung and seongwoo hyung at park for a round of frisbee." jihoon replies, "and guanlinie needs to walk miso."

"soeun and somi want to go to that art exhibit later today." guanlin adds, checking his phone, "you coming?"

"the one at school?"

"yup."

"i'll come." jihoon agrees, "who else is coming with us?"

"the rest of the gang, i guess. daehwi, jinyoung, woojin hyung, kyulkyung noona, soyeon noona, tzuyu jiejie. maybe sanha."

"cool." jihoon rests his forehead against guanlin's arm, "minki hyung and minhyun hyung really like this sort of thing- think they'll be interested in a bunch of high-schooler's artwork?"

"maybe." guanlin chuckles, "text and ask them."

"will do."

"and when are you planning to squeeze your studies into this weekend, hm?" jihoon's mother asks, amused smile playing at her lips. guanlin and jihoon exchange sheepish glances.

"uh, we could go to the library after the exhibition." jihoon suggests, mostly unenthusiastic, "get an hour of work done."

"good plan." his mother says approvingly, and guanlin and jihoon sigh in unison.

"well, you better go if you want to get miso." jihoon's father says, "and your hyungs will be waiting, too."

guanlin goes up to collect his stuff, and before they leave, jihoon's parents hug the younger boy and tell him that he's welcome any time.

"it was lovely to meet you." jihoon's mother says, "i really enjoyed having you over."

guanlin thanks them so _genuinely_. it makes jihoon's heart ache. guanlin seems so sincere and happy about his stay at jihoon's house, honestly seems so grateful for the way they took care of him.

"call us if you ever need anything." jihoon's father says, "or even just like that. i can take you for movies and arcades and all sorts of fun things on weekends. we can all go together."

guanlin's face practically light up at this, and he bows again and thanks them profusely.

"come again soon!" jihoon's parents wave as the two boys make their way out of the house. once they're out of earshot, guanlin turns to jihoon with the happiest smile.

"i really love your family hyung."

jihoon doesn't even hesitate, "i really love you."

guanlin shoves him and then pulls him back to kiss him.

"come on." he says, tugging jihoon forward, "we're already late."

the two of the pick up the pace, jogging back to the cube hostel. there's wind in their hair and their fingers are intertwined, and they are laughing as they try to jump across the cracks in the pavement and avoid all the puddles of water.

jihoon squeezes guanlin's hand, heart racing when guanlin smiles at him.

he's so in love.


	21. xxi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna One's first anniversary!!!!
> 
> I can't believe it's been a whole year already since their debut. I'm so proud of them and how far they've come. Although our time is almost up, we know that Wanna One and Wannables will last forever.
> 
> I'm so happy to be part of this family. I hope even in the future, we as fans can continue to support not only the members but also each other.
> 
> Wanna One has taught me a lot- and my fellow Wannables have taught me a lot, too. 
> 
> Wanna One, congratulations on your anniversary! We love you <3

"everything is almost ready for this afternoon." ajhumma says cheerfully, "now we just need jokbal."

"hyung will take care of that, right?" seonho looks up briefly from his phone. guanlin nods a little uncertainly.

"i mean. i promised. so. i suppose i will be doing that." he perks up, "unless you want to, seonho-ah."

"nah, i'm good."

guanlin sighs.

"you'll be fine." elkie assures him, "it's just jokbal. don't worry too much about it."

"whatever." guanlin mutters, a tiny bit sour. elkie sighs and squeezes his arm, "go change into a better looking t-shirt. jihoon-ssi will be here soon."

"are you sure you need jihoon oppa to accompany you?" eunbin raises an eyebrow, "to the canteen two blocks away?"

"yes." guanlin crosses his arms firmly, "if he doesn't come with me, i won't go."

"what a spoilt brat." elkie says teasingly, "you've got him wrapped around your little finger."

"hyung just loves me a lot." guanlin says, happy, "that's nice, right?"

"of course it is, you oversized baby." eunbin pushes him towards the stairs, "now go change."

guanlin doesn't need much changing. he's wearing jeans and an oversized white shirt with ink stains. he just changes into a black shirt (which still has ink stains, but they can't really be seen), and peers out the window to see if jihoon is approaching.

he's not, so the boy flops onto his bed and calls the older.

"hyung." he says the minute jihoon picks up, "i'm waiting for you."

"on my way, babe." jihoon replies, and guanlin's heart flutters (still) at the nickname, "is yumi ajhumma getting delayed?"

"no, you're fine. everything else is ready, and we're only meeting there at twelve thirty. take your time."

"i'll be there in five minutes."

park jihoon is true to his words. in exactly five minutes, guanlin receives a text from jihoon- a simple red heart. when he peers out the window, the older is waving at him. guanlin grins, hurrying down the stairs and waving goodbye to everyone.

"i'll be back soon."

"thanks for the help, guanlinie." ajhussi says, ruffling his hair, "makes it a lot easier on us."

"no problem." and of course it isn't a problem. after everything ajhumma and ajhussi do for them, the least guanlin can do is pick up the jokbal for a picnic that they had planned specially for the hostel.

jihoon greets the others with a bright smile, too, "i'll get him back safely, don't worry."

"oh, i know, dear." ajhumma says warmly, "you always bring him back safe and sound. you didn't even have to come all this way, but you're such a sweetheart."

"more like guanlin is a wuss who can't order his own food." seonho mutters, and guanlin chokes him, smiling pleasantly.

jihoon giggles at guanlin and seonho's antics, "he's kidding, guanlinie."

"am i?" seonho raises an eyebrow mischievously. jihoon face-palms.

"save yourself while you can, pabo."

jihoon tugs guanlin out of the house, ignoring the teasing profanities that the two younger boys were exchanging back-and-forth.

"it's a disadvantage for me!" seonho can be heard protesting as they head off, "hyung knows two more languages than i do! he can swear at me in two extra languages! how is that fair?"

"then learn." eunbin says, unimpressed, and guanlin and jihoon snort with laughter at seonho's whine of annoyance. then they can hear the door shut, and all that's left is the muffled noises of what is definitely a chaotic scene.

***

"i can't." guanlin announces, shoving the credit card into jihoon's hand, "get three boxes of jokbal. i'll wait outside."

"absolutely not." jihoon's voice is firm, " _i'm_ going to be the one waiting outside, while you go in and get the food."

"hyung. i can't say it."

"you can." jihoon says soothingly, "we practised, didn't we? jokbal- you can say it."

"jokbal." guanlin repeats, and then heaves a sigh, "are you really gonna make me do this?"

"yes. because i want you to be able to move on."

"but i can't."

"guanlinie, have a little more confidence." jihoon presses a light kiss to his mouth, "would i- would _any_ of us- make you do something that would hurt you?"

"no." guanlin mutters.

"then just trust me."

guanlin bites his lip and takes the card back from jihoon, leaning over to peer inside the canteen.

and then his eyes widen and his pulse quickens and he pushes away and out again as quick as he peeked in. jihoon looks half shocked and half puzzled.

"what happened?"

"hyung." guanlin practically clutches him, "i can't go in hyung, i can't say it, please don't make me."

"baby, calm down." jihoon places his hands on guanlin's chest, "deep breaths, that's it. what's wrong?"

"it's-" wow, the irony is so completely crazy, and guanlin can't quite believe it, "it's the same guy."

jihoon blinks, "huh?"

"the guy at the counter. he's the one who laughed at me."

for a moment, jihoon doesn't say anything. guanlin thinks he might hug him or comfort him, or even better, take the card and make the purchase for him. instead, park jihoon breaks into a wide, triumphant grin.

"that is perfect."

"what." guanlin's eyes practically bug out of his head, "i'm sorry, _what?_ "

"i said- that's perfect." jihoon crosses his arms, satisfied, "it's perfect, lin. now you can really move on. show him exactly how much you've improved and how wrong he was to have treated you like that."

"i can't!" guanlin wails, "and besides, he probably doesn't remember me. _i_ remember because he made me feel like shit. he gets thousands of customers- i doubt he'd remember laughing at me."

"doesn't matter." jihoon points guanlin to the door, "this is for your own self. not for anyone else."

"but i-"

"yah, lai guanlin." jihoon's tone is stern, "you've done more and harder things than this, okay? and you've been fine."

"i know." guanlin bites his lip, "it's just- every time i think about it, it reminds me of how i felt back then."

"and once this is over, you'll have something new and better to think about." jihoon's eyes soften, "hey, guanlinie. i love you."

guanlin swallows. squeezes jihoon's hand once and then reaches for the door, "i love you, too."

and then he steps inside, head held high.

***

the staff doesn't recognise him on first glance.

he spares guanlin a glance before raising an eyebrow and waiting for him to give his order, the same as he does any other customer. the nerves in guanlin's body relax a little, and he hopes the guy doesn't remember him at all.

he does, though. somehow, he does.

before guanlin can even begins speaking, the guy's mouth curls up in a smirk.

"ah, the foreigner." he says. sounds so mocking, so condescending. guanlin hates it, and he wonders how this guy even remembers him after months and months, after seeing millions of customers everyday.

"you know him?" another employee asks, from the place where he was cleaning tables.

"nah. came in a few months ago, trippin' over his words." the man rolls his eyes, "obviously not from around here, so it stuck in my mind. well?" he turns his attention back to guanlin, sounding impatient, "what do you want? we don't have a japanese menu, by the way, if you're looking for one."

and. and guanlin has had enough.

how absolutely _jobless_ this guy must be to see guanlin, to remember him from months ago, and continue to insult him, like it meant nothing. like he was allowed to be so rude and condescending and inhuman.

and then, just like that, guanlin doesn't care.

he has better things to do, more important things- he needs to get the jokbal and go back to the hostel and enjoy his picnic. and then he needs to work hard with his hyungs and do well in school and hang out with his friends and play basketball. he needs to do well every day, and this encounter, this very moment where another person- one who is no better than guanlin himself- seems to think he has the right to belittle him- means nothing.

"sorry, sir, i don't really have time for this." guanlin says. he keeps his voice cheerful, polite- the man is his hyung, after all-"can i have three servings of jokbal and one serving of wang jokbal, please? parcel."

he feels a glow of pride in his stomach, because his pronunciation was on-point, and he's pretty happy about that. the man looks a little surprised, too, but simple types in the order and heads in to prepare the dish.

"a foreigner?" the other employee asks, "you'r pronunciation is good, though."

and guanlin smiles, "thank you."

when the man returns with the jokbal, guanlin pays for it and takes the parcel and bows slightly, "thank you."

the man doesn't say anything for a second. then he clears his throat, a little awkward, and replies, "uh. no problem."

not an apology. not an ounce of regret. and yet, it makes a feeling of triumph surge through guanlin, makes him feel taller, more confident.

that's it. guanlin did it, walked in and ordered his meal and got his work done. and the world hasn't ended- nothing bad had happened. he is fine. and he doesn't have to be afraid anymore.

and it's this surge of confidence, the happiness of this realisation, that causes guanlin to look back once before he walks out, "and just for the record- i can read korean."

the other employees snort with laughter, the man says nothing, but bows his head a little.

"and." guanlin adds, "also for the record- i'm not japanese. i'm from taiwan."

 _i'm from taiwan_. loud and proud and happy, just as tzuyu had told him all those months ago. 

and then he swings the door shut behind him and walks away. he doesn't look back.

if he had looked back, he would've seen the man stand there awkwardly for a few more minutes before continuing work with an air of humbleness around him. he would've heard one of the employees say to the other, "he doesn't sound very foreign though?". he would've seen the other nod in agreement and say, "he seems quite good."

but it's fine. guanlin doesn't need to look back- he is happy now, and he doesn't need to look back anymore.

he sees jihoon in the corner, leaning against the wall and waiting for him.

guanlin walks towards him, feeling free.

***

"i'm so proud of you." jihoon says for the millionth time. he's beaming, pressing kisses to guanlin's knuckles every other second, and looking every part the enamoured boyfriend he is. guanlin giggles, content.

"i'm proud of me, too. i didn't even stutter when i spoke. and i pronounced jokbal perfectly."

"i knew you would." jihoon says, "you're the smartest flower in the whole world."

guanlin flushes, "shut up."

"so handsome, my guanlinie-"

"-hyung, what the fuck. you're literally, like, twenty times prettier than i am."

"that's the stupidest thing i ever heard."

guanlin pouts, "did you just call me stupid?"

"no! i just said- because you're-"

"i'm kidding, hyung." guanlin smiles fondly, "i love you."

"i love you more."

"we are not going to be that couple, park jihoon, shut the fuck up."

jihoon bursts out laughing, "yah! have some respect."

"shut the fuck up, jihoon hyung." guanlin repeats obediently. jihoon rolls his eyes and presses another kiss to guanlin's knuckles.

"brat."

"you love it, though."

"i do." jihoon says, "i don't see you being such a brat to daniel hyung or the other hyungs, though."

"that's because you're special." guanlin grins.

jihoon smirks, "i better be special." he says, and laughs when guanlin groans, "remind me of who's coming for lunch."

"us, the hostel, the study centre, kyulkyung jiejie, tzuyu, soeun, and somi."

"how many people is that in total?"

"like, twenty three." guanlin says, "seonho and elkie and eunbin were planning to call some of their friends, but that made too many people. so we figured we could call them next time."

"true." jihoon sees the hostel approaching, "can i walk miso to the lake?"

guanlin pouts, "and leave me to carry the food bags?"

as if on cue, seonho bursts out of the hostel, shouting, "i'm walking miso, i fucking call it, you can't argue-!"

"yoo seonho, language!" ajhumma screeches from further inside the house, and seonho yells a 'sorry' before pointing accusingly at guanlin, "it's my turn, don't even _think_ of taking it, lai guanlin-"

"-you annoying fucker." guanlin gives jihoon the bag of jokbal and pulls seonho into a headlock, "can you stop being a pest for _two seconds_ -"

"-i'll stop being a pest when you stop acting like a fucking _brat_ -"

"-since when have i ever-"

"-it's _my turn_ to walk miso-"

"-you just don't want to carry the bags, you-"

"-as if _you_ want to, dumbass- ouch, that hurts-"

"-so, if you don't mind, kids." ajhumma steps out of the house, "i'll be walking miso to the lake."

guanlin and seonho pause, blinking at her.

"that sounds like a great idea!" jihoon nods hastily, "perfect- guanlinie, baby, come here- i'll help you carry some stuff."

"that's not fair." seonho flat-out whines, "i don't have a boyfriend to be cute with me and carry my stuff. this isn't justice."

"then get a boyfriend." guanlin looks completely unbothered, "what about that nice guy who came over the other day? the one who knows english?"

"samuel?" seonho scrunches his nose, "he's been my friend for years. i can't just date him. i need to find someone new to lure in with my charm- someone who doesn't know my annoying habits."

"so they can dump you once they do get to know about your annoying habits?"

"no." seonho huffs, "so that they can fall in love with me before they know i'm annoying."

"how does it make a difference?"

"then they'll love my annoying-ness, too, duh." seonho says brightly, "you're super annoying, hyung- but you're lucky jihoon fell in love with you before you showed him your true stupidity."

"rude." guanlin mutters, "at least someone loves me."

seonho pouts, "you love me."

the older sighs, rolls his eyes, "can't imagine why." and seonho lights up, tugging guanlin inside to get more bags, and it makes jihoon smile when he watches the two of them.

"they're cute, aren't they?" ajhumma smiles fondly, "they've only known each other for a little longer than you've known guanlinie, but they've become so unbelievably close. they love each other so much, and they really rely on each other. they argue like this, too- just like real brothers."

"they really are like actual siblings." jihoon agrees, "this reminds me a bit of the way my friends fight with their brothers."

"but they care so much for each other in the end, and they really get along so well." ajhumma shakes her head, smiling, "they can't get on without each other, honestly. once guanlin was out of the hostel for three days, and you'd think seonho was lost. he could barely function without his best friend."

"i can relate." jihoon says sheepishly, "i don't think i can function without guanlinie, either."

ajhumma laughs, "we call seonho and guanlin our byeongaris- because they're so young and cute and eager. our little babies- it's our duty to look after them."

just then, guanlin comes barrelling out, holding two relatively smaller bags, and seonho comes hurtling right behind him, carrying slightly bigger ones, and they're both arguing at the top of their voices about who should carry which.

"are you only like this with seonho?" jihoon asks exasperatedly, taking the bags from his boyfriend, "here- i'll hold these. you just carry the jokbal."

seonho seems ready to argue again when oscar appears behind him and plucks the bag from his hands, "and you just hold this bag of frisbees and stuff." he rolls his eyes, "these kids, i swear."

seonho and guanlin grin at each other and exchange a discreet high-five.

jihoon blinks. stares at the pair, who are holding the lightest bags possible and wearing smug smiles.

_those little brats._

guanlin winks at him, "love you, hyung." and jihoon sighs, because guanlin really has him wrapped around his finger.

but then again, no shame.

"i love you, too, brat."

***

jeon somi has guanlin in a headlock.

he is glad that everyone is aware of her prowess in taekwondo, or else he's sure his pride would never have recovered.

"it's not like i'm lying." guanlin splutters, escaping from her grasp (an art he's mastered after a lot of practice, "soeun-ah, am i lying?"

"nope." soeun giggles, and somi lets out a pathetic whine.

"pinky jiejie! come and help me escape from them! they are _evil_ -"

"hey!" soeun takes the pleasure of tackling somi to the ground this time- guanlin is far too gentlemanly to do anything like that- but he does happily take a video of somi getting beaten up, all while she screeches about how soeun is using techniques unknown to taekwondo.

"send that to me." daehwi demands, from where he and jinyoung and jisung are playing with miso, "i need it for science."

daniel snorts, glancing at guanlin, "you guys and your science."

"psychology." guanlin nods seriously, and the older boy laughs.

"i've set up the food!" ajhumma calls, "come quick, before it gets cold. oscar, sweetheart, will you get the plates and chopsticks? and sungwoon, eunbin- can you fill the water in the glasses?"

"don't worry about cleaning up afterwards, ajhumma." minhyun says, a bounce in his steps as he looks at all the containers, "i'll take care of it."

"oh, sweetheart, i couldn't possible let you-"

"no, really!" minhyun insists, excited, "it'll be so much fun!"

soeun and somi exchange bewildered glances. kyulkyung is flat-out gaping at the older man, and tzuyu whispers to guanlin, "is he being sarcastic?"

guanlin sighs exasperatedly. sungwoon coughs into his fist, "we can help you, minhyunie."

"it's really okay." minhyun tugs at the picnic blanket to get rid of the rumples and then begins organising the containers according to the size, "cleaning is the best part of eating. it's an art."

"what." eunbin blinks.

seonho, on the other hand, looks positively inspired, "wah- minhyun hyung is so cool. i want to be all cool and thoughtful like him."

"good luck with that." guanlin mutters, and the younger scowls.

oscar watches minhyun organise for a few more seconds, before seemingly giving up, and saying, "let's eat!"

they eat deliciously, and jihoon retells the story about how guanlin ordered jokbal by himself. guanlin rolls his eyes and says it's not a big deal, but he's secretly pleased at how proud his boyfriend- and his friends- seem to be.

"i knew our guanlinie was the coolest." seongwoo coos, "our little chick is growing up, see?"

"he better be." soyeon retorts, "he's been here for nearly seven months already."

"yeah- the end-of-semester exams start soon, and then we have our semester holidays." woojin says, "and then next month we start our last term of the year before summer break."

"it's already third term." jinyoung shakes his head, "that is crazy."

"right?" tzuyu pats guanlin's head fondly, "your korean has really improved- daniel oppa has helped you a lot."

"he has." guanlin says, and daniel lights up, smiling at guanlin delightedly.

"we've had fun so far, haven't we? let's keep it going throughout the rest of your high school years."

"i'm grateful to all of you for looking after him." ajhussi tells the group at large, "he barely spoke korean on arriving, and now look at him- he really received a lot of love from all of you."

"especially jihoon!" elkie giggles mischievously, and everyone laughs.

"especially me." jihoon agrees, threading his fingers with guanlin's, "one hundred percent."

"whipped." jaehwan mutters, and jihoon glares but doesn't argue.

"does anything exciting happen next term, after the holidays?" ajhumma asks, "how long are the holidays?"

"two weeks." all the school students chorus.

"next term is when club activity commences." daehwi adds, "super fun- guanlin's training for basketball team starts. he'll be practising all term, and in the first term of tenth grade, he'll start going for matches."

"that's wonderful." ajhumma says warmly, "the winter has passed, as well. spring is almost here."

"the whether is daebak." kyulkyung leans back, letting out a sigh of contentment, "we should go on a dance retreat before graduation, soyeon."

"it's our last term in school." soyeon shakes her head, "wah, that's actually insane. the dance showcase is in two and a half months."

"you'll do well." elkie says confidently, "have some faith in yourself."

"time really did fly by, though." seongwoo smiles, "it doesn't seem like spring can come so fast."

"my sister is visiting seoul over the spring break. you guys can meet her." jisung tells them- and then he pauses, "you might need to prepare yourself, though. seulgi is kind of... energetic."

"she's cooler than hyung." daniel says in a stage-whisper, and jisung whacks him.

it makes guanlin happy, just sitting back and eating and watching his friends talk and get along like they've known each other forever. it _feels_ like forever to him, like he's meant to be here, like he's been here the whole time.

"you good?" jihoon asks him, squeezing his hand.

guanlin smiles. squeezes back. nods.

"yeah. i'm good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, side note, how many of you watch guanlin's recent vlive?
> 
> He's only 16 but he's so mature and sensible. His thoughts are so deep, especially for his age, and he speaks korean, English and mandarin so well. He really knows how to express himself.
> 
> Ahh our byeongari is growing up, haha. I was so proud to see him translate between the three languages. He's seriously a genius *proud tear*
> 
> And it made me tear up to hear about him getting ostracized in middle school. I'm glad he had a positive outlook on it and I'm proud to see the mature way in which he approached this and all the other topics.
> 
> What did you all think about it?


	22. xxii

"yuck." guanlin makes a face at the sheet of paper in front of him, "what kind of timetable is this? who puts math right after physics? now i'll fail both of them!"

"you will not." daehwi admonishes, "you're a math genius- and look, you have a whole weekend for korean lit."

"that is good." the boy admits, "and we have a three day break for chem."

"who needs a three day break for chem?" soeun says in disgust, "chem is the easiest subject _ever_."

"not everyone is you." somi retorts, "i'm going to die- i can't do chemistry whether we have three days or three months!"

"you'll be fine." guanlin says, "nayeon noona said she'll tutor you, right?"

"yeah, but still."

"i wonder what jihoon's timetable is like." guanlin puts his paper in his bag, "he's been nervous about the world history unit. i hope he got a weekend at least for that."

soeun smirks, "dropping formalities now, are we?"

"shut up." guanlin mutters, flushing, "he doesn't mind."

"i bet he finds it cute." daehwi snorts, "knowing jihoon hyung, he'll just boast about how you feel comfortable enough around him to speak informally."

"whatever." guanlin waves him off, "come on, let's go. we'll be late for study centre."

"the bell hasn't even rung yet." somi deadpans, "we still have fifteen minutes."

"he's embarrassed!" soeun coos, "aww, it's okay- you can call your boyfriend whatever you want!"

"i am ignoring you!" guanlin says loudly, turning around and stalking out of the classroom. his friends follow him, laughing.

"hey, rina!"

the four of them turn around to see soeun's friends from jinyoung's grade- seojeong and sookyung- running towards them. jinyoung is close behind.

"are you coming to norebang?" seojeong asks soeun, "we're all going- it's our last chill evening before exams start. we'll have to begin studying hard tomorrow."

soeun shrugs, "i don't have any other plans, so sure. you guys wanna come?"

"study centre." jinyoung, guanlin and daehwi chorus. 

"i'd love to, but i can't." somi says regretfully, "taekwondo class."

"guess it's just us and doyeon unnie and yoojung unnie." sookyung says, "but lucy said she might try to come, too. and haerim unnie and suyeon unnie will meet us there a little later."

"hey, that's awesome." soeun lights up, "the eight of us haven't met in forever."

"i swear."

"we'll leave you guys to it, then." jinyoung says, "the three of us have to get going."

"sure- bye, everyone!" sooyoung raises her hand in farewell, "see you tomorrow."

"i have to go, too." somi checks her watch, "i've been late all week. my trainer will kill me if i'm late today, too."

five minutes later, jinyoung, daehwi and guanlin are heading towards the main gate to wait for woojin and jihoon, actively discussing their timetables.

"it's fucking stupid." jinyoung says with burning passion, "i have no days for chemistry. who the hell made this?"

"we have physics and math in a row." guanlin points out, "that's worse."

"you have three days for chemistry."

"not everyone needs three days for chemistry." daehwi mutters, "just you."

"well, ex _cuse_ me if-"

while the two continue to bicker, a warm hand squeezes guanlin's. the boy lights up when he sees jihoon, reaching out immediately.

"hyung!"

"baby." jihoon laughs, hugging guanlin back, "what the hell, did you grow, like, two inches at school?"

"you sound like my mother."

"i like it." jihoon buries his face in guanlin's neck, "this height difference is so cute, right?"

"sure." guanlin kisses jihoon's forehead, "but i bet you're just using that as an excuse for not growing more than this."

"fuck you." jihoon pulls the piece of paper from daehwi's hand, "oh, timetables. ours sucks."

"same." the other three chorus.

"ours sucks more." woojin says, appearing behind jihoon, "look, we have no days for physics or chemistry."

"they have three days for chemistry." jihoon says in disbelief, "how is that fair?"

jinyoung makes a huge gesture, "see?"

"can we get a move on?" daehwi asks, sighing, "we're going to be late. boA sunbae will be at the office, and if she sees us walk in fifteen minutes late again she might get upset."

"let's go." guanlin agrees, tugging on jihoon, "come on."

they walk together, laughing and talking as usual, excited to see their hyungs and get some work done.

guanlin enjoys feeling like this.

***

"i'm tired." guanlin whines. study centre is over, and jihoon is walking him home, as usual, "i'm starving." he side-eyes his boyfriend, "hyung. i'm starving."

"don't have my wallet."

guanlin pouts, "i'm cold."

"it's nearly spring. besides, i don't have my jacket. sorry, babe."

guanlin kicks at a stone, "i'm sad now." he announces, and jihoon rolls his eyes and sighs exasperatedly.

"you're such a baby today." the older scolds, albeit fondly, "come here, hold my hand."

"hyung is usually more babyish than me." guanlin mutters, slipping his hand into jihoon's with a smile, "i'm only a baby sometimes."

"you're always my baby." jihoon corrects, kissing the boy's knuckles, "such a pretty flower."

guanlin blushes happily.

"you're in one of those moods, huh?" jihoon teases, "okay- my pretty baby, the love of my life, guanlinie- give me a kiss."

guanlin obediently presses his lips chastely against jihoon's.

"just one?" jihoon pouts when they separate. guanlin chuckles.

"who's being a baby now?"

"guanlin!"

guanlin kisses jihoon again, deeper. he pulls away quickly, though- they are still in public, after all. jihoon seems satisfied for the time-being, "more when we reach the hostel." he says, and guanlin giggles and links his pinky with jihoon's as a promise.

there is more once they reach the hostel- a lot more, with jihoon pressing guanlin into his bed and kissing him with everything he has. guanlin pulls jihoon closer and responds with equal passion, whines when jihoon bites his lower lip. jihoon growls at the sound that leaves guanlin's lips, dives in again with more vigour.

when they pull away from each other, it's because jihoon knows, knows he won't be able to contain himself if they go further. and guanlin understand immediately, smiles his sweet smile and pulls jihoon in for a hug instead.

"it's okay, hyung." guanlin murmurs, "it's okay. i know."

"i'll try my best to contain myself." jihoon whispers back, "just wait until you come of age- i'm going to give you the best orgasm of your life."

"hyung!"

"i'm not kidding." jihoon giggles, kissing guanlin's lips, "but for now i will focus on giving you the best kisses."

"and taking me out on the best dates?"

"absolutely. and giving you the best hugs and the best cuddles."

"you're the best boyfriend ever." guanlin says, and jihoon's heart swells and explodes, because guanlin speaks so matter-of-factly, speaks so clearly, so truly- and jihoon has never been happier.

"i used to be afraid, you know." jihoon says softly, "of not being good enough. of pushing you away again."

"you're not afraid anymore, are you?"

"no." jihoon nuzzles into guanlin's neck, "i know you. i love you."

"i love you, too." guanlin puckers his lips. jihoon smirks and peppers kisses everywhere on guanlin's face except his lips, and the younger boy pouts harder.

"hyungieee." he whines, and jihoon pulls him in and kisses him deeply.

it is like this, with soft kisses and sweet giggles. it is like this that they are happy.

***

"jiejie." guanlin catches up to tzuyu, throwing an arm around her shoulder, "what's up?"

"guanlinie!" tzuyu looks surprised, "what are you doing here?"

"i was on my way to buy groceries for ajhumma. you?"

"same." tzuyu holds up the list her mother must have written, "chores, you know."

guanlin laughs, "i know."

"what are you doing for spring break? returning to taipei to see your family?"

"not this time." guanlin says with regret, "my sister is applying for college soon, and she's going to hong kong for some university tours with my mom. and my dad still has to work even through spring, so. no point."

"ah, that sucks." tzuyu smiles sympathetically, "maybe summer, though."

"maybe they'll come here for summer."

"or maybe you can take jihoon to taiwan."

"i'd love that." guanlin says, "but you might wanna ask his parents first- they have to pay for the ticket. what about you?"

"what about me what?"

"what are you doing for spring break?"

"i'm going back home." tzuyu grins, "just for ten days, though. you want anything from linkou?"

"ramen." guanlin says instantly, "you know- our local brand, you can't get our local brand in seoul."

"i know, i can't wait to have taiwan ramen."

"can you believe it's already spring break, though?" guanlin asks in wonder, "exams start soon."

"it's been a while." tzuyu agrees, "has jihoon told you how much our timetable sucks?"

"he's been talking about it all week." the boy grimaces, "soyeon noona is going to bake cookies today. i think i'll pack some for him to make him feel happier."

"how cute." tzuyu coos, "i don't think you two will ever get out of the honeymoon phase."

"what do you mean?"

"you're always so sweet and affectionate with each other." tzuyu explains. guanlin snorts.

"the other day, he called me a tasteless brat because i said woojin is a cooler dancer than him."

tzuyu bursts out laughing, "ah, no, you hurt his pride!"

"it took thirty seven kisses to make him talk to me and i had to do 'i save you in my heart' twelve times in mandarin to get him to forgive me."

"that is the honeymoon phase."

guanlin sighs happily, "well, i like this phase. i'll like all the phases."

"i don't doubt it." tzuyu says, "although usually this phase lasts three or four months- not seven."

"i deserve seven." guanlin pouts, "we went through so much before that."

"okay, okay, i'll give you that."

"it seems like it's been a lot longer though, right?"

"it does." tzuyu nods, "i feel like i've known you guys forever. especially you. i only met you last september."

"that's crazy." guanlin says, "and jiejie- you were the first person i met in school!"

"aww, really? that's cool."

"i'm glad you've been taking care of me all these months, tzuyu jiejie." guanlin says, suddenly shy, "i think a lot of things were easier because i had you."

tzuyu smiles, looking touched, "i'm glad. i've been happy since i gained a younger brother, too."

"really?"

"for sure. don't you worry- i'll be taking care of you as long as i can now."

the grocery shop appears in the distance. guanlin and tzuyu walk in companionable silence.

guanlin is lucky to have friends like these.

***

"nae maeum soge jeojang!" jihoon says for the millionth time, and guanlin beams delightedly.

"that was so cute, hyung." he says, satisfied, "you're so cute. again."

jihoon gapes, "again?"

"pleaaassee?" guanlin begs, "it's really cute!"

"i've done it, like, a thousand times, guanlinie!" jihoon protests, "okay, how about this- you give me a break right now, and i'll come up with a new aegyo just for you."

guanlin lights up, "really?"

"really."

"a special one? just for me?"

"jeojang is just for you, too." jihoon reminds him, "but yes, a special one for my flower."

guanlin sighs happily. jihoon snuggles into the younger boy and links their fingers together, "you take care of me well, too, guanlinie."

guanlin looks surprised at the sudden remark.

"as in." jihoon stretches a little, "like. i had so many worries before, remember? i don't have any now. you made them all go away."

a smile works its way across the younger's face, "i'm glad, hyung."

"i don't have any doubts. i feel so much freer now, too- like i use my heart a lot more than before." jihoon kisses guanlin's knuckles, "you always say that i take care of you, that i make sure you're okay and baby you- and i do, obviously. i want to. but," he kisses guanlin's cheek now, "but you take care of me just as well. i'm always happiest with you."

guanlin is looking at jihoon with wide eyes, a little stunned. there's a moment in which jihoon realises why exactly his boyfriend is so shocked- it's because this is one of the first and very few times that jihoon properly voiced his love for the younger.

on normal days, jihoon kisses guanlin. hugs him, holds his hand. he makes sure he tells guanlin that he loves him as often as he needs to, but- he's never, _never_ really spoken about it like this, never told guanlin so openly all the ways the boy had changed him, made him happy.

"you make me better." jihoon whispers shakily, "you make me better and you make me happy. i've changed so much. i've never been like this before."

and it's true, and jihoon is choked up now. it feels so good to say this, so good to let guanlin know how much he means to jihoon. he nearly cries when he sees the awestruck gaze on the younger boy's face. he wonders how long guanlin has waited to hear these kind of words from jihoon, wonders whether he ever felt hopeless or confused because of jihoon's inability to express his feelings in words.

but still, he had waited with a smile and open arms.

"i want to be with you forever." jihoon breathes, "you make me so happy. you're so sweet and giving and selfless. i don't deserve you."

"hyung-"

"-i know i don't usually speak like this, but i know you need to here it sometimes." jihoon draws in a breath, "ah, guanlin-ah. it must be so tough sometimes, right, to be with me? never hearing these words, always having to wait for something of the other. i'm so sorry."

"hyung, no." guanlin pushes his forehead to jihoon's, "i told you- i'm willing to wait for you to feel comfortable enough to say whatever you want to. i'll wait for you. it's okay. i just want you."

"i'm sorry."

"shh." guanlin holds him close, "you made me so happy just now, hyung." he smiles, a bright wondrous smile, like he can't believe jihoon actually said those words, 'i never thought you would say things like that so honestly to me. i always know how you feel. you don't have to tell me. but it felt so good to hear it."

"it made you happy?" jihoon perks up.

"so happy." guanlin nuzzles into jihoon's neck.

"well, everything i said is true." right now, jihoon can say anything- and he's going to make sure guanlin hears it all, "and i'll try my hardest to tell you more often now. you are my entire universe, you know that, right?"

guanlin looks up. his eyes are bright.

"oh, baby- don't cry." jihoon brings his hands to cup guanlin's face, "what happened? did i say something wrong?"

guanlin shakes his head, doesn't speak for a moment. jihoon smiles and kisses his forehead, "it feels good to hear it from me, doesn't it? i knew it must have been tough for you all these months."

"no, its just-' guanlin sniffles a bit and jihoon coos, "ah, fuck, i can't believe i'm crying." he wipes furiously at his eyes, but jihoon raises a hand to stop him and kisses the tears away instead. guanlin lets out a shuddered breath and the tears come faster.

"what's this, hm?" jihoon rocks guanlin in his arms.

"it's just- i am fine, hyung. i'm fine waiting for you. i know you love me- you show it in actions all the time, and you tell me everyday. but." he breathes out, "i never knew how badly i needed to hear you say that. i guess- i've always been worried in the back of my mind that i'm not good enough for you."

"you're too good for me."

guanlin shakes his head, "i'm not. but after you said all these things- i feel kind of at peace. like. i feel like i don't have to worry anymore."

"i'm so fucking sorry, guanlin." jihoon rests his head on the boy's chest, feels his heartbeat, "i'm always making you wait."

"nothing to be sorry about. you're worth it. i'm happy."

"i'm happy, too." he pushes some hair out of guanlin's eyes, "let's be together forever. okay?"

guanlin nods, "okay."

"i love you."

"i love you more."

jihoon smiles, fond and in love, and falls into guanlin when their lips meet.

***

"kids, dinner time!" ajhumma calls.

they come in like a tornado- seonho and guanlin trying to slide down the banister and eunbin trying to race them on the stairs, soyeon doing a cartwheel into the dining room (because all she does these days is practice acrobatics for her showcase), elkie running in while shrieking that i was her turn to sit on the comfiest dining chair and oscar strolling behind her with his music playing in top volume.

ajhumma and ajhussi don't even blink.

oscar turns off his music and goes into the kitchen to get the plates. seonho and guanlin follow, because it's their turn to set the table. elkie scolds soyeon for doing cartwheels just before dinner, and soyeon argues that it's only after dinner that she shouldn't attempt acrobatics. eunbin groans about how it's her night to do the dishes.

this is home, guanlin thinks, as they all sit down and thank ajhumma for the meal before starting.

"exams start soon, huh?" ajhussi asks, "next week for all of you?"

"yeah. next monday for me and soyeon noona." guanlin says.

"wednesday for me and elkie." eunbin gestures at herself and the older girl.

"mine starts on tuesday." seonho says, and oscar nods, "mine, too."

"and all your spring breaks start around the same time, right?" ajhumma questions.

"three weeks from now?" oscar quickly checks with all of them, "wow, it's really the same. we should take a family trip."

"with miso." guanlin agrees, peeking around to check on the said puppy, "is she eating? miso, is the food good?"

miso barks, as if she understood what he had said- and guanlin thinks she kind of does.

"i would love to take you kids to my native village." ajhussi says, "show you where is spent my childhood days. you can each bring a friend."

"you can bring jihoon hyung." seonho says cheerfully.

guanlin gives him a pleasant smile, "and you can bring samuel."

"how many times do i tell you- it's not like that!'"

"what? ajhussi said bring a friend! is he not your friend?"

"oh, shut up, i know what you meant."

"guys." eunbin rolls her eyes, "don't fight."

"we're not fighting!" they chorus, and the rest of them muffle their laughter at eunbin's affronted expression.

"besides." ajhumma serves elkie some more food, "before we even think about trips, we need to focus on the upcoming exams."

"exactly." ajhussi says, "guanlinie, you know when you apply to college, besides your entrance exam, they will take a look at all your high school report cards. every term exam counts."

"i know." guanlin replies, "i'll work hard."

"we'll all work hard." soyeon promises, "don't worry about us."

"imagine." elkie shakes her head, "once we finish exams, spring break will pass in the blink of an eye. and then it'll be our last semester in school."

"i don't want to let you girls out of the nest." ajhumma says with a sad smile, "but you need to have the real college experience. living in dorms is part of it."

guanlin has a sinking feeling in his chest. he knows he's going to miss them dreadfully.

"don't look like that, baobao." elkie notices his expression immediately, "me and soyeon will be here every free moment. you guys aren't rid of us."

"and we expect you to visit for all our college events." soyeon adds.

this makes guanlin feel a bit better, especially when ajhussi adds, "and no matter who goes to college, we must have our cube family trip every holiday."

"anyway." seonho leans back, "we still have the whole spring break, and an entire semester before all of this. four months can be a long time. let's just focus on our exams first."

"that's right. all of you work hard."

"the study centre oppas must be helping you a lot, right?" eunbin asks guanlin, "how are they doing?"

"they're all good." he says, "i'll have study centre day after tomorrow. i'll tell them you all said hi."

the conversation flows like that. guanlin cherishes dinner times- when all eight of them sit down to eat together, no matter what. they talk, they argue, they laugh till they cry. it's a real family, and guanlin is so, so grateful.

"i'm proud of all of you." ajhumma says, "you're all doing wonderfully. let's keep working hard and doing our best together, yes?"

they all nod enthusiastically.

ajhussi smiles, fond and endeared by this little group which has grown to become like a group of his own children, "hwaiting, my kids."

and they all beam right back at him and ajhumma, full of determination, brimming with excitement for what the future holds, "hwaiting!"

it is good like this, guanlin thinks. they will all succeed. they will all be happy.


	23. xxiii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, here is the final chapter of nolyeog.
> 
> hope you all like it <3

"alllll- mine!" 

guanlin lights up, the happiest smile on his face as he claps excitedly, "hyung! that was so cute!" he leans forward like an eager baby, "again!"

"you cutie." jihoon coos, kissing him, "i'll do it how many ever times you want me to."

guanlin looks delighted as jihoon repeats the new aegyo- again and again and again and again and again and-

\- "baby, i love you so much." jihoon says carefully, "but can i take a break?"

guanlin sighs.

"i've done it thirty seven times." jihoon says, "please? just five minutes. i'll drink water."

"it's fine." guanlin runs his hands through jihoon's hair, "you can do it again for me tomorrow."

"okay." jihoon slumps onto the younger in relief, "thanks."

guanlin giggles, "i know it gets tiring- i'm really sorry, hyung, but you're so adorable that i can't help it."

"maybe you should take a video and watch that on repeat instead." jihoon suggests. guanlin wrinkles his nose.

"not as good as the real thing." he smiles, "and besides- this one is specially mine, right?"

"yeah. see- that's why i said 'all mine'. because you're my pretty baby flower."

guanlin nuzzles into jihoon happily, "love you."

"love you, too."

"promise you won't do this to anyone else? and if you do, you have to say it's for me."

jihoon smirks, "who's getting possessive now, hm?"

"heyyy!" guanlin protests, "i can't help it if you're really hot and really popular and half the school is in love with you!"

"oh, trust me, i could say the same about you." jihoon rolls his eyes. then grins, "you think i'm really hot?"

guanlin blushes, but nods resolutely, "really hot." he blushes harder, "especially when you go all sangnamja-manly on me. that's super hot."

"yeah?" a proud, smug feeling unfolds in jihoon's chest- the idea of his actions or words leaving the younger boy a blushing mess is so incredibly appealing, "hyung's hot when he takes care of you like that?"

"you're hot always." guanlin clarifies, unable to meet jihoon's eyes, "but. you know."

"i don't." jihoon is teasing, "why don't you tell me, hm?"

"hyung." guanlin squirms, hiding his face, "it's embarrassing."

"stop that." jihoon pulls guanlin's hands away, "look at that gorgeous face- don't hide it from me. now." he grins again, "tell me all the ways in which you find me hot."

"you're so annoying." guanlin huffs, "why would you want me to inflate your ego?"

"guan- _lin_."

"hyung's hot no matter what." guanlin repeats, "but especially hot when he takes care of me and gets all protective."

jihoon sighs, pleased with himself, "give me a kiss."

guanlin rolls his eyes. kisses him.

they are content.

***

"kang soeun!" guanlin's voice echoes throughout the hall, "what the _fuck_ is this?!"

"shut up, a teacher might hear you!" somi hisses, but guanlin is already chasing soeun down the corridor. somi groans and follows them. daehwi- who is in peals of laughter- is right behind.

"it was a present!" soeun shrieks as guanlin catches her around the waist and upturns his water bottle over her head, "oh my god- you asshole, i am going to _kill_ you-"

"your fault." guanlin is smug as he regards his handiwork.

somi scowls at the two of them, "i asked daehwi to bring a mop. you guys are going to clean this."

"why should i?" soeun demands, looking down at her soaked uniform, " _he_ poured water on _me_!"

"you started it." daehwi appears, mop and bucket in hand, "i wish i could be there to see the teacher's reaction though."

"i'm going to go take the book back from her."

"too late, lin." somi covers her mouth to hide her laughter, "i saw her from the window of the teacher's quarters. she's already started correcting it."

guanlin groans.

"it's not that bad." soeun says evilly. guanlin scowls.

"yeah. you adding a paragraph about jihoon hyung to my essay is not that bad at all."

daehwi is in peals of laughter again.

"you haven't even read it!" soeun protests.

"that's even worse."

soeun pulls out her phone, "i took a picture before i turned it in. want to see?"

"i am never asking you to turn in my stuff ever again-"

"-yes." somi takes the phone from soeun, "shut up, i'll read it. what was the topic the teacher gave you?"

"we had to expand on the quote from our text." daehwi explains, "the one that says 'love is blind'."

"heyy, guanlin is really good at writing." somi says admiringly as she scans his work, "rina-ya, you spoiled a good essay. plus, your handwriting is too different from his. teacher will know immediately."

daehwi grabs the phone from somi, "i'll read it, you suck." he clears his throat, ignoring her scoff, "another beautiful example for the quote 'love is blind' is the relationship i share with kind and fresh but slightly scary and extremely rude sunbae, jeojang jihoon-ssi."

guanlin gapes, "she didn't write that. you're lying."

"nope." daehwi flashes the screen at him, "what the fuck, soeun, i can't believe you."

"it's not like the teachers don't know.' soeun says, grinning, "you know what happened last week- jihoon accidentally kissed guanlin goodbye in front of his homeroom teacher, and get this- she told them to take care of each other. how cute is that?"

"that is besides the point." guanlin grits.

"okayyy!" somi hops, "let him continue."

daehwi continues reading, "our love blossomed from the moment we laid eyes on each other. he was a sunbae, famous for popularity and good-looks. i was nothing but a mere foreigner, slightly stupid-"

"-hey!-"

"-but with charms to make up for my lack of brain cells-"

"-i will show you lack of brain cells, kang soeun, just you wait-"

"-and though he made me wait for months, we finally confessed to each other one warm spring night-"

"-it was _winter_ -"

"-and on that day, my life became complete. the reason i brought this up under the topic love is blind, is because jihoon sunbae must have indeed been blind to fall in love with me after seeing my face-"

somi shrieks in delight, "that is golden!"

"-but to this day we love each other wholly." daehwi takes a breath to control his laughter, "to conclude, i would like to say that love is indeed as blind as i, lai guanlin, am annoying and stupid."

there's a moment in which daehwi and somi roll around the ground, laughing, and soeun switches off her phone triumphantly, and guanlin smiles pleasantly at her.

"i am going to end you."

"i'd like to see you try."

guanlin takes somi's water bottle from her hands. soeun lets out a shrill scream and takes off. guanlin is right behind her, and somi and daehwi are hot at his heels (though they're still laughing).

they are often like this. guanlin is used to it.

it doesn't make him smile any less.

***

"that is _golden_!" jihoon is doubled over, clutching his stomach, "that is the best thing i've heard all day."

"shut _up_!" guanlin whines, "you're my boyfriend, you should be supporting _me!_ "

"i'm always supporting you, angel." jihoon assures him, before dissolving in laughter again.

guanlin doesn't know whether to feel happy at this new nickname- 'angel' sounds so nice and sweet, guanlin loves it- or disgruntled at jihoon's obvious amusement at his predicament.

woojin is in no better state, and neither are tzuyu or soyeon. they're all clutching each other, gasping for air as woojin reads out the last lines of soeun's addition to guanlin's otherwise perfect essay.

"what the hell is going on?" jinyoung demands as he heads towards them, "you guys aren't outside yet- this place echoes like crazy."

woojin opens his mouth to tell jinyoung what is happening, but he just bursts out laughing again. jinyoung blinks.

"it's no big deal, jinyoungie oppa." soeun says pleasantly, "it's just that yesterday we had to write an essay for homework, right? we had to expand on the quote 'love is blind' because it was used in our text."

"so?"

"so, guanlinie did a beautiful job, but he was running late for his basketball meeting this morning, so he gave me his notebook and asked me to submit it to the teacher for him."

jinyoung nodded, "okay. so?"

"so i did as i was told." soeun says, "but since i'm such a good friend, i thought i'd go through his essay before submitting it. you know, make sure there's no spelling errors or anything."

"how fucking thoughtful." guanlin mutters. jinyoung frowns in confusion.

"it is thoughtful, though."

"well." soeun shrugs, "lin's essay was too good. but i felt there wasn't enough _emotion_ in it. so thought i would add a personal story to make it more emotional."

woojin, still shaking with laughter, hand soeun's phone to jinyoung, who takes it and blinks at the screen, where the picture soeun took of her handiwork is still displayed.

"oh-" jinyoung frowns, "this in't your handwriting, lin."

"exactly." guanlin huffs.

"ohh- soeunie added a paragraph." he squints at it. as he begins reading, his frown disappears and his quiet laughter grows and grows until he, too, is rolling on the floor.

"thanks for the support." guanlin says dryly.

"aww- come here, baby." jihoon kisses guanlin softly, "we know that you're the smartest among all of us."

"but still- what is my teacher going to say?"

"it's obviously not your handwriting." somi assures him, muffling hr laughter, "don't worry. when are you getting your books back?"

"tomorrow." daehwi says, "i wish you had this period with us."

"same." somi wrinkles her nose, "i hope i'm there when she returns the books though."

"soeun, send me this picture." daehwi grins, "i want to show it to the hyungs at study centre."

jihoon interlaces his fingers with guanlin's, "the hyungs are going to have a riot." he says, and guanlin groans.

honestly, he should be used to this.

***

the hyungs do have a riot.

they laugh for nearly twenty minutes. 

guanlin sits himself on the couch, arms crossed, waiting for them to finish. jihoon tickles his side lightly.

"stop pouting. it's too cute."

"shut up."

"rude- i'm your hyung, you brat."

"your brat."

"my baby." jihoon agrees, giving guanlin a kiss, "now stop pouting. you know they're not gonna stop laughing any time soon."

"i love kang soeun!" seongwoo announces. guanlin wrinkles his nose.

"that's creepy."

this only makes the hyungs laugh harder. seongwoo makes an affronted expression, "yah- lai guanlin, you know what i meant."

"i absolutely did not." guanlin says earnestly, "and i'm going to tell her to file a restraining order."

"you brat!"

"you are being very bratty today." jinyoung agrees. guanlin scowls.

"i think i have a good enough reason."

there's a moment in which the maknae line watches their hyungs laugh at guanlin's story. then jinyoung nods, "yes, you do."

jihoon continues to watche them for some time, before settling himself on guanlin's lap. guanlin automatically wraps his arms around the older boy's waist and kisses the back of jihoon's neck. jihoon giggles happily, twisting around for a proper kiss.

jinyoung rolls his eyes.

"this is a public place- have some shame."

guanlin pouts even harder, and jihoon kisses him again.

"you're just jealous that you have no love life." the older says smugly, "and that kyulkyung sunbae will never look at you because if she does, you'll evaporate."

jinyoung glowers, "we don't talk about that."

it takes another ten minutes for everyone to settle down. even jisung can't give orders, he's too busy muffling his laughter. when guanlin and daniel set up their books at their usual table, daniel takes one look at the younger and bursts out laughing again.

"hyung." guanlin groans, "come on."

"i'm sorry! it's just really cute- and fucking hilarious."

"it will not be hilarious when i get my book back tomorrow."

"it will be." seongwoo stage-whispers from a table away. 

daniel snorts. guanlin throws a cushion at him.

***

it is hilarious when guanlin gets his book back the next day.

his teacher chooses to return guanlin's notebook privately, after class, when he, somi, soeun and daehwi are at their lockers.

she gives him a small smile as they bow at her.

"i wished to return your book after class because i did have a couple of things to tell you." the teacher says, lips twitching, "first of all, your korean has improved a lot."

guanlin swallows, "thanks."

"second, you have a beautiful writing style. this was very well-written."

"thanks."

"um... although i do think personal stories are a good way of conveying your interpretation of the given quote, i'm not sure this particular story was the best choice." the teacher presses her hand to her mouth. coughs by way of muffling her laugh, "it is... a wonderful story, of course, but..." she spares a glance at soeun, "i think it would be more accurate from your point of view rather than miss kang's."

soeun let's out a noise, "darn. how did you know?"

"as a teacher, i do know these things."

she hands guanlin the notebook, "go through some minute corrections and ideas. you're improving."

they bow at her again. before she departs, she give him a pat on the shoulder, "be happy with jihoon-ssi. i heard he's been a lot happier recently."

guanlin goes brick-red as she walks away.

"what the fuck." daehwi mutters. 

this is lai guanlin's life. he shouldn't even be surprised.

***

"what the fuck." jaehwan says, and minhyun hits him for his language, "why were the teachers not this chill when i was in school?"

"because that was, like, ten thousand years ago, hyung." jinyoung says earnestly, and all the hyungs scoff.

"my teacher told me to take care of guanlin once." jihoon remembers, turning red at the memory, "i accidentally kissed him in front of her."

jisung looks exasperated, "are you sure that's allowed in school?"

"it wasn't like-" jihoon makes a vague gesture, "it was just small. i wasn't-"

"- we don't want to know." woojin says helpfully. jihoon rolls his eyes.

"are we done for today?" sungwoon checks the clock, "canteen, then? we can have dinner there. my treat."

a chorus of whoops make their way through the group as they pack their bags and head for the door.

"kids!" a voice calls from behind. they turn around to see boA coming towards them, "you are aware that tomorrow is the last class for the term, right?"

"yes." the rest of them chorus. guanlin and daehwi blink at each other.

"all student who come here go to schools that follow the same calendar." minhyun explains, "so all the kids have exams at the same time. we close just before their exams start so they can focus on doing revision by themselves, and we reopen a couple of days after the new term commences at school."

"oh." guanlin frowns, "but what if i need help during exams?"

"call me, duh." daniel looks highly unimpressed at guanlin's doubt. guanlin grins sheepishly.

"yeah, okay. thanks, hyung."

they say goodbye to boA and stroll to the canteen. the people serving are not those rude ones that guanlin had confronted earlier. jinyoung grins at him.

"shall we have guanlinie place our order?"

" _no_." guanlin deadpans, and jihoon glares at jinyoung.

the boy in question raises his arms in mock defence, "i was just _asking_ , jesus _christ_."

seongwoo laughs, ruffling jinyoung's hair, "it's alright, jinyoung-ah. i'll place the order. shall we have chicken and ramen today?"

the response is affirmative. ten minutes later, they are all seated around a table, waiting for their food.

"do you remember the first time the eleven of us came here together?" sungwoon asks reminiscently, "it's been a while, right?"

"it really has." jaehwan says, "ah, the kids have grown up quite a bit since then."

"jihoonie and guanlinie barely knew each other back then." jisung grins at the couple. guanlin glares at jihoon.

"we _could_ have if you weren't so annoying."

"rude." jihoon huffs, slugging guanlin on the arm.

"ow, that _hurt_ , you're mean-"

" _i'm_ mean? and how the fuck did that _hurt?_ " jihoon demands, "you have no strength."

guanlin scowls, "go away, i want woojin hyung."

woojin cheers, "alright- that's the way, guanlinie- ow, what the fuck, jihoon- that hurts!"

"he's mine." jihoon snaps, and guanlin rolls his eyes fondly, nuzzling into jihoon despite having told him to go away a second earlier.

"thought you wanted woojin?" jihoon teases.

"i mean, if you're so adamant about it-"

"-shush." jihoon places a soft kiss on his cheek and intertwines their fingers, as if saying _you're not going anywhere_ , and guanlin is perfectly content with that.

"when we first came here, guanlin was so shy about his korean." jisung adds, "and now he's so confident. i'm glad to see that."

"me, too." the rest of them chorus, and guanlin beams.

"also, i think jinyoung has become a lot more confident, too." minhyun adds, "just in general."

"hyung is working hard." guanlin agrees, and jinyoung gives him a fist-bump, smiling bashfully.

it's like nothing has changed, as the eleven of them talk and laugh and wolf down their food and argue over the last piece of chicken until jisung facepalms and orders another one. it's the same as it was all those months ago, and yet, somehow, everything is different.

"it's good, isn't it?" daniel asks, "it's good like this."

it is good, this life in korea. guanlin couldn't ask for more.

***

"see you tomorrow." somi and soeun raise their hands in farewell.

"see you." daehwi and guanlin chorus in reply.

they're standing in front of study centre. soeun and somi are going to somi's house, while daehwi and guanlin have their last day of study centre for the term.

"say hi to all the oppas for us." soeun says, tugging somi forward, "hurry, or you'll be late."

so daehwi and guanlin hurry inside the study centre, as they're told, and quickly bow to boA on their way in.

"last day of term." she says, "ready for the exams?"

the boys nod, "i'm pretty clear with most things." guanlin says, "if i come up with any problems during revision, daniel hyung said to call him."

"that's good." boA smiles, "what do you think of our study centre? are you going to be continuing next term?"

"of course."

the idea of not continuing doesn't even cross guanlin's mind. this has helped him tremendously, in more ways than just academics. all the times his hyungs have made him laugh, given him strength, taught him things about life- guanlin feels safer here with them than anywhere else. and his grades have been perfect all term thanks to them, too.

"you'll have to ask your father to transfer next term's fees." daehwi reminds him and guanlin nods.

"will do."

"well, work hard." boA says, "i'll be leaving early today. i have a meeting. jisung-ssi said he'll close up the place for me."

"oh, that means we won't be seeing you till next term!" daehwi pouts, and boA laughs.

"unfortunately. but it will come sooner than you think." she bows, "work hard, kids. hwaiting!"

they bow back, "see you next term!"

jisung welcomes them in with a wide smile and chocolate bar each.

"woah!" daehwi takes it, "thanks, hyung- a treat for the last day?"

"from aron." jisung nods. guanlin grins, draping himself around aron, "hyunggg, i love youuu-"

"a _hem_."

guanlin turns around to see jihoon standing in front of him, arms crossed. guanlin giggles.

"hyunggg, i love you moree, don't be mad at me-"

"you big baby." woojin mutters to jihoon, "can't you let him live?"

"he is living." jihoon sighs happily as guanlin hugs him to his chest, "with me."

aron grins, "sorry, kid- if you want even more affection, buy him chocolate. that seems to work."

"i will try that, thanks." jihoon kisses the base of guanlin's neck, "but he already gives me a lot of affection."

"who does? guanlinie?" jonghyun and dongho stride over.

"aron hyung, minki is looking for you." dongho tells him, "he left something at home."

aron blinks, "i asked him to bring the schedule for next term. surely he didn't forget that." 

minhyun snorts.

"i mean..." jonghyun scratches his neck, "it's minki."

"for fuck's sake." aron mutters, "that kid is going to be the death of me."

"ah, well." minhyun laughs, "this is why you love him."

"i can't imagine why." the older massages his temple, "come on, let's go see what we can do. see you guys later."

"see you." jihoon says amicably, moving over so they can move. daniel joins them a second later.

"do you want some chocolate, daniel hyung?" guanlin offers.

"he's not allowed to." seongwoo says before daniel can open his mouth, "i dragged him to the dentist the other day, and he has cavities."

"are you serious?" jinyoung looks surprised, "how?"

"jelly." daniel, guanlin, jihoon, seongwoo, jisung, woojin, daehwi and minhyun chorus.

jinyoung blinks.

"what about jelly?" sungwoon materialises behind them, "ah, niel, i heard about your cavities."

daniel groans, "did hyung inform the whole world?"

"nope." seongwoo says, confused, "i only told jaehwan."

there's a moment of silence. all heads turn towards jaehwan.

"hey!" he says defensively, "i need to inform everyone so that they don't offer niel sweets! because he won't decline and that will worsen his dental condition, he could be toothless by thirty- and then what will happen? and it will all be because i didn't inform people about his cavities."

"how long did you spend coming up with that excuse?" jisung asks tiredly.

"i thought it was great!" guanlin says, enthusiastic, "next time you should add how your concern for niel hyung's well-being sometimes overwhelms you. then you should say how you spend too much time thinking about others to the point where you put yourself second, and that it's such a shame because you're just trying to help but you get blamed for so many things."

"guanlinie." jaehwan looks as though he's seen heaven, "that is genius."

"oh, god." daehwi groans, "not with your dramatic monologues again."

"they're not-"

"-have you ever considered taking up drama?" jaehwan asks with genuine interest.

"we should go together, hyungnim." guanlin says seriously, and jaehwan nods.

"we can be world-famous actors."

"did aron hyung add something to that chocolate?" seongwoo stage-whispers, "it's affected their brain."

jinyoung snorts, "they barely have any brain to begin with."

"okay, guys." jisung manages to hold back his laughter, "since it's the last class of term, how about we all sit together today?"

"sure." daniel says, and the rest of them nod in agreement.

they arrange themselves in a circle, deciding to just go through some basics with their mentors. 

"it reminds me of the first day." daehwi says, "like, the first proper day."

"what's the first proper day?" jisung asks.

"like, you know- after linnie and niel hyung joined. with all eleven of us."

"oh, you're right!" sungwoon says, "we sat like this back then, too!"

"wah, what a coincidence." woojin says. jisung looks disbelieving.

"it is _not_ a coincidence, actually. the reason i suggested we sit like this is because we did it on the first day."

woojin blinks, "oh."

"well, that takes away the coolness." jinyoung says, and jisung splutters.

guanlin grins at their antics, and so does daniel, as the two of them go through some newer korean vocabulary.

"what does this word mean?" guanlin asks, pointing.

daniel places the book in front of him, "it's a little tricky, right? try to read it."

guanlin looks at daniel doubtfully, "i'm not sure about those letters."

"you can do it, baby." jihoon says from his other side. 

"come on, guanlinie!" jinyoung cheers, and the rest of their group joins in.

"hyungs, stop!" guanlin whines, though he can't help but laugh, "okay, okay- wait."

he squints at the word, "nel-?"

"look at it carefully." jisung says.

guanlin pauses, "oh- nol. nol-?"

"almost." jihoon kisses his cheek and squeezes his hand.

"yeg. no, wait- yog. hold on, we studied this character- yeog? nolyeog?"

"alright!" daniel shouts and the group bursts into applause again. guanlin feels a little giddy- it's an over-the-top reaction for something as simple as guanlin reading a tough word, but it makes him feel happy, makes him feel loved, like he's worked hard.

"knew you could." jihoon kisses his lips in reward. guanlin beams, then frowns.

"but what does it mean?"

"nolyeog?" seongwoo says, "it means to...um, how do i put it- to work hard, kind of. to want to work hard."

"to want to achieve something." minhyun elaborates.

"hm."

"there's a proper word for it." jisung says, "like, to strive."

"don't confuse him." jaehwan scolds, "daniel, tell him crisply."

"it basically means to work hard in order to achieve a goal." daniel explains, "an endeavour."

"ahh." guanlin nods in understanding, "i got it."

"that's my baby." jihoon murmurs, pressing multiple kisses to guanlin's face. guanlin uses the book to hide his and jihoon's faces from the others so that he can kiss his boyfriend properly.

"love you." jihoon giggles at guanlin's method of concealing their faces from view.

"love you too." guanlin removes the book after one final kiss. sungwoon, who is sitting across from them, has his phone out.

"this is the cutest picture ever, look." he shows the group. jinyoung and woojin retch while daehwi and minhyun coo. it's the usual assortment of reactions. it makes guanlin laugh.

"send that to me." jihoon requests, and daniel coos harder.

"stop it." guanlin hits the older. daniel tickles guanlin in retaliation.

"back to work!" jisung announces, clapping his hands together loudly. he says it all the time- it's so familiar, a typical line of jisung's- but guanlin doubts he will ever get tired of hearing it.

"the exams are coming soon." daniel reminds guanlin, "but you're doing well. i think the outcome will be good."

"thanks, hyung."

"you just have to do your best."

"i know. i will."

he will. it's been months since he came to korea, months since he met so many wonderful people, from his school friends to his hostel friends to his study centre hyungs. all the people guanlin loves so much.

and jihoon, of course, the single most wonderful person in guanlin's life. even now, as guanlin works with daniel and jihoon works with sungwoon, their fingers are intertwined. guanlin loves him so much.

it has been hard, too, of course. these past few months have had their fair share of struggles, but guanlin is proud at having overcome them, at having moved on. he is happy here, in korea with these people. he misses taiwan, misses his family, but still, he is happy.

there's still so much to do- ace these exams, work hard next term, cause ruckus in school with daehwi, somi and soeun, cause ruckus at home with oscar and seonho, hang out with eunbin, prepare himself for elkie and soyeon's graduation, have bubble tea with tzuyu and kyulkyung, spent time with ajhumm and ajhussi, play with miso, go on their hostel trip, hang out with his study-centre hyungs, spend every free second with jihoon, study hard- guanlin is tired just thinking about it.

but he's excited, too. there's a lot to look forward to, and his life is never really dull. he has his plans, but he can never be sure of what to expect.

"earth to lai guanlin." daniel waves his hand in front of guanlin's face, "you zoned out."

"sorry." guanlin says sheepishly.

"no problem." daniel assres him, and then he repeats himself again, and guanlin pays attention this time. he has to, obviously. there's a lot on his list, but acing these exams is the first thing.

he has to put effort into everything he does, now and next term and the year after that and after that and after that.

that is why he is here. that is why he came to south korea, and he is happy in this country with these friends and this life.

 _nolyeog_ , he thinks, and strives to work harder.

 _haengbog_ , he thinks, and strives to stay happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here it ends.
> 
> honestly, this has been a crazy, wonderful, amazing ride, and i have loved every second of it. i posted this story in february, and right now it is september. that is eight months that i have spent writing this, these characters and this world- and it's eight months that you all have spent with me and i could not be more grateful.
> 
> i work so hard on every chapter, and i always hope that everyone likes it. and every kudos and comment has put such a huge smile on my face. it's hard to explain how much joy i get from knowing people ar ereading my story and enjoying it as much as i enjoy writing it.
> 
> there are so many people who comment regularly on every chapter- it'll take too long to name all of them, but i hope you guys know how much it has meant to me. i wait for you guys to let me know what you think, how you feel this world has grown, and you never let me down.
> 
> there are people who have commented saying that this story made them smile when they were having a rought time, and that has touched me more than i can explain. your comments have helped me through rough times, too. let's continue to stay strong and do our best, hwaiting!
> 
> in fact, every person who has ever commented or left kudos or read my fic, period. thank you, thank you, thank you. you all are amazing. thank you for your incredible support and love. i hope we can support each other in the future, too.  
> and let's support our boys, as well, of course.
> 
> it's sad to say goodbye to this story, but i hope you all enjoyed the ride. let me know what you guys think in the comments, one last time.
> 
> i do have some ideas for a sequel. i will see how many people are interested and get to work based on that.
> 
> thank you once again for everything. i love you guys <3
> 
> let's meet again soon!

**Author's Note:**

> it's guanlin-centric, and panwink is the main pairing.
> 
> i debated on whether to spell his name 'guanlin' or 'kuanlin', but since i've been spelling it like this from the beginning, i was more comfortable. also, since the ao3 tag still says 'lai guanlin', i just continued like this. hope it doesn't offend anybody :)
> 
> enjoy!


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